Neuroaesthetics is the relatively recent study of questions such as “Why do we like the things we like?” and “Why do some people find one thing pleasing while others find it appalling?” It has focused on issues such as creativity, visual and motor processing in visual artists and the varying factors involved in creative domains.

Many of these studies have examined music and the neural activity that occurs when we listen to and evaluate what we hear.

Salimpoor and Zatorre (2013) reviewed a number of research studies examining the effects of music on brain activity; in particular activity that relates to the feeling of pleasure. The evidence was clear: not only does music boost our sense of pleasure but there is also a dopamine activity in anticipation to the music that “touches us.”

But that’s where the tricky part lies: this effect is noteworthy only when it is music that we choose, otherwise it does not apply. When the experimenter chose music he or she found to be emotion-inducing, the participants did not experience the desired feeling or the “chills” effect.

Then, the question remains: Why do people get emotional with some songs but not with others? The answer is not clear.

Cultural background, previously reinforced neural activity, subjective interpretations, exposure to certain sequences of sound and many more variables come into play. The notion of subjectivity in evaluating art is something that still requires a lot of exploration.

However, despite the uncertainty regarding why the pleasurable sensation of music is not an absolute and objective process, there is an important point we ought to highlight. The clear message that we can hold onto is that music arouses rewarding emotions, similar to those involved in addictive behaviors that get reinforced over time.

This information, though intuitive to some degree, may be more helpful when discussing the topic of coping skills for symptoms of depression, “emotional numbness” and recovery from chemical dependency.

One of the goals in developing a treatment plan for depressive disorders and substance abuse is to come up with a set of coping skills that can be easily accessed when feeling “as if nothing brings feelings of joy.” Chemically dependent individuals often report that the feeling of numbness and anhedonia can be quickly escaped by using drugs or other sources of immediate gratification.

Of course, the problem is that along with the sense of pleasure comes other unwanted consequences. This is where the findings from these neuroaesthetic studies come into play: When contemplating ways to respond to a decreased sense of pleasure, knowledge about how music can make us feel good comes in handy. Turning to this risk-free way of experiencing pleasure can be incorporated in treatment methodologies for conditions associated with decreased sense of emotional rewards.

Having said that, we have to be careful not to imply that the strong neurological and physical reaction to substances and other addictive behaviors can be reduced and compared to the effect of listening to a David Bowie or Shakira song. However, knowing that music is a highly rewarding experience is a useful reminder when discussing ways to replace destructive habits, or when developing a set of tools that help manage feelings of depression.

Reference

Salimpoor, V.N.; Zatorre, R.J. (2013). Neural interactions that give rise to musical pleasure. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, 7, 62-75. doi:10.1037/a0031819

Now, in addition to your original stressor, you’re under more pressure because you’re scrambling to find lost keys, dealing with hurt feelings or frantically reconstructing forgotten projects.

And on top of that, when stressed, our emotions are running rampant. That scramble for the keys is anything but calm and a remark from your mother about that missed phone call can send you deep into guilt.

It’s easy to attribute these lapses in memory and emotional intensity to simple overload. When we’re stressed it’s typically at least in part because we’ve got too much going on and we just don’t have the capacity to keep up with everything.

Scientists have known what common sense tells us — that stress has an impact on memory and emotion.  But it’s not just that we have a lot going on and aren’t paying attention. Stress actually has an impact on how the brain processes information and stores memories. And research over the last several decades has pinpointed changes in certain areas of the brain during times of stress.

Now new research, published in the Journal of Neuroscience builds on previous understanding of the brain. It suggests that dramatic changes that occur in the brain when under stress are linked to our emotions and scattered memory.

Chronic stress affects two important areas of the brain when it comes to memory: the hippocampus and the amygdala.

In this new research, electrical signals in the brain associated with the formation of factual memories weaken while areas in the brain associated with emotion strengthen.

So, according to these researchers, with increasing stress, our brains are wired to discount factual information and to rely heavily on emotional experiences.

“Our findings suggest that the growing dominance of amygdalar activity over the hippocampus during and even after chronic stress may contribute to the enhanced emotional symptoms, alongside impaired cognitive function, seen in stress-related psychiatric disorders,” the researchers suggest.

So when you’re under stress — like when you’ve forgotten that important work document and your boss makes a comment that causes you to turn to jelly inside — keep in mind that your brain is wired to highlight the emotional part of her message. The factual part of the message may be lost altogether, which can leave you both intensely emotional and failing to act on important facts.

Some people believe that humiliation is a good teacher. You gotta learn. You must not forget. You will be punished if you don’t do it right. Humiliation will make a lesson stick.

These folks are right — humiliation is a good teacher.

But the lesson you learn is not what the teacher is intending. You don’t learn to do things better. You don’t learn to upgrade your skills. You don’t learn to trust your ability to learn.

What you do learn, instead, is to:

• Embrace rigidity. “I can’t do this. No way. No how.”

• Play it safe. “I’ll just make a fool of myself so I’m sticking to the tried and true.”
• Shirk responsibility. “It’s too hard for me; you have to do it for me.”
• Develop a fixed perspective. “I’ve never been any good at this and I never will be.”

