Comments on: Help Prevent Suicide

By: Becca

Becca — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 20:40:39 +0000

I’m 13 years old and iv already been admitted to hospital :/ I attemtped susiced because of my boyfriend at the time,an friends,family. M Vjfjfjfjfjfjfjfb mum works offshore and her job is very stressful so it gets to me and the family but I always get reminded of that 1 night. Every time I look in the mirror my eyes dont swinkle anymore they look dead and scared. I still think people would be better off without me in their life’s. I don’t speak to anyone about how I feel I just keep it in u til it aw gets to much and I just explode and start crying and cutting myself and thinking of my life and how much iv been through and if anyone would even bother I’m gone. My friends notice changes but they just think it’s that time in a teenagers life but it’s not. Iv felt like this since the age of 7. Iv tried hanging myself, overdoes,
. Cutting myself and tried hurting myself

By: BGK

BGK — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 01:05:48 +0000

Are you still with us, Mary? I’d like to talk to you.

By: Eric

Eric — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 17:10:39 +0000

Help. My life is complete hell. My wife left me for a man in her Medical School class. We have two children. I am in my second year of my Graphic Design program and have two more years to go. I have no money, no good way of financing anything, my education, my home, my kids and then if I have to pay child support and lose my government help I will be completely devastated. It is looking like this will happen, my wife is making me do supervised visits with our children even though she left them with me for months to go off and have her affair. She apparently found images of girls in swimsuits on our shared laptop. She is using this to make me do a bunch of sexual deviance assessments and I am completely ashamed of who I am and how people view me. I have always been a wonderful father to my children and never have nor would ever do anything to hurt them. I am in constant and extreme pain. It is never ending I can’t make it stop I can’t make it stop never ending. And It is extreme. Psychological torture. My heart rate is consistently over 100bpm, I stand to lose everything in my life. I stand to lose my home and my children and my education and my reputation and my future. I feel like a complete burden to my family and friends. I don’t want to do anything. I can’t. I wake up with my heart racing everything is so surreal all the time. I can’t stop this extreme regret. I feel like my life is over over. I keep thinking well, I have had a good life so far. Good bye my loved ones. I can’t get out of this. How can I go to school full time and work and pay for a divorce and I still have my children half of the week. I have to arrange supervisions for all that god damn fucking time. IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE. But if I stop seeing my kids they will 1.be devastated. THEY NEED ME. and 2. When the court looks at the case if I am not with them half the time I stand no chance of getting any level of custody. If I lose custody I lose my children my funding and have to pay child support and I CANNOT AFFORD that and then I will be in extreme debt because we’ve been going to school so long. I was expecting that we’d support each other and if she got into medical school things would be ok. But now I have to take on all that debt myself coming out of college making 33 a year? at 30 years old? And paying child support for this damn bitch who when she’s done with school will be making 200 thousand along with her new med school guy making the same?
That and I have chronic knee pain.

I am in so much hell I just don’t think that I can go on. I have to. I have to just keep going, but fuck. This is really bad. I have that feeling like there is a murderer in my home late at night. But I feel that all the time. I must live for my children, but I need to die to make this agony end. this is agony. complete agony and I don’t think that it will ever stop.

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 05:17:31 +0000

I had a few weeks off work and although I still felt depressed, I did not have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach I get each morning I wake and have to go to work. I am seeing a counsellor weekly now and its helping me a bit. I went back to work and the the pit in my stomach came back. I feel tired all the time. The moment I wake up I get this awful feeling in my stomach and I am shaking I feel sick like I am going to puke. I pray and read my bible and cry, really I want to scream because thats what i am doing inside. I feel so bad. Back a week and I want not to wake up.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 12 May 2011 15:38:11 +0000

Haven’t been here for a while just don’t see the point. I was on a waiting list for counselling but the place has lost its funding so am back to square one. At the same time I don’t see the point in going to see someone to go over the same history of my life and how awful and afraid I feel as it does not change things. Because it in my mind and unless I can find someway of dealing with I wont feel better in fact as the years go bye I am less able to cope.

