I once had an abscessed tooth, and in the absence of a dentist, I considered pulling it myself to end the intense pain. Secrets are like abscesses. They hurt when we touch them but we can’t stop touching them. When a secret is at the center of our integrity it produces excruciating pain. We long for the momentary intense pain that comes with releasing the pressure.

Each of us seeks to maintain a sense of internal integrity, while still making a positive impression on others. We are driven by a fear of being discredited. Sometimes that means keeping secrets, especially when the concealed information is sensitive. Concealment of sexual orientation requires considerable effort, constant vigilance, and behavioral self-editing. Although there is a wish to disclose the secret, the need to make a favorable impression on others often overpowers the need to disclose.

Coming out is a process of initiating forgiveness for what we or others may see as a serious mistake. Initiating forgiveness is associated with higher stress at all ages, but it is particularly complex for the mature man who has been living a heterosexual life. In the research for my book Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, I found that for mature men who have sex with men (MSM), initiating forgiveness creates one of the biggest barriers to their coming out. MSM have intense stress that may worsen their physical health and lead to depression, substance abuse and suicide. MSM may or may not feel guilty about their sexual behaviors, but most are tormented by the potential consequences of revealing their lies and deception.

It’s the million-dollar question (of course not when you’re depressed): what do we need to do to live longer? Two professors decided to bring together their 20 years of work on a landmark eight decade study. Howard S. Friedman is Distinguished Professor at the University of California in Riverside. Leslie R. Martin is Professor of Psychology at La Sierra University, and Research Psychologist at UC Riverside. Together they wrote The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study. Their scientific research on health and longevity has been published in over 150 influential and often-cited scientific articles in leading books and scientific journals.

1. I know that it’s hard to pinpoint one predictor of longevity. But I’m going to ask that anyway. Given all the research you present in this book, can you name the top three factors that contribute most?

Dr. Friedman: We looked very carefully at who thrived and survived from childhood through old age. So naturally, people ask, “What is the single most important tip to live longer and happier?” Is it telling jokes and laughing a lot? Maybe it is that hour in the gym every morning at 6 am? Or, is it vowing to lose that extra 10 pounds? Could the essential trick be keeping a positive outlook and whistling while you work? No.

The single most important bit of advice we can offer tip-seekers and list-makers is:
 Throw Away Your Lists!

Antioxidants are good for your health.

Or at least that is a popular claim.

An antioxidant is any molecule that slows down or prevents oxidation reactions.  Originally, oxidation reactions were defined as chemical reactions with oxygen.  More recently, oxidation reactions have been described as reactions in which an atom or molecule loses an electron.

Oxidation is a natural part of life.  Excessively high antioxidant levels are detrimental to health. Some people have suggested that oxidation reactions contribute to heart disease, declines in cognitive abilities, and cancer.

“Vitamin C, vitamin E, and beta-carotene have been shown to be antioxidants in a test tube, and it is often claimed that they and many other substances are able to function as antioxidants in the body. However, whether any molecule can act as an antioxidant depends on its environment, and it is not clear which of these can be counted on to work in your body.  Further, even if they act as antioxidants in the body, it is not clear that they will have any effect on heart disease or cancer,” says Gerda Endemann, biochemist and author of Fat is Not the Enemy (Endemann, 2002).

Inspired from all the comments she received from my interview with her on chronic illness, Dr. Elvira Aletta compiled some suggestions for finding a good-enough doctor.

In her previous Psych Central post called Tips to Find a Good-Enough Doctor, she throws out three basic qualities she looks for in a doctor:

• Expertise, knowledge, intellectual curiosity and all the right credentials.
• Warm, receptive, a good listener and communicator. The bedside manner thing.
• A well-run office, with smart, efficient support & medical staff.

Then she follows up with a few more points to keep in mind while shopping for a doctor…

Here’s a news flash for you — people like sex. Even older people. Wow, what an astounding insight into human behavior.

I think some people have this conception that older people are somehow, like, not normal. Like they don’t have all the same needs, wants and desires as a younger person does. Like aging itself is some sort of disorder or disease that needs separate studying and understanding.

I’ll let you in on a little secret — most older folks don’t feel their age. Most middle-age folks don’t feel their age. Once you hit 25 or so, many people (most?) seem “stuck in time” in terms of their own self-image and what they imagine others see them as. Most people simply don’t seem to feel their chronological age.