Yes, humiliation throws cold water on the joy of learning and shuts down the joy of risk-taking. Indeed, a single dose of humiliation in a vulnerable child can lead to a belief that “I can’t do it,” while a regular dose of humiliation will profoundly cripple a child’s belief in himself and in his ability to learn. “I’m dumb. I’m stupid. I’m no good. And don’t try to convince me otherwise.”

If you’ve been exposed to the debilitating effects of humiliation, it’s time to rectify the damage that has been done. Here’s what you must do:

• Know that there’s nothing immutable about what you know and don’t know. All you can honestly say is that you don’t know how to do something yet. Put the time and effort into it, and you’ll be surprised at what you can learn.

• A mistake is not a felony. And it’s certainly not deserving of capital punishment. The most you can say is, it’s a misdemeanor or an oops! Just an error. Something that slipped your mind. Something you forgot because you were distracted. Next time you make a mistake, don’t agonize over it. Instead, acknowledge it. Fix it (if you can). Learn from it. Move on to your next challenge.
• Keep stretching. Keep reaching. Keep learning. Make new mistakes; it means your mind is active. You have not given up on yourself. You are not content to live within a comfort zone the size of a postage stamp. No, that’s not for you. It’s a big wide world out there, with lots of things to learn. You want to be a part of the world. Not apart from the world.
• No matter how much you learn, how much you know, there will be stuff you don’t know. This is not proof of your stupidity. It is not something to be ashamed of. It is simply life. We cannot know it all.
• When you don’t know what to do, improvise. That’s what everybody else is doing (whether they admit it or not). Make it up on the spot. Sometimes it will work out well. Sometimes it won’t. That’s the nature of life.
• When something intrigues you, go for it. Don’t tell yourself “I’m no good at this.” Take up the challenge. Put in the hard work. Ask for assistance. Tolerate the discomfort. And watch yourself bloom.

Whatever humiliating experiences you have had in the past, do not let them continue to define you today. Right now, this moment, this very moment, before you put this article down, say something that gives homage to who you are and what you’re about. If whatever you say brings a smile to your face or warmth to your inner being, you know you’ve chosen the right words.

In my 20 years living in the Boston area, I cheered on the runners on many occasions and now, even from far way, these events feel close to home.

Experiencing trauma can have a dramatic effect on our bodies and our minds.  And although it’s a different experience to witness a trauma on television, it still can affect us.

When you perceive a threat, the body activates the stress response. The stress response occurs in both your body and brain.

The body’s response to acute stress is a preparation for emergency.  Adrenaline and other hormones are released.  The body shuts down processes associated with long-term care.  When under immediate threat, digestion, reproduction, cell repair and other body tasks related to long-term functioning are unimportant.

Of immediate importance is survival.  Increased blood sugar can provide extra energy for muscles. Increases in cortisol counter pain and inflammation. Blood pressure increases. Blood is diverted from our extremities to our major muscles to provide us with extra strength. Increased endorphins can help us ignore physical pain.

You can see the effects of these changes to the body in many of the symptoms of stress, such as racing heart, dizziness, nausea, shortness of breath, shaking, feeling hot and flushed, and sweating.

But it is the impact of trauma on the mind that is often the most disturbing.  Traumatic events can leave us feeling unsafe.  They can disrupt our beliefs and assumptions about the world. Your sense of your ability to control your life may be shattered. You may question how much influence you have over your life and your life choices.

A trauma, such as the one the occurred at the Boston Marathon, can leave us distrustful of other people.  You may question your basic trust of other people in the world.  Trauma can affect your ability to be intimate with others and may impact your feelings of self-worth.  Those who survive the trauma often feel guilt and wonder why they lived when others were less fortunate.

As we grow, change and have varied experiences throughout life, our beliefs and assumptions typically evolve over time.  With trauma, those beliefs and assumptions that we use to make sense of the world around us change nearly instantaneously.

It’s common to experience a wide range of psychological symptoms, including intrusive thoughts, worry, difficulty sleeping, trouble focusing, bouts of crying, blame or self-judgment and lack of satisfaction.

The effects of trauma also can cause intense emotion, including extreme emotional fluctuations, unhappiness, anxiety, loneliness, anger, and irritability.

Multiple traumas or repeatedly being exposed to life-threatening events can have a further impact on your body and mind. Parts of the brain can become sensitized, causing you to be on high alert and to perceive threats all around, leaving you jumpy and anxious.

Other parts of the brain associated with memory can actually shrink, making it difficult to consolidate and form new memories.  Prolonged stress can effect the development of a number of health issues, including diabetes, obesity and hypertension. And repetitive stress affects our moods, brings on anxiety disorders, and affects our experience of chronic pain and our ability to control food intake.

But when horrible events occur, such as those that occurred at the 2013 Boston Marathon, we also see the generosity and caring that is a large part of human nature.

Countless individuals ran to help without a second thought.  First responders, medics, EMTs and even bystanders jumped into action to do what they could to save lives.  Runners crossed the finish line and kept on running straight to give blood.