I met someone on the bus this week that I had not seen for years and we got talking qietly and she told me that some people had said to her they did not have time to be depressed or when she had told people she was depessed she got back “oh well now you have spoken to someone about it you must be feeling better” as if its as easy as that. A friend called me the other day and said another friend had told her how worried she was about me as I was in a bad way when she saw me. this was her reply to the person ” Oh she’s been like that for year she’ll be ok” I didnt even say anything to her what was the point. Thats the thing with this illness and it is an illness no one know how to help you and most think that is something you can shake off. I feel lost and can hardly function. I have a lot of personal problems and financial problems and responsibilties. Even the smallest things have me in a panic. It takes all my energy to go to work I cry each morning when I wake up and just about manage to get through the day. The only relief I get is when I am asleep and even there I am not alway safe as I wake from very anxious and frightening dreams sometimes. I dread being out the house yet I dread being in here as well.

As I get older it gets worse all the dr offers is anti depressants but been there and the effects were awful. Not looking for a reply cos there is no answer just needed to write how I am feeling.

By: Dink

Dink — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 19:10:22 +0000

MOFFIA,

Thinking negative thoughts to harm yourself makes you think about negative thoughts. Possitive thoughts about helping yourself by talking things over with a person who will listen may bring about possitive thoughts ; Maybe you should read articles or posts on the internet about people trying to help others before you think about killing yourself. DO YOU HAVE PARENTS, BROTHERS,SISTERS,AUNTS,UNCLES, GRANDPARENTS, CHILDREN ? ; NOONE deserves to be punished or unwanted ” Think possitive”

By: Moffia

Moffia — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 11:28:20 +0000

I would never commit suicide but I can’t stop thinking about it. Because I’m thinking about it all the time should I spend some time in an institution? I don’t know how serious it is when I know I won’t ever go through with killing myself.

By: klynn

klynn — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 06:15:10 +0000

Sorry people I wrote a “book”!! But I wish someone had told me this, stuff, no one helped me, and 25 years ago didn’t even have the internet. Up till 2008 Drug co’s hid the very damaging “side effects” and even more is still hid, but my mom was dying and so I haven’t had time to research about the drugs until about nov 2010. So just want to scream it to everyone so they don’t end up like me. Hope maybe the “book” will help someone.
Thanks people.

