Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.”

Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.”
~ Erich Fromm

One of the best things about “being in love” is that you feel really good about yourself. It’s not only that you perceive the other person as terrific; it’s that you feel terrific about who you are and what you’re about. Yes, emotions are contagious. People catch them from others. So, when your love is acting lovingly toward you, it’s natural for you to feel joyous, confident, smart and secure.

Yet, as time passes, some “loving relationships” become anything but loving — indeed, some become downright abusive. How does something like that happen? How can “love” be experienced so differently by different people?

“Breaking up is hard to do.”
~ Neil Sedaka

Every now and then we may find ourselves in a relationship that has just run its course.

Whether it’s a result of a relationship that never should have been or two people growing apart, ending a relationship often can be hard. Before making the leap to the “big breakup,” there are a few things to consider.

It is important to know why you are making the decision that you are making. It is also important to know that you are comfortable with the decision you are making.

In order to do this, you may need to separate yourself from the situation. Ask your partner for some alone time in order to reflect and really think about how you feel.

So your partner left. You’re alone and have to cope on your own with the loss of the relationship.

Not only is your partner physically gone, but you are now left with hurt, anger, grief, frustration, and several other feelings.

How do you cope? How do you move forward? How do you resume a normal life and feel happy again?

Most people have heard the old adage “time heals all wounds.” This is true for the ending of relationships as well. In the moment it may feel like you will never heal, but it gets easier with time.

There also are things you can do to get back on your feet and get back to a healthier and happier you. Here’s a few ideas to begin the healing process.

Navigating your work life and the direction of your career can often be fraught with danger and many unknowns. It can sometimes lead to stress, which most of us can’t help but let trickle into other aspects of our life — with our family, our friends, our spiritual life.

So it often comes down to finding a successful work/life balance that makes sense. Too often, we let ourselves get out of balance between our careers or jobs, and our family life. Once we get out of sync with that balance — if we’ve ever even had it — it can be really difficult to find a path toward a more equal home and work life.

Joyce Marter, LCPC to the rescue!

Linda and Tim have been married for two years. Because her work requires frequent traveling, come the weekend, Linda just wants to relax. She prefers solitary activities like reading or running. Tim, however, really misses his wife during the week. So on the weekends, he wants them to go out.

Before long, Tim starts viewing Linda’s desire to be alone as rejection of their marriage. Linda starts viewing Tim’s behavior as dismissive of her needs.

Relationship expert Mudita Rastogi, Ph.D, shared this common scenario. It’s easy to misunderstand our partner’s priorities and perspectives, especially when we’re quicker to get upset and slower to communicate directly.

When it comes to couples therapy, the earlier you go, the better. “Prevention is better than cure. The best time to see a therapist is when the relationship patterns are still fresh and couple dynamics are not written in stone,” said Mudita Rastogi, Ph.D, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Arlington Heights, Ill.

Clinical psychologist Meredith Hansen, Psy.D, also stressed the importance of “early intervention or preventative care. Couples who check in every so often with a therapist and work to strengthen their relationship tend to have the most success.”

For instance, it’s helpful to see a therapist before you get married, according to both relationship experts. “This is the easiest time to make healthy changes,” Rastogi said.

This article from YourTango was written by Julie Orlov.

Words are powerful. They can cut you, heal you, inspire you, and stop you from certain actions. Learning the language of a strong, healthy relationship or marriage takes time and diligence, but saying some words regularly may cause irreparable damage.

Here are five words that are destined to cause damage to your relationship or marriage.

Couples often come to counseling with emotions running high.

She complains that “He just doesn’t listen.” He counteracts with the statement that “She just doesn’t understand.” Each person is appealing to the therapist to ‘fix their partner’ on the basis that their version of the problem is the correct version.

Ideally it might be perfect to have an adjudicator, whose wisdom would surely come down on ‘my’ side. This, of course, would ensure that my partner not only knows they are wrong but also follows my directions to ‘fix themselves,’ and therefore fix the relationship up!

As a couples therapist, I have never come across a relationship where it is as black and white as ‘he is right and she is wrong’ or vice versa. “How is that possible?” you ask, “when I have done all I can to change and all my attempts to fix the problem have failed?” The answer lies within our brain and how it functions when we are in the “fight-flight-freeze” mode. Let me explain.

This guest article from YourTango was written by Abby Rodman.

A therapist I know once suggested that staying married is a choice you make on a daily basis.

She said that every morning when you wake up and look over at your snoring spouse, you’re deciding — on some level — to stay married one more day. This isn’t a psyche-challenging exercise if you’re in a good, or good enough, marriage. It’s an autopilot decision you don’t even know you’ve made.

But if you’re wondering daily whether you’re in the right marriage, this decision becomes a gut-wrenching task that occupies every waking thought.

This guest article from YourTango was written by Dr. Susan Heitler.

Connecting via Facebook, emails, texting, tweets and instant messages can be convenient. Technology can offer fast ways to ask your husband to pick up lettuce at the grocery store on the way home or to let your wife know that you’ll be home later than usual.

But according to new findings, this convenience may come at the cost of closeness in your relationship.

That’s because reserchers from Oxford University have found couples who keep in touch too much via technology tend to have less satisfying marriages.

How could this be?

Some sobering statistics: Depression has a much greater impact on marital life than rheumatoid arthritis or cardiac disease. Ninety percent of marriages where one person is bipolar ends in divorce. Persons diagnosed with bipolar disorder have three times the rate of divorce as the general public, which is about 50 percent.

This is all to communicate this message: marriages in which one person suffers from depression or bipolar disorder can be extremely fragile.

I know, because I’m in one.

Here are six tips that have helped us and other couples I know defy the statistics.

These days, social media may serve as a double-edged sword. On the one hand, the social networking world brings you a variety of information. That certainly can aid in the progression of learning about someone, whether it’s links to articles they might enjoy reading or general musings about life’s happenings, I sometimes peruse profiles to garner more knowledge about a guy I may be interested in.

Yet, isn’t there also something to be said for not wanting to know it all right away?

Is social media eliminating elements of intrigue and mystery? And what if we see particular photos, status updates, tweets, or blog posts that negatively affect our view of the individual? Are we judging their online activity too quickly?