No, you won’t “just know” when you meet the right guy.
Are you totally baffled as to why you only seem to attract men who are far from ideal for you? Are you tired of ending up with men who aren’t ready for the same type of relationship you want?
Before you give up on the possibility of ever meeting a guy who truly measures up, you may want to take a look at how the following so-called “dating rules” may be adversely hurting your chances of finding The One.
Myth# 1: You’ll “just know” when you meet the right guy.
We’ve been programmed to believe that we can tell whether or not a guy is right for us based on the way he makes us feel, therefore, many women fail to take less-savory aspects of his character into account when determining if he would make a good mate for them.
However, trying to establish a relationship based solely on an intense attraction can cloud your judgment in determining whether a truly viable, long-term relationship is even possible with this guy. While being physically attracted to him should definitely be part of the equation, intense chemistry itself shouldn’t be your only reason for choosing to be in a long-term relationship.
Myth # 2: Good men are in limited supply.
The following expressions, “a good man is hard to find” and “all the good men are already taken” are so widely held as truth by single ladies everywhere, women not only rely on these two concepts to soothe their bruised egos and damaged self-esteem when a relationship goes awry; they’ve become the single woman’s mantra for being unable to find a suitable mate.
Unfortunately, this way of thinking causes women to latch onto the first guy who shows the slightest interest in them. Subscribing to the notion that good men are few and far between also causes women to spend way too much time trying to make a relationship work with the wrong guy.
Myth #3: All men are dogs.
While believing this stereotype may also provide some temporary comfort regarding your dilemma to land a good man, keep in mind that in order to attract him, your thoughts need to be consistent with your intentions. If your intention (to attract a good man) is in direct conflict with what you believe (that all men only want one thing), then what you believe will actually repel what your desire.
Furthermore, it’s important to understand that viewing all men negatively will adversely affect the way you interact with them. Yes, I realize that there are guys who are only after one thing or have ulterior motives for getting involved with women; but the fact is, there are also plenty of great men out there who are genuine and looking for something more meaningful than an occasional roll in the hay.
Myth #4: You can make a man with potential into what you want.
Buying into this belief often causes women to invest a lot of time and effort in the hopes that with enough support and reassurance, he’ll become the man you really want him to be. While there’s nothing wrong with being encouraging and supportive, you want to be careful not to take on the responsibility of getting a man to live up to his potential. That’s HIS job!
The truth is, if what you really want is a luxury car, you can put all the time, effort and money you want into overhauling that old beat up pickup — but it’ll never be a Mercedes Benz. It’s the same with men. Subsequently, if you have to put an incessant amount of time and effort into making a guy into a suitable mate, he’s probably not the right guy for you.
Before you can start dating more quality men, you have to recognize and release the beliefs that aren’t working for you and adopt an effective strategy for identifying, meeting and attracting quality men. Good luck, ladies!
This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Stop Falling For The 4 Dating ‘Rules’ That Are Total LIES.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Aug 2014
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.
Psych Central. (2014). Relationship Lies: Learn These 4 Dating Myths NOW Ladies. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/08/27/relationship-lies-learn-these-4-dating-myths-now-ladies/