This guest article from YourTango was written by Tammy Nelson.
Can you really ever trust someone again after they’ve cheated on you?
Marilyn said, “He says he doesn’t talk to her anymore. I want to believe him.
“But I am so suspicious all the time. I hate that about myself. Maybe I should just end it. It hurts to not trust him and he is sick of me asking him all the time if he’s seen her.”
Trusting someone isn’t easy after they’ve betrayed you. You want to believe what they say, but can you really ever know if they are telling the truth, once they have lied to you? The answer may be “Probably not.”
But the good news is: there is a way you can learn to trust again. Just not in the way you think.
Trust is not about wishing and hoping that your partner wont cheat or wont talk to their ex. Trust is about learning to once again trust your own intuition. You probably started to doubt your inner voice once you found out that they lied to you or hid their affair. Now, you are wondering if you can really ever trust your gut instinct about anything again.
Trust is about learning to listen to your own intuition once again. Trust is not about learning to trust your partner. The truth is that they are human and another human can always let you down. Let’s face it, you never really know if anyone is telling you the truth, unless you feel it in your gut.
Only your own intuition tells you the truth. Learning to trust your own instincts is the only and most important way to know if your partner is cheating or being honest about their outside relationships. In order to be in a relationship and always feel safe, you have to learn to trust your inner voice. Your intuition will never lie to you. Once you learn to listen to it, you can always trust your inner voice.
The challenge is learning the difference between your intuitive voice and the sometimes louder voice of fear. Fear and intuition are two different things. Fear tells you what you don’t want to know. Intuition tells you the truth. Intuition is real and always authentic. Your fear can be real sometimes but often, it can be a fantasy or an illusion.
Trust your inner voice and you can learn to get past the affair, and always know if your partner is telling you the truth. Marilyn can trust her intuition about one thing for sure, “I know that my boyfriend is telling me the truth when he looks me in the eye and tells me he only wants to be with me. I trust my feelings are telling me the truth about that!”
Have confidence in that inner voice. Trust is an inside job.
More from YourTango:
- Do You Need Couples Counseling? Here’s How to Tell
- How to Overcome Your Fear of Infidelity
- Emotional Infidelity: 18 Signs You’re Crossing the Line
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Jul 2014
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.
Experts, Y. (2012). How Can You Rebuild Trust When Your Partner Cheats?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 6, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/14/how-can-you-rebuild-trust-when-your-partner-cheats/