In her book Crafting Calm: Projects and Practices for Creativity and Contemplation, Oman Shannon quotes the 20th-century Catholic priest Henri Nouwen, who said, “Through the spiritual life we gradually move from the house of fear to the house of love.”

Oman Shannon believes the same can be said about the creative life. Through creating, she writes, “we can enter the stillness that characterizes prayer and the ‘house of love.’ We can open ourselves and experience spaciousness.”

In Crafting Calm, Oman Shannon shares a variety of creative activities, stories and resources that help readers relax, comfort ourselves, get clarity and connect with others. Ultimately, connecting to our creativity can help us connect to our spirituality. In other words, crafting can become a spiritual practice.

Here are three exercises from her book to bring you calm and comfort and help you connect to your spirituality.

Prayer Garden

“Gardening is a wonderful practice for bringing one back to the present moment,” Oman Shannon writes. She suggests creating a prayer garden with plants that are meaningful to you.

If you follow a specific religion, you might pick the plants that are mentioned in your favorite passages of your holy book. For instance, the Old and New Testaments include lilies, papyrus and olive. Once you choose your plants, you can create labels that include those passages.

When creating your garden, Oman Shannon suggests pondering these additional questions: “What do particular scents – lavender, rose, peppermint – remind me of? What fragrances, or scents, do I need to surround myself with right now? What would calm me and why? What in my life feels sweet right now? Spicy? Energizing? Calming?”

According to Oman Shannon, whatever approach or shape your garden takes, there are important lessons to be learned. “Whether we create a simple prayer garden, consciously choose outdoor plants that remind us of the ancient wisdom in the Scriptures, or work with herbs in a windowsill, we will be rewarded with nourishment from nature and the lessons nature can teach us.”

Portable Shrine

A portable shrine can serve as a comforting tool, which soothes your mind and heart, Oman Shannon writes. You might not know it but you’re probably carrying around a portable shrine right now. Oman Shannon notes that a shrine could be anything from “a sacred symbol on a keychain” to “a collection of photographs of your beloveds on an iPhone.”

Cultures all over the world use shrines, and they do so in unique ways. In Central and South American countries, people use tiny matchboxes. Oman Shannon bought one with a “worry doll,” a clay angel pendant and a red seed. On the matchbox, it says, “There are moments in which you need a peaceful vibe, a touch of good luck, and someone to tell your worries to. Use this emergency kit to balance those tough moments! An angel for peaceful thoughts, a Lucky Bean and a Worry Doll.”

When creating your own portable shrine, Oman Shannon suggests considering what brings you the most comfort and what would symbolize that best.

Affirmation Blanket

All of us, Oman Shannon writes, have some sort of “blankie” that brings us comfort, whether it’s a sweatshirt or specific throw. Years ago, she bought a blanket for her young daughter that includes phrases such as “I am filled with unlimited possibilities,” “I am a true miracle” and “I am a bright light in the world.”

Her daughter not only sees these words (which serve as an important reminder), but she also feels them, “as they are in every way wrapped around her.”

Oman Shannon believes that our need for these words and blankets doesn’t dissipate as we get older. “…[I]f anything, we perhaps need them more as we navigate a world that doesn’t stop to communicate what a bright light we are in it.”

Depending on your expertise, you can create an affirmation quilt or embroider your affirmations into a pillowcase or other lightweight fabric. Or you can use fabric paint or pens on a fleece blanket.

When considering what words to pick, Oman Shannon suggests asking these questions: “What words will serve as your strength, your shield, at this time in your life? What words comfort you; what words do you need to wrap yourself up in right now – literally?”

Creativity offers a bounty of benefits. By using our hands to craft meaningful objects and environments, we can soothe ourselves and cultivate a spiritual practice.

Neuroaesthetics is the relatively recent study of questions such as “Why do we like the things we like?” and “Why do some people find one thing pleasing while others find it appalling?” It has focused on issues such as creativity, visual and motor processing in visual artists and the varying factors involved in creative domains.

Many of these studies have examined music and the neural activity that occurs when we listen to and evaluate what we hear.

Salimpoor and Zatorre (2013) reviewed a number of research studies examining the effects of music on brain activity; in particular activity that relates to the feeling of pleasure. The evidence was clear: not only does music boost our sense of pleasure but there is also a dopamine activity in anticipation to the music that “touches us.”

But that’s where the tricky part lies: this effect is noteworthy only when it is music that we choose, otherwise it does not apply. When the experimenter chose music he or she found to be emotion-inducing, the participants did not experience the desired feeling or the “chills” effect.

Then, the question remains: Why do people get emotional with some songs but not with others? The answer is not clear.

Cultural background, previously reinforced neural activity, subjective interpretations, exposure to certain sequences of sound and many more variables come into play. The notion of subjectivity in evaluating art is something that still requires a lot of exploration.

However, despite the uncertainty regarding why the pleasurable sensation of music is not an absolute and objective process, there is an important point we ought to highlight. The clear message that we can hold onto is that music arouses rewarding emotions, similar to those involved in addictive behaviors that get reinforced over time.

This information, though intuitive to some degree, may be more helpful when discussing the topic of coping skills for symptoms of depression, “emotional numbness” and recovery from chemical dependency.

One of the goals in developing a treatment plan for depressive disorders and substance abuse is to come up with a set of coping skills that can be easily accessed when feeling “as if nothing brings feelings of joy.” Chemically dependent individuals often report that the feeling of numbness and anhedonia can be quickly escaped by using drugs or other sources of immediate gratification.

