Recently, when I was rereading Gertrude Stein’s The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas, I was very struck by this observation about the French poet Guillaume Apollinaire:

The death of Guillaume Apollinaire at this time made a very serious difference to all his friends apart from their sorrow at his death. It was the moment just after the war when many things had changed and people naturally fell apart. Guillaume would have been a bond of union, he always had a quality of keeping people together, and now that he was gone everybody ceased to be friends.

The “quality of keeping people together” seems an important and rare attribute, and although it doesn’t come naturally to me, I’m trying to do a better job of it myself, and also to appreciate more the work of the Apollinaire-ish types whose efforts benefit me.

This quality has been on my mind since the sad occasion of a memorial service of a friend. I knew her in a work context, but at the service, I realized from the tributes of her college friends that, along with many other wonderful traits, she had the “quality of keeping people together” from that time.

My sister is this way, too, and from watching her in action, I know how much energy and time it takes to act like glue, to make the efforts that allow people to stay close.

I am often told that I should grow a thicker skin. I’m too sensitive. I let things get to me too much. Most people who struggle with depression are the same. We are more transparent and therefore absorb more into the gray matter of our brain than our thicker-skinned counterpoints.

In his book, Your Emotional Type, Michael A. Jawer and Marc S. Micozzi, Ph.D. examine the interplay of emotions, chronic illness and pain, and treatment success. They discuss how chronic conditions are intrinsically linked to certain emotional types.

I found the boundary concept they explain in the book — first developed by Ernest Hartmann, MD, of Tufts University — especially intriguing.

There’s a very powerful form of psychotherapy called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) that’s been around now for a couple of decades. While many people have heard about it, not everyone understands how its principles can be applied to a lot more than the specific disorder it was designed to treat originally (borderline personality disorder).

That’s why I’m pleased to introduce our newest blog, The Emotionally Sensitive Person with Dr. Karyn Hall. This blog will be focused on topics that would benefit anyone who’s “emotionally sensitive” — you know, people who react emotionally to things in life that are usually a little out of proportion to the actual event or problem. Some might say “over emotionally,” but it’s all a matter of subjectivity.

The blog will tackle topics of how to put DBT practices into every day use, providing many of the tips and techniques of this powerful form of psychotherapy.

Ever wonder what your personality is like?

Psychologists have long wondered that too. For decades now have offered a bewildering array of theories, research, and tests that purport to measure this thing we call “personality.”

Enter “the Big Five” personality dimensions. Rather than present personality from a particular psychological theoretical perspective, the Big Five personality traits were derived from how people use everyday words to describe themselves and others.

And now we have a simple 50-question personality test you can use here on Psych Central to determine your rating along these 5 traits. It takes most people about 5 to 7 minutes to complete, and as with all the quizzes and tests here on Psych Central, provides instant (and always free!) results.

We’ve all met them — people who are gentle, kind and generous souls who often don’t seem to fit in as well in a group of people, who keep to themselves with only a few close friends, and who sometimes don’t have that great of a self-image. People who worry in general, or have anxiety about anything or nothing at all. People who’ve tried a lot of different things to keep their worry or anxiety under control, but still often find it challenging in their daily life.

Some people call these folks “worriers,” or “introverts,” or say they suffer from “social anxiety disorder.” But in reality, they’re just normal, everyday people who need a little help in certain areas of their lives (just like all of us!).

I have noticed that for most of my life I have felt this strong desire, almost a need at times, for those around me to understand what I am going through. This happens particularly with those I am closest to and particularly given certain situations.

For example, if I am going through a challenge, I want a loved one to understand to some degree what it feels like. I tend to believe that if I explain something very well, I can enable them to grasp what is going on.

The problem is that I am not always able to make someone else understand. And if I get them to, I notice the topic comes up again in a couple weeks and I find myself having to start over, this time much more frustrated that they are just not listening.

We all have different reasons for wanting to be understood. But many of them are similar. And so I share my own situation because I know that many others feel the way I have. For me, I realize that the one big reason I have wanted others to understand me is I wanted approval and validation. I wanted a sense that they don’t blame me for what I am experiencing, they know that it is typical (as I know it is), they fully accept it and they still think well of me.

Simply, I have had a need for approval.

This guest article from YourTango was written by Kate Evans.

Relating to other people can feel like constantly walking across a minefield. Sometimes, we’ll notice that other people just don’t seem to want to be around us, or we’ll notice that we can’t get rid of the negative people in our lives.

You may also notice that you feel uncomfortable around someone and you can’t quite put your finger on why. This article will help you figure out some of the things that you or others might be doing that cross boundaries and get in the way of closeness in relationships.

This guest article from YourTango was written by Marcus Osborne for GalTime.com.

There are plenty of celebrated relationship obstacles. We’re pretty aware of most of them, right? Money, religion, communication, race, class, national origin … all the greatest hits. Virtually every dating and relationship expert has offered up their best advice on navigating those choppy waters — and why not? So much discussion, debate, and research has been had about those particular flashpoints, so it’s difficult to understand why they remain problem areas at all.

On the other hand, most adults, by the time they’ve gained a certain amount of experience, can hardly claim ignorance. They’ve learned how to remedy the most poisonous of pills in their relationship. But there’s an unrecognized, underplayed threat to couples and potential couples far and wide. That threat is the growing divide between traditionalists and progressives.

I’ve extolled the virtues and benefits of psychotherapy for years. But therapy isn’t a cure-all, and it won’t help every person, with every problem, in every situation. In fact, it’s important to realize when going to see a therapist isn’t likely to help your situation much, because it can save you time, money and needless frustration.

Therapists, by their nature, tend to want to help every person who comes through their door. Even well-meaning therapists may not fully appreciate when they are largely going to be ineffectual in treatment because of the type of problem presented. After all, psychotherapy isn’t some magical elixir. Talking about some topics simply won’t do much to help the situation.

Here are five things that psychotherapy won’t help you much with.

One of my Secrets of Adulthood is: What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. I’ve been surprised how often this “secret” comes in handy.

Exercising — I have a friend who thinks she’s a regular exerciser because every several weeks, she goes to the gym for two hours. Nope!

Having enough time to read — I used to think, “I love to read, it’s my favorite thing to do! Of course I make time to read.”

But when I really examined my schedule, I realized I needed to clear out more time to read; day after day, it was getting shoved aside.

I’m reading Cross and Perker’s The Hidden Power of Social Networks: Understanding How Work Really Gets Done in Organizations, and I was riveted by their discussion of energy.

This caught my eye, because my father is always emphasizing the importance of energy, whether at work or at play — especially at work.

Cross and Parker argue that energy is a key factor in understanding who is effective at work, and why. When they analyzed networks of co-workers, knowing whether someone was considered an “energizer” and a “de-energizer” shed a great deal of light on how networks worked, and how productive various people managed to be.

Their discussion is complex, but here are some highlights.

If an extreme narcissist were religious, he would worship himself. He would apply to himself the phrase that says, “You shall have no other gods besides ME!” Narcissists are full to the maximum… with themselves.

In my years of studying human nature and counseling many individuals, I have come across an amazing type of narcissist. This kind of narcissist is the one who is so seductive he makes you like or believe in him or her with your whole heart. In my personal opinion, this type is the most dangerous of all narcissists.

The following are some characteristics of this impressive little “god.”