1. Know how your partner likes to be loved.

Partners have different needs and find different things appealing. For one partner, a bouquet of flowers is a special gift. For another, flowers are meaningless but a book makes their heart skip a beat. (Honey, if you’re reading this, you know I appreciate both!)

This is where your partner’s “love frame” comes in. This term originated from psychologist George Bach, according to Bill Cloke, Ph.D, a psychologist in private practice in Los Angeles for over 20 years and author of Happy Together: Creating A Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy. It simply refers to how you show love to your partner along with how you feel most loved.

“Knowing what your partner likes to receive when they want to feel loved can create a very special feeling because they sense that you know who they really are and love them for it,” Cloke said.

2. Make your gift personal.

“A simple handwritten note telling your partner why you’d still choose him or her if you had to do it all over again says ‘I love you’ much better than a box of candy,” said Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, psychotherapist, researcher and author of the forthcoming book Finding Love Again: Six Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.

3. Give the gift of giggling.

As long as it isn’t at your partner’s expense, a silly gift — along with a more serious one — can be a fun way to express your love, Cloke said. “I remember when a girlfriend of mine gave me a birthday gift of a small leaded glass case with marbles inside and the word replacements lettered on the top,” he said.

4. Give the gift of touch.

Touching, such as kissing, hugging and cuddling, is another great way to express your love, Orbuch said.  “Even if you’re not romantic, everyone needs and responds to the loving touch of a partner,” she said.

5. Remember that money isn’t meaningful.

With all the ads and commercials about presents, there’s a lot of pressure to spend and spend big on Valentine’s Day. This might lead you to spend money you don’t have or turn you off from the holiday altogether. But remember that romance doesn’t have a price tag, Cloke said.

Instead of viewing Valentine’s Day as a wily marketing ploy, Orbuch suggested seeing it as an opportunity for quality time. And this means different things to different couples. For instance, you might want to dine out at a nice restaurant or stay in and cuddle on the couch, she said.

6. Fill a need for your partner.

“If mushy romanticism isn’t for you, think of something your partner really needs,” Orbuch said. This might be anything from getting his car detailed to replacing her tattered briefcase, she said.

7. Muse over your magical moments.

As Cloke said, “All relationships have unforgettable moments or you wouldn’t be in it.” Take the time to talk about those special moments when you were first falling in love. You can even write them down, and exchange your lists, Cloke said.

In fact, just talking with your partner for 10 minutes about any topic — aside from kids, work, finances or household chores — can boost your relationship, Orbuch said. Her long-term marriage study found that talking to your partner every day for just 10 minutes increased intimacy, bonding and happiness.

But Kahlbaum paved the way for Kraepelin’s renowned work and also made some remarkable contributions of his own. In fact, Kahlbaum’s ideas — along with his assistant Ewald Hecker — influenced Kraepelin’s two major concepts: manic depression and dementia praecox (what we today call schizophrenia).

According to Richard Noll, associate professor of psychology at DeSales University, in his book American Madness: The Rise and Fall of Dementia Praecox, “What he produced would eventually revolutionize psychiatry once Kraepelin applied Kahlbaum’s concepts in Heidelberg [where Kraepelin lived and worked].”

Like Kraepelin, Kahlbaum was a German psychiatrist. Born in 1828 in Eastern Germany, Kahlbaum studied medicine at several universities: Königsberg, Würzburg and Leipzig. (He passed away in 1899.) After receiving his medical degree, working at a psychiatric clinic and teaching classes at Königsberg University, Kahlbaum began working at a private psychiatric hospital. He bought the hospital in 1867 and renamed the facility after himself (it was named for the previous owner).

According to The American Journal of Psychiatry:

…over the following 20 years he made it into an exemplary psychiatric hospital that became famous beyond German borders. He considered vocational therapy and arts and music therapy as an important part of psychiatric treatment. He regularly organized musical and theatrical performances for the patients in a room in his clinic that he designated for these purposes. Until 1943, the Kahlbaum Sanitarium was managed by one of his sons, Dr. Siegfried Kahlbaum.

In 1863 Kahlbaum published his book Gruppirung der psychischen Krankheiten und die Einteilung der Seelenstörungen (Classification of Psychiatric Diseases and Mental Disturbances). In it, he spelled out his own classification system.

Unfortunately, the psychiatric field couldn’t care less. According to Noll, the field largely ignored this work because Kahlbaum wasn’t a professor, and his classification system was in direct disagreement with Germany’s most popular paradigm: “unitary psychosis.”

At the time psychiatrists believed that there was one form of insanity, and the differences in symptoms were just stages along a continuum. Also problematic was that Kahlbaum’s classification system was “unnecessarily complex and the terms were unusual in construction,” Noll writes.

But bulky language and complexities aside, with this work, Kahlbaum contributed a key concept: time. Writes Noll in American Madness:

His revolutionary notion was that the only correct definitions of actual mental diseases would have to take into account their natural history of development. Cross-sectional descriptions of patients that were limited to a single time and place could no longer be regarded as valid. Didn’t the symptoms and behaviors of insane patients change over time? Of course they did. For Kahlbaum the most important elements were the period of life during which the symptoms first appeared (age of onset) and the typical ways the signs and symptoms changed over time.

Using this method meant more accurate diagnoses and some clues into the course and prognosis of mental disorders. Noll explains that it changed how case histories were written. In the 1900s, case histories started to include age of onset, alterations in symptoms and outcome.

Over the years, Kahlbaum and his assistant Hecker classified a very large collection of disorders. And some of these are still in use today, though Noll notes that the descriptions may be different from their originals. These include: catatonia, dysthymia, cyclothymia and hebephrenia.

Kahlbaum also contributed in other important ways. According to the same piece in The American Journal of Psychiatry:

He was the first to distinguish between psychoses with and without organic etiology. This dichotomous conceptualization of endogenous and organic mental disorders has proven heuristically fruitful for psychiatric classification since its inception.

In his understanding, psychiatric disorders consisted of a prodromal state, an acute state, a state of remission, and a state of convalescence. He had planned to make such “state-course entities” the basis of his classification of psychiatric disorders.