Of course, the problem is that along with the sense of pleasure comes other unwanted consequences. This is where the findings from these neuroaesthetic studies come into play: When contemplating ways to respond to a decreased sense of pleasure, knowledge about how music can make us feel good comes in handy. Turning to this risk-free way of experiencing pleasure can be incorporated in treatment methodologies for conditions associated with decreased sense of emotional rewards.

Having said that, we have to be careful not to imply that the strong neurological and physical reaction to substances and other addictive behaviors can be reduced and compared to the effect of listening to a David Bowie or Shakira song. However, knowing that music is a highly rewarding experience is a useful reminder when discussing ways to replace destructive habits, or when developing a set of tools that help manage feelings of depression.

Reference

Salimpoor, V.N.; Zatorre, R.J. (2013). Neural interactions that give rise to musical pleasure. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, 7, 62-75. doi:10.1037/a0031819

Suggestions abound about the necessity (not mere option) of striving toward certain pinnacles in life, be they health challenges to overcome or professional goals to better implement. The condition of being human in a complex world requires much life-energy spent on going after what’s really important and required of each of us, rather than in chasing distractions.

I like the addition to this philosophy, though, of an element I believe that’s equally required in the mix. It was well stated in a New York Times Career column editorial on Sept. 30, 2012, describing that mere work and dedication are not enough to reach one’s goals.

Real “audacity” must be paired with a balancing measure of “humility.”

Akin to gentle strength — a metaphorical pairing I really latched onto a decade ago (and symbolized for me by a picture of a Sioux woman carrying a heavy burden of wood through snow on her shoulders) — risk and humility go hand in hand. The latter does not temper the trajectory of the extension of the risk-taking — our liabilities do that. Humility simply properly balances the scale, accompanying our grand, significant striving motions that move us forward to what we deserve in our lives, our bodies, our work, our relationships.

You must believe in yourself, your ideas and needs, and go toward what is required and needed for wholeness with a measured sense of humble acknowledgement that our unique assets are indeed worth preserving, declaring, and cultivating.

Attaining something that changes the playing field might seem unreachable to an individual, group or company at any given time. With risk-taking, with the grit of unusual and unique dedication to topics normally resisted, they can be accomplished.

True change is risk paid off as ultimate reward for many — daring to utter the normally not-spoken, pursuing what needs to be addressed that everyone hides their head in the sand about, whether it be mental health or business or cultural issues, and going after the big players who do naught but ill in their work. But it also exposes and celebrates those who create good as individuals and for society.

Things that require over-the-top courage are the very things that will liberate and invigorate an individual as much as the larger whole.

Think in your life where bold steps paid off. Then reflect some more on future risk and reward and link your next steps, with the appropriate measure of humility in the mix — experiential learning, professional advancement, a focus on personal or organizational wellness. Whatever is required, take risks; strive for it. No greater reward will reveal itself than deep personal satisfaction with far-reaching impact.

Its narrow and inaccurate perception explains why many of us — women in particular — feel guilty about attending to our needs. It explains why many of us stumble around drained and depleted.

However, self-care offers a slew of benefits. And it feels good to nourish our needs.

Below, experts dispel seven of the most common myths surrounding self-care.

1. Myth: Self-care is all or nothing.

Fact: Many people believe that self-care means spending an entire day of pampering or “it’s not worth it,” said Anna Guest-Jelley, a body empowerment educator, yoga teacher and founder of Curvy Yoga. However, while pampering is a great way to nurture yourself, it doesn’t define self-care.

“I believe that self-care is really found in the small moments of life – when you choose to take a deep breath because you notice you’re feeling stressed, or when you give yourself three minutes before bed to sit quietly and reflect on your day.”

2. Myth: Self-care requires resources that you don’t have.

Fact: Self-care is often viewed as a luxury that many of us have neither the time nor the money to enjoy. “Self-care does not need to involve an expensive spa or tropical vacation, nor does it need to take hours of your day,” according to Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist and owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance.

For instance, self-care can be “10 minutes of mindfulness meditation a day or doing some stretching or taking an Epsom salt bath,” she said. These simple practices “can go a long way in rebooting your mind and body.”

3. Myth: Self-care is optional.

Fact: Running yourself ragged can lead to unhealthy habits, because our needs can’t go unmet for too long. “If you choose not to create room for self-nurture or rest, it will elbow its way in, often in forms that feel less than self-caring in the moment,” according to Ashley Eder, LPC, a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colo. These forms include compulsive behaviors such as overeating and even symptoms of depression, she said.

If you find yourself turning to these kinds of habits, explore the needs you’re meeting with them. And “offer yourself that choice directly instead of through these backdoor behaviors.”

4. Myth: Self-care is unfeminine.

Fact: The media perpetuates messages that femininity is “other-focused and self-denying,” Eder said. We typically see female protagonists focusing on everyone else’s needs, listening to others instead of speaking and playing a supporting role, she said. Care-taking is portrayed as a woman’s job.

“This only makes sense in real life if you want the star of the play to be a man. It does not work for a woman to play a supporting role in her own show.”

If you notice that your needs are going unmet, “try asking yourself who the main character in your life is right now, and whether you would like to stick with that or change it.”

5. Myth: Self-care is anything that soothes you.

Fact: Many people turn to alcohol, TV marathons, smart phone games and food to soothe their stress and unwind, Marter said. But these habits are the opposite of self-care. “Self-care practices need to support health and wellness and should not be addictive, compulsive or harmful to your mind, body or bank account,” she said.

6. Myth: We have to earn the right to practice self-care.

Fact: “Our lives are organized culturally with an emphasis in the first third of our lives on education, the second around career and family development, and the last third for leisure,” said Sarah McKelvey, MA, NCC, a psychotherapist with a private practice in Centennial, Colo.

