In her book Crafting Calm: Projects and Practices for Creativity and Contemplation, Oman Shannon quotes the 20th-century Catholic priest Henri Nouwen, who said, “Through the spiritual life we gradually move from the house of fear to the house of love.”

Oman Shannon believes the same can be said about the creative life. Through creating, she writes, “we can enter the stillness that characterizes prayer and the ‘house of love.’ We can open ourselves and experience spaciousness.”

In Crafting Calm, Oman Shannon shares a variety of creative activities, stories and resources that help readers relax, comfort ourselves, get clarity and connect with others. Ultimately, connecting to our creativity can help us connect to our spirituality. In other words, crafting can become a spiritual practice.

Here are three exercises from her book to bring you calm and comfort and help you connect to your spirituality.

Prayer Garden

“Gardening is a wonderful practice for bringing one back to the present moment,” Oman Shannon writes. She suggests creating a prayer garden with plants that are meaningful to you.

If you follow a specific religion, you might pick the plants that are mentioned in your favorite passages of your holy book. For instance, the Old and New Testaments include lilies, papyrus and olive. Once you choose your plants, you can create labels that include those passages.

When creating your garden, Oman Shannon suggests pondering these additional questions: “What do particular scents – lavender, rose, peppermint – remind me of? What fragrances, or scents, do I need to surround myself with right now? What would calm me and why? What in my life feels sweet right now? Spicy? Energizing? Calming?”

According to Oman Shannon, whatever approach or shape your garden takes, there are important lessons to be learned. “Whether we create a simple prayer garden, consciously choose outdoor plants that remind us of the ancient wisdom in the Scriptures, or work with herbs in a windowsill, we will be rewarded with nourishment from nature and the lessons nature can teach us.”

Portable Shrine

A portable shrine can serve as a comforting tool, which soothes your mind and heart, Oman Shannon writes. You might not know it but you’re probably carrying around a portable shrine right now. Oman Shannon notes that a shrine could be anything from “a sacred symbol on a keychain” to “a collection of photographs of your beloveds on an iPhone.”

Cultures all over the world use shrines, and they do so in unique ways. In Central and South American countries, people use tiny matchboxes. Oman Shannon bought one with a “worry doll,” a clay angel pendant and a red seed. On the matchbox, it says, “There are moments in which you need a peaceful vibe, a touch of good luck, and someone to tell your worries to. Use this emergency kit to balance those tough moments! An angel for peaceful thoughts, a Lucky Bean and a Worry Doll.”

When creating your own portable shrine, Oman Shannon suggests considering what brings you the most comfort and what would symbolize that best.

Affirmation Blanket

All of us, Oman Shannon writes, have some sort of “blankie” that brings us comfort, whether it’s a sweatshirt or specific throw. Years ago, she bought a blanket for her young daughter that includes phrases such as “I am filled with unlimited possibilities,” “I am a true miracle” and “I am a bright light in the world.”

Her daughter not only sees these words (which serve as an important reminder), but she also feels them, “as they are in every way wrapped around her.”

Oman Shannon believes that our need for these words and blankets doesn’t dissipate as we get older. “…[I]f anything, we perhaps need them more as we navigate a world that doesn’t stop to communicate what a bright light we are in it.”

Depending on your expertise, you can create an affirmation quilt or embroider your affirmations into a pillowcase or other lightweight fabric. Or you can use fabric paint or pens on a fleece blanket.

When considering what words to pick, Oman Shannon suggests asking these questions: “What words will serve as your strength, your shield, at this time in your life? What words comfort you; what words do you need to wrap yourself up in right now – literally?”

Creativity offers a bounty of benefits. By using our hands to craft meaningful objects and environments, we can soothe ourselves and cultivate a spiritual practice.

Here are some insights from their book.

What can understanding failure teach both seasoned and aspiring leaders that they can’t learn only by modeling success?

While studying success provides valuable lessons during good times, often these lessons aren’t applicable in hard times. The road isn’t always smooth and the sky isn’t always blue. When challenges present themselves, lessons gleaned from previous failures can help leaders avoid making the same mistake twice or making the wrong decisions.

Making mistakes — or failing — are part of taking healthy risk. They provide us with new ways of thinking and give us new insights into how we can improve as leaders.

Real failure doesn’t come from making mistakes; it comes from avoiding errors at all possible costs, from fear to take risks, and from the inability to grow. Being mistake-free does not lead to success.

Learning from our mistakes, however, is not always possible. Yes, every great leader makes mistakes they can learn from. But there are only a limited number of mistakes you can make before proving yourself an unworthy leader — you can only fall off the corporate ladder so many times before your climb is finished. And the higher up the ladder you get, the more severe the fall. The failure paradox is that in order to succeed we need to know failure — yet we live in an environment where we can’t afford to make mistakes. The solution? To study and learn from the mistakes of others in order to proactively avoid the predictable pitfalls that await every leader.

What are the specific benefits of learning from failure?

The benefits of learning from failure can be seen at both the individual level and the organizational level. We found strong statistical evidence between the ability to embrace mistakes and improved individual performance. Specifically we found that leaders who learn from mistakes are more proactive in deflecting potential problems, have a higher level of confidence when taking actions and making decisions, more accurately understand their environments, think more strategically, and are more creative.

These traits and capabilities also translated to the organizational level. Specifically we found that companies that are more accepting of mistakes have significantly better financial performance in terms of both top-line revenue growth, as well as bottom-line profit. We live in a culture that values perfections and hides failure. Companies pay their employees to succeed, not to fail.

However, the more we talk about the valuable lessons that come from mistakes and honor discussions about failure, the less likely it will be such a taboo subject.

For The Wisdom of Failure you conducted almost 1,000 interviews with managers and leaders. What about those interviews most surprised you?

We were surprised by how reluctant some leaders were to be associated with the topic of failure. Several times, we had leaders open up to us about key mistakes they had learned from in their own careers, only to call us back the next day to say they didn’t want us to use any material from their interviews in our book. Having their names associated with failure was too risky. Of course, we honored their request.

This reluctance to discuss failure emphasizes not only how difficult it is for leaders to talk about mistakes, but also the costly consequences leaders believe will follow if they do.

It could be between yourself and a partner, a parent, a co-worker — even a boss, an adult sibling or an annoying someone you run into every day on your way to work. Likely, it is doing something to temporarily boost yourself or the other person in the mix. Ultimately, however, it is not to anyone’s benefit.

