I totally agree with the other parents, many of whom have experienced the full effect of PAS.

Alienated children reacts in exactly the same way as hostages, members of religious cults, puppets etc. Their personality is broken, and there are many studies that proves how much impact this sick behavior results in in both the short and long term.

As a MOTHER of 3 beautiful children, I can only regret that fanatical female groups supported by blind professionals are fighting this serious problem. They damage our children, and I can only suspect that many of them are to blame for the exercise of obsessed PA themselves.

“Isn’t it a child’s right to align themselves with whomever they’d like, whenever they’d like, with or without justification? Since when would that be considered a disordered behavior; doesn’t this occur every day in perfectly healthy marriages?”

You state it like it’s the child’s choice, yet if such a child is under the direct control and manipulation of a sick individual with the sole motivation of making him or her hate his other parent, is it a choice? You make is sound like the child has a choice… THERE IS NO CHOICE.

So from what you’re are saying, if a parent with sole control over the child’s life is drilling him or her day in, day out to hate the other parent, it is not abuse, it is the up to the child to decide??? Using your logic it would seem that a parent sexually abusing their own child would be ok as well… ie “it’s the child’s right” to choose to have sex or not.

Very dangerous and ill informed are your statements Sir…

My parents are opposite sides of the same coin in my opinion. They are both very bipolar; my mother is rageful in her manic state but my father isn’t, he gets “euphoric”.

While it is true that my mother has bad mouthed my dad, it doesn’t mean that that is the reason why I don’t talk to him. Every time I would tell him something that he did that was annoying/disrespectful/embarrassing he would counter with “You don’t really feel that way, you only think you do because of your mother.” VERY INVALIDATING!!

He would enter my room constantly without knocking. Call me repeatedly while I was sleeping even after being told not to several times (I had to delete my number from his cell). He has diarrhea of the mouth and LOVES swearing. He would tell compete strangers (grocery store clerks, bartenders, my friends, etc) that he cheated on my mom within minutes of meeting them (Uh, HELLO!) and other embarrasing things. (Other relatives refused to go out in public with him.) Sleep naked on the couch even though he had his own room. Eat my food without asking and after confrontation replacing the food with the cheapest crap he could find. He did other stuff as well but recanting them all would take all day. (I realize that some of these may sound petty but when it’s constant and all coming from the same person, it gets to be too much).

I wish that I could say that my father was a drug addict or an alcoholic but sadly that is not the case. I’m not sure why my father is this way but I believe that he probably decided a long time ago that he didn’t want to be anything like his father -ha- (who is cold, paranoid and uptight) and went way too far with it.

My father has good points too but they aren’t good enough to put up with all of the crap! So no, I don’t think he’s a @$$ because of my mother, I think he’s an @$$ because he’s an @$$. Not every scorned parent is the victim of PAS but you can’t tell some people that, you’ll just get a wall of denial.

So my advice to parents is this;

Listen to your kids, and by that I mean open your mind, ears and heart and shut your mouth when they tell you something not so pleasant about yourself. Don’t get defensive and give yourself time to mull it over before you say something because like it or not what they are saying is their reality.

Your next step is to be self aware, deprive yourself of your illusions and face reality. Denial in the short term may feel good, but in the long run, it’ll cost ya, BIG TIME. Be honest with yourself; does what your kids say have merit?

If so, than this is wonderful news! It means that the situation is almost entirely within your control. Observe your child and the people that your child likes and find out what good qualities these people have and if possible work on being like them if possible (this is the area that you should start first). Or if that’s too much or impossible (or if it backfires on you for some reason) than be the person your child needs you to be. For instance, if (s)he is deluded – be a realist. Try to make it seem natural and be constant with it.

If not, then your next step is to figure out WHY they feel/think the way they do. Ask gentle probing questions ( http://changingminds.org/techniques/questioning/probing_questions.htm ) again do not get defensive or ask to many questions, just ask one question, wait for an answer and when you get one think it over. This will allow them to think it over too and hopefully, over time, it will get a dialog going.

Remember; Do not be pushy, You cannot change someone’s mind by steamrolling them, if you try than their opinion of you will be even more fixed.

Also, be kind to your kids. Do not make them the butt of jokes or “test” them. If you must criticize, be constructive with it. Don’t be a pushover or needy doormat either. Nobody respects a doormat, they just walk all over one and walk away. Treat you child with the respect that you would show anyone else.

I don’t know if this would work or not but it’s what I would do if my child was in this situation. If anyone out there does use this advice, let me know how it works out for ya!

also sorry for the long post but it’s been on my mind for a long time.

Is this a mental health disorder, maybe not, but neither is borderline personality disorder, which is defined in the DSM IV as “A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following”.

Both parental alienation and BPD come from something deeper, maybe a fear of something in life, where the individual has a fear of something, (in this case the fear of loosing a child to the other parent). Thus, this is very true! Since the divorce rates being so high today, this generation of children suffering from parental alienation have yet to show us the consequences this will create for them in the future. Do we think today’s society is filled with violent, dangerous individuals who have any form of addiction and behavior problems? Wait until we see these alienated children in the future. Not to be bias, but the most common custodial parent is the mother, who is also the alienator. Can you imagine all these little boys growing up learning that daddy is no good, he is a looser and they should learn to hate them. What will these boys be in the future? This is very real, and I am one living it each and every day through my husband’s situation with his own son. I see the confusion in the child, and I believe he does not know any more the difference between true and lie.