As we deal with the impact of violence, we can also keep in our minds the heroes and the strength of the human spirit that brings us together when we are faced with senseless tragedy.

Image: Wikimedia Commons: Aaron “tango” Tang

And now, there are even designer babies: Parents are able to choose their children’s hair and eye color (though according to Wired, the Los Angeles clinic offering these services was recently shut down amid public outcry).

The potential for humans to modulate their emotions via technology is just as radical.

To an extent, we do this already with psychiatric medication. Many people are tempted to view those who use these drugs — even under the guidance of mental health professionals — as some kind of “cheating,” as a way of not truly dealing with the emotions themselves. Perhaps this is the case for some. It is, however, relatively clear that this tendency of yearning to gain control over our emotional experience did not spring forth at the advent of Prozac.

It might be said that nearly all of our choices are molded by how we feel now, how we have felt before, and how we want to feel in the future. If we have burned ourselves on the stove, we run for cold water. If we have been hurt in a romantic relationship before, we may take precautions in our involvement next time. If we have felt acceptance and excitement at a new job, we may throw ourselves into our work.

In the future, might it be possible to feel however we want, whenever we want?

Biotechnology, nanotechnology, and neurology at least point to the possibility of this being the case. In fact, initial “tinkering” with emotion is nearly 60 years old. In 1954, Peter Milner and James Olds implanted an electrode into the pleasure center of rats’ brains. Hooking the electrode up to a “pleasure button,” the scientists found that the rats would repeatedly press the button as much as possible — giving up food, water, and sex until they eventually died, frantically pursuing direct and intense pleasure.

Even given the avoidance of these very obvious dangers of diminishing returns on brain chemicals, tinkering with humans’ affective experience is a very slippery slope. Having an ability to feel “better,” or more energetic seems like a good idea for increasing our productivity. If we can overcome a common cold or a troubling situation at home with a kind of harmless emotional boost, is this wrong in itself?

The danger is not just negative side effects to the brain itself (which we might become smart enough to overcome), but a more insidious dependence on this boost. If we disregard food and sex for this boost, we may end up like the aforementioned rats.

Haven’t we all wished to control our sleeping patterns? Some people wish to overcome sleep altogether, while nearly all of us wish we could go to sleep or wake up on command. An implant that allows us to shut off and turn on consciousness as we please could seem like an initially harmless enhancement. Would it not just be one tiny step further to be able to control our feelings of hunger, or our sense of time (being able to fast-forward through a particularly boring wait in the bank line, or high school reunion)? This too might prove treacherous.

With the continual advancements in science, it seems as though psychology will eventually converge with, and help guide, other developing fields.

Technological progress alone — even with a much deeper understanding of neurology — is not complete without an understanding of the mind, its balance, its function, and the upkeep of its well-being that psychology can contribute. Mental health professionals someday may find themselves not only treating and helping individuals — or even striving for changes in policy — but as a guiding force and contributor to the enhancement of human experience.

If it were actually effective, I would wholeheartedly join you in your strike against shame, holding signs to keep it out of the psyche and saying, “Shame on you, shame.” But from my experience, it usually just grows into an angry beast. It haunts us day and night until we do something about it.

Pushing away the shame isn’t the answer. So what is?

Sharing the shame with a trusted person is what will heal us.

Think of a time when you have felt shame. Maybe the shame is associated with a word, a fantasy or thought, or an action. Here are some:

• “I put on a good facade, as if I have everything together. But I break down and cry when no one is around.”
• “I am broke.”
• “I think about cheating on my husband.”
• “I have cheated on my husband.”
• “I am married to a woman but I am more attracted to men.”
• “I have a mental illness.”
• “I was abused as a child.”
• “I am a battered woman.”
• “I hate the way I look.”
• “I hate my kids sometimes.”
• “I cheat to get good grades in school.”
• “I got fired.”
• “I lied about my age.”
• “I dropped out of school.”
• “My family was on welfare.”
• “I have STDs.”
• “I have AIDS.”
• “I prostituted for money.”
• “I used to steal when I was a kid. I still do.”
• “I have an addiction.”
• “I take medication for my depression.”
• “I dream big but I am lazy.”

If you keep shame inside, it will produce a heavy sensation in your body. But notice what happens when you share it with someone you trust, someone who will not judge you. Most likely, it will be embarrassing at first. But once you share that same story over and over again, the shame will be able to go through transformation.

Ultimately, the shame will no longer have the same power over you. Eventually, you will be able to look back and say to yourself, “I can’t believe that I was so ashamed about that.”

Try using imagery to help you. Imagine shame to be a baby who just looks terrified on the outside but frightened on the inside, sucking on her thumb. Be curious about what this baby is so terrified about. Move toward it and ask it what it needs. Hold it in your arms with great care, curiosity and empathy.

When you give shame attention, you free yourself from being held in captivity. You will be able to feel joy again and walk with confidence. It is the act of letting yourself be who you are that frees you from the pain associated with shame. It is also an ingredient for healthy self-esteem. You will eventually learn that you aren’t such a bad person after all.

It may seem like there’s no problem if your parents have become better people. Just count your blessings and get on with life! But it’s not always that simple.