Unspoken bargains, these so-called “arrangements,” are those things that rear their heads in times of challenge, chaos, crisis or just haste. They appear out of nowhere and can be maddening, upon first reflection, demanding us to ask ourselves, “why did I say or do that again to this person?”

They tug at us to examine the contracts we have with others for convenience and to lessen pain. But they are ultimately not self-serving or mutually good -– just codependent traps we put into place to attempt to protect ourselves from perhaps doing the right thing.

A worker discovers an unspoken bargain in play when she realizes she’s allowed her colleague to pull less of the load in order to maintain a friendship with the person everyone in the office likes.

A spouse sees he has one, letting his wife get her way because he’s afraid of upsetting her and bringing out her depression.

Even a parent can look the other way while a child falls into trouble with drugs, just so the parent can pursue self-centered interests uninterrupted by dilemma.

There is nothing pretty about unspoken bargains. Some are certainly more benign; others are profoundly disturbing. But they do demand our attention. They allow us to see who we are, what we present to others, and how we cope in the world.

Next time you find yourself looking at the appearance of some strange contract appearing between yourself and another, don’t look away. Stare at the arrangement keeping genuine relating from happening between you. Face down the unspoken bargain that is presenting itself.

And proactively look ahead of time, as well, for where they may be hiding in your life. Always ask yourself what you are doing in the dance between another person, another entity. If it is forthright, it will not “bargain,” or sacrifice your integrity, that of the other person, or the possibility of real communication between you.

As acclaimed psychologist and author Harriet Lerner so aptly writes in her books The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Intimacy, we must garner the courage to change any detrimental “dance” with another person. And in doing so, we certainly have to look out for counter-moves first. For these habits, odd arrangements and false contracts, these unspoken bargains are challenging to break!. But the steps, the new moves you make for yourself, ultimately will be rewarding.

‘Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!’”
~W. H. Murray

As we ride the planet around the sun, life can sometimes be hard and complicated. We dream of living better lives or achieving great goals. For many, our present lives result from being born into difficult circumstances or surviving tragedies.

No matter where we find ourselves, it is also a result of all the choices we’ve made along the way.

Yet we hear about people who overcame impossible odds to achieve wealth or fame. They’re often tales of being at the right place at the right time, a coincidence, or meeting the right person just when they need to. What’s going on with this? Did the lucky few who made it find Aladdin’s magic lamp that delivered these miracles? How do the rest of us get one of those?

Turns out we all have a magic lamp. It is our unshakeable commitment to achieve our dreams. No matter where we find ourselves, I believe that this commitment is always inside and waiting to be tapped. But how do we tap it? How do we get the genie out of our own magic lamp so miracles happen for us?

I believe success — however each of us defines it — is achieved by following these steps:

1. Choose to commit to your goal or dream.

2. Pursue relentless action aligned to your commitment.
3. Expect and have faith that you will get help along the way.
4. Show sincere gratitude for the help and results.

If this sounds too simple, understand that simple doesn’t mean easy. W.H. Murray, quoted at the beginning of this post, survived 3 years as a German prisoner of war during World War II. During captivity, he wrote a book about mountaineering in the Scottish Highlands. He wrote the first copy on the only paper available, rough toilet paper. The Germans discovered it and destroyed it. To the amazement of his fellow prisoners, he rewrote it despite the risk his captors would find and destroy the second copy. It is the second copy that became famous and inspired international interest in mountaineering.

Read the quote above again. The same message has been said numerous ways over the years: “God helps those that help themselves” or in any number of books written about achieving goals. I won’t speculate why these miracles happen, I just know from experience that they will. I followed the four steps and now have my story to add to those who overcame the odds to achieve incredible dreams.

My book, The Story of Suntrakker, chronicles five inspiring years and the methods I used. I hope it will help you achieve your dream. I share my personal journey from the thunderbolt moment I dared myself to go after my dream, through a wild adventure in the Australian Outback and ultimately into a life and job I love.

If I can do it, you can, too. The secret is commitment, which at heart is a declaration that you believe in yourself.

Did I do everything on my list? Did I pay the cable bill? What’s the due date on that project, again? Work has been so demoralizing lately. But I can’t quit. I’ll never find another job in this economy.

I’m screwed.

It’s this kind of internal racket that hinders sleep for many people night after night. In their book Goodnight Mind: Turn Off Your Noisy Thoughts & Get a Good Night’s Sleep, authors and sleep specialists Colleen E. Carney, Ph.D, and Rachel Manber, Ph.D, delve into the many reasons our minds keep us from sleeping. They provide valuable tips and techniques that address these culprits.

Train Your Brain to Sleep

One reason your mind keeps you up is because you’ve unwittingly trained it to be alert, according to the authors. For instance, they note that if you spend many nights in bed tossing and turning or being upset that you can’t sleep, your bed has become a cue for tossing and turning and being upset.

The key, then, is to make your bed become a cue for sleepiness. The authors suggest readers:

• Avoid napping, because “…you need to associate sleep with only one location (your bed) and one time (your sleep window).” Have a plan for the times you’re most likely to want to nap. For instance, if you fall asleep watching TV, sit up straight or do some light activity like folding laundry.
• Avoid active activities in bed. Again, your bed needs to be associated with sleep only. So don’t text, talk on the phone, play games or watch TV in bed. Regarding sex, it depends on how you feel after. If you feel sleepy after sex, your bedroom is OK. If you feel alert, you could have sex earlier in the day or somewhere else in your home. “Or you may opt to make sex an exception to the rule anyway.”
• Go to bed only when you’re sleepy, which is different from feeling tired or sapped of energy.
• Get up at the same time every day. This can lead to poor sleep in the beginning, but this trains your body clock and eventually when you’re getting up at the same time seven days a week, you’ll start getting sleepy earlier, too.
• If you can’t sleep or you start worrying, get out of bed. Participate in an activity that doesn’t make you more awake, such as reading, knitting or listening to music.

Minimize Worrying

“If you give yourself time earlier in the day to deal with unfinished business, your worries will be less likely to follow you to bed,” write Carney and Manber. They suggest carving out 20 to 30 minutes in the early evening for this exercise. Take a piece of paper, and divide it into two columns. For one column write “Worries or Concerns.” In the second column, write “Next Steps” or “Solutions.”

