post-breakup-tips

Don’t let one setback stop you from finding love and happiness in the rest of your life.

Life is a series of events. I want you to look at that statement, and then I want you to read it again. Life is a series of events.

In fact, I want you to read it one more time. Life is a series of events. Read it, and say it aloud to yourself six times. Now that that’s lodged firmly in your head, I want to ask you a question: Why does one event traumatize a person so badly?

All the time I read emails from people talking about something that went wrong in their relationship. Something went terribly wrong, and now they’re never going to recover from it. You’re in a cave, a hole and a depression for the last three years because of this one thing that went wrong for you.

I hear from men who went out and approached a woman. For whatever reason, she didn’t respond to them, and they felt bad. Now, they’re telling me they’ll never go out and try talking to women again because it “doesn’t work.”

I hear from women who go out there and try to flirt with a guy. Once again, for some reason the guy doesn’t respond to her, and now she’s convinced that she’s unattractive and no man will ever want her.

How to (Finally) Get Over Your Breakup and Move On

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People open themselves emotionally once or twice, something doesn’t go the way they planned, and suddenly they vow to remain closed and cold for the rest of their lives. They decide they’re never going to allow themselves to be vulnerable again, all because of one event.

It seems that one event or relationship experience has the power to change the way we live. One event can set you back for weeks or even months. But one event means nothing. Life is a series of events. Every day, dozens of events happen to us. Every day we move forward in different ways.

Those of you who allow yourself to become traumatized by one thing, go into a state of “funk.” You close up and tell the universe you’re not worthy of anything. You’d rather have nothing if it means you don’t have to risk another setback. It’s the worst way to live. It’s just one setback. Life is a series of setbacks as well as events. It’s also a series of good times and bad times.

Get over it. If life delivered everything we wanted every single day, everyone in the world would be rich, healthy and with the person they love. There would be no poverty, no crime and no heartbreaks. Life doesn’t work that way.

The strong persevere and the weak are consumed by one event. The strong people in life look at a setback as a moment in time. The weak look at it as the most traumatic moment of their life. When you look at life like that, you become fear-based, and it allows your fears to thrive and grow. When you allow one event to define you, you’re saying you’d rather stay in fear, you’d rather stay traumatized, and you’d rather stay alone.

How does it feel to be on your own? How does it feel to be on your own little island? How does it feel to be there by yourself with nothing but your own negative thoughts for company? It’s like the Simon and Garfunkel song from years ago, “I Am A Rock, I Am An Island.”

Help! My Last Breakup Scarred Me for Life

It talks about staying closed off emotionally from the world so nobody hurts you. Well, if you stay closed off emotionally, nobody will love you either. It’s time to lose the fear. It’s time to forget that one event holding you back. It’s time to embrace your vulnerability. Vulnerability makes you feel alive. Vulnerability will help you find love.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Why You Can’t Let One Heartbreak Destroy You.

 


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    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Aug 2014
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.

APA Reference
Psych Central. (2014). Heartbreak Happens: Get Over It!. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/08/22/heartbreak-happens-get-over-it/

 

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