Living with Regret

You’re probably able to let go of a bad day in the morning and an argument with a friend in a few day’s time. But the decisions you made that just didn’t work out, those could potentially negatively direct your life.

Because we seldom have control over what happens in our life, the desire to make the “right” decisions feel like a heavy weight on our shoulders. We can’t get away from them. And we can harbor guilt from as insignificant a problem as choosing the wrong paint color to partnering with an ill-fitted mate.

The hardest yet best way to deal with the decisions we wish we could undo is to learn to forgive ourselves. We do this by realizing that we don’t have a crystal ball to know what is the right thing to do in any moment. We do our best. Part of our growth and healing involves learning to move on by accepting what is and finding the lessons in the mistakes we’ve made. It’s also about changing our focus from what’s not working to what is working.

To make peace with whatever you’re regretting, scroll down to read our top posts this week. You’ll discover tips for savoring your life regardless of what you’re going through (chronic pain, difficult relationships, stressed and coping with mental illness) and learn new ways of understanding yourself. It might just change your perspective on things. And what you once deemed a bad decision, may turn into the best decision you ever made.

{Flickr photo by Hammonton Photography}

You might be surprise to know what colors your world isn’t just the things that happen to you, your genes, the family that you have or your upbringing. Those factors have a big role in shaping you. An illness can slow you down. A difficult environment can change the way you see the world. And your genetics can put you at risk for disease and illness that’s not an issue for your friend or neighbor.

While those things are a real downer, you can think of it like the weather. They force you to bring a raincoat, a sweater or an umbrella to prepare. They temporarily direct your path. But it doesn’t have to ruin your life.

You can choose to allow addiction, illness, depression, or other difficulty to leave you permanently defeated. After all, there is legitimate reason for you to fall down when the going gets tough. But whether you get up after you fall is more an indication of your own attitude, strength and resilience than the obstacles that flood your path. As you’ll find out below, with knowledge and awareness comes responsibility. You can choose to allow life’s challenges to consume you or you can choose to not be overwhelmed by them. It’s a choice that will dictate the rest of your life so make sure you choose wisely.

{Flickr photo by Malingering}

When things are going well, the rocks and pebbles that traverse your path seem like temporary and tolerable roadblocks. But throw in a sleepless night, conflict with a loved one and an illness, and any minor issue as tiny as a grain of sand can feel as painful as a shard of glass.

On days like these, it’s best not to exacerbate the situation. If possible, finding ways to baby yourself the way you would a sick child will soothe the parts of you that feels wounded. Rest, support, compassion can all help to heal what ails you in this moment. Make it a priority to take care of yourself and you’ll be better able to meet any future challenges that come your way.

This week you may still be recovering from Mother’s Day. Scroll down below to read how you can heal not just from growing up with an emotionally unavailable mother, but from a difficult past. There’s also tips on how to be comfortable with being yourself and ways to give back to a deserving mom in your life. This mix of healing posts should help you through any rough day you’re having right now.

{Flickr photo by Randy Cox}

We all want to feel better. We all want and need to feel loved. What gets in the way of true happiness isn’t desire. Most often we don’t know the path to take us there.

I know people who relentlessly sabotage their happiness. Maybe it’s because they’ve grown accustomed to being disappointed. Maybe it’s because they believe they don’t deserve it. Maybe it’s because what they know, no matter how bad, seems better than what they don’t know. But mostly it’s because of fear.

Maybe the bridge to take you where you want to go is filled with challenges and you’re scared too. Perhaps seeing a therapist would help you with managing the insurmountable problems you’re dealing with. Or your biggest challenge is caring for someone will an illness and you don’t know how to cope.  Maybe what you need is support, information and hope that you can overcome whatever you’re enduring currently. Although it’s scary to confront those obstacles in your path, once defeated, the road seems a lot less overwhelming and intimidating. We hope these posts will help you through whatever you’re going through.

