Books

Use This Psychological Principle to Master Business Networking

As young professionals, we’re taught to network like our careers depend on it. Your professional network can open just about any door. All we have to do to capture that holy grail of networking is put ourselves out there, and then we’re golden.

We’re told to just "start networking," but in reality it’s never that simple. When you’re new to the professional networking scene, figuring out how exactly to create
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Brain and Behavior

Surviving Abuse: Rejecting the Scarcity Lie

Survivors of abuse often live a life plagued with scarcity. We were taught at a young age that we weren’t enough, there wasn’t enough and life would not provide enough for us in the future. When we suffer financial abuse or trafficking, things are often worse. We can believe we have a finite worth, we are a commodity, and we have already expended that worth. All these beliefs leave very little hope for an abundant future.

My relationship with money has been a struggle for my entire life. I always made enough to survive when I worked in the corporate world. As I have started working for myself, I have come face-to-face with my monetary dysfunction. The lack of stability, the self-doubt and the intense commitment required make it scary on the good days.

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Bullying

Why Anyone Would Want to Control You

The need to control others may not make a lot of sense to you. If you’re a live-and-let-live person, you’d never want to control someone else. Even if you’re a perfectionist, you stay on your own case all day, not necessarily someone else’s.

But controllers are out there. They want to micromanage what you say, how you act, even what you think quietly in your own mind. It could be your boss, your spouse, or even your parent. You can’t be yourself around them. They insist on being your top priority and want undue influence over your life. They might push your buttons to get an emotional reaction out of you because they want to exploit it as weakness. They have no respect for you or your boundaries.
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Creativity

How Introverted and Extroverted Colleagues Can Navigate Conflict

As an introvert, you might see your extroverted colleagues as poor listeners who speak before they think and use way too many words. You might get frustrated with their expressive nature. You might even find their questions to be intrusive.

As an extrovert, you might see your introverted colleagues as distant and detached and way too slow to respond. You might feel like getting any sort of answer is akin to pulling teeth. You might wonder why they decline invitations to social events and need so much time alone.
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Anger

Complaining Can Be a Way to Show We Care

It is often said that no one likes a complainer. Of course, many complaints are petty and offer no solutions to the issue. However, effective complaining can be useful and healthy.

Practical complaints can lead to change or maybe a better process, such as making a complaint to customer service. In our personal lives, when our complaints are about our workplace, friends, family or relationships, sometimes it is because we really care about our job or the relationships we have with others and want to make things better.

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Anxiety and Panic

Navigating Catastrophic Thinking, Part 3

When you hear the words “catastrophic thinking,” you likely think of catastrophes, disasters and destruction. And you’d be right. Catastrophic thinking occurs when our minds create worst-case scenarios or exaggerate the negative outcome of a situation, said Jenna Wierenga, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist who works with adolescents and adults at Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services, an outpatient clinic in Grand Rapids, Mich.

For instance, according to Wierenga, catastrophic thinking is dwelling on all the things that could go wrong with your presentation: “What if I mix up the order of my presentation? What if I choke on my words? What if I faint or have to run out of the boardroom?”
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Creativity

5 Tips to Help You Refocus and Get Things Done

Many things can derail our focus and stop us from accomplishing our work and what’s important to us. Technology, of course, is a big one. “Modern distractions like social media are designed to play on our psychology,” said Melody Wilding, LMSW, a therapist who works with female entrepreneurs.

“As humans, we’re cognitive misers, meaning that we will do anything to avoid mentally intensive tasks and conserve our brain energy.” Technology, with its rapid-fire updates and rewards, makes avoiding complex work that much easier.
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Family

5 More Obstacles that Prevent You from Being Assertive

Many things can squelch our attempts at being assertive -- before we ever even start to express ourselves. In a previous piece we talked about three obstacles that stall assertiveness: a sinking self-worth; our fear of disconnecting with the other person; and lack of communication and emotional management skills.

Because there are many other obstacles, we asked two different clinicians to share their thoughts. Below, you’ll find five more obstacles and practical ways to overcome them.
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Anxiety and Panic

Navigating Catastrophic Thinking, Part 2

When we’re struggling with catastrophic thinking, our mind imagines all kinds of disasters occurring: A presentation at work not only doesn’t go well, but it ends in getting fired. Asking someone on a date ends in a big fat “No!” and getting humiliated. Your best friend not returning your call ends in them hating you. Your spouse running late ends in a car wreck.

These are the disastrous assumptions our minds make -- for some of us, more regularly than others.
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Family

Assertiveness: The Art of Respecting Your Needs While Also Respecting Others’ Needs

Assertiveness lies on a spectrum. On one extreme you’ll find passivity. On the other extreme is aggressiveness. According to psychotherapist Ali Miller, MFT, “Passivity often results from the belief that ‘my needs don’t matter.’” Aggressiveness often results from the belief that ‘your needs don’t matter.’”

Being assertive marries both beliefs. “Assertiveness is the art of holding everyone’s needs with care -- including my own -- when there is something that I want,” said Miller, who has a private practice in Berkeley and San Francisco, Calif., and specializes in helping adults live more authentic, empowered and connected lives.
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Anxiety and Panic

Catastrophic Thinking: When Your Mind Clings to Worst-Case Scenarios

How often does a negative thought spiral into an imminent disaster? How often does something innocuous become an impending catastrophe in your mind? For instance, a blemish on your face becomes a cancerous tumor. A flight to another state turns into the plane crashing. Your child not attending a specific school turns into him never getting a good job.

These examples of catastrophic thinking might seem extreme, maybe even silly. But before we know it a situation we’re concerned about becomes a full-blown worst-case scenario.
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