I also used to say “I’m sorry” when a) I wasn’t sorry and b) at the weirdest times, like when someone would bump into me or when I’d want to express a difference of opinion. (Blogger and author Therese Borchard can relate. She gave exposure therapy a try for eliminating her apologizing addiction.)

And any time I’d make a mistake, big or small, I’d feel like I just committed a mortal sin. All mistakes were magnified and the guilt and shame made me want to crawl under a rock. Making mistakes became a gnawing cycle that also chipped away at my already unstable self-esteem.

Saying no to someone was painful, and there were many times that I just wanted to be alone.

“Pioneering self-esteem researcher Morris Rosenberg asserted that nothing is more stressful than lacking the secure anchor of self-esteem,” according to Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D., author of The Self-Esteem Workbook and a professor at the University of Maryland School of Public Health.

In my case, this was certainly true. My low self-esteem led to several toxic relationships, extra stress and a sinking mood. And along the way, I just didn’t enjoy myself as much as I could have.

Rosenberg’s research, Schiraldi said, revealed the following signs of low self-esteem:

• Sensitivity to criticism

• Social withdrawal
• Hostility
• Excessive preoccupation with personal problems
• Physical symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia and headaches

“People even put on a false front to impress [others],” he said.

People with a shaky self-esteem also struggle with self-critical, negative thoughts, said Lisa Firestone, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and co-author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice. “These thoughts often criticize and hold them back from going after what they want in life.”

Firestone explained that “When a person feels worthless, they can start to show poor performance or stop trying to achieve in areas in which they feel defeated: academically, professionally, or personally.”

Failure can be especially tough on people with low self-esteem. According to Schiraldi, they experience more shame than others.

Fortunately, self-esteem isn’t set in stone. It takes time and practice, but you can absolutely lift low self-esteem and develop respect, appreciation and unconditional love for yourself. And no, this doesn’t mean being selfish or self-absorbed. In his second book, 10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem, Schiraldi writes:

Wholesome self-esteem is the conviction that one is as worthwhile as anyone else, but not more so. On one hand, we feel a quiet gladness to be who we are and a sense of dignity that comes from realizing that we share what all humans possess — intrinsic worth. On the other hand, those with self-esteem remain humble, realizing that everyone has much to learn and that we are all really in the same boat.

As such, here’s the second installment in our series on all things creativity. Each month we talk with a different person about their creative process and get their tips for letting our own creativity flourish.

Below, we had the pleasure of chatting with Gail McMeekin, LICSW, a Boston-based national executive, career and creativity coach, a licensed psychotherapist and award-winning author. She’s the President of Creative Success, which helps creative professionals and entrepreneurs leverage their best ideas into heartfelt, prosperous businesses and fulfilling lives.

McMeekin also is the author of many books, including The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: A Portable Mentor and The 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women: A Portable Life Coach for Creative Women.

You can learn more about McMeekin at her website. Also, check out her free e-book, The Path to Creative Success, which is loaded with exercises to help you to get creative.

1. Do you incorporate creativity-boosting activities into your daily routine? If so, what activities do you do?

I journal regularly and take a daily walk to clear my head and get ideas. Plus I consult my own Creativity Courage Cards that I created with my photographer husband to get a courage prompt for the day, and I always draw a Viking Rune to remind me that everything comes in cycles and to surrender as needed.

2. What are your inspirations for your work?

I am greatly inspired by my work with coaching clients and their challenges and I design solutions for their creative success. I also love to create products like my “Positive Choices: From Stress to Serenity” workshop, journals, charts, cards, etc.

I am using a new technique now called Life Purpose Scientific Hand Analysis, which is not palmistry but a scientific analysis of your fingerprints and your palms to help you to find out your Life Purpose, your Life Lesson, your Life School, which is your spiritual path, and your Special Gifts. People are just blown away by the results and their accuracy and how useful this information becomes in changing their lives.

I also love watercolors and paint myself, and I surround myself with beautiful art and decorating. Also, going out on travel photo shoots with my husband inspires me.

3. There are many culprits that can crush creativity, such as distractions, self-doubt and fear of failure. What tends to stand in the way of your creativity?

I can be very focused on my creative projects and complete them on deadline. But my greatest gift of ideaphoria is also my greatest liability.

I have a continual flow of ideas and I have to make choices daily to put some of them aside. So I record the ideas that pop up to review them later and stay focused on my agenda for the month.

4. How do you overcome these obstacles?

I have learned the art of focus, which is why I teach focus groups [and] help people get their creative projects and businesses launched and … resolve the emotional barriers that get in their way.

These groups have been very powerful and I keep creating new strategies and materials for all the ingredients of focusing, which keeps me on track as well. One woman went from not doing her mosaic work at all to winning first prize in the best international contest in the world, all in a few months.

5. What are some of your favorite resources on creativity?

One of my favorite resources was a magazine called Artist Sketchbook, which I wrote several articles for and read every page of. But it folded, although I still have all my copies and refer to them. Books and art inspire me as well as lovely places.

The show “Create” on PBS is great as well as all of the wonderful programming that they share with us each week. I have always gotten lots of ideas from magazines and I continue to read women’s magazines and travel magazines and get ideas.

6. What is your favorite way to get your creative juices flowing?

I have a photo of my office on my website and I have a treasure map on my desk that reminds me of what I am longing to create next. Listening to music, I usually listen to the same piece over and over doing one project, and keeping a special journal for each project helps me stay excited and alive when I am creating.

I also crave large blocks of time in which to work. In the summer, I will drive the SUV out onto our private beach on Cape Cod and write and paint and hang out with the sand pipers and the seals.

7. What’s your advice for readers on cultivating creativity?

Follow your fascinations and immerse yourself in them. Just begin working on something that you love and don’t let anyone talk you out of it. Trust your process and your intuition.