{Flickr photo by Ryan Schultz}

It’s easy to cross over from stressed to overwhelmed especially if you’ve been recently diagnosed with an illness. What once may have caused you worry, now seems superficial.

Welcome to the club! While it can seem like a scary process to navigate where you were to where you are now, you are not alone. It’s what many of our bloggers deal with every day. Although it’s difficult to deal with the unknown and grasp the idea of being different or not “normal,” there is a silver lining. Many people who have been diagnosed with mental illness have happy lives. Also, they are often more compassionate, resilient, and grateful for the life they have. The key is to find like-minded individuals, be kind to yourself and focus on the areas of your life that’s working.

As you’ll read this week, there are positives to being different. We hope you don’t just accept it, but celebrate it. Need help embracing your uniqueness? Scroll down below. You’ll find more reasons to celebrate here.

{Etsy print by DawnAliceDesigns}

In the presence of a friend or relative who is habitually negative, I freeze up. I grapple with being compassionate without letting them indulge in self-pity. Responding with sympathetic statements can sometimes increase a need to glorify doom and gloom stories. At the same time, I understand the desire to dump blame and negativity on others. It feels like a release. It feels like someone cares when their listening. But I also realize it’s not my responsibility to take care of everyone’s needs.

Instead of trying to change or take on their problems for them, I try to work on myself. I remember what it’s like to feel hopeless, insecure, scared and alone. I use that compassion I have for others and turn it on myself. It helps me be kind, understanding and patient, but within my own boundaries. I know the best thing I can do is to live my life as a testament to hope, courage and positivity. It’s a hard thing to learn, but we’re just not capable of changing or curing everyone else.

But there are things we can do. If you’re struggling with negativity, this week’s posts will lift you up. You’ll learn how to turn a negative self-image into a more positive one through gratitude, self-love and self-acceptance. You’ll also learn what to say if you feel tongue-tied like me when faced with someone suffering pain on a regular basis or develop compassion for those suffering from depression. It’s a blurry line between loving others and loving yourself. But the important thing to remember is you can only be as helpful, kind and caring to others when you first take care of yourself.

{Flickr photo by Kate Ware}

Labels can haunt you forever. What makes them particularly insidious is how unaware most of us are to its debilitating affects.

A diagnosis from a doctor, for example, can render you helpless. For some, it can be a death sentence.

Thoughtless words from an insensitive relative or a classmate can be hard to forget even years after the words were spoken.

Unlike the wounds that heal when physically hit, seemingly innocuous words from others, can last a lifetime.

How do you prevent words from doing more harm to you?

This week our top posts addresses some of these issues. One way is by refusing to accept insults thrown at you and focus instead on finding where they are coming from. Maybe someone made you feel bad about your weight, being single, or put you down in front of others. Instead of taking those words in, think about who’s throwing them at you. Is it the result of an old way of thinking, a negative and incorrect belief propelled by society, or an unjust boss? Knowing where these hurtful labels came from can help you to take matters into your own hands. You don’t have to absorb the hurt and pain sent from insensitive people. As you’ll read below, what you do with what others say to you is your choice.

{Flickr photo by Karina}

Have you or someone you loved been recently diagnosed with a physical or mental illness? Aside from the initial shock, most of us feel both relief and anxiety. It’s validating to finally know what’s wrong, yet what’s next is uncertain. How do you cope when you’ve been recently diagnosed?

It’s difficult to stay hopeful when there is still so much you need to know. Give yourself time to grieve over your compromised health. Surround yourself with supportive, understanding and loving people. And be cognizant of what you can do. Taking care of yourself is of the utmost importance.

This week you’ll learn how to integrate more moments of self-care in your life, which will help regardless of your diagnosis. Scroll down below and feel more at peace with a short meditation practice, understand why what people say can really hurt you and learn ways to cope with your negative inner thoughts.

{Flickr photo by Kukhahn Yoga}

There is a lot of emphasis these days on narcissistic and selfish behavior. It’s true that a consistent pattern of putting yourself first ends up eating at your own joy and happiness. But the same is true if you neglect yourself.