When you jot down a worry, think of the next steps you can take toward a solution. Then focus on one small step you can take. It’s especially helpful to break down your solutions into a series of small steps so you don’t feel overwhelmed.

Another strategy the authors suggest is occupying your mind with something else. For instance, think about a story (just nothing that’s so exciting it keeps you awake). Focus on the details, such as what the characters are wearing and saying and what the surroundings look like. If a story doesn’t work for you, they also suggest thinking of a hobby, such as golfing or decorating a home (again, just make sure it doesn’t wake you up).

Stop Thinking Like a Poor Sleeper

If you can’t sleep, or you wake up in the middle of the night, instead of getting yourself worked up with negative thoughts like “I won’t be able to sleep all night, I’m screwed,” the authors suggest taking a matter-of-fact approach: “It seems as if my mind is too active to sleep right now. Trying to force sleep is counterproductive; I am going to go to the couch and watch a sitcom.”

Also helpful is to have realistic expectations and accurate beliefs about sleep. For instance, it’s a common belief that you need eight hours of sleep or more per night. Holding onto this belief only makes you feel more anxious when you don’t reach this number. But, in general, sleep quality is more important than quantity.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s also normal to spend up to 30 minutes trying to fall asleep or being awake in the middle of the night.

Practice Mindfulness

Worrying involves focusing on the future. That’s where mindfulness can be incredibly helpful: It helps us focus on the present. For instance, start with focusing your senses on your surroundings. What do you see? What do you hear? How does the temperature feel on your skin?

You also can use mindfulness to observe your thoughts, especially if your mind is always buzzing, and you feel trapped by their thoughts. Carney and Manber suggest the following exercise:

When a thought comes to mind, simply notice it and imagine the words of the thought being written on a leaf. Imagine placing the leaf on a stream and watching it float away until it disappears around a bend. Here comes another thought (leaf). Notice it. Notice the words on the leaf as it floats away. If you notice any negative emotion, accept that it is there; notice it without judgment; gently turn your attention to observing your thoughts once more. Do this as often as necessary; that is, whenever you notice yourself distracted, refocus your attention. If critical thoughts about how this exercise is unfolding arise, put those on leaves too and set them adrift.

Quieting your mind takes practice. The above tips can help.

We stay silent. We say stupid things. We go from being sensitive, sensible, kind adults to rambling niceties or making downright rude remarks.

Illness, understandably, makes us nervous.

Fortunately, Pogrebin’s book helps us navigate the muddied waters of illness and mortality. It’s packed with practical tips and valuable insights.

Pogrebin was inspired to write the book after observing the varied reactions from her own friends to her breast cancer diagnosis. Some friends misunderstood her needs and acted awkwardly. Others were supportive and compassionate.

In the book, she shares these personal experiences, along with powerful accounts of people offering support to others. She also shares the words of almost 80 of her fellow patients at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. She interviewed these individuals to find out how they really wanted to be treated.

Here’s a snippet from Pogrebin’s book on communicating with a sick friend.

What Not To Say To A Sick Friend

Pogrebin advises against saying phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” and “You need to be strong for your kids.”

Even seemingly positive statements become anything but. For instance, let’s say you’re trying to cheer up a friend who just received a cancer diagnosis. You might say something like, “I know ten women who’ve had breast cancer, and they’re all doing fine” or “My sister had a double mastectomy, and she’s climbing mountains!”

One cancer patient told Pogrebin that these comments were insulting and dismissive. They also didn’t mean anything to her: “Every woman and every cancer is different,” she said.

Another seemingly positive but problematic phrase is “You look great.” According to Pogrebin, when you focus on your friend’s appearance, it can discourage them from telling you how they truly feel; if they don’t look good, they won’t believe anything you say; and if you don’t compliment their appearance in the future, they might assume they look worse.

What To Say To A Sick Friend

Pogrebin stressed the importance of being honest with your sick friends. She also notes that everyone should be able to say these three statements: “Tell me what’s helpful and what’s not;” “Tell me if you want to be alone and when you want company;” and “Tell me what to bring and when to leave.”

In addition to honesty, it’s also important to express empathy and availability. Pogrebin includes a list of seven phrases that sick people want to hear. All of these include empathy or availability or both elements.

• “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
• “Tell me how I can help.”
• “I’m here if you want to talk.”
• “Just give me my marching orders.”
• “That sounds awful; I can’t even imagine the pain.”
• “I’m bringing dinner.”
• “You must be desperate for some quiet time. I’ll take your kids on Saturday.”

The Commandments of Conversing

In her book, Pogrebin features a list of 10 commandments for conversing with sick friends. For instance, she suggests celebrating your friend’s good news and not downplaying their bad news. This doesn’t mean sugarcoating or “slapp[ing] a happyface decal on a grim diagnosis,” she writes. Instead you can say, “Tell me what I can do to make things easier for you — I really want to help.”

Also, treat your friends the same way you always have, but don’t forget their new circumstances. For instance, tease and joke around with them, but “indulge their occasional hissy fits.”

Talk about other things. According to Pogrebin, this helps “speed the journey from the morass of illness to the miracle of the ordinary.”

Similarly, emphasize their skills and talents, which will help them feel valued. This can be anything from asking a poker aficionado for pointers on playing to asking a retired teacher for guidance on college applications for your teen.

Unless you’ve been there, avoid talking about yourself or telling your friend that you understand what they’re going through. Avoid complaining about comparatively small things. (“Don’t tell someone with congestive heart failure that you have a migraine headache, as painful as it may be,” Pogrebin writes.)

Before saying anything, make sure you know the facts of your friend’s sickness and situation. Pogrebin shares the story of one woman who had three friends tell her that they were glad the cancer was caught early. It wasn’t.

Don’t treat your friend like a child or pressure them into being positive. Positive thinking can help people endure tests and treatments, but it’s not a cure. Don’t imply that negative thinking caused or exacerbated their illness. As Pogrebin says, the last thing your friend needs to be doing is blaming themselves.

When thinking about how best to approach a sick friend, Pogrebin quotes Hillel’s famous words: “Do not say unto others what you would not have them say unto you. All the rest is commentary.”

She gives several powerful examples: We vote a certain way because our parents do. We work a numbing number of hours because we’re taught this makes us good providers. We sabotage our successes because we’re taught that wanting money is akin to greed.

In the midst of clinging to these old concepts, we forget the most important idea of all: living from our authentic values.

