Bullying Articles

The Power of Kindness

Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

The FuneralThe last few months have been hard for me. I’ve had some issues with depression and paranoia. Living with schizophrenia is a rollercoaster and even little blips can turn into crises.

This depression, though, has had me feeling a deep sense of loneliness. The paranoia makes me feel ostracized from the world, and it’s really hard to feel like no matter where you go, you’ll never fit in.

This was weighing on me the other day until something happened that struck me. It put a long-overdue, sorely-needed smile on my face.

Pumpkin Fest Madness & the Age of Narcissism

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

pumpkin-fest-madness-age-narcissism“It’s just like a rush. You’re revolting from the cops … It’s a blast to do things that you’re not supposed to do.”
– Steven French, age 18 [1]

When I first saw the headline — “Pumpkin Festival Riot” — I thought it might be a parody, along the lines of spoofs published by The Onion.

But it was all too true: there really was a riot at the “Pumpkin Festival” held Oct. 19th, 2014 in Keene, New Hampshire. What is it about a small-town annual festival that has turned it into a chance to party — and riot? Does it say something about changing societal norms?

21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Monday, October 13th, 2014

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Is it possible that you are being abused and not even know it?

Domestic violence is once again in the forefront of the news. This is in part due to abusive incidents with sports figures or celebrities that have become very public. Abuse is not always as obvious as being hit or shoved, called degrading names or cussed out. In fact, it can very well be underhanded or subtle.

You may find yourself feeling confused about the relationship, off balance or like you are “walking on eggshells” all the time. This is the kind of abuse that often sneaks up on you as you become more entrenched in the relationship. I am talking here about psychological abuse, which is also known as mental or emotional abuse.

Love Crimes: When the Abused Believe It’s for Their Own Good

Monday, October 13th, 2014

Love CrimesOne of the most nurturing, compassionate women I know is also an abused wife who once shared her biggest regret. Did she regret staying with her abusive husband? No. The most regretful day of her life was when she phoned the police after he physically assaulted her yet again.

“I ruined his life,” she said. “It’s the biggest mistake I ever made.” Immune to any reason, she pressed on, blaming herself for the “humiliation he had to endure” at anger management classes, the draining of her family’s resources on lawyer fees and the indelible black mark “she caused” on his otherwise spotless veneer.

Abuse of Vulnerable Adults: Why Does it Happen?

Friday, October 3rd, 2014

Abuse of Vulnerable Adults: Why Does it Happen?Researchers believe that society is more willing to report, talk about and act on allegations of the abuse of vulnerable adults. Over the last two years, the number of reports of abuse has risen by almost two percent, according to statistics from the Health and Social Care Information Centre in Leeds, England.

Although it is impossible to determine whether this marks a real increase in adult abuse, or simply an increase in reporting, there are reasons to suggest that the latter may be more likely.

Powerful Parenting: Anger Management Tips for Children

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

Powerful Parenting: Anger Management Tips for ChildrenAnger occurs when a person of any age is feeling overwhelmed and overpowered. It is our way to say “No, stop it! I don’t like it. It is unfair. I can’t handle it,” and so on. Since children have many rules to learn and follow daily, they are likely to feel challenged and frustrated often. Therefore, parents should not be surprised that children question and challenge boundaries.

Anger is natural. It is about our sense of feeling wronged and attempts at boundary setting. It does not have to be toxic and abusive, but it might escalate to that level. It happens when people don’t know how to express and handle it appropriately. It is important to allow children to express their anger and teach them how to go about it.

It Must Be My Fault

Wednesday, August 27th, 2014

unhappy boy in yardWhen I was a child, I was told that everything was my fault. Eventually, I believed it.

In reality, none of it was my fault. As an adult in recovery, I intellectually understand that now. But my unconscious parts are still working that out. My unconscious parts are still trying to make sense of the illogical.

I have struggled with self-worth my entire life. While I don’t see myself as capable of doing good things, I do see myself as powerful at manifesting the bad. More than likely, this comes from my understanding of the abusive adults in my childhood. I felt the same way about them. And I internalized that.

Grieving the Loss of Time

Monday, August 25th, 2014

Grieving TimeSometimes starting a new life can bring up grief and regret for the old life. While I am happy to have new experiences without the pain and anxiety of the past, it makes me wish there had been more of it.

Time is such a tricky aspect of the human experience. We can’t control it. We can’t make more of it. We can’t get back what we think we have wasted. As the song says, it is like an hourglass glued to the table.

And while we can figure out how to control so many aspects of our lives (which is not always a good thing), we can’t control time. It will keep on going, with or without us.

3 Ways to Reclaim Your Work Life

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2014

3 Ways to Reclaim Your Work LifeIf you’re stressed, depressed and dreading Mondays, you’re probably working in a toxic interpersonal environment that has started to take its toll on your physical and mental health.

In my recent research on workplace bullying, I have discovered a baffling phenomenon: Targets often don’t realize they are being bullied for months or years. I believe that the reason it takes so long is because no one likes to admit they’re a victim.

The mere thought of being a victim is so stigmatizing that most people would rather give the bully the benefit of the doubt and continue tolerating the abuse. Yet it’s so damaging to a person’s well-being that I want to declare my central message: Catch it early and think strategically. It exponentially increases the possibility of obtaining a better outcome.

Lowering the Volume in a World of Living Out Loud

Sunday, July 6th, 2014

Lowering the Volume in a World of Living Out LoudLife in the age of living out loud presents some unique challenges. You may have heard the well-known saying about jazz music that there is great importance in the notes that are not played, that the notes that are not played are as important as the ones that are. American jazz musician Miles Davis is often cited as the creator of the phrase, but it is sometimes attributed to other musicians as well.

The concept of the importance of space and silence is relevant in many artistic mediums, and is also applicable to human communication and interaction.

Constructive communication is best approached with a spirit of editing, of identifying what will not be said. I sometimes tell clients to think about their communication and interaction with others as a book that is being written. All books could benefit from editing and refining rough drafts. The editing of the self in the realm of communication may serve to not only avoid escalation and conflict; it may provide a chance to practice mindfulness and self-discipline in a way that benefits the self and others.

Mass Shooters = Mental Illness?

Sunday, June 29th, 2014

Mass Shooters = Mental Illness?In the wake of yet another mass school shooting, we mourn. We are angry. Why is this happening in our country? What is going on? And yet, as I flip on my television — what do I see? It’s certainly not anything about gun control or raising children properly, but alas, mental illness.

No one is disputing that our mental health system is a wreck. I know from firsthand experience that it is a travesty. I must admit, however, that the media’s portrayal of these shooters is uncomfortable and offensive.

Adverse Childhood Experiences Affect Adult Behaviors

Saturday, June 28th, 2014

Adverse Childhood Experiences Affect Adult BehaviorsAdverse childhood experiences negatively affect adult life, says a recent study by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). One in four young adults were severely maltreated during childhood and approximately half of adults in England have suffered an adverse experience during their childhood.

Roughly one in ten adults have experienced four or more adverse childhood experiences. There are many forms of childhood adversity, ranging from physical abuse to emotional neglect.

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