Money can’t buy you love. Yet that doesn’t stop many of us from trying. In our hearts we know very well that pricey presents don’t make the perfect holiday. (There’s no such thing, anyway.)

Still, many of us get sucked into the holiday spending spree.

“When we are pressured to match a transaction of cash and heart-felt emotion, it feels like we can never spend enough,” said Mara Glatzel, MSW, a coach who helps women cultivate the lives they deserve.

Gift-giving is a loaded topic with many layers. For instance, it sparks comparison-making and fears about not being good enough, according to Ashley Eder, LPC, a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colo. “It’s natural that some people turn to high-value items to soothe their fears about gift exchange,” she said.

Many view the holidays as being trapped in one huge stress bubble that threatens to explode at any moment. People may even find themselves poking through their medicine cabinets, looking for a dose of Advil to minimize a tension-induced headache.

As a result of all the strain, many resent what should be “the most wonderful time of year.”

In her article, How to Enjoy the Holiday Season Again, author Debbie Mandel discusses how the holidays may ignite stress, sadness and loneliness. Missing a loved one, for instance, only intensifies those feelings.

When a sudden, unanticipated catastrophe lands on your doorstep, there’s before and there’s after.

One day life is going on as it always has. The next day life deals you such a blow that nothing will ever be the same.

“It’s not supposed to be this way,” you wail. “How could this have happened? Someone, someone, please someone wake me from this horrific nightmare and tell me it’s all a dream.”

But no one does.

The holidays are the perfect storm for stress, according to Mara Glatzel, MSW, a coach who helps women cultivate the lives they deserve. Thanks to the combination of sky-high expectations, over-scheduling, overspending and scant self-care, it’s no wonder so many of us dread the holiday season.

But while the holidays can be challenging, you can enjoy them your way. As Ashley Eder, LPC, a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colo., said, “You are free to honor what feels right to you, and you can even decide that as you go. Good people in your life will support you in this.”

Here are 8 tips to help you have an enjoyable, and fairly stress-free holiday.

A few years ago one of my favorite bloggers and authors Therese Borchard penned this powerful post about the people in her life who just couldn’t grasp the pain of her depression.

She recounts the story of sending an article about her severe depression and suicidal thoughts to a family member who said “Thanks.” She shares another story of a good friend who implied she should stop taking medication that supposedly blunted her emotions — and “tough it out like the rest of humanity.”

Borchard also writes:

…I was both enraged and saddened that friends and family were shocked to hear that two doctors sliced me open — before full anesthesia kicked in — to save little David’s life in an emergency C-section. Yet when I voiced the desperation of depression — which made the knife cut feel like a knee scratch–they often brushed it off, as if I were whining to win some undeserved sympathy votes.

When we misunderstand mental illness — and its gravity — we do damage. Rather than give individuals our understanding, compassion and support when they need it most, we intensify their struggle.

But educating ourselves can help. Below, therapists share several common myths and misunderstandings about mental illness.

Survivors of suicide often feel completely alone in their sadness, which is quite understandable. Unlike losing a husband or child or parent to heart disease or cancer, loved ones of person who have committed suicide can’t express their grief publicly. As often as suicide happens — over 30,000 times a year in our country alone — the topic is still so taboo.

Awhile back I interviewed Eric Marcus, author of the sobering book, “Why Suicide?” He has now launched a blog with the same title, “Why Suicide?” where he will be posting essays and memories of persons who have taken their own lives. I’m certain it will become a healing forum for many.

Both of us have published a comprehensive list of celebrities and notable leaders or artists from the past who are suicide survivors. Dan Fields of the Grief Support Services program of Samaritans, Inc., has compiled the comprehensive list.

Thank you, Dan, for taking the time to compile this list, so that other suicide survivors feel less alone.

My second job out of college was with a religious giftware company. I was a product-development coordinator for “inspirational” brands.

This meant I was required to do things like write directions on how to bury St. Joseph for a “St. Joseph Home Sales Kit.” My boss sat me down a few weeks into the job and explained that there were four stages to becoming a competent employee. She said I was at number one. (You’ll know what that means in a second).

I’ve thought a lot about these four steps because they also apply to building personal boundaries.

Have you ever been with a group of people, and as your about to share something you’ve experienced, someone abruptly interrupts you saying, “That’s nothing! You should hear what happened to me!” Off they go taking the ball out of your hands, never to return it. You never get to finish what you were saying, and you’re left with your hanging mouth wide open.

I call these people, “Me-Monsters.” I got this term from a stand-up comedian, and it’s stuck with me as a great descriptor for a certain type of extreme narcissist.

Let me describe the “Me-Monster:”

We’ve all encountered them at some point – and maybe, at times, we’ve even been one of them: that person at work who corners you in the hallway only to protest a new policy, wail about the inadequacies of a co-worker, grumble about pay or whine about the lack of lumbar support in their office chair.

Most of the time, the easiest way to deal with these encounters is to simply tolerate the grumbles and complaints. But at some point, the objections, peevishness and continual negativity become too much to handle; they begin to detract from your work day, impact your mood and leave you feeling drained at the end of the work day.

According Robert Sapolsky, an author and professor of neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford University, exposure to negativity can disrupt learning, memory, attention and judgment (The Wall Street Journal, September 12, 2012).

Even though negative feedback from others may feel like a personal attack, it can provide helpful clues for self-improvement and healthier relationships.
1. Consider the source
How close are you to the person offering criticism? How much do you respect their opinions? Do they criticize everyone? Weigh the criticism based on how much you value the relationship.

It was one of those humid summer nights on Long Island. My friend and I went to a nearby diner — I was giving in to my regular craving for their savory chicken-caesar wrap — and walked around the local town. We talked about our lives, our relationships with those close to us, and navigating our way through our early 20s.

While I want to give this writing thing a try, my friend is learning the ropes of becoming a holistic health coach. We both are met with the odd stare here and there when asked, “What are you doing these days?”

Why? Well, we don’t necessarily desire to have conventional 9-5 desk jobs, and we aren’t looking to settle for unhappiness. (Of course, it’s only fair to mention that we have the luxury of not having to pay rent, and therefore having the privilege of cultivating what we want to do.)

As if on cue, we spot a familiar face around the corner. It’s an old friend we haven’t seen in months. Before I can initiate small talk about our night, he asks us what we’re doing with our time. My friend and I look at each other with amusement; somehow, “the job question” has become the forefront of conversation everywhere.

As humans, our lives are defined by our social connections with one another. Professionals refer to these connections as “relationships” — denoting every kind of relationship we can have with another person (not just romantic relationships).

Our friendships, our family bonds, and yes, our romantic relationships — these are all the kinds of relationships that most of us value and depend upon in our daily lives.

And so it’s only fitting we have a blog devoted to exploring these varied but important social connections.

Relationships in Balance, with Nathan Feiles, MSW, LMSW, is a blog about the various relationship dynamics that we encounter in our daily lives. These can include relationships with significant others, family, friends, ourselves, co-workers, peers, bosses, therapists, teachers, clients, doctors, and so on.