When we lead lives based on what matters to us most, we’re happier and more fulfilled. However, when we lead lives based on ideas that don’t fit anymore, we use random things to fill us up and typically end up feeling empty anyway.

Campbell references things like reality TV, shopping sprees, toxic relationships and alcohol.  “These things provide quick bursts of happiness or relief, but always leave you feeling a bit hungry, a bit empty. It’s kind of like spiritual junk food: it tastes good going in, but it isn’t enough to sustain you.”

In her book, Campbell features a powerful exercise to help us rediscover our values, because, as she writes, “Understanding your values and desires will create the infrastructure for your life.” She suggests spending at least 30 minutes on this exercise and doing it every year. Here are the details:

• Ask yourself, “What matters to me now?”
• Jot down your responses — without judging yourself. The key is to discover your authentic values.
• Rank your responses. So put the number 1 by what you value most. Campbell explains that our core values will likely remain the same but their rankings might change. For instance, your career might top your list, but after you have kids, it slides into second.
• Next, grade yourself. If you’re taking daily action toward your top 5 values, give yourself an A, Campbell writes.  Again, be honest. “Where are you soaring? Where are you falling short?”
• For the values you assigned a B and below, consider if each one still resonates with you. Is it outdated? If it’s not and it’s still very important to you, “look then at the ways you’ve separated from it and figure out a few things you can do to get back on track.”
• List several things you can do today to honor your top values. If you value spiritual growth, Campbell writes, you might start meditating for 10 minutes a day. Engage daily in the activities that align with your values. Put them on your to-do list.

According to Campbell, “When you’re willing to discover and live from your deepest values, life not only becomes a more fulfilling and passionate adventure, but it also becomes easier.” Decisions suddenly seem clearer, and we stop second-guessing ourselves so much. Instead, we focus on “creating a life that supports the things that drive it. [We] live with personal integrity.”

And while you’re getting treatment — whether through medication, psychotherapy or both — there are many ways you can manage your symptoms in the meantime.

In his valuable book Depression: A Guide for the Newly Diagnosed, clinical psychologist Lee H. Coleman, Ph.D, ABPP, provides tips on minimizing symptoms and getting better while you’re receiving professional help.

Here are five of his suggestions.

1. Chart your symptoms.

A chart that documents your symptoms is incredibly informative. For instance, a chart of your energy levels will let you know the time of day you have the most and least energy. A chart with your activities will let you know how each action affects your symptoms (for better or worse.)

Coleman suggests recording your energy, sleep, mood and activities every day. Specifically, rate your energy and mood from 1 to 10; record the number of hours you slept; and jot down the type of activities you did that day. Bring this chart to your provider so they can see your progress.

2. Keep a consistent schedule.

According to Coleman, “When you’re depressed is never a good time to ‘wing it’ or leave your days completely unstructured, because you run the risk of drifting aimlessly.” Be consistent about when you eat, go to bed and wake up, along with other routines.

3. Stay active.

Depression drains your energy, enthusiasm and motivation. That’s why it’s important not to wait until you feel like it to engage in activities. (It’s like Therese Borchard said in this piece on exercise: “I think sometimes we have to lead with the body, and the mind will follow.”) In fact, mood and motivation often improve by continuing to participate in activities. Coleman suggests creating a list of activities you’d like to do or did in the past.

For instance, your list might include inviting a friend over for coffee, walking around the block, preparing a meal for yourself, picking up a few things at the grocery store, and meditating. Consider how these activities affect your mood. Also, if some activities seem overwhelming, break them down into bite-sized steps. Encourage yourself to accomplish one step at a time.

4. Practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion is especially important when you’re depressed. Unfortunately, the very nature of depression makes it difficult to be kind and understanding with ourselves. Depression shrinks your self-image and self-esteem. It makes you feel worthless and guilty.

But think of it this way: “We don’t get mad at ourselves for having the flu or a kidney infection, because we know that we didn’t cause the problem and that our job is to get better, not to feel bad about ourselves. It’s no different with depression,” Coleman writes.

Some people still worry that if they’re kind, they’ll just become even more unmotivated. But, as Coleman notes, these types of beliefs only exacerbate depression. Plus, “drill sergeants rarely make effective therapists!” Remember you can’t shame or hate yourself to health.

(It also helps to consider how you’d treat a friend who was going through the same thing. It’s likely you’d lead with kindness and compassion. What does that look like for you?)

5. Adjust your expectations.

Depression tends to affect all areas of your life. It might be tougher to work, study, socialize and participate in any other activity, Coleman says. So it’s key to adjust your expectations. “It simply doesn’t make sense to expect yourself to be at 100 percent with the hundred-pound weight of depression on your back.” Coleman encourages people to ask for help and advocate for themselves. “Remember people won’t know what you need unless you let them know — so tell them!”

Depression is a serious illness. But with effective professional help, you can get better. And while you’re receiving treatment, the above strategies may help enhance your improvement.

For instance, you might lose everything from your keys to your phone to important papers. And this can cost you both time and money, Sarkis says.

In her book she offers a variety of valuable tips to stop losing your things along with advice on what to do if you do lose something. Here’s a selection of her suggestions.

Have a Home for Everything

One technique is to store items where you typically use them. Sarkis uses the example of reading glasses. If you read in bed, keep your glasses on your nightstand so they’re easily accessible.

Also, store similar items together. Use clear containers with pullout drawers. This way you can see what’s in each container, and you don’t have to bother unstacking containers with lids. Use divider trays in desk drawers to keep office supplies organized.

Have a basket or rack by the door for your keys. As soon as you get home, put your keys in their place.

When finding a home for your things, Sarkis suggests asking yourself these questions:

• “How often do I use this item?
• Where do I use it the most?
• Is there a better location for this item?
• Are there similar items to store with this item?”

Establish Daily Rituals

According to Sarkis, “going through the same routine each day can help you save time and avoid losing things.” She suggests making a list of all the steps you take to get ready every morning. Laminate your list. As you go through your morning routine, cross off each item. For instance, your list might include: taking a shower, getting dressed, making breakfast for yourself and your kids, and making their lunches.

To keep items together, keep a small tray in your bedroom. In it put the items you need to carry with you, such as your wallet, money clip and phone. Sarkis also suggests spending 15 minutes every night to put things away, and laying out your entire outfit for the next day.