Mike grumbles, “I can’t believe my father wants to be so involved with my kids. When I was growing up, he barely gave me the time of day. “Shut up! Do your homework! Listen to your mother!” That was pretty much the extent of our relationship. And now, he wants to take my son to school, coach his games, take him on a trip. Who is this new person? And how come I got the short end of the stick?”

Kim gripes, “My mother was always on my case. I had to dress right, speak right, eat right and live right. Otherwise, what would people think? Now, when I berate my daughter for not acting properly, my mother comes to her defense, telling me that I’m too hard on her. It makes me furious. She was 10 times harder on me than I am on my daughter. What’s going on here?”

People change and forget to tell each other. And when those people are your parents, it can be totally disorienting.

When those rigid, hard-nosed parents who raised you now exist only in your memory, it may make you wonder about your sanity. Did you misconstrue your whole childhood experience? Are you distorting the facts? What happened?

Though some people’s negative traits harden with age, others, like fine wine, mellow. Your parents may have become wiser and kinder over time. At this point in their lives, they may feel less stressed, less nervous about careers, less fired up about what’s “right” and more focused on enjoying life.

It’s not that simple, however, for you.

When your son thinks your dad is the greatest guy, do you tell him what a lousy father he was to you? And if you do, would he even believe you?

If your daughter and mother gang up against you, claiming that you’re the one who’s too uptight, do you keep your mouth shut or spit out what you’re really thinking?

It’s easy to stew with resentment. However, a better choice is to take the opportunity to open up a dialogue with your parents.

Tell them how pleased you are that they are enjoying their grandchildren. Then, share with them the differences you notice in how they parented then and what they do now.

Seek to create understanding, not blame. Cry with them about the hurts you experienced. Laugh with them about the joyous memories. And know that it’s not only younger people who change as they mature. It’s older people as well.

Plummeting into darkness on occasion made me a burden. When insomnia attacks, I get frustrated and the anxiety builds up — that deep gut feeling where everything is my fault. It’s 3 A.M. and I think about all the times people have promised me that things will get better. But they don’t.

I’m in the office with the psychiatrist and he diagnoses me with the “bad medicine.” He tells me it works for manic-depressive symptoms in children. It was the dark purple kind. In other words — bipolar. But my mood disorder is not that heavily diagnosed yet.

I turn to my laptop in my room. I take a sip of coffee or tea and close my eyes. I look at the blue capsules that hold my pills. I can’t forget to take my medicine or dangerous things happen. Terrible things. It’s never simple to live with but it keeps me stable most of the time.

I keep a list of the times I’ve changed myself. It’s located in the back of my closet, concealed beneath old sweatshirts that I don’t wear anymore. The pushpin binds itself to the wall from the cracking plaster; it reveals the times I’ve become a different person.

I track the months and color-code for whenever my mood changes, I switch crowds, or flip my attitude around. Sometimes, I think it’s getting better since I don’t let it interfere with my life or change who I really am.

It’s strange. I delved into emptiness because I focused on the absence of living. If I were really better off alone, I would not feel the need to connect with others. I would isolate myself and never need anyone. I had my illness to overcome.

With neglected makeup and last night’s eyeliner smeared over my face, it looks as if they’re tire marks. The sky is obnoxiously blue. If it rains it would match my mood.

It’s different with friendships. If I can’t fix problems between my parents, or my inner voice, at least I can talk to Linda. I grab the phone off the bedside table and talk to my middle-school best friend before she moved to California.

She listens while I turn on my crying-and-talking fast mixture. At the end of our conversation, she sings me a song (vanilla twilight), which makes everything okay again.

In a mid-second of a blink, I found out things get much worse later in life. If you are blessed enough that God doesn’t give you a crippling illness and anxiety to count the days until your life ends, consider yourself lucky.

I remember my psychiatrist telling me to be myself. That’s the only way.

It was a long struggle back to reality. After, I decided to keep a journal. I began getting my poems published by various magazines and journals. I also worked for The Student Review. Things started to change again.

Being diagnosed at an early age has helped my recovery since then. There was a time where all my social interactions were unethical because I couldn’t find stability. It’s like a virus, it takes all of my strength to fight it.

And the memories. My inspiration has always reached out to show me a different path. I believe there is faith in even the littlest parts of life.

Clearly, people have been perceiving love as a force incapable of perceiving the flaws of others for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Even a verse in the Bible states that “[love] keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:5-6).

But here lies the conundrum: how can love both “rejoice in the truth” and “keep no record of wrongs”? Wouldn’t ignoring the wrongdoings of love be an untruthful perception of it?

And yet this is the theory behind the love-is-blind bias.

The love-is-blind bias describes the tendency to perceive those we love (particularly those we love romantically) in an extra-positive, but also less realistic, light. These so-called “positive illusions” were first specifically analyzed by psychologists Shelley Taylor and Johnathon Brown in 1988. They concluded that an individual’s blindness to another person’s flaws is actually correlated with greater psychological well-being of that individual.

Since this discovery, many researchers have corroborated the beneficial effects of positive illusions in romantic relationships. However, as this topic unfolded, research has also questioned the flip side of love: what happens after disillusionment? After all, positive illusions can only take you so far.

