What You Do Every Day Matters More Than What You Do Once In a WhileOne of my Secrets of Adulthood is: What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. I’ve been surprised how often this “secret” comes in handy.

Exercising — I have a friend who thinks she’s a regular exerciser because every several weeks, she goes to the gym for two hours. Nope!

Having enough time to read — I used to think, “I love to read, it’s my favorite thing to do! Of course I make time to read.”

But when I really examined my schedule, I realized I needed to clear out more time to read; day after day, it was getting shoved aside.

In his fascinating book, House Lust, Daniel McGinn notes that market researchers use the term maximum-use imperative to describe the fact that people will often buy something to accommodate a use that they need only rarely. So, for example, you might look for a house, or a dining room table, that’s big enough to seat your entire family when it’s your turn to host Christmas dinner, even though you have a family of four that’s dwarfed by that size.

Along the same lines, I’ve noticed that when making decisions, I tend to give too much thought to what I do once in a while and not enough weight to what I do every day. For example, I wear running shoes 29 days out of 30 days a month, yet I have three pairs of black flats and only one pair of running shoes.

Why does this matter for happiness? Because we’re happiest when our decisions most closely match our natures and our values.

If I splurge on linen cocktail napkins, but never have cocktail parties, I’m not going to be pleased with my purchase. If I tell myself I eat lots of fruits and vegetables, but actually eat lots of pizza and subs, I’m not going to fostering good health. If I insist that I love skiing, when in fact, I love staying inside reading, I’m not going to enjoy the vacation.

It can be hard to be myself, to acknowledge what I really enjoy — it can be easy to let lofty fantasies get in the way. Again, I ask, why is it so tough to Be Gretchen?

If I pretend to myself that I’m different from the way I truly am, I’m going to make choices that won’t make me happy.

I’m a huge fan of the work of Bob Sutton, and always enjoy reading his blog Work Matters — “about all things related to management, workplaces, and organizations.”

Would you like a copy of my Resolution Chart, for inspiration? The last page is blank, so you can use it as a template for yourself. Just email me at email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

 


Comments


View Comments / Leave a Comment

This post currently has 2 comments.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

Trackbacks

No trackbacks yet to this post.


    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Nov 2011
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.

APA Reference
Rubin, G. (2011). What You Do Every Day Matters More Than What You Do Once In a While. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/11/19/what-you-do-every-day-matters-more-than-what-you-do-once-in-a-while/

 

Recent Comments
  • chien timede: ‘Garsh Cindy! No advice (I was there too darling, yet still learning at 52!), just wanted to...
  • homealone: Steve, I can see why you might think that, given the comments. I truly believe that how one person behaves...
  • Easah: I am a child of two cultures (an eastern culture and American) and most of the issues written about here seem...
  • Steve: It seems that the outcomes all center around the husband changing to address the wife’s needs. What...
  • Casey: I know your response to this article is a year old now, but it sounds like my life! It’s such a relief...
Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter


Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code



Users Online: 8424
Join Us Now!