This creates the notion that we can only take good care of ourselves after we’ve accomplished certain goals. Yet it is self-care that gives us the energy and nourishment we need to achieve great things.

7. Myth: Practicing self-care means making a choice between yourself and others.

Fact: “When we are not taking care of ourselves, we end up in a cycle of deprivation in which the activities of our day deplete our energetic and emotional reserves,” McKelvey said. We become frustrated, cranky and needy, she said. We look to others to nourish our needs and replenish those reserves.

“Ironically, all of our efforts of sacrifice make us vulnerable to actually ‘being selfish.’” Yet, when we’re meeting our needs, we have more energy to give to others. “There is nothing greater to offer the world than your inspired and well-nourished self.”

Self-care is an important part of our lives. It is the basis for our well-being.

Begin to think about some new channels of growth for yourself, as the time of year for sprouts and buds and new green shoots has begun here in the northern hemisphere.

Seedlings and fresh growth are just busting out now, reaching for the sun’s light and warmth. The approach we take to our challenges, to what has been negatively buried or merely incubating, should be the same. Especially in this time of tremendous new growth, it is good to reflect on our own striving for warmth, insight, nourishment and potential to expand.

So what kinds of questions could you ask yourself to help nurture this growth?

Some questions to think on as your fingers work in soil or you tread paths in spring woods:

• Anything keeping you down, not allowing you to grasp for new means of expanding your life professionally, personally, in relationship?
• Just what are you experiencing that is keeping you from peace and wholeness?
• How did you previously move beyond past limitations, and how have past problems been a force for change in your life?

Upon our reflection, while the earth is engaged in upheaval, the past insight we have gained over challenges and transitions will allow for our own enrichment. And some of the best revelations happen when we allow ourselves not to think directly on problems but instead immerse in other activity. New means of understanding ourselves, our lives, and our world surely will sprout as well. In fact, we as humans are called to grasp for more, reaching ever beyond our boundaries.

Explore a different path in the woods. Take one you are not accustomed to and which evokes a little anxiety, for whatever reason. Go to a new coffee shop and challenge yourself to talk to someone you do not know (at an appropriate time).

Take a course, perhaps one of the novel MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses) really coming into fruition now. They are free and offered both by the most prestigious universities or more casual ones. You’d have no excuse of inconvenience or cost as these cater truly to the individual spirit clamoring for knowledge.

What you cultivate literally will lift you up and out into an evolving, perhaps entirely new, way of being.
Channels of growth occur after seeds are planted in anticipation. Not all seeds flower. Some become different looking (or tasting) than they were supposed to. Great surprises happen.

Spring is a great time to ready yourself for what is about to flower. We are not meant to stagnate (though so many of us do, continually or periodically). Think of your own growth and just what channels that might take.

What sort of flower might you grow into?

“Between a shaky world economy, increasing unemployment, and related issues, many today are being forced to come to the edge of uncertainty. Just like the baby sparrows, they find themselves leaning into the mystery that change brings, because they have no choice: It’s fly or die.”

For persons struggling with depression and anxiety — and for those of us who are highly sensitive — uncertainty is especially difficult. Forget about learning to fly. The uncertainty itself feels like death and can cripple our efforts to do anything during a time of transition.

I have been living in uncertainty, like many people, ever since December of 2008 when the economy plummeted and the creative fields — like architecture and publishing — took a hard blow, making it extremely difficult to feed a family. In that time, I think I have worked a total of 10 jobs — becoming everything from a defense contractor to a depression “expert.” I even thought about teaching high school morality. Now that’s desperate.

I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with uncertainty, but having lived in that terrain for almost five years now, I’m qualified to offer a few tips of how not to lose it when things are constantly changing.

1. Pay attention to your intention

I’m not a new-age guru. I don’t believe that you can visualize a check for $20,000 and find one in your mailbox the next day. Nor can you get on Oprah by believing you’ll be her next guest. (I tried both of those.) But I do recognize the wisdom in tuning into your intention because therein exists powerful energy that you can tap.

Awhile back I did Deepak Choprah’s exercise of recording my intentions and seeing how many of them actualized. I was surprised at the synchronicity between intention and events. Psychologist Elisha Goldstein writes in his book, The Now Effect: “Our intention is at the root of why we do anything and plays a fundamental role in helping us cultivate a life of happiness or unhappiness. If we set an intention for well-being and place it at the center of our life, we are more likely to be guided toward it.”

2. Tune into the body.

Psychologist Tamar Chansky, Ph.D. reminds us to listen to the body when we get anxious. If you understand why certain symptoms occur in the body – racing heart, dizziness, sweating, stomachaches – and repeat to yourself, “This is a false alarm,” you are less afraid, less panicked by the situation. Knowing that these symptoms are part of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) trying to protect you from danger – part of the primitive regions of the brain mobilizing the “flight-or-fight” response –the reaction becomes less about the situation and more about talking to your body about why it’s freaking out so that you can use the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) to restore the body to normalcy, which, in my case, is still pretty panicky.

3. Imagine the worst.

I’m not sure you will find a psychologist to agree with me on this exercise, but it has always worked for me every time I do it. I simply envision what it would look like if my worst nightmare happened. What if my husband and I could not get any architecture gigs or writing assignments? What if we can’t pay for health care insurance and my heart malfunctions (I have a heart disorder)? What if we both come to a bone fide professional dead end? Then I move to my actions. I think about selling our house, moving into a small apartment, and working as a waitress somewhere or maybe as a barista at Starbucks. (If you work more than 20 hours, you get health care insurance.) I research health care insurance options for persons who make minimum wage. Under ObamaCare, my kids, at least, would be covered. I invariably come to the conclusion that we will be okay. All is okay. A huge adjustment. Yes. But we are getting to be pros at that. This exercise makes me fret less about the things that I think I must have and get back to the essentials—literally a warm meal on the table, even if it’s one a day.