Although positive illusions, or experiences of the “love-is-blind bias,” can be correlated with level of satisfaction in the relationship, Swami et al. (2009) discovered a negative relationship between the degree of blind love and relationship length. This suggests that as a relationship progresses and an individual gets to know her or his partner better (or possibly with decreasing satisfaction derived from the relationship), the love-is-blind bias may decrease in strength.

But if this glowing perspective decreases as time passes, wouldn’t the perceived quality of the relationship also decline?

After the positive illusions have diminished, one might start to look for better alternatives to the person they once thought was “perfect.” At this point, the satisfaction and commitment to the relationship would also be compromised and the relationship might be worse off than if those positive illusions had never existed in the first place.

In a more recent study, Swami and his colleagues discovered a positive correlational relationship between positive illusions in relationships and certain types of jealousy, especially anxious jealousy (2012). Anxious jealousy refers to a process where an individual ruminates about the possibility of a mate’s infidelity, and experiences feelings of anxiety, suspicion, worry, and distrust (Barelds & Dijkstra, 2006). After all, if you perceive your partner as perfect, wouldn’t you be concerned that others perceive him this way as well?

But what about even more extreme cases of disillusionment? What happens after Adam betrays Eve?

In cases of relationship betrayal, commitment to the relationship, rather than positive illusions of the other, tends to be the strongest motivation for forgiveness and continuing the relationship (Finkel et al., 2002). After all, without true commitment to each other, a relationship based on positive illusions alone is merely a fatuous love and cannot be sustained in the long term.

This situation certainly holds true for many celebrity relationships, which are typically short-lived and end in some sort of grand catastrophe such as infidelity. Since celebrities are the ultimate icons of positive illusions, it’s easy to understand how a relationship could be built on false impressions and quickly become unsustainable.

In general, it seems that positive illusions might be beneficial during the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship. But after that stage is over, acceptance of the other’s flaws, not just overlooking them, is truly what will sustain a healthy and prosperous relationship.

References

Barelds, D. P. H., & Dijkstra, P. (2006). Reactive, Anxious and Possessive Forms of Jealousy and Their Relation to Relationship Quality Among Heterosexuals and Homosexuals. Journal of Homosexuality, 51(3), 183-198. doi: 10.1300/J082v51n03_09

Swami, V., Inamdar, S., Steiger, S., Nader, I. W., Pietschnig, J., Tran, U. S., & Voracek, M. (2012). A dark side of positive illusions? Associations between the love-is-blind bias and the experience of jealousy. Personality and Individual Differences, 53(6), 796-800. dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2012.06.004

Swami, V., Stieger, S., Haubner, T., Voracek, M., & Furnham, A. (2009). Evaluating the physical attractiveness of oneself and one’s romantic partner: Individual and relationship correlates of the love-is-blind bias. Journal Of Individual Differences, 30(1), 35-43. doi:10.1027/1614-0001.30.1.35

Taylor, S. E., & Brown, J. D. (1988). Illusion and well-being: A social psychological perspective on mental health. Psychological Bulletin, 103(2), 193-210.
doi:10.1037/0033-2909.103.2.193

The one thing about life that is certain is its unpredictability. Nothing stays the same forever. Every day we are bombarded with new stimuli, new challenges and new events.

For some of us, unpredictability creates a state of panic; it keeps us up at night and distracts us from enjoying the world around us. People like being in control of their social world and vulnerability is seen as a sign of weakness.

Uncertainty is so abhorred that Berger and Calabrese (1975) proposed the uncertainty reduction theory. The theory asserts that the anxiety created by uncertainty of the social world motivates people to reduce and avoid uncertainty.

So how can we better navigate around life’s inevitable detours?

Most of us are taught the importance of planning, being highly structured and organized. We have at our disposal copious technological devices designed to ensure that we stay on the right track within the right time frame. While spontaneity remains the spice of life, we relish existing within the confines of predictability (a safe and comfortable environment). Life, however, takes its own twists and turns, and for good reason. If it did not, we would quickly get bored.

I once encountered a woman suffering from severe depression. In her early 30s, she stated that her life is nothing like she imagined it would be. She revealed all her expected dreams and aspirations in a wonderfully detailed timeline. However, she despaired over all the obstacles, setbacks and wrong turns she had taken that have “prevented” her from achieving her dreams.

I asked her “if you were driving to town, and there was a roadblock, what would you do? Would you stay at the roadblock until the road was repaired, then proceed to drive to your destination?” With a confused expression she vehemently stated that she would have done the most sensible thing: “Find another route.”

It is easy to become discouraged when things do not go according to plan. We all want things to turn out perfectly. But, just as we won’t sit by a roadblock waiting for the road to open, we should not sit at life’s roadblocks and despair about how difficult or unfair life is. There is always more than one way to get from point A to point B.

Erikson speaks about this in the last stage of his psychosocial theory of development. When we look back at our life, how are we going to see it? We have two options: We can anguish over all the obstacles and roadblocks that came our way, or we can enjoy the scenery of different routes, take pictures along the way, meet new people, develop new skills and practice acceptance.