8. Anything else you’d like readers to know about creativity?

Creativity simply means making new connections and making or inventing something new and useful. You have it in you, but you need to commit to it and work with a mentor or a coach to help you to defeat all your negative inner critics that seduce you away from success. We all need support to get our creative work done and out into the world.

–

Thanks so much to Gail McMeekin for a great interview!

Many factors can explain your sluggish system. Worrying excessively or feeling overwhelmed, unhappy or angry can deplete your energy, according to Kristin Taliaferro, Master Certified life and career coach. Your habits also can lower energy levels. Not getting enough nutrients, exercise or sleep slows you down.

Here are four simple ways to lift that lethargy.

1. Enjoy the great outdoors.

Take a break from work by heading outside and basking in your surroundings. “Nature revitalizes us instantly,” Taliaferro said. Being outside decreases stress hormones, which are draining on the body. And sunlight increases serotonin, which boosts mood.

2. Enjoy a short walk.

Expending energy can actually boost it. And walking is a great way to put a spring in your step. Research by California State University professor Robert Thayer found that the more steps participants walked, the more energy they gained. In fact, according to his research, 10 minutes of walking can enhance your energy for two hours.

3. Feast on energy-fueling foods.

The easiest way to start [boosting your energy] is with the fuel you put in your body,” Taliaferro said. Whole foods and fruits and vegetables are high-energy foods, she said. “[Eating these] will change your mood, outlook on life and how you feel physically, too.” Most days Taliaferro drinks a smoothie for her 3 p.m. snack, which gives her an energy boost. So whenever your energy starts to dip, enjoy foods filled with energy-enhancing nutrients.

4. Remove daily irritations.

Even itty-bitty annoyances become a big drain on your energy and can really weigh you down, according to Taliaferro. She teaches clients to practice a technique called “toleration removal.” She simply asks clients to create a list of all the things that annoy them about their life, job and relationships. Then she encourages them to remove several drains per week. “Taking charge of your life is always energizing,“ Taliaferro said.

But regardless of what ruffles you, it helps to have many stress-relieving options on hand to either stave off stress or minimize it when you feel the tinges of overwhelm.

To get the scoop on ways to deal with stress, we spoke with Dr. Darlene Mininni, Ph.D, the author of The Emotional Toolkit and a contributor to Dr. Drew’s TV show Lifechangers. Here, she shares a list of quick and even unexpected strategies that can help.

Following these tips you’ll also find additional pieces on minimizing stress.

1. Let the sunshine in.

Stress can sink your mood. But a little bit of sunshine can lift your doldrums. According to Mininni, “Sunshine is Mother Nature’s natural mood booster. When you’re exposed to natural light, you raise your body’s natural feel-good chemical, serotonin, and that makes you feel good.” She suggests pulling back the curtains at home, opening up the sunroof of your car or taking a walk for 15 to 30 minutes.

2. Kvetch away.

In 2001 clinical psychologist Barbara Held, Ph.D, penned the book Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching: A 5-Step Guide to Creative Complaining. In it, Held explains that the right kind of complaining can make you feel better and even connect you to others so you don’t feel so alone about your troubles. Kvetching, she notes, can help you unburden yourself. (You can learn more about the book here.)

But the key is to complain productively. “Complain to your heart’s content, but only for 15 minutes or less. More than that, and you could get stuck in negativity,” Mininni said. It’s also important to brainstorm solutions. Mininni suggested asking yourself: “What can I do to make this better?” If there’s nothing you can do to improve the situation, then consider how you can accept it.

3. Crank up your iPod to your favorite tunes.

Listening to music can soothe your nervous system and boost your mood, Mininni said. For instance, a 2009 study found that listening to music during bedrest after having open-heart surgery helped patients relax and released the hormone oxytocin. There’s a large body of research that shows music’s calming effects.

It doesn’t seem to matter what music you listen to. Just keep in mind that “Upbeat music will energize you if you’re feeling down, and soothing music will calm you if you’re feeling anxious,” Mininni said.

4. Watch a funny film with friends.

Laughing produces fewer stress hormones, leading to greater happiness, Mininni said. And “If you watch a funny flick with other people, you’re 30 times more likely to laugh than when you’re alone.” (Here’s how else laughing can help.)

5. Savor the little things in your life.

Being grateful for the little things in your life — such as eating a good meal or even finding a good parking spot, Mininni said — can help you better cope with stress and improve your mood. There’s good evidence to show that gratitude contributes to well-being and life satisfaction.

(Also, see this list of research studies. In particular check out Emmons and McCullough’s 2003 study “Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life.”)

Here’s how to keep a gratitude journal, complete a simple gratitude-enhancing exercise and other ways to cultivate gratitude.

More on Stress Relief

Check out these additional pieces for building your stress-relief toolbox:

• 10 Practical Ways to Handle Stress
• 4 Ways to Change the Way You Deal with Stress
• 5 Ways to Stress Less
• 6 Myths About Stress
• 6 Ways to Stress Less at Work
• 20 Tips to Tame Stress

Sherman, who also served as the Inaugural Distinguished Chair in Ethics at the Naval Academy, delves into the emotional toll war takes on soldiers. Her book is based on her interviews with 40 soldiers. Most of the soldiers fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, while some fought in Vietnam and the World Wars.

She poignantly looks at their stories from the lens of philosophy and psychoanalysis, using these frameworks to better understand and analyze their words.

Sherman writes:

And so I have listened to soldiers with both a philosopher’s ear and a psychoanalyst’s ear. Soldiers are genuinely torn by the feelings of war — they desire raw revenge at times, though they wish they wanted a nobler justice; they feel pride and patriotism tinged with shame, complicity, betrayal and guilt. They worry if they have sullied themselves, if they love their war buddies more than their wives or husbands, if they can be honest with a generation of soldiers that follow. They want to feel whole, but they see in the mirror that an arm is missing, or having bagged their buddies’ body parts, they feel guilty for returning home intact.

In Chapter 4, “The Guilt They Carry,” Sherman reveals the various ways soldiers feel culpability. For instance, before their first deployment, soldiers worry about killing another human being. They worry how they’ll judge themselves or be judged by a higher power. Even if soldiers aren’t legally or even morally culpable, as Sherman writes, they still struggle with guilt.