I am comforted by the words of Charles Caleb Colton: “Times of general calamity and confusion have ever been productive of the greatest minds. The purest ore is produced from the hottest fire.”

4. Describe, don’t judge.

In his book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, Steven Hayes, Ph.D. dedicates a few chapters to learning the language of your thoughts and feelings. Especially helpful to me is learning how to distinguish descriptions from evaluations.

Descriptions are “verbalizations linked to the directly observable aspects or features of objects or events.” Example: “I am feeling anxiety, and my heart is beating fast.” Descriptions are the primary attributes of an object or event. They don’t depend on a unique history. In other words, as Hayes, explain, they remain aspects of the event or object regardless of our interaction with them. Evaluations, on the other hand are secondary attributes that revolve around our interactions with objects, events, thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. They are our reactions to events or their aspects. Example: “This anxiety is unbearable.”

If we are feeling anxious about the uncertainty of our job, for example, we can tease apart the language of our thoughts and try to transform an evaluation, “I will be destroyed if I am fired,” to a description, “I am feeling anxious and my job is unstable.” By naming the emotion and the situation, we don’t necessarily have to assign an opinion. Without the opinion, we can process the object, event, etc. without hyperventilation.

5. Learn from fear.

Eleanor Roosevelt wrote, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face … You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” My body usually protests against that statement, but theoretically I concur with Eleanor. I sincerely believe the good stuff happens when we are afraid. If we go a lifetime without being scared, as Julia Sorel said, it means we aren’t taking enough chances.

Fear is rather benign in itself. It’s the emotions we attach to it that disable us. If we can confront our fear, or rather approach it as an important messenger, then we can benefit from its presence in our life. What is the fear saying to us? Why is it here? Did it bring roses or chocolate? According to Jones, this is an exercise of getting comfortable with being out of control, of learning to let go of the illusion of control — because we never really had it in the first place — and developing an inner knowing that everything will be okay.

– Bosses who seem clueless to your job requirements; colleagues who can’t relate to you (or vice versa); the stress of deadlines and dissatisfaction of being in a job you are not even sure you belong in.

- Family members who throw plans into disarray, disregard you and have you questioning your commitment (as well as your sanity). Perhaps adult siblings who ask for money or come to you for advice, only for you to soon find yourself involved in maddening family triangles, or aunts and uncles who pull you into long-entrenched but silly feuds.

- Then of course there are friends who you would like to shake to knock some sense or self-reflection into.

Get the picture?

How do you cope with the trials and tribulations of being human and having to live and work among others? Laugh it off? (That’s a good element, actually.)

Acceptance, compromise, courage when really required — these are all noble and important and at the far other end of the spectrum from laughter.

But the balm that beats all, for the problems that really plague us interpersonally and professionally, is self-development. Nothing sends challenges packing quicker than a little introspection and self involvement. (No, not narcissistic self involvement.)

All the above-mentioned challenges and more can temporarily vanish, periodically dissipate and just plain lose their grip on what you see as as your life and identity with some sense of self worth. Simply finding ourselves behind the mess that often is the outer world — our chaotic office space, our cluttered family room, our ugly political arenas — can make all that other stuff take the side or back seat that it really should be occupying.

If your life really is a big mess due to situations beyond your control, then you can create an internal space that can stimulate you, be your harbor and even guide your larger path professionally.

What calms you? Woodworking, walks in the woods, gardening, hanging with your dog or cat, playing music, painting, delving into family history, learning another language, exploring new sites? Figure out what is your balm. You’ll probably find your self in the process, and be on the way toward alleviating the messes of life and much more.

What fascinates and passionately motivates you? Maybe it’s one of those items mentioned above as calming agents. Or maybe it’s tinkering with mechanical systems, live theater, jogging, studying the stars, writing poetry, working with youth, coming up with new theories for work challenges, organizing spaces, coordinating people and projects.

What makes you tick is what takes you away from troubles. Go toward it. You will be going toward a larger sense of your life and self.

You may already know what grounds you and what energizes you but apply them far too infrequently in your life. Increase it, if even in small increments.

Surprise may come. Did we forget about all that described dysfunction and trouble? No, it is still there, likely. But you have assigned its place in the larger sense of who you are. By going toward calm and captivating experiences, you’ll be shocked to discover previous personal pain alleviated in the moment, stings of rejection at work or indecision on home matters lessened, the itch quieted of desiring something more but not knowing what in your career. By this new “escape” from the mess, you just may find solutions to those larger matters at play in your life, as well — all by reflecting and acting on your self.

Spring is also synonymous for the proverbial “spring cleaning” that involves cleaning out the hall closet (also known as the abyss of unused, “not-quite-sure-what to do with” things), the bedroom closet spilling out with clothes you haven’t worn in a year and shoes that you forgot you owned, and in some cases, the entire house or apartment.

This time of year there are numerous articles in magazines and lifestyle segments on the morning talk show circuit featuring professional home organizers espousing spring-cleaning tips to purge the unnecessary things that clutter your physical space.

So this year, why not spring clean your life as well?

Use this time to take stock of your emotional, mental, and physical well-being in an effort to purge the unnecessary, while putting the emphasis on the positive and healthy areas in your life.

Here are some basis steps to start spring-cleaning your life:

• You give your closet or home a once-over to evaluate whether you want to keep, donate, or purge things. Take a look at your life’s emotional, mental, and physical aspects. Begin to write down or mentally list things and people you find to be positive and those you find contribute only negative energy.