How can we challenge ourselves to enjoy the scenery of a detour?

1. Be flexible.Make plans but do not ever cast them in stone. Leave room for life’s curveballs. From an evolutionary perspective we are designed to be able to adapt. Use this to your full advantage.
2. Increase coping skills.Consciously engage in activities that increase your ability to cope with uncertainty, e.g. finding humor in situations.
3. Determine the controllable vs. uncontrollable events.Do not ruminate on events that are beyond your control. Focus instead on the events in your life that you can control and practice acceptance of those that you cannot.
4. Meditate. The positive benefits of meditation cannot be overestimated. Meditation can create a state of calm and equanimity, decreasing your chances of experiencing panic in response to a detour.

Reference

Berger, C.R. & Calabrese, R.J. (1975). Some explorations in initial interaction and beyond: Toward a developmental theory of interpersonal communication. Human Communication Research, 1, 99-112.

Gandhi’s quote — and others’ psychological research — suggest that we are designed to interact with each other. In fact, our interactions with others come second to our interaction with ourselves.

If interactions with others are so important, why do we struggle to initiate and maintain relationships?

A search on the Internet for articles on interaction/relationships reveals what appears to be innumerable research papers on verbal and nonverbal communication. However, many who highlight relationship-building skills ignore a crucial factor.

To rephrase Descartes (who famously said “I think, therefore I am”), “we think, therefore we interact” confirms that we first have some thought about the person we intend to interact with. If our cognitive processes set the tone for our interaction then highlighting errors in cognition is useful.

Within each of us is a little scientist who tries to understand and make sense of the world. In our interactions, this scientist helps us to make sense of others’ behavior. We observe and form hypotheses about why a person has behaved (or not behaved) a particular way in a given situation. Before asking, we have already gone through the process of testing our hypothesis and coming up with a theory.

The problem is that how we see others depends a great deal on the shades we are wearing. Several factors can affect the shades we choose to wear, including our mood, memories, experiences and thoughts.

In a technologically advanced world it is no surprise that we have information overload. At any point in time we are trying to interpret, process and remember a series of information. When we are faced with the task of interacting with someone, we do not have the mental energy to actively and consciously process all the details about this person and their behavior. We are forced to use mental time- and energy-saving shortcuts.

When we see others we engage in a process called attribution, assigning meaning to a person’s behavior. The way that you make sense of a person’s actions has tremendous impact on your later interaction and communication with them. Highlighting these errors is not meant to induce guilt; for the most part they occur automatically. Nevertheless, being aware of them can prevent you from responding to others on the basis of erroneous attributions.

Imagine that you are waiting on a colleague to start a meeting. She is already running 15 minutes late and you have not heard from her. She eventually strolls in, gives you a rushed apology and proceeds with the meeting. Your thoughts? “This person has no regard for me or my time. She is selfish, insensitive and unprofessional.”

Now consider how your interaction with your colleague will play out for the rest of the meeting. Would you have considered the external circumstances that played a role in her behavior? Would it occur to you that perhaps her baby-sitter canceled at the last minute, that there was an accident on the highway, that she has been having a rough time with the boss?

My guess is a resounding “no.” As humans, we have a tendency to explain human behavior, especially if it is undesirable, as stemming from traits. That is to say, we assume the behavior is based on personality. This occurs without consideration of external factors that may have contributed to their action. This is known as the fundamental attribution error.

Now imagine that you have just come home from a rough day at work and you are tired. You walk into a messy house, dishes in the sink and no dinner prepared. Your spouse is on the couch relaxing. You vehemently argue that he or she is lazy and inconsiderate. However, when the roles are reversed there is no uproar. In your opinion, you are simply tired and need to unwind.

This error is known as the actor-observer effect. It occurs because we are consciously aware of our internal state — thoughts, feelings, moods. We are not aware of others’ internal states. When explaining others’ behavior we base it on their disposition, but when explaining our behavior we base it on external circumstances.

Of course there are many other errors that can occur in day-to-day interaction. How do we avoid the risk these errors pose?

1. If possible, ask questions. There is nothing wrong with asking someone why he or she acted in a particular manner. It provides clarification and allows you to make an informed decision.

2. Consider all the information available to you. Is the person’s behavior consistent? If not, chances are he or she may be acting in direct response to some external cue.
3. Avoid making judgments when there is information overload. Consider relaxing, de-stressing, engaging in self-care or meditating before deciding on the reason for a person’s behavior.
4. Keep in mind that attribution is not a bad thing. it helps us to make sense of the world.

I have hurt those who love me, squandered my savings, lost jobs, behaved very poorly, and even attempted suicide.

As episodes ended, the knowledge of what I had done made me feel so alone, so separate from those close to me. Isolated even from strangers. The worse I felt I behaved, the more I felt undesirable. Immoral acts left me feeling as if I had no one.

Mental illness and its associated behaviors can make one feel wrong without equal. A sense that only a very sick person would commit such transgressions can drive one inward and away from those who can help. We often push those who want to help away. Fear of hurting or disappointing others leads to strained and severed relationships.