This struggle can stem from accidental misfires that have killed soldiers or from minor but murky transgressions. One Army Major in charge of an infantry company in Iraq doesn’t go a day without thinking, at least in passing, about the young private who was killed when the gun from a Bradley Fighting Vehicle accidentally misfired. He still struggles with his “own personal guilt.”

A World War II veteran, who was part of the Normandy invasion, still feels uneasy about stripping their own dead soldiers, even though they were — understandably — taking their weapons. Another vet who served in the Canadian army in WWII wrote his family about the tension he felt eating German chickens. Yet another felt great guilt after seeing the wallet of a dead enemy soldier. It had contained family photos just like the American soldier had carried.

Soldiers also feel a kind of survival guilt, or what Sherman refers to as “luck guilt.” They feel guilty if they survive, and their fellow soldiers don’t. The phenomenon of survivor guilt is not new, but the term relatively is. It was first introduced in the psychiatric literature in 1961. It referred to the intense guilt Holocaust survivors felt — as though they were the “living dead,” as though their existence was a betrayal to the deceased.

Being sent home while others are still on the frontlines is another source of guilt. Soldiers spoke with Sherman about “needing to return to their brothers and sisters in arms.” She described this guilt as “a kind of empathic distress for those still at war, mixed with a sense of solidarity and anxiety about betraying that solidarity.”

As a society, we typically worry that soldiers get desensitized to killing. While Sherman acknowledged that this might happen to some soldiers, this wasn’t what she heard in her interviews.

The soldiers with whom I have talked feel the tremendous weight of their actions and consequences. Sometimes they extend their responsibility and guilt beyond what is reasonably within their dominion: they are far more likely to say, “If only I hadn’t” or “If only I could have,” than “It’s not my fault” or simply leave things at “I did my best.”

Their guilty feelings often get mixed with shame. Sherman writes:

[The topic of guilt] is often the elephant in the room. And this is so, in part, because guilt feelings are often borne with shame. Shame, like guilt, is also directed inward. Its focus, unlike guilt, is not so much an action that harms others as on personal defects of character or status, often felt to be exposed before others and a matter of social discredit.

Sherman stresses the importance of having a society that understands and appreciates the inner war soldiers also fight. As she concludes in the Prologue:

Soldiers, both men and women, often keep their deepest struggles in waging war to themselves. But as a public, we, too, need to know how war feels, for war’s residue should not just be a soldier’s private burden. It ought to be something that we, who do not don the uniform, recognize and understand as well.

* * *

You can learn more about Nancy Sherman and her work at her website.

But psychologists also work in many unexpected places and on many unexpected topics — perhaps far more than you’d think.

Here’s a short list of psychologists who have some of the most interesting and odd jobs.

1. Circus Psychologist

Psychologist Madeleine Hallé works at Cirque du Soleil helping performers adjust to their new job, overcome fear and stage fright and recover from injuries and fatigue. In 1998 she began working on an as-needed basis but then went full-time as Cirque du Soleil incorporated performance psychology into its training program. Hallé earned a master’s degree in sport sciences with an emphasis on coaching along with a Ph.D in sport psychology from Université du Montréal.

2. Rocket Science Strategist

Yes, you read that correctly: rocket science. Psychologist Paul Eckert works as an international and commercial strategist for The Boeing Company. He helps the experts bring their ideas to life. For instance, he’s working with engineers and business experts on the technical and economic issues of creating a human space capsule that takes both NASA astronauts and private participants into space.

According to the article, this is how Eckert got to Boeing:

Eckert learned about NASA and space policy as an APA congressional fellow in 1997 in the office of former Sen. John Breaux (D-La.), who served on the Senate committee that oversees NASA. When his fellowship ended, Eckert took a job in NASA’s Legislative Affairs Office, and then moved to the Office of Space Commercialization at the U.S. Department of Commerce. Boeing recruited him from Commerce to work on business and organizational development.

3. Google Psychologist

Dawn Shaikh is a human factors psychologist at Google. She conducts studies for Google’s Web fonts team and is working on a tool that will help people pick the best Google font to use for their websites. She also works with a team that’s creating fonts for less industrialized countries. Shaikh began working at Google as an intern and then became full-time in 2007.

4. Psychologist & Filmmaker

Who said you can’t make diverse dreams come true? As a clinical psychologist, Nadine Vaughan sees clients during the day and produces films, writes screenplays and authors novels at night. In college she majored in fine arts before leaving to raise a family. When she returned to school, she earned a bachelor’s degree in criminology, a master’s in mental health counseling and then a doctorate in psychology.

5. Traffic Psychologist

Dwight Hennessy is an associate professor of psychology at Buffalo State College. His sub-specialty? Traffic psychology. It’s an emerging field that studies driver behavior. Hennessy has published research papers on everything from road rage to the impact of commuter stress on workplace aggression to drinking and driving. He received his Ph.D from York University in personality and social psychology.

6. Parapsychologist

Dean Radin is a senior scientist at the Institute of Noetic Sciences. He studies the highly controversial psi phenomenon, which includes ESP or mind reading and psychokinesis or mind over matter. (Here are some cool case studies of people who were supposedly able to move objects with their minds.)

Originally a concert violinist, Radin received degrees in electrical engineering and a Ph.D in psychology. After earning his Ph.D, he worked at AT&T Bell Laboratories on advanced telecommunications and conducted experiments on psi phenomenon. This research helped him land positions at Princeton University and the University of Nevada to continue his psi studies.

Additional Info

• The American Psychological Association has a list of the different types of psychologists along with other resources for students.
• This is a fantastic article from APA’s Monitor on Psychology that features 21 recent grads who’ve taken “the career path less travelled.” Their professions are incredibly interesting and unique.

But this might seem easier said than done, because when you have depression, the idea of taking care of anything feels like adding another boulder to your already heavy load. Serani understands firsthand the pain and exhaustion of depression. In addition to helping clients manage their depression, Serani works to manage her own, and shares her experiences in Living with Depression.

