You went on a first date with an amazing man. You thought you looked great in that dress. You’re pretty sure that he found the stories about your dog hilarious. You’re certain that he didn’t notice you got a little tipsy on all those cocktails.
The problem is that he doesn’t call. Or text. Or email. So, you decide to call your girlfriends to dissect every single thing he said and every single thing you did. Why didn’t he ask you out again?
According to the men in my life, here are the top ten reasons why your first date with him ended up being your last…
- It’s too easy to get into bed. Men love it when you’re crazy hot for them. The issue is that nobody wants to feel like they’re being used for sex or that anybody “with the right parts will do.” Some men separate women into camps of “one night stands” and “girlfriend material.” Though it’s not necessarily fair, those ladies who are quick to bed sometimes end up in the former.
- You’re not sexually compatible. Maybe there’s a bit of canoodling on that first date. Or, at least enough to figure out where each of you fall on the continuum of sexuality. Maybe you kiss or move in a way that doesn’t quite work for him. Maybe you can’t relax or he can’t leave the lights on. Maybe you want it a little rough and he wants things soft and tender. Neither of you are “doing it wrong,” but you’re probably not right for each other.
Some men like little skinny women. Some men like their curves. I highly recommend that you be with a man who likes your body the way it already is. Not if you lose a few or gain a few. Women need to feel desired. A part of us dies if we don’t feel sexually appealing. Your body type may not do it for him and he’s doing you a favor by not asking you again. Find the man who wants to wrap himself up in your deliciousness without you having to change a single thing.
- He thinks you’re not into him. If you’re not particularly interested in a guy, there’s a pretty good chance he can tell. If you are interested in him, stop playing so “hard to get!” Shockingly enough, men have feelings too and he’s not going to ask you out again if he imagines he’s going to get rejected.
- He doesn’t like the way you talk. Your friends think it’s hilarious when you pepper your speech with “omg!” and “sad face!” but this man might not be into it. It’s also possible that he’s not into baby voices, excessive swearing or the twenty minute rant about Ron Paul. If you think you’re alienating men with your conversational skills, ask a close guy friend for his honest opinion.
- Your senses of humor and interests are incompatible. He loves It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. You think it’s crass and mean-spirited. You love hiking through the great outdoors and he’s afraid of trees and fresh air. Again, neither of you are “wrong,” but you’re probably not right for each other.
- You were critical of him. There’s a difference between playfully teasing a man and being mean. If you’re not sure where that line is, lean towards the side of sweet. If he teases you about your taste in light beers, you can hassle him about eating all the fries. A first date is not the time to make snide comments about his haircut, the neighborhood he lives in, his job or where he went to school.
- You were bossy. Aren’t you cold? That’s not a very healthy thing to order. Will you hold my purse? Haven’t you had enough to drink? Do yourself a favor and keep the demanding remarks to yourself.
- You have completely different ideas about manners and social discourse. You over-tip, hand write notes, remember everyone’s name and know which fork to use for each course. He thinks all of that is uptight rubbish. Again, both of your views are perfectly valid, but you’re probably better suited for someone else.
- You made him share the bed with your three dogs. The world is full of cat people. And dog people. And hamster people. If you love your dog and he doesn’t, find someone who does.
- Your lifestyle doesn’t match his. You’re a powerhouse executive who only has Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings open for dating. Truth is some men want a more traditional, stay at home woman. The other half of them find your career prowess incredibly sexy. Look for that man. He will clear every Wednesday happy hour and Saturday morning brunch just for you.
I know it can be heart breaking when someone doesn’t ask you out again. You want a man who loves dogs, 47-minute political rants and the way you fill out your True Religion jeans.
Wait for the man that loves you just the way you are. Trust me. It’s definitely worth the wait.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 May 2012
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.
Experts, Y. (2012). 10 Reasons Why He Didn’t Ask You Out Again. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 12, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/05/20/10-reasons-why-he-didnt-ask-you-out-again/