Men’s Issues Articles

Loneliness within a Marriage

Wednesday, February 18th, 2015

relationship-crisisMany of my clients discuss a feeling of loneliness within their marriages. Often their spouses look at them with confusion or contempt. They ask how it’s possible to feel alone when they are in the same house or even the same room much of the time. Mr. and Mrs. Just Not Feeling It may also be helpful in explaining how you feel.

When you feel lonely within your marriage, you don’t feel like you’re part of anything bigger than yourself. You feel alone, and there is no “we,” only you and your spouse, completely separate entities. You may or may not seem to be a happy couple to others, and you may or may not be able to keep a united front for the kids. Either way, when it is just you and your spouse talking to each other, you don’t feel close, connected, secure or safe.

How to Tell if You’re the Victim of Emotional Blackmail

Sunday, December 7th, 2014

How To Handle Conflict In Your Relationship

Does your partner behave inappropriately and then blames you? This could be emotional blackmail.

Many relationships function on a level that isn’t healthy for either partner, yet each person seems willing to hold onto the relationship at all costs. Their love for each other and desire to remain in the relationship is stronger than the problems they’re going through.

This can most often be seen with lovers in cases of emotional blackmail. This is where one person behaves inappropriately within the relationship and then blames the other for the behavior. The partner receiving all the blame instantly feels guilty and inadequate and wants to try harder to please.

Psychology Around the Net: November 29, 2014

Saturday, November 29th, 2014

Shoe shopping

This week’s Psychology Around the Net covers ways to keep your sanity during seasonal shopping, learning how to motivate yourself by pretending your life is a movie (wow!), and even tips on how to read and interpret others’ facial expressions…and act accordingly.

Enjoy!

Black Friday Prep: Crowd Psychology Can Help You Hang Onto Budget: Yes, we realize Black Friday is over, but you can still keep your sanity this shopping season! Check out these seasonal shopping tips on avoiding spending hype, including setting goals and making lists; choosing the right shopping buddy; and the negative social influence you can avoid by shopping online.

Women in Positions of Power Show More Signs of Depression Than Men: Recent research from the University of Texas at Austin suggests women climbing the work success ladder show more signs of depression than do their male counterparts.

5 Sneaky Signs of Depression You May Be Overlooking

Monday, November 24th, 2014

depression symptoms

Things have changed a lot in the past 30 years when it comes to our ideas about depression. In the 1980s and even the 1990s, people often still saw it as a moral weakness, a sign of being “crazy,” or as something to be dismissed completely.

Today most people not only know someone who has struggled openly with depression, but they can probably also rattle off a handful of symptoms just from watching the many depression medication television commercials that dominate the airwaves. The voiceover asks “Are you always sad and tearful? Have you lost interest in things you used to enjoy? If so, ask your doctor about this medication.”

Conflict Resolution and Communication Styles

Monday, October 27th, 2014

Conflict Resolution and Communication StylesI recently read John Gray’s classic, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. This relationship guide (with an extraterrestrial twist) details the various differences and nuances in behavior between the genders.

I’m normally one to advocate that people are people; there’s something to be said for individualism and circumstance. However, I couldn’t help but nod in agreement with certain generalized ideas, particularly distinctions in how both sexes communicate when conflict strikes.

Porn Addiction: Not the Whole Story

Monday, September 29th, 2014

Porn Addiction: Not the Whole StoryThe issue of whether porn addiction is real has produced a storm of controversy. Yet all this noise may be distracting us from a graver risk to healthy sexuality: sexual conditioning of adolescents.

I monitor a number of popular online recovery forums. I have read self-reports of thousands of otherwise healthy young men who heal severe symptoms, including sexual dysfunctions (anorgasmia, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, loss of attraction to real people) by removing a single variable: Internet porn use.

Finding the Yin and Yang During the Hot Summer Months

Monday, September 8th, 2014

sunny_summer-1153

It’s been a hot summer. I showed up to my yoga studio the other day, and noticed that the air purifying machine was blinking and beeping, which made me think of my kitchen lights, which just the night before had shorted out. I looked up to see the time and saw that even the clock was running slow. I was about to teach a class on the dangers of “Summer System Overload,” and the electronics were proving my point.

We know, of course, that we have to be careful when it’s hot to avoid dehydration, heatstroke, and sunburn, but extreme heat can also affect us on energetic and emotional levels. From a Taoist perspective, we are in a Yang season, and now is an important time to stay in touch with our inner Yin.

5 Ways to Tell if You’re Having an Emotional Affair

Monday, September 1st, 2014

3 Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Would your partner really be OK with this?

Successful relationships are built on safety and trust — and a betrayal of that trust can derail a partnership before you know it. Both in the media and in our personal lives, we tend to associate such betrayals with physical affairs; however, an emotional affair, even without sex, can be just as threatening to your relationship.

Couples You Meet in Counseling: The Ice Queen and the Martyr

Monday, August 25th, 2014

upset couple backs bigstMy first post in this series tackled Mr. Perfect and his crazy wife. Here we turn to The Ice Queen and the Martyr, another commonly seen couple.

Here are some examples of what you hear from The Martyr in session:

“No matter what I do, it’s not good enough. She doesn’t show any appreciation or affection. I guess I don’t communicate well. But I’ve heard from other girlfriends that I’m actually great at communicating. “

“We haven’t had sex in months. She pushes me away. I guess I should try harder, but I already schedule date nights, help with housework, and get up with the baby.”

The Truth about Couples Therapy

Thursday, August 21st, 2014

upset couple backs bigstI always say that every couple would benefit from therapy. As a couples therapist myself, I am privy to the benefits of therapy both after problems begin and as a preventative measure. As some brilliant person once said, “The best time to fix a leaky roof is when the sun is shining.”

But the truth is, most people aren’t entirely enthusiastic about the prospect of couples therapy. Who wants to voluntarily do something that conjures up images of a woman in a beige sweater looking over her glasses, asking, “And how do you feel about that?”

Eating Disorders in Men

Friday, August 8th, 2014

eatingAccording to the National Eating Disorder Association, 10 million males in the United States will suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some point in their lives.

That number is staggering. Even more startling is the fact that men who battle eating disorders are significantly less likely than women to reach out for help.

The ‘Weakness Factor': Men and Depression

Thursday, July 31st, 2014

Men and DepressionI’ve found that it’s much easier for women to say, “I’m depressed,” than it is for men. This has more to do with what I call the “weakness factor,” in which men struggle to admit something’s wrong with them or acknowledge something they perceive as a sign of weakness.

Men get depressed just as women do. The biggest difference between the sexes is that men typically won’t admit to themselves, or anyone else, that they’re feeling down.

Asking for help? As Anthony Soprano would say, “forget about it.”

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