Every day, before leaving your house, double-check that you have everything you need. You also can write a list of items – such as your wallet, keys, phone and planner – and laminate the list. Create a smaller version, and carry it with you.

Figure Out What You Lose Most

Consider what item you tend to lose most often. Then think about how you usually lose it:

• “Does it fall out of your bag?
• Do you put it down somewhere and accidentally leave it?
• Do you put it in a special place in your house and then forget where you put it?”

Next, brainstorm how you can stop losing this object. Maybe you could buy a product that helps you keep track of this item. Or maybe you could change your behavior or routine.

For instance, if the item always falls out of your bag, “you may need to purchase a bag with zippered pockets or a key clip,” Sarkis writes.

When You Do Lose Something

If you do lose something, keep it in perspective. Everyone loses things from time to time. Plus, losing an item is minor compared to other losses. Stay positive. “Say to yourself over and over, ‘I will find this item,’” Sarkis writes.

Retrace your steps by remembering where you were, and either visiting or calling these locations. Because losing something can feel overwhelming, take a break. You’re less likely to find what you’re looking for when you’re furious or frustrated.

While it’s common to lose things when you have ADHD, you can minimize the losses by practicing effective strategies, such as the ones above.

Barbara Fredrickson’s new book, Love 2.0, is a powerful new perspective on what love, a renewable resource, means to our body. She walks us through a biochemical and behavioral labyrinth that is fascinating and gives us pause for thought. (To read a recent review of this leading researcher’s book check here.)

The key to understanding what happens to us during the time there is mutual caring is called “positivity resonance” for Fredrickson. It is a type of alignment of three features where there is a release of the neuropeptide oxytocin (sometime dubbed the love hormone because it is released in large quantities during orgasm); an enhanced vagal tone (the association of heart rate to breathing rate); and our brain syncing with another person during something called, appropriately enough, “brain coupling”. It is the sharing of positive emotions that generates what Fredrickson calls ‘micro-moments’. The moments are “virtually identical” whether they occur between parent and child, friends, lovers, or total strangers.

Wait a minute.

Let’s break this down: If your son brings home his report card and is proud to show you the “A” he received and you hug him that certainly would seem to qualify. If you are sitting across from your best friend and share a laugh over a joke he has told you, this is a micro-moment. If you are making love and are lost in your lover’s eyes this is certainly on the list. But what if you are on line at Starbucks and you and a stranger notice a little girl with her lips pressed against the glass counter trying to kiss the goodies on the other side. You and the stranger smile and nod slightly toward each other. Both of you would know this was a shared positive emotion – that it was a unique experience for the two of you. Certainly it is a micro-moment. But is this love?

Barbara Fredrickson would say yes.

She doesn’t think we need to limit our definition of love to one person or even to a small group of intimates. She believes we should look for and savor these micro-moments as they can happen all around us – even with strangers.

Her book offers several suggestions for ‘priming the pump’ so to speak for increasing the likelihood of these experiences. Here are a couple from the book—and you can go online at positivityresonance.com under the ‘tools’ section and register free to keep track of your progress in building positive emotions.

The first one is the social connections reflection. In this experience pick the three longest social connections you’ve had during the day and review them at the end of the day. Then see how true these two statements are:

• During these social connections I felt “in tune” with the person/s around me.

• During these social connections I felt close to the person/s.

Rate the truth of these statements on a scale from 1-7 where 1 is not true at all and 7 is very true.

This simple reflection on daily social encounters showed that over time it increases upward spirals of positivity and, even more surprisingly, increase vagal tone. It literally makes your heart better.

The next practice is a Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM). The goal here is to rouse tender, loving feelings as you visualize someone you love. There are many versions of this and the links below will take you to more complete meditations, but the essence of the practice is to imagine someone you love, allow warm feeling for them arise, and as you do recite these phrases to yourself.

• May (this person) feel safe.

• May (this person) feel happy.
• May (this person) feel healthy.
• May (this person) live his or her life with ease.

Dr. Fredrickson has kindly (of course) created a beautiful collection of meditations on her site, including one for LKM. You should check it out and try them all.

The quality of her research on LKM was so impressive on improving vagal tone that the Dalai Lama invited her to talk with him. Fredrickson was able to determine that those who had the largest increases in vagal tone had the most frequent positivity resonance experiences with others. Why was her research so important? Before her studies vagal tone was thought to be as stable and as unchangeable as one’s height. You either had good tone or not.

We could all use a little more love in our life, yes? Then keep your eyes wide as you wait in line for that latte. You may find it comes with a little extra sweetness.

Unfortunately that advice wouldn’t have been able to stop me from praying rosary after rosary when I was in fourth grade to avert going to hell, nor does it quiet the annoying noise and chatter inside my brain today in any given hour. But the fact that a great leader battled the worry war does provide me some consolation.

It doesn’t matter whether you are a chronic worrier without an official diagnosis or battling severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a neurobehavioral disorder that involves repetitive unwanted thoughts and rituals. The steps to overcome faulty beliefs and develop healthy patterns of thinking are the same.

Worrying about facing the inferno as a 10-year-old and fretting about whether or not I’ll provide enough income to keep my kids in private school stems from the same brain abnormality that Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. describes in his book, Brain Lock.

When we worry, the use of energy is consistently higher than normal in the orbital cortex, the underside of the front of the brain. It’s working overtime, heating up, which is exactly what is the PET scans show. Too many “what if’s” and your orbital cortex as shown in a PET scan will light up in beautiful neon colors, like the walls of my daughter’s bedroom. However, with repeated cognitive-behavioral exercises, you can cool it down and return your PET scan to the boring black and white.

In their book, The OCD Workbook, Bruce M. Hyman, Ph.D., and Cherry Pedrick, RN, explain the ABCDs of faulty beliefs. It’s a four-step cycle of insanity:

A = Activity Event and Intrusive Thought, Image or Urge. (What if I didn’t lock the door? What if I upset her? I know I upset her.)

B = Faulty Belief About the Intrusive Thought. (If I don’t say the rosary, I’m going to hell. If I made a mistake in my presentation, I will get fired.)

C = Emotional Consequences: Anxiety, Doubt, and Worry. (I am a horrible person for upsetting her. I keep making mistakes … I will never be able to keep a job. I hate myself.)

D = Neutralizing Ritual or Avoidance. (I need to say the rosary to insure I’m not going to hell. I should avoid my friend who I upset and my boss so that he can’t tell me I’m fired.)

