Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can take a heavy toll on women’s lives. Everything from the seemingly minute (such as arriving on time) to the very significant (raising kids) becomes more challenging. Add to that a co-occurring disorder, such as depression or anxiety, and just getting through the day is utterly exhausting.

But while ADHD comes with a variety of obstacles, there are just as many solutions to help you manage symptoms and lead a satisfying life.

Terry Matlen, ACSW, is a psychotherapist and author of the book Survival Tips for Women with ADHD.

Matlen also has ADHD. Below, she discusses the most common problems, along with strategies to try.

Even today, between work and home, women have a lot to juggle. “Though in recent years, men have been more hands-on with household and childcare responsibilities, the bulk of the work still, for many, lands on the woman’s shoulders,” said Terry Matlen, ACSW, a psychotherapist and author of Survival Tips for Women with ADHD.

Whether you have kids or not, balancing a slew of commitments can get overwhelming for women with ADHD, said Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and author of several books on ADHD, including 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD. That’s because the nature of ADHD makes it tougher to prioritize and schedule, she said.

And, unfortunately, it’s common for women with ADHD to beat themselves up for not getting things done. Many women feel incapable and struggle with low self-esteem, Matlen said. “Women with ADHD are well aware of their shortcomings, but often they don’t understand [them] in the context of their ADHD brain.”

Here, Matlen and Sarkis, who both have ADHD, offer their tips for coping with overwhelm when you have the disorder.

If you’re a parent, educator or someone who works with kids in some other capacity, you know how frustrating and challenging it can be when a child misbehaves.

At school, teachers face varying forms of misbehavior: A child may wander around the classroom when he is supposed to be working at his desk, or talk out of turn when she is supposed to raise her hand. 

Parents often confront issues such as siblings squabbling at dinnertime, or children whining or throwing tantrums when they don’t get their way.

Where do you go if your child’s teacher tells you your child has symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)? What if you see your child struggling in school?

It can be overwhelming if your child is not doing well academically, behaviorally or socially. However, there are professionals available to guide you through the process of finding a diagnosis and getting treatment.

Your pediatrician or family physician is one type of professional to approach for assistance. At the first visit, your physician most likely will get a complete academic, learning and activity history from you and your child. It would be helpful to bring information such as report cards and past evaluations.

If you have had the same physician for years, he may not take a full past medical history, while a new physician more than likely will take one. He or she will want to look for any neurological problems, hospital admissions, history of trauma, poisonings or prematurity as well as a developmental history (milestones such as walking and first word). The next step should be a complete physical exam, including a full neurological workup.

As someone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you probably know all too well the difficulty of accomplishing your goals. It can seem utterly daunting.

That’s because realizing goals taxes the executive functions in your brain, said Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. These functions include everything from organizing to prioritizing to making decisions to managing time, he said.

Tedious tasks are especially tough. “Laundry, paying bills, attending business meetings — things that are not intrinsically interesting can put an adult with ADD into a tailspin of inaction,” said Terry Matlen, ACSW, a psychotherapist and author of Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD.

Lack of reward with long-term goals adds to the challenge.

“ADHD medications turn kids into compliant zombies.”

“They change kids’ personalities.”

These are just some of the many myths about treating attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) with medication. And these misconceptions no doubt leave parents confused and overwhelmed about the best ways to treat their child’s disorder.

“Medications aren’t a cure-all but they can be very helpful,” according to Mark Bertin, MD, a board-certified developmental behavioral pediatrician and author of The Family ADHD Solution.

It’s only in recent years that ADHD is becoming better understood in girls and women. But we still have a long way to go, according to Terry Matlen, ACSW, a psychotherapist and coach who specializes in ADHD. She noted that we need to improve how we identify girls with ADHD, evaluate them and administer treatment.

In fact, the biggest myth about ADHD and girls is that girls don’t have the disorder in the first place. However, ADHD affects both girls and boys at roughly the same rate, said Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and author of several books on ADHD, including Making the Grade with ADD and Adult ADD: A Guide for the Newly Diagnosed.

Boys with ADHD tend to have a more obvious and classic presentation. They typically exhibit hyperactivity and impulsivity. In short, they stand out more.

Girls, however, are harder to spot because they internalize their symptoms and usually don’t exhibit behavioral problems at school, said Matlen, also author of Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) doesn’t just affect the individual. It affects the entire family, according to Mark Bertin, MD, a board-certified developmental behavioral pediatrician and author of The Family ADHD Solution.

Parents of kids with ADHD not only have to navigate a complex neurological disorder, but they also have to contend with criticism and judgment from others, he said.

For instance, parents might be told that ADHD doesn’t exist or that their child’s disorder is their fault. Or they’re criticized for putting their kids on medication.

Not surprisingly, studies show that parents of kids with ADHD are at greater risk for anxiety, depression, relationship problems and divorce, among other issues, Dr. Bertin said.

That’s why focusing on ADHD’s effect on parents is critical. Without it, “we aren’t addressing ADHD fully,” he said.

It’s hard for adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to get motivated.

But this has zero to do with laziness or not trying hard enough, said Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. (Sadly, these are common myths about ADHD.)

“The ADHD brain is wired toward low motivation for everyday tasks,” he said. It has lower levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in motivation, he said.

Individuals with ADHD also get overwhelmed easily, according to Terry Matlen, ACSW, a psychotherapist and author of Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD. “Those of us with ADHD see the problem and can’t figure out how to get from step A to step B, then from step B to step C,” she said.

ADHD symptoms affect all areas of a person’s life. But some symptoms are more intrusive or bothersome than others.

For instance, maybe your distractibility leads to discord with your spouse. Maybe your hyperfocusing leads to an incomplete to-do list. Maybe your disorganization makes it more difficult to get things done at work. Or maybe your hyperactivity keeps you tense and restless.

Below, clinicians, coaches and authors who specialize in ADHD and also have the disorder share their most troublesome symptoms — along with strategies that help.

Hyperactive kids with ADHD are always on the go, according to Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. It’s like they have a motor winding them up. “Words like ‘Energizer Bunny,’ ‘Speedy Gonzalez’ and the ‘Roadrunner’ are common nicknames to describe the never-ending vessel of energy ADHD kids exhibit,” he said.

For instance, rather than sitting at their desk, they might jump up several times to sharpen their pencil, said Ari Tuckman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and author of Understand Your Brain, Get More Done: The ADHD Executive Functions Workbook. Rather than sitting at the dinner table, they might walk around it — or go and play with the pet, he said.

Physical hyperactivity isn’t the only concern. Hyperactive kids also experience racing — and “rarely singular or linear” — thoughts, Olivardia said. “The idea of ‘shutting their minds off’ is a foreign concept to someone who is hyperactive.”

When you have ADHD, you might get frustrated that you don’t work like everyone else. Maybe you can’t sit still for hours and listen to a lecture. Maybe you don’t learn as well from reading a book. Maybe you have trouble committing your ideas to paper.

Unfortunately, people with ADHD are usually given limited tools, such as a pen and paper, and discouraged from moving around, said David Giwerc, MCC, founder and president of the ADD Coach Academy.

But this doesn’t work for your uniquely wired brain. And that’s OK. People with ADHD don’t need to fit themselves into some box. You don’t need to work like other people. You can find tools that fit your learning style and needs — and help you succeed.

Below, Giwerc and other ADHD experts list their favorite tools — everything from phone apps to computer software.