  Once you start taking a closer look, you may be surprised to find out which things and people fall into which category. This process may feel both freeing and upsetting at the same time because you may discover things and people have shifted in your life for better or worse.

• Once you have a better overview of what’s in your emotional, mental, and physical “closet,” now it’s time to start figuring out what to do with the “keep, donate, purge” piles you have created. Obviously, you can cannot donate or purge people out of your live per se.

  However, you can start to redefine the role they will play in your life. You can decide how much and what type of energy you wish to expend on certain things and people.

• Redefining your relationships with things and people in your life often involves creating new boundaries with others, changing your habits or way of thinking and doing things, and learning to accept that as you change, your relationships with others and yourself change.

  Remember, any change is frequently bittersweet and the painful part of it often is the primary deterrent to change. However, if you mentally prepare yourself for this side of change you will likely be better equipped to muster your way through the tough stuff as you make your way to the other side.

As with “spring-cleaning” your closet and home, you have some difficult decisions to make about what to do in certain areas of your life. In the end, however, you ultimately feel happier, lighter, and more confident. There is now room in your life for new things, ideas, people, and adventures. Removing the clutter in your life will open the door for a simpler, more fulfilling experience with the world and others.

People who are all about thinspiration engage in disordered eating in order to be as thin as possible — a common symptom of anorexia. But they don’t see it as a disorder or a problem, making this an insidious problem.

Nonetheless, such eating and self-image problems can result in health problems, even putting the individual’s life at risk.

Some people have sought to get common words or terms that people engaged in thinspiration use banned from social networking websites. One such woman is Torri Singer, a broadcast journalism major who has recently begun a petition to get such terms banned from Twitter.

Many social networks have already climbed aboard the bandwagon, including Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest. And while such policies have been implemented, thinspiration content is still easily found on many of these networks. I suspect that’s one of the challenges of implementing a policy like this — it’s extremely difficult to police, especially if people can just slightly alter the terms they use to talk about these issues.

But that hasn’t stopped Torri from putting Twitter on notice.

“[I want] to raise awareness about the harm of destructive thinspiration messages, and to prompt Twitter to make real change in order to stop the spread of this preventable growing trend,” Singer recently told me. Her inspiration for this campaign came from family:

My sister suffered on and off with eating disorders in her early adult life, so preventing other intelligent, strong, and beautiful girls from forming or elongating their disorders has always held a place of importance in my life. I know how difficult it is to be a girl and have constant exposure to beauty ideals, I don’t think we need any more pressure from self-generated pro-eating disordered “lifestyle” hashtags.

But when a website or social network changes its Terms of Use to remove such discussion from their networks, can it be an effective deterrent? “There is no doubt that other media sites such as Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr have a long way to go before they are really safe and free of thinspiration triggers,” replied Singer.

“But they have made the first steps toward taking action and being responsible for the safety of their users.”

She also addressed people trying to change the spelling of terms they were using to get around the service’s policing efforts: “Instagram’s initial attempt to limit thinspiration led users to create new spellings (such as thynspo). Instead of giving up on the effort, Instagram revised the policy, stating it will disable “any account or hashtag found to be encouraging eating disorders.”

“The first step is ensuring that these messages are not readily available, and that is where policy change comes into play and really matters.”

Of course, trying to stamp out discussion of a topic on the Internet is impossible, given the hundreds of millions of websites, social networks, forums, and online communities. “By reducing the number of mainstream venues where these pro eating disorder messages are displayed,” Singer says, “we are reducing the exposure, and therefore the dangerous behavior that results (or continues) because of these online interactions.”

I agree — efforts such as Singer’s can make a perceivable impact on the popular, mainstream sites, reducing the likelihood of exposing this ideology to a new, naive audience. Especially when that site is a social network as large as Twitter.

“Banning thinspiration terminology means less accessibility to damaging phrases, encouragement, and images that propel disorders,” notes Singer. “It will prevent susceptible people from forming eating disorders, and people recovering/struggling with eating disorders from exposure to triggers.”

“In my mind, just getting people to have this conversation means that it has been some degree of successful. It is really amazing to see people who sign generating comments about their personal stories and their struggles. Many have said that thinspiration has been a big trigger in their lives and that they support any effort to ban it from impacting others like them.”

Efforts such as Singer’s are a good attempt at bringing attention to the problem and helping people understand that use of these kinds of keywords and hashtags only reinforce the disordered behavior — on a scale that wasn’t readily possible just five years ago. We applaud and support Singer’s petition and efforts to help reduce thinspiration messaging on mainstream social networks.

We encourage you to sign the petition:
Twitter: Restrict use of thinspiration language and hashtags

Here are some insights from their book.

What can understanding failure teach both seasoned and aspiring leaders that they can’t learn only by modeling success?

While studying success provides valuable lessons during good times, often these lessons aren’t applicable in hard times. The road isn’t always smooth and the sky isn’t always blue. When challenges present themselves, lessons gleaned from previous failures can help leaders avoid making the same mistake twice or making the wrong decisions.

Making mistakes — or failing — are part of taking healthy risk. They provide us with new ways of thinking and give us new insights into how we can improve as leaders.

Real failure doesn’t come from making mistakes; it comes from avoiding errors at all possible costs, from fear to take risks, and from the inability to grow. Being mistake-free does not lead to success.

Learning from our mistakes, however, is not always possible. Yes, every great leader makes mistakes they can learn from. But there are only a limited number of mistakes you can make before proving yourself an unworthy leader — you can only fall off the corporate ladder so many times before your climb is finished. And the higher up the ladder you get, the more severe the fall. The failure paradox is that in order to succeed we need to know failure — yet we live in an environment where we can’t afford to make mistakes. The solution? To study and learn from the mistakes of others in order to proactively avoid the predictable pitfalls that await every leader.