Those might seem extreme for the casual worrier, but the small seed of anxiety doesn’t stay small for long in a person with an overactive orbital cortex.

Hyman and Pedrick also catalog some typical cognitive errors of worriers and persons with OCD:

• Overestimating risk, harm, and danger
• Overcontrol and perfectionism
• Catastrophizing
• Black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking
• Persistent doubting
• Magical thinking
• Superstitious thinking
• Intolerance of uncertainty
• Over-responsibility
• Pessimistic bias
• What-if thinking
• Intolerance of anxiety
• Extraordinary cause and effect

One of the best approaches to manage a case of the worries and/or OCD is the four-step self-treatment method by Schwartz, explained in Brain Lock,

Step 1: Relabel.

In this step you squeeze a bit of distance between the thought and you. By relabeling the bugger as “MOT” (my obsessive thought) or something like that, you take back control and prevent yourself from being tricked by the message. Because I’ve always suffered from OCD, I remind myself that the illogical thought about which I’m fretting is my illness talking, that I’m not actually going insane.

Step 2: Reattribute.

Here is where you remember the PET scan that would look like your brain. By considering that colorful picture, you take the problem from your emotional center to your physiological being. This helps me immensely because I feel less attached to it and less a failure for being able to tame and keep it under control. Just like arthritis that is flaring up, I consider my poor, overworked orbital cortex, and I put some ice on it and remember to be gentle with myself.

Step 3: Refocus.

If it’s at all possible, turn your attention to some other activity that can distract you from the anxiety. Schwartz says: “By refusing to take the obsessions and compulsions at face value—by keeping in mind that they are not what they say they are, that they are false messages—you can learn to ignore or to work around them by refocusing your attention on another behavior and doing something useful and positive.”

Step 4: Revalue.

This involves calling out the unwanted thoughts and giving yourself a pep talk on why you want to do everything you can to free yourself from the prison of obsessive thinking. You are basically devaluing the worrying as soon as it tries to intrude.

“Partners may find themselves in roles they do not want, such as the compromiser, the protector, or the comforter,” says Kate Thieda, MS, LPCA, NCC, a therapist and author of the excellent book Loving Someone with Anxiety.

They might have to bear the brunt of extra responsibilities and avoid certain places or activities that trigger their partner’s anxiety, she said. This can be very stressful for partners and their relationship.

“Partners of loved ones with anxiety may find themselves angry, frustrated, sad, or disappointed that their dreams for what the relationship was going to be have been limited by anxiety.”

Thieda’s book helps partners better understand anxiety and implement strategies that truly support their spouses, without feeding into or enabling their fears.

Below, she shared five ways to do just that, along with what to do when your partner refuses treatment.

1. Educate yourself about anxiety.

It’s important to learn as much as you can about anxiety, such as the different types of anxiety disorders and their treatment. This will help you better understand what your partner is going through.

Keep in mind that your partner might not fit any of these categories. As Thieda writes in Loving Someone with Anxiety, “The truth is, it doesn’t matter whether your partner’s anxiety is ‘diagnosable.’ If it’s impairing your relationship or diminishing your partner’s quality of life or your own quality of life, it will be worthwhile to make changes.”

2. Avoid accommodating your partner’s anxiety.

“Partners often end up making accommodations for their partner’s anxiety, whether it is intentional [such as] playing the part of the superhero, or because it just makes life easier, as in, doing all the errands because their partner is anxious about driving,” said Thieda, who also created the popular blog “Partners in Wellness” on Psych Central.

However, making accommodations actually exacerbates your partner’s anxiety. For one, she said, it gives your partner zero incentive to overcome their anxiety. And, secondly, it sends the message that there really is something to fear, which only fuels their anxiety.

3. Set boundaries.

Your partner might continue asking for accommodations, such as having you drive everywhere or regularly stay home with them, Thieda said. “You have the right to have a life, too, and this may mean telling your partner on occasion, and in a loving way, that you are going to do what you want and need to do.”

In her book Thieda devotes an entire chapter to effectively communicating this to your partner. Essentially, she suggests being empathetic, using “I” statements and giving specific requests.

For instance, she gives the following examples: Instead of saying, “You worry too much about what other people think of you,” you might say, “I’m concerned that your fears about what others think of you are holding you back at work.”

Instead of saying, “Don’t call me at work so much,” you might say, “It would be helpful if you would try some of the techniques you’ve learned for calming yourself down before calling me at the office.”

Also, “always consider whether a compromise is possible, but also recognize that you have the right to do things independently,” she said.

4. Relax together.

There are many techniques you can try together to alleviate anxiety. According to Thieda, “The body scan is a great couples mindfulness technique because one person can guide the other through the process.”

This promotes mindfulness for both partners. The partner giving instructions needs to pay attention to timing and the specific directions, she said. And the partner receiving the instructions needs to pay attention to each body part and releasing its tension, she said. (Here’s a sample body scan.)

5. Focus on your own care.

According to Thieda in her book, “When you live with an anxious partner, there can be a lot of tension in your relationship and in your home. Having self-care routines and plans in place can help you neutralize the static.”

Consider what you’re already “doing to promote physical, spiritual, mental, emotional, professional, and relationship health,” Thieda said. Assessing where you are helps you better understand where you need to go. For instance, you might want to set goals about improving your health or seek support from others, she said. You might want to work with a therapist or attend support groups.

What to Do When Your Partner Refuses Treatment

Anxiety is highly treatable. But your partner might not want to seek professional help. Thieda suggested considering the reasons behind their refusal.

For instance, they might’ve tried treatment before but it didn’t work. One reason treatment “fails” is because it’s not the right treatment for the person’s anxiety. According to Thieda, “It is best to work with a professional who uses cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques and is specifically trained in working with people who struggle with anxiety.”

They might’ve tried medication or psychotherapy alone, but they’d do better with a combination of treatments, she said. It’s also possible that your partner tried to take on too much, and ended up feeling even more anxious. “Maybe they need to approach their treatment in a different way, breaking down the challenges into smaller, more manageable pieces.”

Ultimately, the decision to seek treatment rests with your partner, Thieda said. “No amount of begging, pleading, or threatening is going to be effective, and will likely make things worse.”

The best thing you can do is to be supportive, encouraging and loving when they do decide to seek help, she said.

Having a spouse who’s struggling with anxiety can naturally become stressful for partners. But while this can be challenging, by educating yourself, setting healthy boundaries and practicing self-care, you can truly help your spouse and your relationship.