If you’re feeling better, you might ditch certain self-care habits, too. Maybe you skip a few therapy sessions, miss your medication or shirk other treatment tools. According to Serani, as some people improve, they get relaxed about their treatment plan, and before they know it are blinded to the warning signs and suffer a relapse.

Because skimping on self-care is a slippery slope to relapse, Serani provides readers with effective tips in her book. As a whole, the best things you can do to stave off relapse are to stick to your treatment plan and create a healthy environment. I’ve summarized her valuable suggestions below.

1. Attend your therapy sessions. As you’re feeling better, you might be tempted to skip a session or two or five. Instead, attend all sessions, and discuss your reluctance with your therapist. If changes are warranted, Serani says, you and your therapist can make the necessary adjustments.

Either way, discussing your reluctance can bring about important insights. As Serani writes:

Personally, the times I skipped sessions with my therapist showed me that I was avoiding profound subjects — or that I was reacting defensively to something in my life. Talking instead of walking showed me how self-defeating patterns were operating and that I needed to address these tendencies.

2. Take your meds as prescribed. Missing a dose can interfere with your medication’s effectiveness, and your symptoms might return. Alcohol and drugs also can mess with your meds. Stopping medication altogether might trigger discontinuation syndrome. If you’d like to stop taking your medication, don’t do it on your own. Talk with your prescribing physician so you can get off your medication slowly and properly.

Serani is diligent about taking her antidepressant medication and talks with her pharmacist frequently to make sure that over-the-counter medicines don’t interfere. With the help of her doctor, Serani was able to stop taking her medication. But her depression eventually returned. She writes:

…At first, it was upsetting to think that my neurobiology required ongoing repair and that I’d be one of the 20 percent of individuals who need medication for the rest of their lives. Over time, I came to view my depression as a chronic condition — one that required me to take medication much like a child with diabetes takes insulin, an adult with epilepsy takes antiseizure medication, or someone with poor eyesight wears glasses…

3. Get enough sleep.  Sleep has a big impact on mood disorders. As Serani explains, too little sleep exacerbates mania and too much sleep worsens depression. So it’s important to keep a consistent sleep and wake cycle along with maintaining healthy sleeping habits.

Sometimes adjusting your medication can help with sleep. Your doctor might prescribe a different dose or have you take your medication at a different time. For instance, when Serani started taking Prozac, one of the side effects was insomnia. Her doctor suggested taking the medication in the morning, and her sleeping problems dissipated.

For Serani, catnaps help with her fatigue. But she caps her naps at 30 minutes. She also doesn’t tackle potentially stressful tasks before bed, such as paying bills or making big decisions.

(If you’re struggling with insomnia, here’s an effective solution, which doesn’t have the side effects of sleep aids.)

4. Get moving. Depression’s debilitating and depleting effects make it difficult to get up and get moving. Serani can relate to these effects. She writes:

The lethargy of depression can make exercise seem like impossibility. I know, I grew roots and collected dust when I was anchored to my depression. I can still recall how getting out of bed was a feat in and of itself. I could barely fight gravity to sit up. My body was so heavy and everything hurt.

But moving helps decrease depression. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, start small with gentle movements like stretching, deep breathing, taking a shower or doing household chores. When you can, add more active activities such as walking, yoga or playing with your kids or whatever it is you enjoy.

It might help to get support, too. For instance, Serani scheduled walking dates with her neighbors. She also prefers to run errands and do household chores every day so she’s moving regularly.

5. Eat well. We know that nourishing our bodies with vitamins and minerals is key to our health. The same is true for depression. Poor nutrition can actually exacerbate exhaustion and impact cognition and mood.

Still, you might be too exhausted to shop for groceries or make meals. Serani suggests checking out online shopping options. Some local markets and stores will offer delivery services. Or you can ask your loved ones to cook a few meals for you. Another option is Meals-on-Wheels, which some religious and community organizations offer.

6. Know your triggers. In order to prevent relapse, it’s important to know what pushes your buttons and worsens your functioning. For instance, Serani is selective with the people she lets into her life, makes sure to keep a balanced calendar, doesn’t watch violent or abuse-laden films (the movie “Sophie’s Choice” sidelined her for weeks) and has a tough time tolerating loud or excessively stimulating environments.

Once you pinpoint your triggers, express them to others so your boundaries are honored.

7. Avoid people who are toxic. Toxic individuals are like emotional vampires, who “suck the life out of you,” according to Serani. They may be envious, judgmental and competitive. If you can’t stop seeing these people in general, limit your exposure and try having healthier individuals around when you’re hanging out with the toxic ones.

8. Stay connected with others. Social isolation, Serani writes, is your worst enemy. She schedules plans with friends, tries to go places she truly enjoys and has resources on hand when she’s somewhere potentially uncomfortable, such as books and crossword puzzles.

If you’re having a difficult time connecting with others, volunteer, join a support group or find like-minded people online on blogs and social media sites, she suggests. You also can ask loved ones to encourage you to socialize when you need it.

9. Create a healthy space. According to Serani, “… research says that creating a nurturing space can help you revitalize your mind, body and soul.” She suggests opening the shades and letting sunlight in. There’s also evidence that scent can minimize stress, improve sleep and boost immunity. Lemon and lavender have been shown to improve depression.

Serani says that you can use everything from essential oils to candles to soap to incense. She prefers lavender, lilac, vanilla and mango. If you’re sensitive to fragrance, she recommends diluting essential oils, buying flowers or even using dried fruit.

You also can listen to music, meditate, use guided imagery, practice yoga and even de-clutter parts of your home a little each time.

Serani’s last point involves empowering yourself and becoming resilient. She writes:

By learning about your biology and biography, following your treatment plan, and creating a healthy environment, you don’t allow anyone to minimize you or your depression. Instead of avoiding struggles, you learn from them. You trust your own instincts and abilities because they are uniquely yours. If you experience a setback, you summon learned skills and seek help from others to get back on-point. If a person’s ignorance on mental illness presents itself in the form of a joke or stigma, you clear the air with your knowledge of neurobiology and psychology.

