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How to Figure Out Your Boundaries

Wednesday, February 26th, 2014

How to Figure Out Your BoundariesBoundaries are vital for healthy relationships.

They also give “us room and safety to live the beautiful, loving lives — and world — we came to create,” according to Jan Black, author of Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life.

But you might be so used to saying yes and focusing on other people’s needs and happiness that you’re unsure about the boundaries you’d actually like to set.

5 Suggestions for Supporting A Loved One with ADHD

Monday, February 24th, 2014

5 Suggestions for Supporting A Loved One with ADHDMany well-meaning families and friends make mistakes when trying to support a loved one with ADHD because they misunderstand the disorder, said Terry Matlen, MSW, ACSW, a psychotherapist and ADHD coach.

For instance, some people think that ADHD is an academic problem or an issue with focusing, said Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

In actuality, ADHD is a disorder of executive functioning, which “refers to many cognitive processes that we use to move us toward a goal.” This includes everything from prioritizing to decision-making to organizing to time management, he said.

Go Cry to Mom: It May Calm You Down

Friday, February 14th, 2014

Go Cry to Mom: It Calms You DownWhen it comes to internal pain, I have not evolved a whole lot from when I was in fourth grade: I still go running to mom with my tears. Even as I know something in our conversation could very well trigger more anxiety or I question the advice she doles out, I am still comforted by her voice.

There is no real logic — it’s somewhat instinctual.

Beware of She-Wolves

Tuesday, February 11th, 2014

Beware of She-Wolves

A woman becomes a she-wolf out of necessity to survive in the relational jungle of life. She feels that there is no other way to make it through life successfully.

These women are not born that way and may have once been among the kindest of women. It took one or more major wounds to make her vicious.

Anyone who has dealt with a wounded, bitter, and angry woman knows quite well how much harm she can inflict, especially to men.

This is a she-wolf.

An Open Letter to Those Defending Woody Allen

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

An Open Letter to Those Defending Woody AllenWhen I read the article by Dylan Farrow, I was shocked by her bravery, honesty and resiliency.

I was surprised by how she was willing to stand up against someone who is revered by our society as a talented artist.

However, I was more shocked by those who are willing to defend Woody Allen, a man who has been accused of child sexual abuse by one adopted daughter and married the other one [Ed. - Allen was never Soon-Yi Previn's father, adopted or otherwise, according to both Allen and Previn.]. The myriad reasons for this defense show a complete lack of understanding for the complex trauma of a child sex abuse victim.

Let’s discuss some of those reasons…

Why Social Networks Like Facebook Fail

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Why Social Networks Like Facebook FailAll online social networks eventually fail. Before Facebook, there was Friendster and Myspace — leaders of the social networking space in 2004 (just 10 years ago). Now they are relegated to historical footnotes, or the butt of some joke.

Facebook, too, will fail, even if it doesn’t look like it today. And that’s not due to any specific failing of Facebook, but rather of human nature and the psychology of online identity management.

Here’s why all social networks inevitably fail.

Lawmakers: Don’t Pass New Involuntary Commitment Bills Without Funding

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

Lawmakers: Don't Pass New Involuntary Commitment Bills Without FundingNothing angers me more than when the media — and the public — come down on those with a mental illness when we hear of another violent mass shooting. The vast majority of shootings and deaths in America are due to the ease-of-access to a handgun, and simply knowing the person you’re going to kill (as most murders are conducted by people known to the victim). Mental illness does not enter into the picture in most homicides.

Well, wait a minute… There is one thing that angers me more than attributing a higher rate of violence to someone with mental illness. And that’s feel-good but idiotic lawmakers across the country passing a new round of involuntary commitment bills in their state — but leaving out any additional money to help fund these efforts.

Apparently common sense doesn’t enter into a lawmaker’s head when they author or lobby for the passage of such bills.

5 Biggest Myths About Boundaries

Sunday, February 2nd, 2014

5 Biggest Myths About Boundaries “Boundaries are everywhere,” according to Jan Black, author of Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life. Think crosswalks, office hours, traffic zones and shoplifting policies, she said. We understand that such parameters are vital for protecting us.

Yet when it comes to setting personal boundaries, myths abound. We mistakenly assume everything from creating limits is selfish to real love is boundary-free.

Below, experts reveal the truths behind the biggest myths about boundaries.

6 Things to Say to Someone with Depression or Who’s Depressed

Thursday, January 30th, 2014

6 Things to Say to Someone with Depression or Who's Depressed

Lots of people experience depression, while others just have bad days or just are feeling down on themselves. No matter why they’re depressed, sad, or unmotivated to do much of anything, one thing is certain — it’s a tough feeling to experience. Depression is isolating — like you’re all alone in it, and that it will never end.

As a friend or partner of someone who’s experiencing that depression or feeling blue, what can you do to help? After all, there’s a lot of advice telling you what not to say to a depressed person and things that most people don’t want to hear when they’re feeling down.

We crowd-sourced the following list by querying our Facebook friends about what they’d like to hear when they’re feeling down, blue, or depressed. Here are a few of their very, very good suggestions.

5 Ways to Maintain Boundaries with Difficult People

Wednesday, January 29th, 2014

5 Ways to Maintain Boundaries with Difficult PeopleMaintaining healthy boundaries with difficult people can be, well, difficult.

That’s because they don’t want you to have boundaries in the first place, said Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW, founder and executive director of Wasatch Family Therapy, a private practice in Utah.

It may not be a conscious decision. “It’s often the only relationship strategy they know.” But regardless of whether it’s intentional, the result is the same: Your boundary has been violated.

How can you stand your ground? Here are five suggestions.

5 Habits That Will Hamper Any Relationship

Saturday, January 25th, 2014

5 Habits That Will Hamper Any Relationship Romantic relationships are a tapestry of both the monumental moments and milestones, such as getting engaged, getting married and having kids, and the smaller day-to-day details.

And it’s how we navigate our partnership every day that can build or break it.

Last month, experts revealed four daily habits that hamper romantic relationships.

This month we asked experts to share the habits that hamper any relationship.

How to Respond to Rude or Inappropriate Remarks

Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014

How to Respond to Rude or Inappropriate RemarksSooo, you’ve been together for seven years; when are you finally going to get engaged?

How come you two aren’t having kids yet? You know it’s harder to get pregnant as you age. For instance, my cousin, Tina…

Do you really think you should eat that?

People say the darnedest things, don’t they? Maybe you, too, have blurted out an inappropriate, rude or nosy comment. (It’s likely everyone has.)

According to therapist Joyce Marter, LCPC, people make these kinds of remarks for a range of reasons. Some people simply don’t have a filter — especially when alcohol is involved. Some think they’re being helpful.

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