Archive for August, 2014

Money and Relationships: Are You REALLY Fighting About Finances?

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

reasons-have-money-talk-with-partner

Don’t let your money troubles prevent you from having a great relationship.

My husband and I have had countless arguments about money. And we’re not alone; divorce statistics suggest that money is the major cause of most divorces. Suffice it to say that money is a hot topic and one that a lot of relationships struggle with.

However, the source of most of these arguments is not really money. In fact money arguments and stress have three completely different causes.

Single & Surviving as a Woman

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

All By Yourself 10 Ways To Overcome LonelinessBeing 34 and single, the last 10 years have been a time of a lot of emotional stress for me. I had been a very successful student in my younger days. So I used to take praise for granted. In the extended family I was touted as someone that the children should emulate. However, as I grew into my late twenties and remained unmarried, the dynamics with family and friends changed completely. 

Suffer from Funphobia? Maybe You Need a Little Luxury Therapy

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

island bigst

On the cruise ship, formal afternoon tea finds me gazing back and forth between jewel-pretty pastries and — past massive yachts sporting helicopter pads — ­­­­Monaco, alight with countless actual emeralds and sapphires worn and sold along its terraced streets.

Astounding. But why do I find it so hard to stay present, in the moment, loving this?

Because I’m suffering from luxury anxiety.

I need luxury therapy.

Seriously.

How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

meditation-yogaI have to earn my place here. Other people don’t struggle like I do. I should’ve figured this out by now. There’s something wrong with me.

Do these thoughts — or some version of them — swirl in your head? Do they consume you daily? Or arise whenever you try something new or make a mistake?

These thoughts are examples of limiting beliefs, according to Lea Seigen Shinraku, MFT, a therapist in private practice in San Francisco. Limiting beliefs derive from a variety of sources.

Once an Addict, Always an Addict?

Saturday, August 30th, 2014

Once an Addict, Always an Addict? This is a saying I’ve always grappled with. One part of me is against any type of labeling, let alone a heavy label to be carried for the rest of your life. We are all so interchangeably dynamic, that to categorize someone into a box forever doesn’t sit well. 

Another part of me completely agrees with this statement and perceives it to be utterly valid. Instead of denying who you are, true acceptance perhaps is the only way to not only recover, but to continue to maintain your recovery. However much I am against “branding” someone for life, it is human nature to create categorizes in order to piece things together and make sense of circumstances.

6 Questions to Ask Yourself When Fear Starts Peeking Around the Corner

Saturday, August 30th, 2014

Why We All Have Fear of Failure

Most of us have a “fight or flight” response to fear. We either get reactive about a perceived potential threat, or we want to retreat as far away from the potential danger as we can. The challenge is that fear is usually over a situation that isn’t actually happening at the time. Consequently, we start fighting, disengage, get anxious or run away over something that we think might happen, but isn’t.

In other words, we either leap headfirst into drama or run the other way over a story we are potentially making up. We end up damaging our relationships by aligning our behavior with our illusions.

Dealing with Insults: Don’t Take Anything Personally

Saturday, August 30th, 2014

P3270051My friend is waiting for a table at a local restaurant. She is one of those table stalkers, who intuitively knows who is getting up when. She’s been hovering over a certain table for a good half hour. She is most certain the table is hers until some guy comes out of left field and starts talking to the couple who is leaving. Then he sits down with his girlfriend.

This does not deter my friend from her mission. With the confidence of Marilyn Monroe, she plops down at the table with the guy and his girlfriend and unfolds a napkin over her lap.

Psychology Around the Net: August 30, 2014

Saturday, August 30th, 2014

workplace-mobbing-bullying-business-woman

Do you care for a person with Alzheimer’s Disease and wonder how you can better help them — and yourself — make it day by day? What about a fear of asking for advice? Ever heard of sleep drunkenness? We have it all and more in this week’s Psychology Around the Net.

Risky Situations At Work Lead Women To Feel More Anxiety Than Men, Says Study: A new study recently presented at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association found that women are more likely than men to fold under the pressure of risky situations at work and, thus, perform worse than they would during normal situations.

A Reflection on Robin Williams’ Death

Friday, August 29th, 2014

robin-williams-40I spoke with a friend several days after the shocking news that Robin Williams had committed suicide. How could this beloved actor and storied comedian, my friend wondered, not understand or care that fans around the world adored him? And why, he further inquired, wasn’t that alone reason enough to live?

Nonetheless, this person, barely able to contain his sorrow, said he thought Mr. Williams “incredibly courageous” to have carried out such a deed.

Pausing to reflect and carefully measure my words as to not offend, I told him I vehemently disagreed with his statement: Suicide was not an act of courage, I said, but rather an act of consummate desperation. 

Is History Repeating in Your Love Life? Understand the Power of Love Scripts

Friday, August 29th, 2014

The Power of Love ScriptsIs it just a bad break that you have had one troubled relationship after another while your friend has had an amazing long-term marriage?

Is it just an astonishing coincidence that the difficulties you had with your mom you now have with your spouse?

Did you promise yourself that you’d never get involved with another alcoholic then find yourself marrying a workaholic?

What’s going on here? Do we have free will in determining our relationships? Or is our destiny scripted from birth, like a Greek tragedy?

The answer: a bit of both.

Can Weather Affect Your Mood?

Friday, August 29th, 2014

weather-affect-mood

As most of the nation suffers through some of the hottest temperatures on record this summer, people are asking the question of how exactly does weather impact our mood. For instance, how does hot weather affect our mood? Does it make us more aggressive — or even more violent?

Does rain make us sad? How about cold temperatures… do they make us feel more like wanting to hunker down, hibernate, and isolate ourselves from others?

Let’s revisit how weather affects our mood and impacts our lives.

Best of Our Blogs: August 29, 2014

Friday, August 29th, 2014

We’re gearing up for a long weekend. For those who have the day off on Labor Day, how will you spend your time?

I’ve noticed recently that doing no-thing does not feel restful, healing, nor meditative. It feels uncomfortable and anxiety provoking.

Forced to lay still in my yoga class, I realized that all that busy-ness made doing, achieving, and checking things off my to-do list feel normal. But nothing wasn’t empty. Nothing wasn’t void of meaning. Nothing was rich of possibility, potential and faith that if I were to surrender to the moment, all of my questions would eventually be answered and that everything I ever thought I needed or wanted already existed inside of me.

It’s the answer that continues to save me whether I’m having trouble coping with or taking responsibility for my emotions. Silence can soothe the difficulties that external resources can’t resolve.

This holiday, I hope you’ll devote at least a few minutes to doing nothing. Turn off your television. Shut off your laptop. Silence your smartphone. Let those answers sit unresolved. Let your body rest in inactivity. And just be.

{Photo from here.}

{Photo from here.}

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