***

Check out Serani’s award-winning blog, Dr. Deb, and learn more about her work here.

While it’s true that working from home has its advantages — flexibility being a big one — it’s not the paradise you might think it is.

Distractions abound, especially when family members are home — or others call or come over, thinking that you’re simply not that busy. (Unfortunately, many people don’t take working from home very seriously.) There’s always a household chore that needs to be done. And you don’t get paid for resting, so you’re often working longer hours.

Here are seven tips that take these concerns into account and truly work.

1. Understand that productivity isn’t one-size-fits-all. “People need to develop systems and strategies that fit with how they work,” said Leslie Truex, author of The Work-At-Home Success Bible and owner of WorkAtHomeSuccess.com.

For example, Truex is a visual person, so filing and storing items isn’t helpful for her. “I have to have tools and strategies that keep things where I can see them without clutter,” she said. She also prefers web-based tools, like an e-calendar, which she can access from her phone when she’s out and about.

2. Give yourself structure.  Working from home means that you’re mixing personal items with professional ones. “If there are no homes for things, then it’s likely items will end up landing where they don’t belong,” according to Sara Caputo, MA, productivity coach, consultant and author of the e-book The Productivity Puzzle.  That’s why it’s important to have a separate, organized area for your work. Creating a sense of structure includes everything from your filing system to your calendar.

3. Set a clear schedule every day. “Making sure you have a well-functioning road map for your day is what I consider a key to success in business and life,” Caputo said. This is especially helpful when you get distracted, because you know exactly where to pick up or the next thing you need to work on.

4. Rank your priorities. When there’s a long list of to-dos, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. What do you tackle first? Second? Or third?

Truex employs an interesting strategy: “I rank importance by what will make money the quickest, so activities that most directly result in income [such as] direct services or marketing are listed first and activities that don’t result in income or at least not in immediate future income go later on the list [such as] busy work [or] filing.”

Other entrepreneurs start with tasks they find most fascinating. Or they undertake the toughest tasks first.

5. Eliminate interruptions. Identify your specific interruptions during the day, and figure out how to eliminate them. For instance, you might hire a babysitter for your kids for several hours a day, let your phone go to voicemail, create a separate work area and even post a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door so neighbors know you’re working, Truex suggested.

6. Get familiar with your energy cycles. Caputo suggested arranging your schedule so your energy levels match your tasks. For example, is your best time to interact with people in the morning or the afternoon? When are you most creative? When does your energy inevitably dip?

“It will take you much less time to get things done when it’s in alignment with your natural rhythms,” she said.

7. Schedule time for planning.  Take some time at the end of the day and week to clear out office clutter and plan ahead. “When working from home, it’s easy to skip this one because someone needs you or the laundry is done and the thought ‘I’ll clean up my space later and put those files away when I’m done with X, Y or Z’ probably creeps up more often than not,” Caputo said.

For instance, if you’d like to stop working at 5 p.m. each day, set your alarm to 4:40 so you have 20 minutes to clean your space, clear your inbox and create your to-do list for the next day, she said. “This will help eliminate the nagging feeling that you need to get back into your office after dinner or after the kids go down to do ‘just that one last thing.’”

What strategies help you get organized and work from home productively?

But many people also credit their perfectionism for their great success. According to self-professed perfectionist Jeff Szymanski, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of The Perfectionist’s Handbook: Take Risks, Invite Criticism, and Make the Most of Your Mistakes, there is such a thing as healthy perfectionism.

He distinguishes healthy from unhealthy perfectionism in this way:

 As a rule of thumb, you’re operating within the realm of healthy perfectionism when your payoffs are greater than your costs, you are striving for and meeting standards you set for yourself, and you value organization. However, your unhealthy perfectionism is at play when your behavior, choices, and strategies are driven by factors such as a fear of failure, chronic concerns about making mistakes, constant self-doubting, attempts to live up to others’ expectations of you, anxiety about always falling short of self-made goals, and if your costs outweigh your payoffs.

Szymanski cites findings from a review of 20 years of perfectionism research. The results were quite surprising. It revealed that healthy perfectionism was associated with everything from less depression, anxiety and procrastination to higher achievement and academic success to more social support, greater life satisfaction and less self-blame.

The problem with perfectionism, he explains, isn’t in wanting things to be perfect. It’s in what we do with that desire. According to Szymanski:

In other words, our intentions, desires, and ambitions aren’t the problem. Rather, what matters are the ways in which you go about achieving those desired outcomes — the strategies you choose to use. Different strategies lead to different outcomes…Research on perfectionism has found that striving to achieve personal standards (your intention) isn’t where the problem occurs. Instead, people run into trouble when they become preoccupied with making mistakes and doubting themselves excessively. These ineffective strategies are, in fact, what get in the way of reaching our desired outcomes.

In his book, Szymanski has a useful way of thinking about perfection that can help perfectionists achieve good outcomes. Consider a recent experience when you didn’t achieve what you aimed for, and think about the following:

My intention was to ________________

My strategy was to _________________

My desired outcome was ___________

The actual outcome was ______________

Take the example of Florence, a perfectionist in the process of penning a book. Her intention was to write a good read. Her initial strategy was to perfect every sentence she wrote before moving on to the next passage. Her desired outcome was to publish her book. However, her actual outcome was a bad case of writer’s block. Not surprisingly, she felt like she wasn’t making progress. So she switched strategies. As Szymanski said, her intention and desired outcome remained the same. But by changing her strategy — writing first, editing later — she changed the outcome.

Szymanski encourages readers to examine how you spend your time by asking yourself: “Am I regularly attaining my desired outcomes? Or am I just putting in long hours and a lot of effort without seeing results?”

Overall, Szymanski’s point is that there’s no one-size-fits-all perfectionism. In other words, it’s not all bad. As he writes in The Perfectionist’s Handbook, one of the most interesting parts of perfectionism is learning when it works, when it doesn’t and why. As such, he helps readers figure out when their perfectionism pays off and when it backfires. Instead of eliminating your perfectionism, Szymanski helps you determine a way to use it so it actually works for you.