By: klynn

klynn — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 05:53:26 +0000

First BettyBoopszzz is so totally on!!!
The Mental Health community is 99% responsible for making people crazy. People think if you go to a therapist they will help you. Unfortunately, most therapists that are any good, are full, or too expensive, the others are burned-out or were just in it for the money. Search for a good therapist, and interview them on the phone before hand, if they do CBT/Behavioral therapy. They will say they will, but then many times won’t after few visits ever start. So tell them you are going to record the sessions, which will help you to re-listen to your self, catching your thinking errors, (ingrained) poor self-esteem thinking errors, trauma issues, etc (*trauma requires additional special treamtent in addition). Plus the therapist will be more likely to “do the work” they have to do to help you, rather than doodling on paper or whatever many of them do. CBT/Behavior requires a therapist willing to work, care, patience, and constantly, but kindly point out your deeply ingrained thinking errors. Also look up the books about ECT (shock therapy) and how it permantly damages your brain, with no proof that it works, and “Brain-Disabiling treatments in Psychology”, etc. Just found out that for 25 years, trying so hard to get well, I have taken 50 (no exaggeration here) psych meds & ECT trying to get well, and I have gotten so much worse mentally, and physically can’t function even the the most minimal care.
PLEASE EVERYONE READ THE INFORMATION THAT’S ONLY BEEN RELEASED SINCE 2008 (APPROX) THAT ALL PSYCH DRUGS AND “STIMULANTS” PERMANTLY DAMAGE YOUR BRAIN, AND EVEN IF THEY WORK, IT WILL ONLY BE TEMPORARY, AND THEY ACTUALLY “INDUCE” BI-POLAR, RAPID CYCLING, MEMORY LOSS, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS, DEPRESSION, HOSTILITY, RAGE, AGGRESSION, ON AND ON!!!!!!!!!!! And we wonder why we don’t get well!!! We are just lab rats, why would a caring individual– Dr. or not, give someone a drug who’s depressed or even suicidal a drug that can cause “suicidal” thoughts and ACTIONS???
Mary*** you sound like me, and some others I’ve found, you have something that doesn’t have a name, but it’s like oversensitvity, but NOT in a BAD way!!!!! Some people enjoy watching war movies or slasher movies and have no feelings or empathy whatsoever. You and I and others are at the opposite end of the spectrum. Then we just get critized for it. If you had CANCER and were in so much pain, you cried, everyone would feel so sorry for you and wonder how you could possibly stand it, but you are in so much pain, for whatever reason(s), and you are chastised for it!!
You are a wonderful, sensitive caring person, with an illness that has to be kept “secret” for fear of loosing friends, family, and JOBS, ect. WHAT PRESSURE! Your mind is not working well, and just like anything not working well, it usually has a negative effect.
When you are “awake” your brain probably plays what we call “tapes” or “movies” of frustrating, horrible, failures, abuse (trauma) or whatever, over and over and over. If you can read, even a sentance or a paragraph a day, and you can order some books, I recommend for boredom sake, along with any good outside support & help, two or three books going at once so you have a variety. **MY (other) “bible” for 25 years is “The FEELING GOOD BOOK” by David Burns. Cognitive therapy in laymans and even some humorous ways. Everytime I read it and APPLY it (with help from therapist or anyone (roleplaying esp.) will help you identify where your brain isn’t working well and what you can do, by re-programing (takes time, be patient with yourself) your thinking. If you have abuse issues, lookup sites with trauma specialties.
Also, you sound so overwhelmed with things, which in this day and age, is difficult to control. Learn the things you CAN control, and what you CAN’T. Change jobs, DON’T go to a DEBT counceling or whatever agency, they won’t help your credit and will just take your money. But there is a lot of good financial advice out there, I only say this as you mentioned it. Credit is king nowdays, so if you need help, I’d be glad to do so anyway I can. I’ve had more sucess helping myself (if I hadn’t taken all there “Rat” poison and ECT, I’d be in physically better shape to help myself, but hopefully will come. We need more people on this planet like you Mary!!!!!!!!!!!! Your sensitivity just shows you care, but are so overwhelmed and in pain, ect, esp. by getting no help whatsoever from people, and actually being harmed by their lack of interest, ect. **BUT PLEASE, EVERYBODY, AT LEAST LOOK AT YOUR MED SHEETS WHEN YOU GET YOUR SCRIPTS FILLED, OR ON INTERNET, OR ESP. THAT BOOK MENTIONED ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! I took a 3 hr. test, and it proves that they have RUINED my mind. Too much to get into here, but I want the word to get out so people don’t end up brain-damaged, physically ill, and isolated because people can’t deal with you, but if you had cancer or whatever they can relate to you’d have lots of support & help. Mary the reason you can’t function is—get ready–because you are SICK!!! That’s why you can’t handle stress either. Just like if you get VERY ill, from flu virus or whatever that is a really bad one, or it starts as a cold, you have symptoms of a runny nose, etc., and you know you have a cold. But if you don’t take care of yourself, it may develop into something more severe, like the flu, etc. Most people can’t work or take stress or do anything but sleep when they are very physically sick, and if they don’t take precautions with the flu, you can get so bad you can die from it. So it’s NO DIFFERENT with a DEPRESSION!!!! So do your best to 1st get off your own back, and don’t let anyone else guilt trip and SHAME you about your delicate personality that is just FINE. As you heal, and get better, GRADUALLY VERY GRADUALLY quit talking “rat” poisons, (if you reasearch & agree), adjust your THINKING and your other issues you CAN adjust along with learning to do “square-breathing” (really works, I fought doing it for years, doubted it, but really does work), and also find out what you can do that works for you to self-soothe. Dale Carnegie’s Book “Stop Worrying and Start Living” is as applicable today as when it was written. Mary, please continue to write, I felt so endeared to you when I finally found this site the 20th and wish I would have found it earlier. Any illness makes a human being TIRED. The longer you have it, the more tired you are. So accept the fact that your body needs the sleep to deal with your illness, just like anybody else does with a physical illness. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON BECAUSE YOU HAVE A UNRELENTING DEPRESSION I’M SURE YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON FOR BEING OVERWHELMED, TIRED, WORRIED, AFRAID OF THE FUTURE, OR WHATEVER IS CAUSING YOUR DEPRESSION. But the “CHEMICAL IMBALANCE” THING IS A NON-PROVEN THERORY THE DRUG COMPANYS AND PSYCH’S ARE USING TO CREATE BI-POLAR AND “MENTAL ILLNESS” IS UP %700 IN LAST TEN YEARS, WHILE THE DRUG COMPANYS KEEP ROLLING OUT MORE BRAIN & PHYSICALLY DAMAGING (!!!!!). GOOD THERAPY WORKS A MILLION TIMES BETTER WITH A GOOD THERAPIST, AND LOT’S OF WORK ON BOTH ENDS. BEST WISHES MARY, YOU ARE JUST FINE, AND I BET A GORGEOUS GEM UNDERNEATH THE DEPRESSION, THAT YOU JUST “CAUGHT” LIKE ANY OTHER ILLNESS, THAT YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR, THANKS FOR REACHING OUT!!