What are the specific benefits of learning from failure?

The benefits of learning from failure can be seen at both the individual level and the organizational level. We found strong statistical evidence between the ability to embrace mistakes and improved individual performance. Specifically we found that leaders who learn from mistakes are more proactive in deflecting potential problems, have a higher level of confidence when taking actions and making decisions, more accurately understand their environments, think more strategically, and are more creative.

These traits and capabilities also translated to the organizational level. Specifically we found that companies that are more accepting of mistakes have significantly better financial performance in terms of both top-line revenue growth, as well as bottom-line profit. We live in a culture that values perfections and hides failure. Companies pay their employees to succeed, not to fail.

However, the more we talk about the valuable lessons that come from mistakes and honor discussions about failure, the less likely it will be such a taboo subject.

For The Wisdom of Failure you conducted almost 1,000 interviews with managers and leaders. What about those interviews most surprised you?

We were surprised by how reluctant some leaders were to be associated with the topic of failure. Several times, we had leaders open up to us about key mistakes they had learned from in their own careers, only to call us back the next day to say they didn’t want us to use any material from their interviews in our book. Having their names associated with failure was too risky. Of course, we honored their request.

This reluctance to discuss failure emphasizes not only how difficult it is for leaders to talk about mistakes, but also the costly consequences leaders believe will follow if they do.

But having less “discretionary time” as a parent can become just another excuse stopping you from creating, said Miranda Hersey, a creativity coach, host of the blog Studio Mothers and author of The Creative Mother’s Guide: Six Practices for the Early Years.

Hersey knows a lot about having little time. She has five kids, ages 5 to 22.

Yet, creativity has always been part of her life. For Hersey, “a creative life is full of passion, self-expression, intuition, observation, discovery, asking questions, learning, and making connections, with other people and the world around us.”

Writer and artist Suzi Banks Baum called creativity her “lifeline.” She’s been journaling daily since she was 14. “I wrote the day I gave birth and the day after.”

When she moved from New York City to a small community in upstate New York, she started knitting. “I felt really lonely and was verging on depression. I needed to do something with my hands.” She also joined a knitting circle and returned to Al-Anon meetings. “I began to see myself as an individual who had needs.”

When you nourish your needs, you also become a better parent. According to Hersey, “When you’re regularly creative … you’re happier, more centered, better able to deal with the inevitable stresses of life. When you follow your creative bliss, you’re also modeling something important for your children: doing what you love.”

Below, Hersey and Baum shared nine ideas for living a creative life when you have kids.

1. Do what you love.

Many people think they have to change their lifestyle to be creative, said Baum, also author of An Anthology of Babes: 36 Women Give Motherhood a Voice. But you can simply “remember or find something that you love and do it.” Hersey agreed. “We can be creative at any opportunity—not just when we’re writing or painting or dancing.” For her, “being creative is synonymous with being in love with life.”

2. Take small steps.

When your kids are younger, you may only have a few moments to yourself. During the first two years of motherhood, Baum carried a notebook in her diaper bag. She’d journal, doodle and sketch early in the morning or in the park while her kids were asleep in their strollers. She’d capture everything from scenes of her city to palm trees when she was on vacation.

She also carried a small book of poetry. “Those ‘reading snacks’ kept my mind fed with stimulating ideas and language, which are areas that in the early mothering years can feel very limited.”

Those few minutes with her books also helped Baum soothe her anxiety and worries. “It’d bring things down from a full boil to a simmer.”

Interestingly, during these first few months of infancy, many moms are flooded with ideas, Hersey said. She suggested capturing those ideas by scribbling on a piece of paper or an index card at night.

When your kids get older, there’s usually more time to create. But “you may find yourself stuck between having a tantalizing snippet of time to do your work [and] having to stop on a moment’s notice and not feeling like you can have the time that you really want, at least not on your terms,” Hersey said.

She suggested remembering that some time — like 15 minutes — is better than no time. “Drop by drop, you can still fill the bucket.”

3. Consider a class.

When Baum’s kids started school, she took a mixed media collage class. “That one class changed a lot for me.” She loved learning the material and being in a “community of other mothers doing a creative task.”

The class also helped Baum shift her self-image. “I joined a community of artists and that allowed me to see myself differently as an individual. I had never identified myself as an artist until I took that class and realized that I belonged there.” Today, she collaborates with her former instructor – now a close friend – on workshops and exhibits.

She experienced a similar shift when she took a monthly writing workshop. She started seeing herself as a writer and was inspired to help other mothers tell their stories.

4. Find a sitter.

Sometimes you might want to leave your house to focus on your creativity. If so, Hersey suggested hiring a babysitter or swapping child care with a friend.

5. Be creative with your kids.

“Let yourself do what you love while you’re with your family,” Baum said. For her, cooking, knitting, gardening and attending museums are all important creative acts. So when her kids played in the yard, she gardened. When they went to coffee shops, she took out her notebook and sketched. She also knitted her kids’ clothes and hats. When they travel, they go to museums. “My kids love this. It makes for some of the most interesting times with our family.”

This also models to your kids the importance of taking care of yourself and nourishing creativity, she added. This way practicing one’s creativity “is not seen as something you do at a certain time with a certain outfit on.”

6. Think of yourself as “in training.”

Fatigue is a big challenge for creativity, Hersey said. “Whether you’re at home full-time, navigating a part-time job, working full-time out of the house, or some unique combination, most of us are exhausted by the time the day’s work is done and the last dish is washed.”

That’s why Hersey recommended thinking of yourself as “in training for your life.” That training can include eating foods that boost your energy, exercising, sleeping well and engaging in other healthy practices, such as meditation, she said. “Taking care of your well-being will increase your energy level and with it, your creative bandwidth.”