In addition to sharing what leads to a successful marriage, Gottman also debunks common myths about relationships. Here are three that I found especially interesting and surprising — and I think you will, too!

By the way, you can learn more about John Gottman and his research here.

1. Myth: Better communication will save your marriage.

Fact: We often hear that successful conflict resolution, which includes active listening, makes for healthy and happy marriages. But according to Gottman, most of the roughly 650 couples they sampled “rarely do anything that even partly resembles active listening when they’re upset.”

Also, a study by researcher Kurt Hahlweg and colleagues found that couples were still distressed after trying active listening techniques. Couples that were helped relapsed within a year.

Plus, conflict-resolution-based marital therapies have a high relapse rate. He cites research that reveals a success rate of 35 percent for the best conflict resolution therapy, a rate that diminished a year later. (Only 18 percent of the couples maintained improvements at followup.)

One of the problems is that most couples aren’t able to listen actively. And it’s hard to be empathetic and objective when your partner is talking about you. According to Gottman, “Active listening asks couples to perform Olympic-level emotional gymnastics when their relationship can barely walk.”

He doesn’t discourage people from using the technique. He says that if you think it’ll help, give it a try. But “Even if it does make your fights ‘better’ or less frequent, it alone cannot save your marriage,” he writes.

2. Myth: Avoiding conflict will kill your marriage.

Fact: We also often hear that fighting is a good thing. You get out your grievance instead of letting it fester and balloon until you erupt. We’ve come to believe that staying silent will sabotage and subvert relationships.

But according to Gottman, “Plenty of lifelong relationships happily survive even though the couple tend to shove things under the rug.” He gives the example of Allan and Betty:

When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing happened. Never in forty years of marriage have they sat down to have a “dialogue” about their relationship. Neither of them could tell you what a “validating” statement is. Yet they will tell you honestly that they are both satisfied with their marriage and that they love each other deeply, hold the same values, love to fish and travel together, and wish for their children as happy a married life as they have shared.

Gottman says that couples just have different conflict styles. Some avoid fights like the plague. Others fight often. And still others are able to talk issues through calmly and reach a compromise.

Surprisingly, neither style is superior. The key is that partners aren’t a mismatch in their argument style. So if one partner wants to discuss a conflict, but the other flees the house or turns on the TV, that’s a problem.

3. Myth: Reciprocity underlies happy marriages.

Fact: Some people and even professionals believe that happy partners have an implied agreement to compensate each other for their good deeds. For instance, you cook dinner and your partner responds in kind by washing the dishes.

Alternately, in bad marriages, it’s believed that couples have broken that contract, and built-up resentment results. In theory, by informing couples about this unwritten contract, their relationship will improve.

“But it’s really the unhappy marriage where this quid pro quo operates, where each feels the need to keep a running tally of who has done what for whom,” Gottman writes. Happy couples, however, just do nice things because they want to. They feel good about their partner and their relationship.

Gottman says that if you’re keeping score over an issue, it’s probably a source of tension in your relationship.

What do you think about these myths?
Do you think they’re still facts?

To kick-start the series, we spoke with one of my all-time fave bloggers and e-course creators. (Seriously, I’ve taken two of her courses already and will be starting a third in January.)

In addition to creating thoughtful courses, Susannah Conway also is a photographer — and self-professed Polaroid addict — and author. Her first book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart (Globe Pequot Press), launches in June 2012. She’s also co-authored another book, Instant Love: How to Make Magic and Memories with Polaroids (Chronicle Books), coming out in spring 2012.

Read more about her shenanigans on her blog at SusannahConway.com and connect with her on Twitter.

1.  Do you incorporate creativity-boosting activities into your daily routine? If so, what activities do you do?

I’d like to tell you that I go for a run every day to boost my circulation and clear my head, but alas, I don’t—I just aspire to doing that. Instead, I do a lot of reading and writing. It could be journaling, reading blogs, writing in my diary or just general brainstorming. I read a lot of books—both paper and electronic—and am always feeding my brain with some sort of artsy ephemera.

2.  What are your inspirations for your work?

Honestly? My experience of life as a 39-year-old woman and all the preoccupations, obsessions and distractions that entails.

3. There are many culprits that can crush creativity, such as distractions, self-doubt and fear of failure. What tends to stand in the way of your creativity?

Oh yes, fear of failure is always a familiar space for me. And the fear that I truly have nothing of any value to say, that I am wasting my time and boring people to death

4. How do you overcome these obstacles?

I close my eyes and do it anyway. This was something I had to do a lot while writing my book—the gremlins were constantly telling me how crap my writing was and that no one gave a damn about what I thought. I had to push on through past the doubts and just make it to my deadline. Deadlines are helpful for getting you past the obstacles.

5.  What are some of your favorite resources on creativity?

I draw inspiration from all over the place. Films, books, blogs, music. Some current favorite blogs & sites:

• 3191 Miles Apart
• Pinterest
• This joy + ride
• Kinfolk magazine
• Tribal Writer
• Communicatrix

6.  What is your favorite way to get your creative juices flowing?

Option 1. Make myself a large pot of coffee, burn incense or scented candles, apply perfume oil (smell is very important to me) and sink into my laptop or journal.

Option 2. Take my journal, colored pens and iPad to a cafe for brainstorming session. I like to use the MindNode app on my iPad for mind mapping.

7.  What’s your advice for readers on cultivating creativity?

Creativity is like a muscle in that the more you use it the stronger it gets. It’s not limited to painting, photography or knitting—we can cultivate creativity in all areas of our lives. A mundane trip to the supermarket can be turned into a creative adventure with the right frame of mind. Maybe it’s just the way my brain works, but I try to be creative in all areas of my life—cooking, decorating my home, buying presents, travelling…

8.  Anything else you’d like readers to know about creativity?

Human beings are innately creative—it’s how we’ve evolved as far as we have. Rather than sitting and waiting for the muse to strike, we have to practice showing up with our creative tools of choice in our hands. We have to be willing to try.