But who hasn’t hurt someone? Who hasn’t lost money, stayed in bed, embarrassed himself in public or acted cruelly? No one is infallible — we all have flaws.

Could it be possible that our egregious behavior actually joins us to others? Love, grace, and honesty support humanity. But humanity screws up. Why should our failures leave us feeling so apart when everyone has failed?

Perhaps the very things that make us feel alone are the things we have most in common with others. Perhaps the acknowledgement that we share failure can make us more able to share success.

This does not give us license to continue to hurt others and ourselves. But it does allow us to forgive ourselves.

Just as we can forgive others for transgressions against us, we must forgive ourselves for our failings, rejoin humanity, and move on. We must see the behavior that most embarrasses us as an opportunity to practice self-compassion. We should hold ourselves gently and let guilt and regret go. Then, and only then, can we seek forgiveness from others. For how can we ask to be forgiven if we haven’t first forgiven ourselves?

Everyone who hurts, and everyone who has hurt someone else, has something very deep in common. This hurt is independent of any diagnosis. Hurt is not a symptom. It’s part of being human, something we all share.

With something so profound in common with everyone, why should we feel so alone?

In order to get chores done or get in a little extra leisure time, many cut corners on sleep.  We rationalize that a few hours here and there won’t make much difference.

But sleep deprivation can have effects on both your mental and physical health.

So what are these negative effects of not getting enough sleep?

Negative Effects of Not Getting Enough Sleep

1. Lower stress threshold. When you’re tired, routine activities, such as stopping at the grocery store on the way home from work, walking the dog or picking up the house can feel like overwhelming tasks.
2. Impaired memory.  Deep sleep fosters the formation of connections between cells, and REM sleep aids in memory formation.  Students considering pulling an all-nighter to study for that big exam might do better to get some sleep.
3. Trouble concentrating.  When you’re dragging yourself through the day, it’s hard to stay alert and focused.  This is why we don’t want our pilots and surgeons to lose too much sleep.  Sleep-deprived people have trouble focusing on tasks and overestimate their performance.
4. Decreased optimism and sociability.  Whether it’s the effort we have to put into staying awake or other factors, sleep deprivation makes us less hopeful and less friendly.
5. Impaired creativity and innovation. A growing body of research suggests that sleep deprivation may have a particular effect on cognitive processes that rely on our experience of emotions.
6. Increased resting blood pressure.  Several studies have found that sleep deprivation leads to increased blood pressure (Fujikawa et al., 2009) and even half a night of sleep loss has been reported to increase blood pressure in people with hypertension or pre-hypertension (Lusardi et al., 1996).
7. Increased food consumption and appetite.  Research indicates that acute sleep loss enhances pleasure response processing in the brain underlying the drive to consume food (Benedict et al., 2012).  The researchers raise the question of whether chronic sleep deprivation is linked to rising levels of obesity.
8. Increased risk of cardiac morbidity.  A number of factors can lead to an increased risk of heart attacks, and sleep deprivation is one of them.  During experimental sleep deprivation of healthy participants, increases in inflammation associated with the future development of cardiovascular disease occurred.

Why we experience all of these health problems related to sleep loss is not entirely known.  The strain of staying awake, alterations in hormone levels that the body releases during sleep, upsetting the strong circadian drive for sleep, loss of REM sleep and other factors may all play a role.

Although scientists may still debate the function that sleep provides us, it is clear that lack of sleep is associated with mental and physical dysfunction.

If you’re one of the chronically tired or if you view sleep as a waste of precious time, it might be time to change the way you think about sleep.  You  may not be aware of what your brain and body are doing during sleep, but that time is vital to your ability to function and potentially to your life.

Need help with getting to or staying asleep? Try these tips for shutting off your brain before bedtime.

References

Fujikawa T., Tochikubo O., Kura N., & Umemura S. (2009). Factors related to elevated 24-h blood pressure in young adults. Clinical and Experimental Hypertension, 31(8), 705-712.

Lusardi P., Mugellini A., Preti P., Zoppi A., Derosa G., Fogari R. Effects of a restricted sleep regimen on ambulatory blood pressure monitoring in normotensive subjects. Am J Hypertension. 1996;9:503–5.

Benedict C., Brooks S. J., O’Daly O. G., Almèn M. S., Morell A., Åberg K., … & Schiöth H. B. (2012). Acute sleep deprivation enhances the brain’s response to hedonic food stimuli: an fMRI study. Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 97(3), E443-E447.

Take, for example, the lowly red marking pen.

Long used by teachers, professors, copyeditors and others to highlight wrong answers or problems that need correcting on a paper, a test, or something else submitted for approval, the red pen has been ubiquitous.

But red is an emotional color. People respond strongly to it, either negatively or positively. So using it can evoke unintended emotions where none are required (or worse, interfere with the feedback loop).

So does the color red interfere with feedback in the real world, when professors are grading college papers? Let’s find out.

The study of 199 undergraduate sociology students was designed with a simple objective in mind:

The purpose of our research is to investigate the effect of the color of the grading pen on student evaluations of the teaching and learning process. Research shows that the color red can create strong affect that might interfere in the communication of cognitive feedback to students.

