Happiness

How the 4 Traits of Emotional Intelligence Affect Your Life

We know that general intelligence -- referred to as IQ — is fairly consistent throughout life, though studies have found some age-related dips in certain skills as we age.

We typically use IQ scores to identify areas of cognitive strengths and deficits. For example, those with lower scores qualify for additional school services or those with higher scores are designated gifted or talented.

Continue Reading

Friends

Being Love

“I’m not interested in being a ‘lover.’ I’m interested in only being love.” – Ram Dass
How can you be love? It’s an interesting question, probably not one most people ever consider. Yet the idea that you can embody love in everything you do is quite appealing. Akin to saintliness, perhaps, or what we imagine holy people do. But not us, right, surely not everyday people just trying to get along in life?

Not so fast. This isn’t a concept to dismiss out of hand. Think for a minute about doing the right thing, helping others instead of yourself all the time, going for the greater good in life and not striving for an accumulation of wealth and things. These are components of being love, although they only begin to touch at it.
Continue Reading

Happiness

The Merchant of Happiness

Merchants make their living by selling goods not produced by themselves. The Merchant of Happiness always makes sure s/he, hitherto referred to as he for pithiness, is well stocked before he opens for business each day. In fact, the Merchant of Happiness is always over-stocked, always has more than he needs to sell to call it a day. As such, the Merchant always had much to give, and always gave to everyone.
Continue Reading

Anger

Six Tips for Dealing with Family Drama During the Holidays

The holidays are some people’s favorite time of year. Cozy nights in, creating new memories, and lots of time spent with immediate and extended family members.

For some, this time is wonderful. But for others, dealing with family members and in-laws can make the holiday season extremely stressful; even dreadful.

If you have difficult family members who just seem to ruin your holidays, here are six ways to deal with them this season.
Continue Reading

Habits

Getting Mindfulness Right: Expert B. Alan Wallace Explains Where We Are Going Wrong

How many of us found our inner self critic was triggered by this headline?

When I first heard that long time mindfulness teacher and former Tibetan Buddhist monk, B. Alan Wallace who was ordained by the Dalai Lama, with degrees in physics, the philosophy of science and religious studies was leading a retreat on “getting mindfulness right” in my home town of Melbourne I immediately wondered -- what was I doing wrong? Cue my self critic!
Continue Reading

General

How to Reject Rejection: Ice Cream Not Included

“It’s not you; it's me,” she coos. You grimace, swallowing the bitter words.

From romance to career advancement, rejection is a cold, cruel mistress. It pierces our identity, plunging us into a well of despair. We question our value, lamenting life’s unfairness. Even cruelty. Some people internalize its pain while others lash out on an unsuspecting family member or significant other.

The common denominator: You were wronged. And it hurts.

But instead of sulking or scowling, here are strategies to compartmentalize rejection for what it is: a temporary setback.
Continue Reading

Habits

Can Leopards Change Their Spots?

At the end of a frustrating therapy session, Emma turned to her husband and said, “you’ll never change.” Feeling defeated, she then turned to me and said, “My mother always said, ‘a leopard doesn’t change its spots.’ Now I see what she means. Do you think that people ever really change the way they are? ”

“Of course I do!” I responded. “That’s why I’m a psychologist. That’s why I love my work. People can and do change -- when they’re open to it.”

Now it is true, that a total personality change is not in the cards for most people -- nor should it be. We are who we are. But changing aspects of one’s behavior (how we think, what we do, how we speak) is definitely possible and happens all the time as people adjust to new circumstances.
Continue Reading

Habits

Can You Cheat at Mindfulness and Self Compassion?

I have a client who laughingly says she loves to "cheat the system" -- find a short cut, an easier way, a faster route and get “more bang for her buck."

She remembers doing it as a child at school. When she was supposed to be learning how to touch type she got so frustrated with how slow it was she peeked under the hand-guard and typed faster by looking at the keys.

When she was studying and working in the corporate world she became addicted to multi-tasking -- if she could possibly get two or more things done at once she would definitely feel like she was “cheating the system”, saving time and getting more done.
Continue Reading

ADHD and ADD

Psychology Around the Net: November 5, 2016


I'm going to the mountains today; in fact, I might be there by the time you read this.

Of course, this isn't exactly unusual, given my state is fairly well known for its mountains. I'm sort of always surrounded by mountains, even when I'm grocery shopping. Nevertheless, earlier this week, a friend of mine sent a random text asking if I'd be interested in spending a day in an especially beautiful area of the state a couple of hours away.

"YES."

Without hesitation.

Continue Reading