7. Get up earlier.

Before your kids wake up is a great time to create. Even if you’re not a morning person, you can try getting up 30 minutes earlier, Hersey said. “What would it take for you to make that work? What are you willing to give up for a regular creative practice? Chances are, you can figure something out that doesn’t involve sacrifice for your kids.”

8. Find people on a similar path.

Baum has found a supportive community of creative mothers both in person and online. These women have helped her see her own creativity and work through various challenges.

9. Focus on solutions.

When it comes to creativity, it’s easy to get stuck in the “if-onlys.” If only my kids were in school. If only I had a full hour each day. If only I could get up earlier. You can always find reasons why you can’t create, Hersey said.

She suggested focusing less on what you can’t do, and more on what you can. “The truth is that life is hard – and it will only be harder, the more that we focus on how hard it is. Let’s stop saying ‘I can’t’ and ‘This won’t work’ and start figuring out how to do what it is that we say we want to do.”

Creative Inspiration

Hersey recommended the following books on creativity and writing: Writer Mama by Christina Katz; Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues; and Use Your Words by Kate Hopper.

These are her other favorites on creativity: The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp; The Zen of Creativity by John Daido Loori; and The Art of Possibility by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander.

She also suggested everything written by these authors: Eric Maisel, Danny Gregory, Keri Smith, Patti Digh, Jennifer Louden, Steven Pressfield, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Julia Cameron and Natalie Goldberg.

‘Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!’”
~W. H. Murray

As we ride the planet around the sun, life can sometimes be hard and complicated. We dream of living better lives or achieving great goals. For many, our present lives result from being born into difficult circumstances or surviving tragedies.

No matter where we find ourselves, it is also a result of all the choices we’ve made along the way.

Yet we hear about people who overcame impossible odds to achieve wealth or fame. They’re often tales of being at the right place at the right time, a coincidence, or meeting the right person just when they need to. What’s going on with this? Did the lucky few who made it find Aladdin’s magic lamp that delivered these miracles? How do the rest of us get one of those?

Turns out we all have a magic lamp. It is our unshakeable commitment to achieve our dreams. No matter where we find ourselves, I believe that this commitment is always inside and waiting to be tapped. But how do we tap it? How do we get the genie out of our own magic lamp so miracles happen for us?

I believe success — however each of us defines it — is achieved by following these steps:

1. Choose to commit to your goal or dream.

2. Pursue relentless action aligned to your commitment.
3. Expect and have faith that you will get help along the way.
4. Show sincere gratitude for the help and results.

If this sounds too simple, understand that simple doesn’t mean easy. W.H. Murray, quoted at the beginning of this post, survived 3 years as a German prisoner of war during World War II. During captivity, he wrote a book about mountaineering in the Scottish Highlands. He wrote the first copy on the only paper available, rough toilet paper. The Germans discovered it and destroyed it. To the amazement of his fellow prisoners, he rewrote it despite the risk his captors would find and destroy the second copy. It is the second copy that became famous and inspired international interest in mountaineering.

Read the quote above again. The same message has been said numerous ways over the years: “God helps those that help themselves” or in any number of books written about achieving goals. I won’t speculate why these miracles happen, I just know from experience that they will. I followed the four steps and now have my story to add to those who overcame the odds to achieve incredible dreams.

My book, The Story of Suntrakker, chronicles five inspiring years and the methods I used. I hope it will help you achieve your dream. I share my personal journey from the thunderbolt moment I dared myself to go after my dream, through a wild adventure in the Australian Outback and ultimately into a life and job I love.

If I can do it, you can, too. The secret is commitment, which at heart is a declaration that you believe in yourself.

But 11 years after the first insomniac was born, I’m still exhausted, as I am convinced he emerged from my womb with no need of sleep, and then his sister two years later with the same curse. I’m not sure how it happened, being that I’ve always needed eight hours of sleep to stay sane.

The last two months there has been a lot of cussing in our house after 8 p.m., when we begin the rituals. In desperation I headed to my shelf of expert advice to see if any nuggets in there would apply, or at least not nauseate me. I came away empty-handed. Great intentions. Perfect principles. Wise stuff. Just not going to work on my rebels, who defy traditional rules and procedures.

So I’m back to threatening. However, threatening, itself, can be complicated, and deserves its own guidelines.

Here are my two cents on how to threaten effectively. These are not principles that will foster healthy sleep habits. They will merely get you a few days of sleep if you are like me, in the state of emergency. Experts aren’t big on Band-aids. I am.

1. Prep the threat.

My fundamental mistake in releasing a threat is not being totally prepared. In an impatient huff, I might blurt out something stupid like, “If you don’t go to sleep, I’m going to … going to … going to …,” brainstorming about which option is best, at which point my two devious offspring start laughing. The result is that they do not take future threats seriously, and I have lost all negotiating power (which effective parents don’t need because they don’t have to negotiate with their kids) because I didn’t think through the bribe before opening my trap in a premature fit.

2. Specify the threat.

Threats should be like legal documents. Hell, you could get out a piece of paper with all the specifications written down and, instead of them pinky-swearing, you could get a signature. The more detailed the better because kids who don’t sleep tend to be smart and manipulative. So when I take away the family iPad from my daughter, she finds a computer in the house and starts surfing YouTube or making videos of herself. When we take that away, she grabs one of our iPhones and downloads an app where she can try out new hairstyles on stick-skinny chicks. If she can’t find those, she’ll steal her brother’s iPod and start uploading photos to his Instagram. I should have stipulated that ALL electronics are banned, that she has to do something really radical like read a book or use pencil and paper and draw.

