This guest article from YourTango was written by Diane Spear, LCSW-R.

Melissa and Tom (whose names have been changed to protect their privacy) argued as they drove to meet their vocal coach.

“Why do you want to sing The Wind Beneath My Wings?” she asked. “It’s such a cliché, and I’ll never hear the end of it from my Dad.”

“You’re not doing much better with that Shania Twain song,” Tom rebutted, “Everyone’s going to hear it and remember that Shania Twain’s husband left her for the assistant. Doesn’t bode well, does it?”

Melissa and Tom were determined to make their June wedding an entertaining event, complete with readings by Melissa’s sisters, both of whom are actresses, and additional music by Tom’s brother, who is a singer/songwriter. Melissa wanted to wear a green dress to symbolize her commitment to environmental issues, but Tom worried that people would think it was strange.

For couples, getting closer can mean many things. It might mean learning more about each other, sharpening your communication skills, deepening your emotional bond, fighting fair and just having more fun.

According to relationship expert Mudita Rastogi, Ph.D, the best way to get closer and improve communication is to “come to therapy with your partner.”

But there are many ways you can build closeness outside the therapy couch, she said. Here are five strategies to try.

1. Check in with each other daily.

“Leading couples therapists recommend creating an established time each day for couples to touch base with each other,” said Rastogi, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Arlington Heights, Ill. For instance, family therapist William Doherty and his wife carved out 15 minutes after dinner for checking in with each other, she said.

Sometimes I worry that society is becoming immune to infidelity and cheating in a romantic relationship. We hear things like, “Half of all marriages end in divorce” and “Half of people in a relationship admit to cheating.” We become desensitized and perhaps a bit pessimistic by hearing these disheartening statistics repeated over and over again.

It’s become so bad that some people are even making up statistics to either sell their infidelity-helping or infidelity-fighting services. For instance, one common statistic I hear thrown out there is that 50 percent of relationships involve infidelity.

Sadly, that statistic is not based upon any scientific research. It’s something marketing companies just made up and use to scare (or motivate) people into buying into their service.

So how common is cheating, really?

Love gets you on the road to a healthy marriage. It can get and keep you in the game and help to keep you on the road.

Love is not enough, however, to play the game well. Love is not enough to get you where you want to go. Love is not enough for a healthy marriage.

Marriages are a test of our emotional and life skills. Since most of us were never taught many of these skills, it is no surprise that so many marriages, even those that are based in love, are a continual struggle and often fall apart.

The following is a list of various, interrelated emotional and life skills that are necessary for a well-functioning marriage. As you read through the list, ask yourself: Which of these am I good at? Which of these do I need to improve? Which of these are hard or nearly impossible for me? Are there any skills that I think are missing from this list?

Most people have an appreciation for and an acceptance of that fact that a relationship doesn’t run smoothly on its own. It takes work, but how many people actually do any work? The answer is very few.

I find that people are coming to me with relationship issues over and over again. When I ask for some history or background, I inevitably see that there is no ‘relationship maintenance’ being done by either partner.

“Relationship maintenance” can be equated to a beautifully kept garden. It didn’t just grow wild and appear beautiful overnight.

It’s more than likely that there were some foundations put in place — for example, a strong surface to hold the garden seat in the peaceful sitting area. Some other areas where beautiful plants are blooming need less preparation. Places where where more wild or natural plants are living freely don’t require as much effort from you. In some parts of the garden there may be a special feature, maybe a water feature or sculpture.

These elements all go into making a garden complete. On their own they don’t look like much, but together they give the garden form, design and a life that can be interesting through all seasons, even when it’s cold.

The best way to ensure a healthy marriage — or relationship — is to make sure you regularly trade back rubs.

Not necessarily the physical kind — though those are great to give and receive too.

No, what I’m talking about creates the foundation for a healthy, growing relationship. Because if your relationship isn’t growing, it’s stagnating or worse — declining. Relationships — like anything you want to succeed in life — need constant attention and care. Fail to attend to them regularly, and they may whither and die.

Each letter in the acronym BACK RUB stands for something vital to a good relationship. Click through to see what they are.

Lately, I’ve been honing in on the notion that you can’t expect others to save you, you have to save yourself. First.

I tend to think that sometimes people walk into relationships that ultimately fill a void. They look to the other person to give them something that they cannot give to themselves, such as a sense of security.

Sometimes we don’t even realize that we may be in the middle of acquiring a safety net. The realization that someone else is doing the saving may be romanticized (think about the enchantment of being “rescued”). But if you don’t do the work and confront yourself what needs to be confronted, you’ll never really be able to learn those lessons and move forward.

This “saving mindset” was demonstrated in one of the more recent episodes of the HBO series “Girls.”

Real men repress their emotions. Real men are self-reliant. Real men are aggressive and apathetic.

These are the messages we get about masculinity in our society. We get these messages from a variety of sources, including TV, film and computer and video games. And they come from a variety of people in our lives, including peers, parents and coaches, according to Ted Zeff, Ph.D, a psychologist and author of Raise An Emotionally Healthy Boy: Save Your Son From The Violent Boy Culture and The Strong Sensitive Boy: Help Your Son Become a Happy, Confident Man.

But these are false messages. And they can be detrimental, he said. Men are less likely to seek medical help. Repressing emotions can lead to health problems such as ulcers, high blood pressure and heart attacks, Zeff said.

“Anger can destroy marriages, business partnerships and countries,” said Joe Shrand, M.D., an instructor at Harvard Medical School and co-author of the valuable, practical and science-based book Outsmarting Anger: 7 Strategies for Defusing Our Most Dangerous Emotion with Leigh Devine, MS.

Fortunately, each of us holds the power to defuse our own anger and even others,’ Dr. Shrand said. This is especially critical because often it’s not our own fuse that hinders our success; it’s someone else’s, he said.

The key in cooling anger lies in respect. As Dr. Shrand said, when was the last time you got angry with someone who showed you respect?

“Anger is designed to change the behavior of someone else. Being respected feels great, so why would we want to change that?”

We know you were just assaulted with all those Valentine’s Day articles. We’re sorry about that.

But it’s important to consider that “true love” is not just a theory or a figment of a writer’s imagination.

Nor is it just the fictionalized stuff of romantic comedies. It can occur in day-to-day reality, too.

Below are 14 ways to help make it happen. You may be surprised to learn that true love is not only attainable — it may be closer than you think.

What is true love? It’s a question that’s been contemplated by everyone from authors to artists to philosophers to clinicians.

And it’s one that naturally brings up another key query: How do we make love last?

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we asked relationship experts to share their definitions of true love and provide practical tips for prolonging it.

What True Love Isn’t

Many think of love as a feeling. And in some ways it is. According to Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D, a psychologist in private practice who specializes in relationship issues, “the experience of being ‘in love’ is primarily a feeling,” which begins with a powerful attraction and sexual desire.

But these initial intense feelings fade over time, he said. What’s left are “feelings of connection and affection,” if the couple works to sustain them.

In our society, we typically equate great gifts with great cash. But you don’t need to splurge on a gift to spoil your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day. In fact, it’s often the low or no-cost presents that are most meaningful anyway.

“To this day one of the most thoughtful gifts my husband has given me was a fishing tackle box he bought at a garage sale when we were first married,” said Christina Steinorth, MFT, a psychotherapist and author of Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships. 

Steinorth doesn’t even fish. But her husband bought the box to help her organize her jewelry, which she was regularly misplacing. She still uses it today.

If you’re stumped on what to do for your beloved, here are five gift ideas that cost little to no money but nonetheless make a sweet treat.