Specifically, about 1 in 5 Americans will receive a diagnosis of major depression in their lifetime. But Shorter believes that the term major depression doesn’t capture the symptoms most of these individuals have. “Nervous illness,” however, does.

“The nervous patients of yesteryear are the depressives of today,” he writes.

And these individuals aren’t particularly sad. Rather, their symptoms fall into these five domains, according to Shorter: nervous exhaustion; mild depression; mild anxiety; somatic symptoms, such as chronic pain or insomnia; and obsessive thinking.

As he writes in this recent blog post:

… The problem is that many people who get the diagnosis of major depression aren’t necessarily sad. They don’t cry all the time. They drag themselves from bed and go to work and plow through family life, but they aren’t sad. They may well have one of the “D-words”  — dysphoria, disenchantment, demoralization – but they aren’t necessarily depressed.

Instead, what do they have in addition? They’re anxious. They’re exhausted and often report crushing fatigue. They have all kinds of somatic pains that come and go. And they tend to obsess about the whole package.

What they have is a whole-body disorder, not a disorder of mood. And that is the problem with the term depression: it shines the spotlight on mood, a spotlight that belongs elsewhere.

Severe depression, which has been lumped in with depression, is a completely different disorder. It’s a serious illness akin to melancholia, a term used around the mid 18th century to the early 20th century. Melancholia speaks more accurately to the gravity of this severe depression and its serious symptoms, which include despair, hopelessness, lack of pleasure in one’s life and suicide.

Shorter also describes melancholia as a “dejection that appears to observers as sadness but that patients themselves often interpret as pain.” It’s recurrent. “Melancholia digs deep into the brain and body, putting patients in touch with their most primeval – and often sinister – impulses. Fantasies of murder and suicide are common themes.”

So how did everyone become depressed?

Shorter names three main culprits: psychoanalysis, which shifted the emphasis away from the body and solely to the mind; the pharmaceutical industry, “the marketing to the public of drugs for depression on the grounds that they rested on an unshakable foundation of neuroscience”; and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM).

Before 1980 (and the DSM-III), psychiatry had two depressions: melancholia, which was also called “endogenous depression;” and nonmelancholia, which was called a variety of names, such as “reactive depression” and “neurotic depression.”

After 1980, with the publication of the DSM-III, we were introduced to one term. The manual did include melancholia as a subtype of “major depressive episode.” But, according to Shorter, this was “a pale shadow of the historic melancholia, with its crushing burden of intolerable pain.” It was there “in letter, not in spirit.”

In the book Shorter harshly criticizes this diagnostic decision. He writes:

Whereas melancholia designated a small population of people with life-threatening illness, the diagnosis called simply “depression” was applied to millions. Before DSM-III in 1980, psychiatry had always had two depressions, and now it had only one, and that depression, which began life in 1980 as “major depression,” was a scientific travesty, a poor limp thing of a diagnosis that did not necessarily mean that the patient was sad at all – which is what a depressive mood diagnosis is supposed to convey – but was unhappy, aggrieved, tried, anxious, uncomfortable, or had nothing at all really wrong; the doctor had put her on antidepressants because he or she could think of nothing else to do.

Throughout the book Shorter features stories, case histories, diary excerpts and experts’ quotes along with research and survey data that bolster the need for separate diagnoses.

For instance, he cites one study where “depressed” patients most frequently picked words such as dispirited, sluggish, empty and listless — not sad — to describe how they felt. In the National Comorbidity Survey of 1990-1992, lack of energy appeared to be a prominent symptom for people with depression and anxiety.

Shorter also cites Bernard Carroll’s work. In 1968 Carroll, a psychiatrist and endocrinologist, discovered a biochemical marker for depression, a “promising lead” that’s largely been forgotten. According to Shorter:

…Carroll discovered that administering a synthetic steroid drug called dexamethasone to melancholic patients uncovered an unsuspected dysfunction of their endocrine system: It keeps their cortisol levels high.  Cortisol is a stress hormone. Unlike normal subjects, if you gave them dexamethasone at midnight, their systems did not experience the normal late-night-early-morning reduction of cortisol; this nonreduction correlated with the severity of the illness, and it disappeared after patients were successfully treated for their depression. Later studies found that the endocrine systems of patients with most other psychiatric diagnoses showed normal suppression in response to dexamethasone. Thus, melancholic patients had a distinctive dysfunction of the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis called ‘DST nonsuppression.’

Other illnesses share this suppression. But they’re not mistaken for melancholia, Shorter says. In fact, he compares the accuracy of the DST to the diagnostic test for epilepsy.

The marker of cortisol nonsuppression is not biologically unique to melancholia: it occurs in severe physical illness and in some psychiatric disorders that are unlikely to be confused with melancholia, such as anorexia nervosa and dementia. Yet the dexamethasone suppression test, or “DST,” has about the same ability to diagnose melancholia properly, without too many “false negatives” and “false positives,” that the interictal (between seizures) electroencephalogram has in epilepsy: useful but not perfect. The DST provides evidence that most melancholic patients, whether unipolar or bipolar, have an underlying biochemical homogeneity that is entirely lacking in other psychiatric disorders.

Ultimately, Shorter calls for a de-emphasis of sad mood in depression. “People with the nerve syndrome are not necessarily sad, weepy, or down in the dumps any more than the population as a whole. They feel ill at ease in their bodies, preoccupied with their state of mind, and are unable to get their thoughts off their internal psychic condition.”

He also calls for a division of depression. He believes that lumping melancholia with depression is dangerous. “…[P]oorly diagnosed patients are denied the benefit of proper treatment while being exposed to all the side effects of classes of medication, such as Prozac-style drugs, that are ineffective for serious illness.”

In sum, having one term to describe melancholia and “nervous illness” simply makes no sense. As Shorter writes, these two illnesses are as different as “tuberculosis and mumps.”

Maybe you can relate. Maybe hope has a fleeting quality for you, too. Maybe you also associate hope with childhood, a kind of effervescence that didn’t survive the transition into adulthood.

Today, Lopez, who’s a leading researcher of hope, has a different perspective. He views hope like oxygen. “We can’t live without hope.”

Why is hope so important?

