Marriage and Divorce

Surviving Infidelity Requires the Partner Who Strayed to Accept 100% Responsibility for the Affair

A client of mine, whom I’ll call “John,” is sitting in my office offering me a laundry list of explanations for why he had an adulterous relationship.

John is well-educated, a successful businessman, and a pillar of his church.

His illicit relationship with Violet, he recalls, began when the two colleagues were away on an extended business trip. John didn’t intend to betray his wife, Sue. But after a few too many drinks late one night, John found himself in Violet’s hotel room, and nature simply took its course.
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Friends

Surviving Infidelity: Why It’s Necessary to Prove That the Affair Has Ended

Recovering from the painful damage caused by infidelity is never easy. In the aftermath of infidelity, marriages and committed relationships that have been built and nurtured over years, even decades, can quickly crumble, leaving one or both partners devastated.

But there is hope and a way forward for those couples who are willing to make the commitment and do the hard work. The trauma of infidelity needn’t last a lifetime.
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Marriage and Divorce

The First Step in Surviving Infidelity: Ceasing All Contact with the Outside Person

After the explosive initial shock of infidelity, when emotions are less volatile, some couples will try to make things right.

In a marriage or committed relationship, the partner who strayed will sometimes awaken to the many harsh, unanticipated consequences that his or her misbehavior brings. Not the least of these is the enormous pain infidelity creates for the partner who is betrayed.
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Marriage and Divorce

Is Your Partner Really ‘Emotionally Unavailable’ or Is It You?

"He's just so emotionally unavailable." This is one of the things I hear most often in my practice and one of the things I heard myself saying most often before I did my own work. I remember being utterly convinced of it. The evidence was in everything my husband did -- the way he stonewalled me during arguments, the way he zoned out and disappeared into the television so much, the way he got sleepy and indeed did even nod off when I was talking to him sometimes. I was outraged by his "emotional unavailability" and I experienced it as deeply wounding.
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Children and Teens

Steps to Successful Co-Parenting

Being a parent is a huge responsibility and often times one that is shared with a co-parent. A co-parent is the person (or people) who helps to raise your child in one way or another. This could be your spouse, an ex, your ex’s spouse, or even a friend or family member.  

In my experience as a clinician for children and adolescents, having adults that are able to co-parent in a respectful, collaborative, and accepting way is one of the most important factors in my clients’ ability to access his or her treatment.
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Family

6 Tips to a Joyous and Peaceful Interfaith Holiday Season

The holiday season is one of the most joyful times of the year; unfortunately, it can also be one of the most stressful times, and in an interfaith relationship, many conflicts may arise.

Consider that approximately 40% of Americans wed outside of their faith, and less than half of those couples discuss which faith they plan to follow. Because of the confusion and high stress levels, two weeks before Christmas and the month of January are the highest break up period for couples.
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Marriage and Divorce

The Three Relationship Killers and How to Overcome Them

As a marriage and family therapist for over 30 years, I've seen a lot of couples. And over and over, the demise of marriages and relationships in general, is not over money, children, or health but crummy communication styles. Unfortunately we were not taught in school or at home about how to communicate so we resort to a free-wheeling and unconscious style, unaware of the consequences of how our message is received.

Here are the three relationship killers of love, connection, openness, and intimacy and how to cut them off at the pass.
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