—

Thanks so much to Susannah for speaking with us!

This month, I’m sharing five more fascinating links that delve into the history of psychology.

1. Psychology instruments.

This link from the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology discusses the various instruments psychologists employed in their labs. (And there are photos, of course!)

There’s everything from an apparatus that was used to detect color blindness to a German-made “spectroscope” that tested threshold determinations to the “ergograph,” which examined muscle contraction, strength, fatigue and endurance.

2. The Story of a Mental Hospital: Fulbourn, 1858-1983.

Most of us are familiar with the brutal conditions of mental hospitals both in the U.S. and abroad. But we might be less familiar with the institutions that truly cared about their patients and offered effective and enlightened practices.

This is the account of David H. Clark, who served as the Medical Superintendent of Fulbourn Hospital for many years and later became its senior consultant psychiatrist. Fulbourn Hospital was internationally known for its pioneering practices.

3. A Brief History of Industrial/Organizational Psychology.

This is an older page written by a professor at Middle Tennessee State University. But it still provides an interesting timeline of I/O psychology, from its early years to the 1980s and 1990s.

4. This Week in the History of Psychology.

This free podcast series is hosted by Christopher Green, a professor of psychology at York University in Toronto. It’s filled with interesting topics!

You’ll hear interviews about everything from Stanley Milgram’s infamous shock experiments to the first female president of the American Psychological Association to the controversial psychologist Raymond B. Cattell to Freud’s only trip to the U.S.

5. Bedlam at the Museum of London.

Years ago, the Museum of London featured an exhibit that explored the rich history of Bethlem Royal Hospital, which you probably know better by its other name: Bedlam.

According to the website, “Bethlem is the world’s oldest institution caring for people with mental disorders. It has been a part of London since 1247 and many people, rich and poor, have played a part in its history.” There’s not much information, but it still offers fascinating tidbits about the hospital and photographs of past patients.

(I found many of these links through this helpful website.)

What have you read lately about the history of psychology?
What are your favorite websites or books?

Self-care is key to balance. In her book Sarkis shares the various ways people with ADHD can practice self-care. This includes attending to your physical wellness, emotional wellness and spiritual wellness.

(By the way, these tips also are great for everyone.)

Here are valuable suggestions from Sarkis’s book on practicing each type of wellness.

Physical Wellness

Physical wellness involves exercise, eating well and getting enough sleep, according to Sarkis. Exercise offers a bounty of benefits: It decreases depression and anxiety, and ups dopamine, which helps improve focus. (People with ADHD have low levels of this brain chemical.)

I think the key to exercise is finding activities that you genuinely enjoy, whether that’s walking, swimming, gardening or biking.

People with ADHD also tend to rush through eating and, in turn, overeat. Sarkis offers several great suggestions for eating mindfully and focusing on your food:

• Say a blessing before dinner.
• Before eating, think about where your food came from and the hard work involved in getting it to your plate.
• Avoid multitasking when you’re eating. That means no reading, no TV and no other distractions.
• Sit down when you’re eating.

People with ADHD experience sleep troubles. Sarkis notes that they’re more likely to struggle with sleep disorders, have impaired sleep since childhood and problems with insomnia, sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome.

Sarkis suggests several key sleep hygiene strategies. For starters, about 30 minutes before bed, stop any stimulating activities such as watching TV, which only keeps you awake. Instead, spend your 30 minutes engaging in a relaxing activity. As a reminder, set your alarm for 30 minutes before bedtime, Sarkis says. And you can activate the automatic shutoff on your electronics.

Also, try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Use your bed for only sleep and sex, not for working, reading or watching TV. And consider getting a nightguard — if your dentist says it’s necessary. Individuals with ADHD may be prone to grinding their teeth at night because of excess energy. If untreated, this can lead to broken or sensitive teeth, headaches and jaw pain.

Emotional Wellness

According to Sarkis, emotional wellness consists of relaxation, creativity, fun and coping effectively with your emotions. Adults with ADHD tend to manage their time ineffectively, so they become exhausted as the week goes by. Sarkis suggests devoting one day per week to doing something fun or creative. She also suggests regularly engaging in relaxing activities, such as yoga.

People with ADHD have a short fuse, and this can have a damaging effect on their relationships. “The goal is not to eliminate your anger; it is to change what you do with your anger,” Sarkis writes. For instance, how does your body react when you’re getting angry? If you can spot the signs, you can reduce your reaction.

Spiritual Wellness

Spiritual well-being means realizing that you and others are interconnected and that your actions affect others, Sarkis writes. It also means “taking the time to nurture your soul.” For instance, you might attend religious services and activities and volunteer for a charitable organization.

People with ADHD can experience many annoyances throughout the day, including trouble focusing and getting organized. Practicing gratitude can help to ease stress and improve your attitude and mood. Sarkis suggests writing five things you’re grateful for every night. I especially love this tip: “Also write down one thing that inspired you, one thing that surprised you, and one thing that touched you.”

Another part of spiritual wellness is discovering your purpose. “Consider what legacy you want to leave. Ascribing meaning to your life allows you to put things in perspective,” Sarkis writes. She suggests checking out the book Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life: Getting to the Heart of Your Life’s Mission.

Listening to Your Body

Sarkis also stresses the importance of tuning into your body. This is something individuals with ADHD have an especially difficult time doing. Sarkis writes:

Check in with yourself during the day and ask, What is my body telling me? Think about how your body reacts in different situations: fatigue, hunger, sadness, boredom, and stress. For example, when you are hungry, your stomach may growl or you may feel lightheaded. Your hands may become shaky. When you are more aware of how your body reacts, you can take steps to prevent wearing yourself out. For example, if you notice that you become ravenously hungry if you do not eat for six hours, make sure you eat every four hours.

She adds that it’s important to check in with your doctor if you’re not feeling well. This is especially important if you’re taking medication, started a new medication or had your dose changed.