If you’re an avid reader, you’ve probably had a moment when your book felt more real than the world around you.  Curled in a favorite spot, you may have felt almost as if you were in Narnia, had traveled through middle-earth with Frodo Baggins, or felt Holden Caufield’s adolescent confusion and angst.

Michigan State University professor Natalie Phillips frequently had such experiences.  She would become so lost in a book that the world around her would feel less real than the world created in the novel she read.

Curious as to how this distraction — or perhaps more accurately, absorption in a book — affected the brain, she decided to conduct a study. 

Phillips teamed up with neuroscientists from Stanford University to determine if there were differences in brain activity between, casual, somewhat distracted skimming vs. captivated and engaged reading.

What did they find?

How often do you do something fun? How often do you meditate, get a manicure, hang with loved ones, journal, read, work out or do anything else that brings you joy?

If the answer is not often, I bet it’s because you don’t have the time.

One of the biggest reasons people don’t practice self-care is time. In fact, it might even be the most common excuse we give. That, and the false belief that self-care is a selfish luxury.

But “relaxation is not a treat, it is necessary for your physical and emotional health,” writes Jennifer Louden in her wise and practical book The Woman’s Comfort Book: A Self-Nurturing Guide for Restoring Balance in Your Life. She features clever ideas for creating more time for yourself – and dealing with the tasks you’d rather knock off your to-do list.

Below, you’ll find her valuable suggestions from The Woman’s Comfort Book.

Many of us turn to food when difficult feelings arise. And it’s understandable. Eating is a quick way to adjust our emotions, according to clinical psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, in her book Eating Mindfully: How to End Mindless Eating & Enjoy a Balanced Relationship with Food.

We’re able to immediately soothe or distract ourselves, she writes. But, of course, eating only stuffs down our emotions. And, in turn, we never process our feelings or truly nourish ourselves.

The result? Our emotions consume us, and we’re left feeling miserable.

In her book, Albers offers valuable ways we can effectively cope with emotions.

These are some of her soothing suggestions.

Being in a state of joy isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a learned skill, according to psychotherapist Donald Altman, MA, LPC, in his new book The Joy Compass: 8 Ways to Find Lasting Happiness, Gratitude & Optimism in the Present Moment.

We don’t access joy by focusing on external factors. We access real, genuine joy from the inside by using what Altman calls our “personal joy compass.” Altman describes a joy compass as “an internal, portable navigational guide activated through moment-to-moment awareness.”

Here are three wonderful ways from Altman’s uplifting book to steer your joy compass in the right direction.

Research has shown that mental illness tends to disrupt people’s lives even more than physical conditions, said Dr. Mark S. Komrad, MD, a psychiatrist and author of the excellent book You Need Help! A Step-by-Step Plan to Convince a Loved One to Get Counseling.

“On average, a person with depression is at least 50 percent more disabled than someone with angina, arthritis, asthma or diabetes,” according to this report by The Centre for Economic Performance’s Mental Health Policy Group.

The good news is that treatments for mental illness are highly effective. The bad news is that only one out of three people might actually seek help. And some research suggests that the people who need help the most are typically the least likely to get it.

People understand that you can’t treat a lump in your breast on your own, Dr. Komrad said. But that same understanding doesn’t extend to mental illness.

“There’s no such thing as a human lie detector,” according to Philip Houston, Michael Floyd and Susan Carnicero in their must-read book Spy the Lie: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Detect Deception. But there are still ways you can learn to spot lies.

In fact, even a polygraph can’t distinguish fiction from fact. What a polygraph can do is detect physiological changes that occur after a person is asked a question. Focusing on what a person does after they’re asked a particular question is essentially how Houston, Floyd and Carnicero suggest readers detect deceit.

According to the model which Houston developed, after you ask the person a specific question, pay attention to their behavior within the first five seconds. This involves both looking at their behavior and listening to what they say.

Why five seconds?

A classic Buddhist proverb states: “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Forgiveness is one of the most important lessons life has to offer, but it is also one of the more difficult sentiments to learn and practice.

