Comments on: 9 Things Not to Say to Someone with Mental Illness

By: Viv

Viv — Fri, 10 May 2013 17:00:52 +0000

I get very upset by any of these but the ones I find hardest to deal with are the ones that come from certain New Age mind sets, where they believe firmly you can change your world by thinking the right way.
I also find it hard when people who have not suffered with a mental illness tell those who have that they just need to… XXXX (fill in the blanks) and they’ll be fine.
Good article.

By: ImTheFace

ImTheFace — Fri, 10 May 2013 16:43:35 +0000

When faced with having to do jury duty, I was informed that I needed a note from my doctor about my illness. When I asked for the note, she told me it was my civil duty, just go and get it over with. I cried all the way out of the office and all the home. Needless to say, I have a new doctor.

By: Nadia

Nadia — Thu, 09 May 2013 01:40:42 +0000

So the very large number of us who have a mental issue of one sort or another which makes it hard or impossible to always say the right thing should not talk to others also suffering alone? We can say “you can always talk to me” but may not really mean it?
Sounds like all of us who are managing most of the time will just withdraw further and even the supposedly healthy among us will talk meaninglessly. That will certainly help civilization.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Mon, 06 May 2013 18:16:15 +0000

Thank you for the article. I feel sometimes like people just expect that we can “snap out of it” because it is not something tangible like cancer or stroke. I try to put on a brave face when I am around others because allot of my family/friends don’t think mental health issues are a real disability. Then when they see me and I am “ok” they figure that I am faking when I am down. It seems others are critical whether we are showing our struggles or painting on a brave face. I hope as the anti stigma campaigns and mental health awareness programs go forward people will recognize that sometimes not saying anything but just being there is the right thing to do.

By: Rachael

Rachael — Sun, 05 May 2013 17:49:41 +0000

I don’t agree with everything on this blog. In the past I had problems dealing with depression, a panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder. It is my belief everyone is different. Yes, you cannot cover up a problem by being busy, but a lot of time especially when it comes to depression for most people staying inside the house alone is the worse thing for you. For me that was like going down a spiral of despair. I think that people just need to be aware who you are talking to and listen. Some do need to connect spiritually whereas others need to find something they are passionate about. There are other things out there besides conventional therapies that can help and a lot of the time it deals with combinations. It all depends on the person. I do agree that one of the worse things that was said to me especially when growing up is “get over it.”

By: rolivi

rolivi — Sat, 04 May 2013 06:58:30 +0000

I’ve been diagnosed as having General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) for more then 3 years already. I’ve been dealing with it alone and tried avoiding my thoughts for the first year, thinking it was just something school related that made me stressed. For more then 3 years my family keeps pushing me to get over it, telling me there’s nothing wrong with me, and i’m normal. But all i feel when they say that is, “how come i’m feeling this way, if i am normal and if there’s nothing wrong me?” I know they’ve the best intentions, but there’s such a pressure on changing myself and feeling incapable of doing so. It’s difficult handling it alone and not being understood. These things that we do not want to hear, are exactly the “most said”. And a way for me to cope with my disorder, is to try to understand what they do for me and how they’re helping me on their own way/terms. They might not understand what i’m going through, but seeing support (even with painful words) makes me happy that i have people around me that care, and they give effort to help, it might not be the right way, but at least it is something. One thing my boyfriend told me this week was, “you might feel alone, but you’ve never been alone, your family loves and cares about you, and so do I and my whole family”. It was an eye opener. We see ourselves as alone, being misunderstood makes us lonely, but there’s always someone who cares, even when we don’t know it.

By: Snowqueen

Snowqueen — Fri, 03 May 2013 21:13:09 +0000

Wow, I’m so glad there is someone who has no experience of extreme anxiety to tell everyone the truth about it…

In fact I feel lucky that there are people who are prepared to mouth these hard truths for us lazy and irresponsible beings…

By: Snowqueen

Snowqueen — Fri, 03 May 2013 20:45:35 +0000

No, its not like prayer, because a) prayer depends on belief in the supernatural b) there’s not that much (or any?) scientific data on the benefits of prayer.

On the other hand, it does fit into the category of giving advice which can be annoying because it suggests that you have better ideas than the affected person. Or, as in the comment above, that the affected person does not have the discipline or perseverance or whatever.

If suggested in a tactful manner I think it could be helpful but like other things that have been shown to be helpful – exercise, medicine, diet, etc, there are going to be cases where meditation just does not help, or the person, due to the condition cannot do it anyway.

Personally I’v gone through phases where my concentration is so bad I can hardly remember how meditation was ever possible, and also phases where it is really helpful in anchoring me.

By: Snowqueen

Snowqueen — Fri, 03 May 2013 20:28:13 +0000

A friend displacing her own guilt for something, or a friend who has such a low sense of self worth she desperately needs to lower yours in order to feel superior?

By: Snowqueen

Snowqueen — Fri, 03 May 2013 20:23:44 +0000

Perhaps you should print a copy of the Hippocrates Oath for him. As far as I understand all doctors have to take it and number one is: ‘first do no harm’.

After that I would burn down his office:)

By: Linden Rose

Linden Rose — Fri, 03 May 2013 20:01:41 +0000

Once a nurse said to my mom, regarding my first and only suicide attempt: “if she’s going to kill herself-then she’s going to kill herself-there’s nothing we can do about it!”

By: Bitey Pug

Bitey Pug — Fri, 03 May 2013 03:38:59 +0000

GrannySanity, this one…”it starts in your head, if you stop talking about it and don’t give it space in your head, it will go away.” was told to me by a social worker/therapist in my college days.

I was told to put a thick rubber band on my wrist and snap it when I started ruminating. By my appointment the following week my wrist looked like uncooked hamburger. 1) I was a literal idiot back in the day, “Gee, this hurts but she said it would help!” and 2) I’d wager that might have been the last time she suggested that method to a client.

By: Dr. Tracy Mallett

Dr. Tracy Mallett — Fri, 03 May 2013 03:14:11 +0000

People in treatment for mental illness generally don’t respond well to attempts to be “fixed” by outsiders. An empathetic ear is more likely to be viewed as supportive.

By: tessa

tessa — Thu, 02 May 2013 18:10:55 +0000

Ashley, you just said one of the offending comments…”in our own little me minds”. That is a rather judgmental statement to the people who have posted on here. We are speaking of a particular area of our lives where I for one do take peesonal responaibility for sharing my thoughts on language that is unhelpful to recovery. This is only part of my life and does not consume “me”. I spend a lot of my time supporting people who nees validation for their experiences with a way to promoting them finding their own solutions. Validating peoples emotions n not negating them gives them the ownership over them. They can thwn acknowledge the difficulty and then try to change it. Yes we all experience hardship and as you say you do not experience anxiety so although your aon twlls u it helps when you tell him he can do it….I wonder if it would be helpful to him to ask him if you do/say anything that doesn’t help. Both are as important as each other and I question the effectiveness of one without the other. Just a thought.

By: Deborah

Deborah — Thu, 02 May 2013 17:49:30 +0000

Seriously Ashley, for many people the mental health issues are a chemical imbalance that has NOTHING to do with “choosing” to be happy! The one that always gets me are the people that ask if I’ve taken my “happy” pill!!!