Couples often come to counseling with emotions running high.

She complains that “He just doesn’t listen.” He counteracts with the statement that “She just doesn’t understand.” Each person is appealing to the therapist to ‘fix their partner’ on the basis that their version of the problem is the correct version.

Ideally it might be perfect to have an adjudicator, whose wisdom would surely come down on ‘my’ side. This, of course, would ensure that my partner not only knows they are wrong but also follows my directions to ‘fix themselves,’ and therefore fix the relationship up!

As a couples therapist, I have never come across a relationship where it is as black and white as ‘he is right and she is wrong’ or vice versa. “How is that possible?” you ask, “when I have done all I can to change and all my attempts to fix the problem have failed?” The answer lies within our brain and how it functions when we are in the “fight-flight-freeze” mode. Let me explain.

Yoga used to be way too slow for me. Actually, it was more like I was way too fast for yoga.

Back in the early ’90s, yoga hadn’t really hit my city yet. Oh, sure, some choice women friends were in the know and tried to get me to partake. But I was moving too fast at the time. (No, I don’t mean drugs.) But I was on a high, newly having found a self I could connect to after a childhood being the “dutiful daughter:” that of a loving but anxious mother.

I was flitting around playing in bands, finding my voice, finally — here as a violinist who had been raised on classical only. Of punk rock spirit and artistic mindset, I could barely slow enough to even learn of other ways of feeling fulfilled and satisfied and at peace at the time. It was a great time for me. I needed to go at the speed I was going, for I finally had found my peace and joy.

I grew up with high anxiety, and at times wondered if my tendency to brood and overthink could be fueling my anxiety and stress. After several years of researching ways to cope with anxiety, I was convinced that an excessive tendency toward “inward attention” could indeed be the primary reason for my anxiety.

By diverting your attention away from your thoughts and focusing your visual attention on the world outside, you will be able to overcome your negative thoughts and emotions. The idea is cutting-edge and still in its initial stages; it’s best not to take it as qualified medical advice.

However, the technique is simple enough for anyone to try out and does not have any potential for obvious adverse effects.

A favorite caption I saw a couple years ago with regard to workforce restlessness was “Distracted? Hit the Reset Button.”

We all know the familiar frustration with computers and other devices that decide they just can’t work anymore in the moment. We’re probably all familiar too with the required routine to update their operating systems in order to bring them back to even keel, starting point, place of rest.

It is the same with people.

We find ourselves with “restlessness syndrome,” the inability to write another word or figure another computation in our workplaces. That’s not to say distraction doesn’t rear its periodic unattractive head when we are attending to a project at home. Often, what is behind it is simply our modern lack of deep focus on any one thing at any one time, in an age of expected, mega multi-tasking.

I have some friends who have heard a rumor their company will be making big redundancies soon, and I really feel for them. One thing that’s guaranteed to cause instability in a person — and any organization — is the rumor of redundancy.

For many, the security of having a job is essential for their well-being. If you know anything about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, safety and employment are in the second level, just above breathing — so it’s pretty important.

If you are facing the threat of redundancy then I imagine you’re going through many different emotions right now, but there are some things you can do to help you deal with these rumors more easily.

Sex, drugs & rock n’ roll. Ever wondered why those three things go together in this famous expression?

Neuroaesthetics is the relatively recent study of questions such as “Why do we like the things we like?” and “Why do some people find one thing pleasing while others find it appalling?” It has focused on issues such as creativity, visual and motor processing in visual artists and the varying factors involved in creative domains.

Many of these studies have examined music and the neural activity that occurs when we listen to and evaluate what we hear.

Salimpoor and Zatorre (2013) reviewed a number of research studies examining the effects of music on brain activity; in particular activity that relates to the feeling of pleasure. The evidence was clear: not only does music boost our sense of pleasure but there is also a dopamine activity in anticipation to the music that “touches us.”

When we’re stressed, if often feels like everything begins to fall apart. It’s during stressful times that we misplace our keys, forget important events on our calendars, fail to call our mothers on their birthdays and leave important work documents at home.

Now, in addition to your original stressor, you’re under more pressure because you’re scrambling to find lost keys, dealing with hurt feelings or frantically reconstructing forgotten projects.

And on top of that, when stressed, our emotions are running rampant. That scramble for the keys is anything but calm and a remark from your mother about that missed phone call can send you deep into guilt.

Take the toughest challenges you have to tackle at work, at home or with extended family and friends:

– Bosses who seem clueless to your job requirements; colleagues who can’t relate to you (or vice versa); the stress of deadlines and dissatisfaction of being in a job you are not even sure you belong in.

- Family members who throw plans into disarray, disregard you and have you questioning your commitment (as well as your sanity). Perhaps adult siblings who ask for money or come to you for advice, only for you to soon find yourself involved in maddening family triangles, or aunts and uncles who pull you into long-entrenched but silly feuds.

- Then of course there are friends who you would like to shake to knock some sense or self-reflection into.

Get the picture?

How do you cope with the trials and tribulations of being human and having to live and work among others? Laugh it off? (That’s a good element, actually.)