Comments on: Sex with Your Ex: Bad Idea or Harmless Fun?

By: Been there

Been there — Thu, 09 May 2013 04:42:57 +0000

I’ve been there before, having sex with an ex. Its not nice, the sex is wonderful, but the aftermath is awful. Hating myself, self-esteem taking another beating.. I didnt like that i betrayed myself. The best thing to do is to cut off all contact. Truth is, u cant be friends. So move on. Delete their number, change ur number, block their email, Block them off facebook, refuse to ask about them or hear about them from mutual friends, just avoid any interaction with them. Eventually time will pass, and u will realise that it wasnt so hard. And ur much better off. And how can you move on and find a decent partner if ur still holding onto the past.. As one door closes, another one opens. Believe it!

By: Rajiv

Rajiv — Wed, 08 May 2013 19:17:29 +0000

My ex comes from a religious family and her family wanted me to convert if they were to accept our relationship. I refused to do that. So the end of our relationship was inevitable because her family’s approval is important to her. It’s easy to say that she should follow her heart but the fact of the matter is that being with me would cause her to sever her relationships with her family, a price that is very high to pay for her. But that being said she was and is the love of my life and she feels the same way about me.
After we broke up she got engaged to someone who shares her faith and I didn’t take that well. I refused to talk to her or speak to her for a while even though she wanted us to stay friends. Eventually we got to talking again but I always had my guard up and things weren’t the same any more. I couldn’t show her how much I still cared for her.
Eventually she broke up with her fiance and the next time we met all the feelings we were both suppressing for each other burst out all at once and we had what was undoubtedly the best sex I ever had. It was 2 years of passion and longing for each other being condensed into one night. We agreed that another attempt at our relationship would also fail so it’s pointless to try. But we still see each other and have sex often, this has been going on for 3 months. It’s clear that this is unsustainable in the long run. We’re not officially together, but still see each other. I don’t know what the right thing is to do here.

By: Been There

Been There — Wed, 08 May 2013 15:26:11 +0000

Clarke,
You are not alone in you confusion. Having been in a similar situation I would like to share my experience and outcome. First off, you should consider a therapist if you don’t already have one. My issue was primarily lack of self esteem, being co-dependent and lacking boundaries. I made a long list of why I was no longer in a healthy relationship with this person, kept a journal daily and re-read it daily. I also read a very good book called “boundaries”. It changed my life, I am no longer being manipulated by anyone. I honestly believe the reason you are still having sex with your ex is because she is a master manipulator. Setting boundaries will help raise your self esteem and you will consequently make better choices for YOUR well being. It doesn’t happen overnight, but the more serious you are about taking charge the easier and faster you will overcome your weakness. I wish you the best.

By: Rocio

Rocio — Wed, 08 May 2013 03:14:56 +0000

When a person have sex with an ex, probably is feeling vulnerable and looking for some different experiences… The ex is not more a part of the own life, so be with him/her can constitute a seductive and prohibited action …. I think having sex with an ex is more common that we think, especially when the break up is recent… Regards!

By: Morgan

Morgan — Tue, 07 May 2013 22:14:06 +0000

My comments were posted too quickly, slow down??? Lol. What a joke. Lol.

If there is sexual chemistry, and the two people were best friends, maybe the love was rare enough to be worthy of exploring again. It could be with many, that having sex is an indication of potential remaining for repair and resolution, that could lead to getting back together and having a healthy ling lasting relationship. Often times emotional issues of each individual are the reasons for the relationship failure, and not that the love simply was not meant to be, or good enough. I agree having periodic ex is not a healthy way of dealing with each other, regardless of the existing or pre-existing dynamic. If two people were best friends, and shared a mutual and uniquely passionate love, maybe the thing to do is consider what most people should be doing anyway; individual and couples psychodynamic and cognitive behavioral therapy.

By: Clarke

Clarke — Tue, 07 May 2013 21:53:19 +0000

I have to say this is exactly what I am going through. The relationship has gone really bad but the sex is fantastic. I want it all to end but the fear of being alone is so real. I want it to end and move on. I would not handle knowing she was with another well at all and do not want to deal with that. I am having a hard time ending it and she just keeps me hanging on as she knows exactly what strings to pull. She knows I am weak as I can not say no to her. I told her in a very long letter that I need her to either love me completely or leave me. Your post clarifys what I believe to a Tee . She has not laeft and is not loving . I need to end it myself but can not seem to get there. I do not want to be alone but the pain she causes my well being is getting to a overwhelming point. I need to be stonger and end it for good but have loved her for about 30 years and do not know anything else. The post came as I was telling myself the same . Must be a sign