According to Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, empirical research confirms the proverb’s message. “Forgiving people are less likely to be hateful, depressed, hostile, anxious, angry, and neurotic,” Lyubomirsky says.

Vulnerability is scary. But it’s also a powerful and authentic way to live. According to author Brené Brown, Ph.D, LMSW, in her latest book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead, “Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.”

She defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Think about the vulnerability it takes to love someone – whether it’s your parents, siblings, spouse or close friends. Love is filled with uncertainties and risks. As Brown notes, the person you love might or might not love you back. They might be in your life for a long time or they might not. They might be terrifically loyal or they might stab you in the back.

Think about the vulnerability it takes to share your ideas with the world, not knowing how your work will be perceived. You might be appreciated, laughed at or downright skewered.

Vulnerability is hard. But what can make it even harder — needlessly so — are the inaccurate assumptions we hold about it.

Brown shatters the following three myths in Daring Greatly.

The small stuff counts when it comes to happiness. It’s the seemingly mini decisions we make day-to-day that can actually make a big difference.

In his book Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create Your Own Road to Happiness, professor Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D, writes, “Every moment of our waking life we face choices whose cumulative effect on us is just as great, if not greater, than the effect of the big decisions.”

He gives several examples, such as saying something nice to his spouse or giving “her a sour look”; appreciating his health, friends and food or taking them for granted; sitting up straight or slouching.

It’s empowering to realize that, regardless of our circumstances, we do have a say in our satisfaction.

Here are five ways we can choose happiness every day from Ben-Shahar’s book.

Self-care is a touchy subject. That’s because our society largely views self-care as selfish, slothful and overly indulgent.

Yet, it’s anything but. Taking good care of yourself not only makes your life more fulfilling and contributes to your well-being, but it also extends to others.

As Cheryl Richardson writes in her book The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time, “From years of personal experience, as well as from the work I’ve done coaching many caring and hardworking men and women, I’ve learned that when we care for ourselves deeply and deliberately, we naturally begin to care for others – our families, our friends, and the world – in a healthier and more effective way.”

She further explains that through self-care, “We become conscious and conscientious people. We tell the truth. We make choices from a place of love and compassion instead of guilt and obligation.”

In The Art of Extreme Self-Care, Richardson provides a variety of nurturing and empowering activities for readers to try. Below are three of them.

Last year, I met a very cool licensed psychologist and neuropsychologist at a book signing for a mutual friend of ours. Marsha Lucas, Ph.D., has been practicing psychotherapy and studying the brain-behavior relationship for over twenty years. Prior to entering private practice, she was a neuropsychologist on the faculty at the Emory University School of Medicine.

In other words, she was probably one of those persons in grade school that was taken aside and given more challenging work, while the rest of us (at least the one writing this blog) struggled through the regular assignments.

Her book, “Rewire Your Brain for Love,” is a fascinating read because she delves into how the human brain works — or fumbles — in relationships.

In other words, she explores how we developed our current relationship wiring, and, if part of that is contributing to toxic relationships, how to modify it through mindfulness meditation. Lucas shows how a short meditation practice can result in seven key relationship benefits, including communication with yourself and others, an enhanced ability to handle fear, and being more emotionally authentic and resilient.

Sharp: A Memoir is the beautifully written, harrowing story of David Fitzpatrick and his 20-year struggle with bipolar disorder and self-mutilation. One of five children, Fitzpatrick endured regular bullying from his older brother and later was tormented daily by his college roommates. He began cutting in his early 20s, steeped in self-loathing and spending years in psychiatric hospitals.

While Sharp is an intense and raw read — and may be triggering for some — it’s ultimately a hopeful and inspiring story. It’s a story of a man who gets caught up in the mental health system but finally finds himself, as well as a fulfilling life.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Fitzpatrick about his powerful book. Below, Fitzpatrick reveals what inspired him to pen Sharp, what it was like reopening old wounds, what helped him lift the veil of mental illness, how he maintains recovery today and much more.