For instance, Lopez and his colleagues conducted three meta-analyses. Their findings showed that hope leads to everything from better performance in school to more success in the workplace to greater happiness overall. And it makes sense. According to Lopez, “When we’re excited about ‘what’s next,’ we invest more in our daily life, and we can see beyond current challenges.”

Unfortunately, only half of us measure high in hope, Lopez notes in the book. Fortunately, however, hope can be learned. Hopeful people share four core beliefs, according to Lopez:

1. The future will be better than the present.
2. I have the power to make it so.
3. There are many paths to my goals.
4. None of them is free of obstacles.

Hope includes a range of emotions, such as joy, awe and excitement. But it’s not empty, tunnel-vision enthusiasm. Hope is a combination of your head and heart, Lopez writes. He describes hope as “the golden mean between euphoria and fear. It is a feeling where transcendence meets reason and caution meets passion.”

Lopez also distinguishes hope from other terms such as optimism. He notes that optimism is an attitude. You think your future will be better than today. But hope is both the belief in a better future and the action to make it happen.

As Lopez writes, “You might consider yourself a hard-nosed realist, even a pessimist – someone who sees the world in a clear, cold light – but you take action to improve any situation that’s important to you.”

In the book, Lopez shares how readers can accomplish our goals, become confident about the future, cultivate hope every day and create hope in our society. He reveals the 3-step process that propels hope into action: goals, agency and pathways.

In other words, hopeful people pick good goals, know how to make them happen, and spot and seek out the pathways that will move them forward.

For many people, it’s the last part that trips us up. (But picking goals also can be tricky. According to Lopez, pick goals that you’re excited about pursuing and align with your strengths.) Hopeful people use cues and defaults to make it easier for them to achieve their aspirations.

For instance, Lopez’s friend wears an electronic bracelet that vibrates every 20 minutes to remind her to get up and stretch or walk down the hall.

A default helps your goal thrive on autopilot. There’s no decision to make; it’s made for you. For example, if you’re trying to save money, every month, you have your bank automatically transfer the same amount of money from your checking into your savings account, Lopez writes.

In the book Lopez also underscores that hope is contagious. “Your hope is actually dependent on your entire social network, including best friends, role models and secondhand associates. And your hope can be shared with others.”

According to Lopez, we can spread hope by modeling it through stories and our actions and providing support to others. Hope gives us the power to effect change.

As he writes, “Please build up your hope. Then with hope to spare, help others build a future that is better than the present. Much better.”

It’s especially helpful if you’re raising a child who’s under 5. As Neff writes, “Raising infants and toddlers, with their constant need for supervision, picky food habits, tantrums, not to mention dirty diapers, has to be one of the most challenging jobs around.”

In Self-Compassion, Neff shares the work of Australian psychologist Rebecca Coleman, Ph.D. Coleman has developed a parenting program called Mindful Awareness Parenting (MAP). It teaches parents mindfulness and self-compassion skills and helps them make good decisions in tough situations.

Neff explains that MAP also teaches parents to empathize with their kids, and help them nurture their kids’ needs.

Specifically, in order to respond to your child’s needs, it’s important to be fully present — body and mind. This helps you build a secure attachment, the best kind of connection you can have with your child. According to Coleman on her website:

“Children learn about themselves by the way we communicate with them. For children between birth and five years this is mostly non-verbal, so they need to see our eyes & face which mirror that they are worthy of our kind attention, love & delight. Our loving presence enables our children to experience being protected and understood which builds their confidence and trust in life. Fifty years of research supports the long-term benefits of having a secure attachment relationship with Parents and Caregivers. Secure attachment is formed when we sensitively and consistently respond to our child’s relationship needs with strength and kindness (‘tuned in’ or ‘attuned’). When we are preoccupied with the past or worried about the future (in ‘automatic pilot’), we are physically present with our children but are mentally absent. Children do not need us to be fully available all the time, but they do need our presence during connecting interactions. This includes needing to be welcomed by us when frightened or supported to explore their environment when curious (attachment & exploration needs).”

Mindfulness and self-compassion also help to repair your relationship when you inevitably make mistakes. Coleman writes:

“Being a Mindful Parent means having intention in our actions so we can purposefully choose our behaviour with our child’s emotional & social well-being in mind. Parental self-compassion helps our children to learn that perfection is not the goal and rewards are not just for perfect jobs. Repairing relationship disconnections is the key to being a ‘Good Enough’ Parent, which basically means making mistakes with our children and knowing how to fix them. With mindfulness & self-compassion we can repair relationship disconnections with our children, which is a crucial aspect of developing secure attachment relationships with our children.
”

Helping Your Child Express His or Her Feelings

When their kids have an outburst, many parents give them a “time-out.” Neff, however, suggests giving your kids a “time-in.” In her book she includes a helpful exercise based on Coleman’s MAP protocol. It aims to help your child process “big feelings,” such as a tantrum or crying.

When kids misbehave, sometimes it’s because they’re seeking support and connection, Neff explains. This exercise helps you connect to your child and teaches them to express their emotions healthfully.

According to Neff, this exercise “allows your child’s feelings to ‘be felt’ and accepted. It shows your child that you are willing to help him and that your love means you will be welcoming and accepting of his emotions – even difficult ones.”

Neff gives the following suggestions for creating a “time-in”:

• First, make sure you’re calm yourself. This way, you can truly tend to your child’s needs. If you’re not, tell your child that you’ll need 10 seconds to calm down.
• Have a specific spot for “time-in,” like a chair or cushion you can move throughout the house. Both you and your child will sit there.
• Invite your child to come to this spot. “If he is emotionally out of control and presents a danger to others, he may need help getting there.”
• Keep your tone “firm, reassuring and kind.” Be sensitive and sympathetic. Try to be present, in the moment.
• Observe your child closely and try to figure out the feelings and meaning beneath their behavior.
• Help your child describe their feelings when they’re finally relatively calm. Neff suggests saying something like: “You look like you’re struggling with this …” or “This looks hard for you; are you angry/afraid/sad?”
• Wait for your answer, and listen intently. “Acknowledge and accept the answer (or lack thereof).”
• Share your own feelings, using sentences such as “When you did _______, I felt _______ (emotion) arising in me.” Try to convey your feelings in a straightforward but non-blaming way.
• When your child is calm, help them find another activity to do, or continue with your plans, such as eating dinner or going to bed.

Learn more about Kristin Neff and her work here. Also, for information on parenting and mindfulness, check out our popular Psych Central blog Mindful Parenting.