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 06:52:58 +0000

I am not feeling too good forcing myself to get up and go to work because I have to. Finished CBT and was offered anti depressants to take the edge off my feelings and told that if I feel suicidal to go the the hospital. Other than that have to live with depression. I don’t want to be like this. I want it all to end.

By: Mary

Mary — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 07:03:23 +0000

I keep a diary every year. Read the pages then tear it up as its so depressing most days now all I put is feeling awful. managed to get through the day or thanks god no work. And on really bad days I write God why did you let me wake up I want to die there is no point to me I am sick of feeling like this. It would be of no interest for anyone to read except to have then lose hope and feel more depressed.

By: Dink

Dink — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 06:35:40 +0000

Writing a diary may help you when you are feeling depressed. Then you could publish it under a pen name maybe it could help you and help others.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 06:58:11 +0000

I feel like i have jinxed myself as soon as I wrote the above I began to feel my mood changing again it started with me feeling a bit tight in my stomach then sad and then just started to break down crying again. I have that horrible feeling in pit of my stomach again I dont want to wake up shaking all the time and feeling unable to cope but making myself what else can I do. I am back in the pit again.

By: Mary

Mary — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 18:59:22 +0000

Although I still have the same problems my depression lifted about a week before xmas I don’t know why but I felt myself begin to feel better and the horrible pit I was in was not so deep any more. I don’t know how long it will last and am dreading when I begin to feel it comming back. I had quite forgotten how it was to feel ok its been a whole year since I have felt ok. The CBT was nothing like when I went over ten years ago and the therapist is nothing like what I experienced either I told her why I was reluctant to try threaphy again as the last person I was sent to and even my dr all told me that they thought I cried a bit to easily and whatever my problems were I just had to comes to terms with them. She has just let me talk about my life as when she asked me what did I hope to get out of our meetings I told her I did not know. So she just let me speak and made notes and asked me questions. Most of the times I just end up crying which is something I want to stop but most of all she pointed out to me that after all the stuff I had told her she pointed out all the positive things I had done to help myself although I had not seem to acknowledge how I had managed to cope all these years. I dont know where it will lead but all I can say it that I will keep all my other appointments and am thankful for now that I am able to get up each morning without wishing I had died.

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 06:59:58 +0000

50 odd years I have had these feeling with very little peace inbetween its getting worse never ending. Part of me is saying you’ve kept going this long you never know you may feel better one of these day. You’ve had times when you could cope. Just keep going. How to I help myself.