I am frequently asked “What is mindfulness?”

I start by saying something poignant like “It’s being aware and in the present moment” or “It’s about allowing each experience to wash over us like a cool spring rain, without attachment or judgments.” I love these answers and they generally tend to spawn a lively conversation about experiences, judgment and simply allowing ourselves to be present.

Mindfulness, though, is also about perception and reaction. Here’s what I mean…

I spend a lot of time thinking about questions such as, “How do we change?” “Why is it so hard to make ourselves do things that we want to do?”

For instance, Why is it so hard to make myself go to bed? and “How can we stick to our resolutions?

I realize now that a big challenge for me is simply finding clarity.

Most of us want to get along well with other people. One way to do this is to help people feel good about themselves.

If you make a person feel smart and insightful, that person will more likely enjoy your company. The point is not to be manipulative, but to help other people feel good about their contributions to a conversation.

So here are some suggestions to make that happen.

Yoga used to be way too slow for me. Actually, it was more like I was way too fast for yoga.

Back in the early ’90s, yoga hadn’t really hit my city yet. Oh, sure, some choice women friends were in the know and tried to get me to partake. But I was moving too fast at the time. (No, I don’t mean drugs.) But I was on a high, newly having found a self I could connect to after a childhood being the “dutiful daughter:” that of a loving but anxious mother.

I was flitting around playing in bands, finding my voice, finally — here as a violinist who had been raised on classical only. Of punk rock spirit and artistic mindset, I could barely slow enough to even learn of other ways of feeling fulfilled and satisfied and at peace at the time. It was a great time for me. I needed to go at the speed I was going, for I finally had found my peace and joy.

I grew up with high anxiety, and at times wondered if my tendency to brood and overthink could be fueling my anxiety and stress. After several years of researching ways to cope with anxiety, I was convinced that an excessive tendency toward “inward attention” could indeed be the primary reason for my anxiety.

By diverting your attention away from your thoughts and focusing your visual attention on the world outside, you will be able to overcome your negative thoughts and emotions. The idea is cutting-edge and still in its initial stages; it’s best not to take it as qualified medical advice.

However, the technique is simple enough for anyone to try out and does not have any potential for obvious adverse effects.

Sex, drugs & rock n’ roll. Ever wondered why those three things go together in this famous expression?

Neuroaesthetics is the relatively recent study of questions such as “Why do we like the things we like?” and “Why do some people find one thing pleasing while others find it appalling?” It has focused on issues such as creativity, visual and motor processing in visual artists and the varying factors involved in creative domains.

Many of these studies have examined music and the neural activity that occurs when we listen to and evaluate what we hear.

Salimpoor and Zatorre (2013) reviewed a number of research studies examining the effects of music on brain activity; in particular activity that relates to the feeling of pleasure. The evidence was clear: not only does music boost our sense of pleasure but there is also a dopamine activity in anticipation to the music that “touches us.”

A relatively hot topic turned up at the end of last year, found in and among commentary on national bestseller lists, with scores of subsequent articles and essays in magazines, journals and online: taking risk to achieve the happiness you crave and deserve in life and work.

Suggestions abound about the necessity (not mere option) of striving toward certain pinnacles in life, be they health challenges to overcome or professional goals to better implement. The condition of being human in a complex world requires much life-energy spent on going after what’s really important and required of each of us, rather than in chasing distractions.

I like the addition to this philosophy, though, of an element I believe that’s equally required in the mix. It was well stated in a New York Times Career column editorial on Sept. 30, 2012, describing that mere work and dedication are not enough to reach one’s goals.

Real “audacity” must be paired with a balancing measure of “humility.”

When we’re stressed, if often feels like everything begins to fall apart. It’s during stressful times that we misplace our keys, forget important events on our calendars, fail to call our mothers on their birthdays and leave important work documents at home.

Now, in addition to your original stressor, you’re under more pressure because you’re scrambling to find lost keys, dealing with hurt feelings or frantically reconstructing forgotten projects.

And on top of that, when stressed, our emotions are running rampant. That scramble for the keys is anything but calm and a remark from your mother about that missed phone call can send you deep into guilt.

What are you going to do for yourself in this season of spring?

Begin to think about some new channels of growth for yourself, as the time of year for sprouts and buds and new green shoots has begun here in the northern hemisphere.

Seedlings and fresh growth are just busting out now, reaching for the sun’s light and warmth. The approach we take to our challenges, to what has been negatively buried or merely incubating, should be the same. Especially in this time of tremendous new growth, it is good to reflect on our own striving for warmth, insight, nourishment and potential to expand.

So what kinds of questions could you ask yourself to help nurture this growth?

A recent post of mine, Beware of ‘decoy habits’, spurred a lot of conversation, and it’s clear to me that the subject is much more complex and interesting than I initially realized.

Readers made many thought-provoking comments. One reader pointed to research that suggests that talking about a goal can lead to the false feeling of already having achieved that goal. I’ve seen that research — and I’ve also seen research suggesting that talking about a goal can help you stick to that goal, by making you feel more committed, and also more accountable to the people you’ve told. So it seems to go both ways.

From my own experience — a statistically insignificant yet often helpful data point — this is a point on which people differ. Some do better if they don’t talk it up too much; some do better if they tell others what they want to do.

Date:  Tuesday, May 7 @ 7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. (EST)

Register:  https://www4.gotomeeting.com/register/469236071

Description:  This special Mother’s Day webinar features best-selling author and Psych Central blogger Zoë Kessler (ADHD from A to Zoë) and special guest Lisa Aro, aka “Queen of the Distracted.”

Mark it on your calendar now, and check out additional information about the webinar inside…

The opposite of depression is not happiness, according to Peter Kramer, author of “Against Depression” and “Listening to Prozac,” it is resilience: the ability to cope with life’s frustrations without falling apart.

Proper treatment doesn’t suppress emotions or dull a person’s ability to feel things deeply. It builds a protective layer — an emotional resilience — to safeguard a depressive from becoming overwhelmed and disabled by the difficulties of daily life.

However, the tools found in happiness research are those I practice in my recovery from depression and anxiety, even though, theoretically, I can be happy and depressed at the same time. I came up with my own recovery program that coincides with the steps toward happiness published in positive psychology studies.