Goals: We all have them. Some are short-term, some are long-term and some are hard to put in a time frame. Whatever the situation, goals are important. They give us something to strive toward, and a reason to pat ourselves on the back when we’ve reached them.

We determine our goals based on experience and on what we want out of life. Some dream of getting married and having children. Some wish for an academic career or to own their own business. Some want to start a nonprofit organization, or travel, or simply live a healthier life.

No matter what our goals are, comparing them to others’ can cause us to have a difficult time focusing on our own needs. We are the author of the chapters in our own book of life. Carefully select the content of your chapters, as well as your co-author.

It is important to consider what you want to achieve or what will make you feel whole. It is not only possible to feel complete as a whole. There can be a sense of completeness in the parts that make up the whole, as well. For example, you may feel complete or accomplished in your career choice but yet still be working on your personal relationships or health. Remember that your definition of “complete,” “whole,” or “accomplished” can vary from others’.

How you choose to set about achieving your goals is an individual process as well. Some people like to set small, specific goals; accomplishing them brings a feeling of satisfaction. Setting and achieving smaller goals also can help from feeling overwhelmed. And if you are unsuccessful meeting a small goal, you have the opportunity to fine-tune. (It can be hard not to want to pitch a bigger goal out the window if you don’t fulfill it.) The best thing about goals is that, once you learn not to see them as being concrete, you are free to tweak them.

Below are some tips about setting and reaching goals:

• Set small, appropriate goals.

  If you are unsure, seek advice or guidance from someone you trust, or get into counseling so that you can process.

• Accept that failure can happen and that disappointments are a part of life.

  Don’t set yourself up for failure. This does not mean that you must accept failure, but accept that sometimes when we try at something we may not succeed the first time. Don’t give up!

• Be realistic.

  Don’t set yourself up for failure. For example, if you have not been exercising, don’t expect to run a half marathon with only a couple weeks of running.

• Understand and accept that your life’s path is not the same as that of the person next to you.

  You may share the same goals, but your means for getting there may be different. Work with what suits you. Remember that what makes you feel whole may work for someone else.

• Ask for help.

  Sometimes we need to get rid of the Superman/Superwoman cape! Some things cannot be accomplished without help. Reach out to someone you trust and who supports you.

If nothing else, have faith and confidence in yourself. You can do it!

What are some of your goals?
Do you need support in order to achieve them?

Target photo available from Shutterstock

Some things or people may not push your buttons that hard. Some just cause you to feel minor irritation, or give you that roll-your-eyes feeling.

Whatever the case, have you wondered why these actions or behaviors push those buttons? Better yet, do you know what those buttons are?

Recently, I’ve had my “inadequate” button pushed. Usually when that one gets pushed, it gets stuck, and it takes a long time to become “unstuck,” and everything around me seems to reinforce that feeling. I have, however, learned a couple valuable lessons and reminders from my recent experience. I will share some with you:

• I am good enough. I just need to remind myself of that daily.
• At times, the “it’s-not-me-it’s-you” attitude can be helpful.
• I do not have to absorb other people’s insecurities.
• Weak people need to hit you behind the knees in order to gain strength for themselves.
• When you do the best that you know you can, that is what matters.

What are some ways to cope with “button-pushers”? Here are a few things I have learned from my own experience:

1. Acknowledge it’s an uncomfortable feeling. Be aware of your buttons!There are times when we just have to be honest with ourselves and admit that the situation we are in, or the feelings we are experiencing, place us in a lousy spot. We can’t deal with something until we have named it. Name your bad situation!
2. Be willing to talk to someone about it. Not just anyone, but someone who is positive and at the same time, someone who you trust for good advice. Nothing sinks you further into the depths of emotional hell than talking to a “Debbie Downer” or that “Negative Nancy.” Some people never have anything positive or uplifting to say!On the other hand, we do not want to reach out to those who will take your situation and turn it into theirs. You know, the people who like to say “ugh, you think that’s bad, let me tell you about what happened to me!” This is not the time to be ignored or minimized.
3. Journal.There’s nothing better than writing down our thoughts and feelings and being able to reflect on them a couple of days later. It helps us observe our growth and find simple lessons. I will forever sail on the ship of journaling. It has personally rescued me from negative emotions and allowed me a nonjudgmental space to just let my thoughts and emotions flow. I trust my journal because it is a true reflection of my feelings, and it provides me with the forum to vent.
4. Think about why the button that was pushed made you so uncomfortable. I have learned that many times, the things that others do that irritate me are the things about myself that I am either working hard not to be or am struggling to change. Be mindful of your emotional reaction to others’ behavior. I have discovered that it teaches you a lot about yourself as well.
5. See what you can change to make yourself emotionally healthier. I love teaching my clients about being honest with themselves. It is important both for their relationships with others and with themselves. Honesty with self, I have realized, is a bit more challenging than being honest with others. We try to fool ourselves into believing that things are not as bad as they are, or add more to the situation than is necessary. Sometimes the best way to deal with our character defects is admitting that we can do something to assist the process of change, and that it does not have to be someone else’s responsibility.

Having said this, I am challenging myself to keep these things in mind next time my “button” is pushed. I will challenge myself always to find the positive in negative situations. Most important, I will try to remember that it is okay to have a bad day, because it makes the good days even better!