Participants were given one of “four versions of a vignette that presents an essay question, an answer to it by a hypothetical student named Pat, comments on the essay by a hypothetical instructor, and a grade.”

Essays were either high quality or low quality, and the comments by the instructor were either in the color blue or red. Participants were then asked for their reactions after reading one of the four different essays, using five Likert-type items.

The researchers found little support for the idea that the pen color of comments mattered — except in one case. Subjects who read a high-quality essay graded in a blue pen felt the instructor likely had a better rapport with students, was enthusiastic in teaching and generally nicer than those who graded in a red pen.

The pen color had no impact, however, on subjects’ views of the instructors instrumental teaching skills — for instance, is the professor knowledgeable and organized?

The researchers did not find that grading with a red pen made the grade or comments seem more harsh. Nor did the red pen reinforce positive comments on a high-quality essay, or amplify the criticism of a weaker quality essay.

So the evidence is mixed at this stage. Previous research found some impact that red pens can make. For instance, one study found that college students posing as teachers using red grading pens resulted in more errors being found on a fictitious essay given to them to grade.

When in doubt, it’s probably best to leave your creative red side be and grade papers in a neutral color. That seems to be the safest choice, if one doesn’t want to accidentally say more than they had intended.

Reference

Dukes, R.L. & Albanesi, H. (2012). Seeing red: Quality of an essay, color of the grading pen, and student reactions to the grading process. The Social Science Journal. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.soscij.2012.07.005

By inhibiting a small region of the prefrontal cortex — region of the brain responsible for planning and thought — the scientists were able to break the mice’s habits, but, to their surprise, the mice immediately began forming new behavior patterns.

Until now, psychologists and behavioral therapists believed that habits were hidden in the illusive “subconscious.”

But the MIT study shows that the brain is not just aware of habits: it controls them completely, moment by moment. And no matter how long the habits have existed, we can now shut them off, as by the flip of a switch.

The researchers formed habits through repetition and aural cues in mice running through a simple maze over the course of a few weeks. Once they had shown that the habit was fully ingrained, the researchers broke it by interfering with a part of the prefrontal cortex known as the infralimbic (IL) cortex. Using optogenetics, a technique that allows researchers to inhibit specific cells with light, the researchers blocked IL cortex activity for several seconds as the rats approached the point in the maze where they had to decide which way to turn.

The mice’s brains turned from a reflexive, habitual mode to a more cognitive and engaged mode, focused on a goal. Once the mice had broken their old habits, they formed new ones, which the researchers were then able to break again. But the researchers were in for another surprise: the mice immediately regained their original habit. This suggests that habits are never really forgotten, just overwritten or replaced with new ones.

From an evolutionary standpoint, habits make survival simpler by allowing us to make decisions almost automatically, freeing our brain to think about other things as we perform routine tasks. Our brain tends to find familiar, repeatable behaviors out of a sense of security. The problem with “automatic” behaviors is that they leave us vulnerable to forming negative habits, such as procrastinating on bigger projects or smoking cigarettes when driving.

Many fledgling habits go unnoticed because people rarely engage in meta-cognition when undertaking everyday tasks, where habits are likely to form. In fact, as behaviors are repeated in a consistent context, there is an incremental increase in the link between the context and the action — the behavior becomes more automatic. Our habits are a reflection of how we choose to spend time interacting with the world, guided by our short and long term goals — some of which we have had since childhood or seem inexplicable.

When we enjoy certain stimulation, chemicals such as dopamine are released into the brain, relieving stress, improving mood, and providing a sense of reward. But as we repeat the behavior, our tolerance builds, requiring more stimulation to trigger the dopamine receptors.

Sometimes we keep using just to feel normal (dependence), but if the consequences of our behavior become significant and harmful, and the behavior cannot be controlled, our habit is then considered a behavioral addiction, or a process addiction; if it involves illegal or misused substances, it is considered a drug addiction. Those who form “drug habits” often struggle with them for the rest of their lives due to the lasting effects of dependence and dopamine withdrawal on the brain. Like the mice, our old habits are always lurking in the back of our minds.

The ability to break habits in mice may seem like the nexus of a “cure” for addictive behaviors, but it is unclear how inhibiting the IL cortex will affect humans, whose prefrontal cortex is considerably more complex. It is not absurd to imagine a surgery or drug which could hinder the IL cortex in humans, allowing us to escape our negative habits and live reasonably, consciously, unburdened by our old, learned behaviors, but it may not be necessary.

The key to breaking bad habits is becoming aware of the behavior (through friends, family or any support group available); identifying the factors which trigger and encourage its persistence; and altering them however possible.

Similar to describing the feeling of a dream, the context of a habit is important, too: look for indicators and symbols in your everyday life that may stand for something of greater significance and purposefully change their meaning. Keeping a varied schedule is also a passive way to curb habit formation (variety is the spice of life!).

Once you’ve broken the habit, however, remember the mice: you must seek new, positive behaviors that give you a cerebral boost, such as exercising creativity or problem-solving, to keep your brain balanced and healthy.