I’ve met too many people who “pretend” to be giving and generous out of obligation or a fear of being unloved. As a result, they turn resentful when doling out favors. Instead of helping others out of the goodness of their heart, their empty tank of self-love causes them to ask the question, “What’s in it for me?”

When you are compassionate with others and generous in spirit, do you also offer that same love to yourself? Putting the proverbial oxygen mask on you first is not an act of narcissism or selfishness. It’s a practice in self-care.

How do you counteract being giving to others with giving to yourself? Spend time with people who are compassionate and loving and minimize time with those who are negative and draining. And when you’re having a tough time, be as generous, kind, and understanding to yourself as you would be to those you love. Our top post this week will give you more ideas on how to improve your relationship with yourself and that in return should boost your relationship with everyone else.

{Flickr photo by Quinn Dombrowski}

When tragedy hits, it affects all of us. We could be living in the town, state or country where it happened. But we don’t have to be. Crisis reminds us we’re vulnerable, we can’t control everything, and there are evil people in the world. This type of news can floor the most put together person and it can destroy those of us who are extra sensitive. It can turn our vision of the world upside down.

At the same time, it’s a reminder that we’re all human and in the face of tragedy we’re more alike than we’re different. If we could hold onto the love, compassion and empathy we have for those in need, we might change our world for the better.

You might be feeling anxious lately because of what’s going on in the media and that could be percolating into your daily life. If you’re struggling with anxiety because you’re highly sensitive or creative, you’ll appreciate our posts on why the two are intertwined with tips on how to feel less anxious now. If you’re like many of us right now who need a way to come down from the fear, anxiety and overwhelming sense of hopelessness in response to the Boston tragedy, you’ll gain a lot from our posts on being vulnerable and how to cope. Whatever you’re going through this week, take care of yourself.

{Flickr photo by Darren Tunnicliff}

It’s very easy to fall prey to blame and victimhood. Why? There may be adequate reason to feel justified in complaining and being negative in your life. Maybe things just aren’t going right. Your kids are driving you crazy. You got a divorce or undergoing recovery. You’re in physical pain constantly. You’re just extremely overwhelmed by everything on your plate.

What feels right, a letting off of steam and an emotional release from venting over time becomes habitual. Now moments that could be spent improving your life are spent complaining about it. Instead of drawing the loving, positive, support you need, you’re building upon negative, hurtful ones. But once that negative and blame cycle gets going, how do you get it to stop?

“Negative emotions are like unwelcome guests. Just because they show up on our doorsteps doesn’t mean they have a right to stay.” – Deepak Chopra

It starts by taking personal responsibility for what you’re feeling and making the necessary changes to create more positive, healthy moments in your life. As you’ll read below, this might consist of taking 15 minutes out of your day to do something for yourself or it could mean getting practical tips for handling everything from recovery to mindful parenting. They key is to focus on what you can do in the present moment to start living your life with greater positivity, less blaming and more hope. These posts should help you do that.

{Etsy print by courtneyoquist}

Waiting for Happiness

Too many of us save our best selves for a rainy day. We wait for love to find us, for our life’s purpose to show up, for some shot of good luck to turn our lives around. Sadly, many of us will wait forever.

While you wait holding onto the good China/outfit/attitude for some perfect moment, you’re missing out on many memorable ones along the way. True happiness isn’t defined by what happens to you. It’s carving out joyful memories along the way.

“…happiness can simply be described as the satisfaction we feel when we are in ultimate accord, however, briefly, in being and doing. In those unified moments, our purpose is life and our talent is living it in its most immediate detail, be it drying the dishes or raking the leaves or washing the baby’s hair.” – Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

Don’t wait for the perfect relationship or a slew of good news before you give yourself permission to be happy. Take these posts this week as a sign that you can create your own moments of happiness with patience, practice and by empowering yourself. Choose happiness for this moment regardless of what you’re going through.

{Etsy illustration by Shelli Dorfe!}