Sex addiction is an escalating state of dysfunction affecting body, mind and spirit. It is a series of sexual acting-out behaviors that are kept secret and are abusive to self or others. Sex addiction is used to avoid painful feelings, but often can be the source of such feelings.

Acting out sexually for a sex addict alters consciousness and feelings. It is a mental preoccupation which includes obsession and compulsion, and is devoid of a caring relationship. Sex addicts are unable to stop their behaviors on their own, but can be responsive to the recovery process using a 12-step model such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).

A formal disclosure is an important piece when putting together the recovery puzzle. It involves the sex addict and his or her partner meeting with a therapist trained in sex and love addiction issues.

I recently wrote of an informative NBC News article of June 2, 2013 (see part 1 here). Investigative reporter Rebecca Ruiz laid out medical research evidence pointing toward non-genetic alterations in brain chemistry — that is, organic changes in the brain’s chemistry after birth.

Specifically, Ruiz’s article was centered around the behavioral concept of resiliency. She provided medical research and testimony, as well as case study, that early formative experiences may produce structural adaptations to genes

Amazing, that early experiences can have such an impact on the developing physical brain. But what about later in life? Short of the eventual physical decline of aging in the brain structure, are there other experiences which significantly alter the actual organic brain?

Drink and drugs immediately come to mind… But these affect functioning ability, no?

As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you will miss most of your life.
~ Buddha

When you sit in a waiting room, you get a glimpse into what other people choose to do as they wait. I was pleasantly surprised when I looked up to see an adolescent male reading a book.

So often the scenario is that one pulls out a smartphone or tablet — children, adolescents, and adults alike. This is not limited to just waiting rooms; I’ve seen it during classroom breaks at college, in restaurants, or simply walking around.

We have seemingly become hardwired to checking our phones. And for some of us, it has become compulsive.

Disappointing to some professionals, I’m sure, is the fact that two disorders didn’t make it into the DSM-5 at all — not even in the chapter “Conditions for Further Study.”

Those two lonely disorders? “Internet addiction” and parental alienation disorder.

This is a nice respite from the hype surrounding both these concerns and reaffirms what we’ve been saying here for years — these are not mental disorders. Do some people have a usually-temporary and almost-always transitory problem with figuring out how much time to spend on the Internet? Sure they do — it’s just not a disorder-level concern.

And the evidence is simply too sparse for “parental alienation disorder,” which I believe has propagated more for legal than clinical reasons.

People develop addictions to shield themselves from intolerably painful feelings. An addiction always creates harmful, often ignored consequences. Only when the addiction becomes unmanageable will people do something about it.

Love addicts spend much time, effort on a person to whom they are addicted. Love addicts value this person above themselves, and their focus on the beloved other often is obsessive.

This behavior results in love addicts neglecting to care for themselves in a variety of ways, in essence abandoning important aspects of their lives and well-being to stay connected to the object of their affections.

While many of us in the U.S. are enjoying the spoils of a three-day Memorial Day weekend, there are some who are working despite the holiday. Besides hourly workers in retail, hospitality and restaurants (and entrepreneurs!), most people get weekends off.

Well, they did.

Then came the Internet. And managers and bosses were suddenly expected to check their work emails regularly on the weekends. Employees soon followed. What started out as, “I’ll just check email for anything that’s an emergency,” quickly turned into, “Shoot, these four things really need to get done. Might as well work on them now — even though it’s a Saturday.”

Then came the iPhone and smartphones. And suddenly everyone is reachable any time, anywhere.

While I love how connected technology has allowed us all to become, it’s also become obvious that the line between “work” and “not work” leisure time has been blurred for many beyond all recognition.

One of my treasured books from favorite author Linda Schierse Leonard, “The Wounded Woman,” had the most beautiful, sacred, royal-looking design on a deep purple cardstock page insert, simply announcing the name of the publishing company, Shambhala.  That card, alone, I remember, was as fascinating to me as the book’s title and the mysterious, wise teachings of Carl Jung, brought to life by the woman author devoted to sharing archetypal insights.  (“The Call to Create” and “Creativity & the Veil of Addiction” are just two others Schierse-Leonard penned.)

Back in the ‘80s — before the age of websites — I filled out the card and sent it in to receive their catalog of books and see what else they had up their sleeve.  Over the years, it seemed I’d only sporadically receive a brochure (as fits and starts to publishing houses’ marketing efforts came into the digital age). 

Having the same effect as the cardstock insert, though, as soon as the first one arrived some 20-plus years ago, I was captivated anew.

A couple of weeks ago, the New York Times Review of Books reviewed David Sheff’s new book Clean:  Overcoming Addiction and Ending America’s Greatest Tragedy. After noting some highlights in the book, editor Mick Sussman aptly concluded that Sheff has “performed a vital service by compiling sensible advice on a subject for which sensible advice is in short supply.”

I agree. Sheff diagnoses the nation’s response to addiction as being as sick as addiction itself. His message cuts across not only the policies of criminalization but the criminalization of an addict’s character.

A favorite caption I saw a couple years ago with regard to workforce restlessness was “Distracted? Hit the Reset Button.”

We all know the familiar frustration with computers and other devices that decide they just can’t work anymore in the moment. We’re probably all familiar too with the required routine to update their operating systems in order to bring them back to even keel, starting point, place of rest.

It is the same with people.

We find ourselves with “restlessness syndrome,” the inability to write another word or figure another computation in our workplaces. That’s not to say distraction doesn’t rear its periodic unattractive head when we are attending to a project at home. Often, what is behind it is simply our modern lack of deep focus on any one thing at any one time, in an age of expected, mega multi-tasking.

It seems like there is a growing segment of the population who makes a weekly date (or, in some cases, multiple weekly dates, depending on how many versions they follow) with their DVR or with groups of friends to watch the “Real Housewives” television show phenomenon.

I have seen enough episodes to ask the question, “Why?”

What draws people to watch faithfully every week or watch every series every week? What satisfaction is had by watching women backstab each other, trash-talk each other behind each other’s backs, steal each other’s men, lie and manipulate others for attention, and flaunt their excessive lifestyles?

In short, what is to be gained by watching women treat each other so poorly?

You suspect your teen is using drugs. Maybe they’re not acting like themselves. Maybe they’re cutting school or shirking other responsibilities. Maybe their grades are dropping. Or their behavior is worsening. Maybe they’ve started hanging out with a bad crowd.

Maybe they’re being secretive and have even stolen money from your wallet. Maybe their physical appearance has changed with rapid weight loss or red eyes. Maybe you’ve noticed a change in their sleep habits, energy level and mood. Maybe you’ve actually found marijuana or other drugs in their room.

Naturally, the thought and possible confirmation of your child using drugs trigger a rush and range of emotions: anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, fear.

If you think your child is using drugs, how do you approach them? Where do you start?

In the continual quest to find balance in our relationships, we must take time to explore whether we tend toward codependence.

Co-dependence is one of those psychological terms that describes a dysfunctional way of behaving in important relationships in one’s life. It is primarily a learned behavior from our family of origin. Some cultures have it to a greater degree than others — some still see it as a normal way of being.

Yet the costs of co-dependence can include distrust, faulty expectations, passive-aggressiveness, control, self-neglect, over-focus on others, manipulation, and a slew of other unattractive traits.

Wondering if you might be involved in a co-dependent relationship? Read on…