3. Time the threat.

Just as important as the content of the threat is the delivery: in particular, when you deliver the threat. I’ve found that when my insomniacs are overly tired and irrational they can’t hear a word I say, even if I’m yelling. Therefore, it’s best to wait until breakfast, when I will say very calmly that they have lost electronics for the day or until they learn how to calm themselves down and go to bed without making visits to our room or to a sibling’s room in the middle of the night, sleepwalking, singing Macklemore’s song lyrics, “I’m gonna pop some tags,” or perfecting Anna Kendrick’s cup act in “Pitch Perfect.”

Threatening is not easy. So hopefully these guidelines assist you in reaching for a wide Band-aid and a few nights’ sleep before you have to come up with an entirely different set of new threats. Good luck!

Some people believe that humiliation is a good teacher. You gotta learn. You must not forget. You will be punished if you don’t do it right. Humiliation will make a lesson stick.

These folks are right — humiliation is a good teacher.

But the lesson you learn is not what the teacher is intending. You don’t learn to do things better. You don’t learn to upgrade your skills. You don’t learn to trust your ability to learn.

What you do learn, instead, is to:

• Embrace rigidity. “I can’t do this. No way. No how.”

• Play it safe. “I’ll just make a fool of myself so I’m sticking to the tried and true.”
• Shirk responsibility. “It’s too hard for me; you have to do it for me.”
• Develop a fixed perspective. “I’ve never been any good at this and I never will be.”

Yes, humiliation throws cold water on the joy of learning and shuts down the joy of risk-taking. Indeed, a single dose of humiliation in a vulnerable child can lead to a belief that “I can’t do it,” while a regular dose of humiliation will profoundly cripple a child’s belief in himself and in his ability to learn. “I’m dumb. I’m stupid. I’m no good. And don’t try to convince me otherwise.”

If you’ve been exposed to the debilitating effects of humiliation, it’s time to rectify the damage that has been done. Here’s what you must do:

• Know that there’s nothing immutable about what you know and don’t know. All you can honestly say is that you don’t know how to do something yet. Put the time and effort into it, and you’ll be surprised at what you can learn.

• A mistake is not a felony. And it’s certainly not deserving of capital punishment. The most you can say is, it’s a misdemeanor or an oops! Just an error. Something that slipped your mind. Something you forgot because you were distracted. Next time you make a mistake, don’t agonize over it. Instead, acknowledge it. Fix it (if you can). Learn from it. Move on to your next challenge.
• Keep stretching. Keep reaching. Keep learning. Make new mistakes; it means your mind is active. You have not given up on yourself. You are not content to live within a comfort zone the size of a postage stamp. No, that’s not for you. It’s a big wide world out there, with lots of things to learn. You want to be a part of the world. Not apart from the world.
• No matter how much you learn, how much you know, there will be stuff you don’t know. This is not proof of your stupidity. It is not something to be ashamed of. It is simply life. We cannot know it all.
• When you don’t know what to do, improvise. That’s what everybody else is doing (whether they admit it or not). Make it up on the spot. Sometimes it will work out well. Sometimes it won’t. That’s the nature of life.
• When something intrigues you, go for it. Don’t tell yourself “I’m no good at this.” Take up the challenge. Put in the hard work. Ask for assistance. Tolerate the discomfort. And watch yourself bloom.

Whatever humiliating experiences you have had in the past, do not let them continue to define you today. Right now, this moment, this very moment, before you put this article down, say something that gives homage to who you are and what you’re about. If whatever you say brings a smile to your face or warmth to your inner being, you know you’ve chosen the right words.

She gives several powerful examples: We vote a certain way because our parents do. We work a numbing number of hours because we’re taught this makes us good providers. We sabotage our successes because we’re taught that wanting money is akin to greed.

In the midst of clinging to these old concepts, we forget the most important idea of all: living from our authentic values.

When we lead lives based on what matters to us most, we’re happier and more fulfilled. However, when we lead lives based on ideas that don’t fit anymore, we use random things to fill us up and typically end up feeling empty anyway.

Campbell references things like reality TV, shopping sprees, toxic relationships and alcohol.  “These things provide quick bursts of happiness or relief, but always leave you feeling a bit hungry, a bit empty. It’s kind of like spiritual junk food: it tastes good going in, but it isn’t enough to sustain you.”

In her book, Campbell features a powerful exercise to help us rediscover our values, because, as she writes, “Understanding your values and desires will create the infrastructure for your life.” She suggests spending at least 30 minutes on this exercise and doing it every year. Here are the details:

• Ask yourself, “What matters to me now?”
• Jot down your responses — without judging yourself. The key is to discover your authentic values.
• Rank your responses. So put the number 1 by what you value most. Campbell explains that our core values will likely remain the same but their rankings might change. For instance, your career might top your list, but after you have kids, it slides into second.
• Next, grade yourself. If you’re taking daily action toward your top 5 values, give yourself an A, Campbell writes.  Again, be honest. “Where are you soaring? Where are you falling short?”
• For the values you assigned a B and below, consider if each one still resonates with you. Is it outdated? If it’s not and it’s still very important to you, “look then at the ways you’ve separated from it and figure out a few things you can do to get back on track.”
• List several things you can do today to honor your top values. If you value spiritual growth, Campbell writes, you might start meditating for 10 minutes a day. Engage daily in the activities that align with your values. Put them on your to-do list.

According to Campbell, “When you’re willing to discover and live from your deepest values, life not only becomes a more fulfilling and passionate adventure, but it also becomes easier.” Decisions suddenly seem clearer, and we stop second-guessing ourselves so much. Instead, we focus on “creating a life that supports the things that drive it. [We] live with personal integrity.”