The only people I have ever known who took their own lives each told a professional shortly before doing it, and in each case the professional ignored them. Of course, that is partly because professionals see the signs you list, and hear suicide threats, so often that it is impossible for them to take action every time. But it makes your point that anyone can help save a life by preventing suicide an even more important one.

Also, my policy, (which I was taught long ago) is to make it clear that I will not stay with anyone and continue to provide emotional support while they actually carry out their plan for self-harm. This is partly because assisting suicide is a criminal offence in the UK.

Sums it up succinctly for me.

There are other choices besides taking one’s life prematurely. It is just a shame to read various peoples’ commentary that use rare exceptions as the rule to justify it.

Again, silence is death. Literally!

Thanks

Good post. Very well done – now, if we could get it out to the rest of the world, repeatedly, like they do with the signs of stroke, then maybe we could get the world to do something useful for the people who are feeling suicidal.

We’ve become a desensitized society and often choose not to hear or see… And in most cases, post treatment for suicidal patients is less than adequate. This article is good, but its been the same for decades. When mental illness is recognized as a real medical condition, progress may be made.

What is worse is telling my therapist, I have thoughts of wanting to kill myself and yet there is never any discussion, no ways to make it better. If a mental health professional does not even want to talk about it, I would feel horrible bringing it up to a friend or relative. I mean, really. If the therapist cant help, why should I burden anyone else.

Reina,

I had a therapist do that to me too. Once he had told me that he had a session with a patient who then left the office and literally tried to committ suicde after the appointment. He told me that he was very angry with her. Many years after he shared that info with me, I was sitting in his office – a virtual lump sitting in a chair hiding under my winter coat because it was safer under there – he failed to recognize that I was suicidal. It was our last appointment together- his behaviour was unprofessional and if I had had a blade or something at the time I would have bled in his office. He just didn’t see me sitting there and then I fully understood the other patient. And maybe he was more upset with himself because he failed to see her too. I decided that he was not helping me and I left therapy in the middle of a major depressive episode – not a good thing. It is interesting though, the lack of response that you get from your therapist when you sit there and say “I’m feeling suicidal” – it was the only times, however, when he actually put down his pen and paper and gave me his undivided attention. I have had other therapists since who always gave me their full attention – as it should be.

Reina-
My therapist sort of did that to me too. She didn’t ask me to discuss the suicidal thoughts, instead focusing on the anxiety, hopelessness and depression that was triggering them. She seemed to not care. I was a little put off by this approach sense it has been a big deal for me to tell her.

She told me later,when I was better, that the reason she did this was because she didn’t want to reinforce the suicidal thoughts. She doesn’t think it’s beneficial to discuss them. She said that if she had reacted strongly, that would move some suicidal people to actually do it. I suggest you discuss this with your therapist. Maybe this is the case as well or maybe you just aren’t a good match.

For the author-
What if you have a person who is depressed and repeatedly says that they want to be dead and have thoughts of suicide, but when you call the police or try to take them to the hospital, they freak out! And get angry at you. They say “I can’t believe you did that” I am not going to kill myself! It’s hard to know if someone is serious or not.

I used to feel suicidal but I know that it would hurt the people around me that care about me although they cannot help me. I feel tired all the time and would just like to fall asleep and not wake up. The only peace I have is when I am asleep and when I waken all the bad feelings come flowing back. I visited a threpist was supposed to be for 6 sessions only lasted two sessions as she made me feel so bad telling me that she thought I cried to much and had just better come to terms with things. I used to leave there feeling worse than when i went in. Have an appointment to go see my dr soon but he has already told me that I need to come to terms with my life and get on with it. I have been living with this for so long and sometimes I can just about keep going but other times I cannot. The sad thing is there is no answer and even medication only helps so much. I cnt be around people and the noise and choas of modern day living is getting to me. I feel like I am being constantly assulated by the loud ways in which people speak all the swearing and noise and crowds i cannot cope with. Yet I feel a prisoner in my home as well. I constantly try to stay in the here and now just to keep going. I avoid people as when they ask how I am I feel they dont really want an honest answer. What is frightening is the fact that there are millions of people feeling depressed and there is nothing to get rid of these feelings. Medication does not work. I feel like I have a mental block and if I could break pass it in my head I would be able to think clearer. I am fed up of feeling like this or hyper never. I say prayers and just try to keep in the moment hoping I will be ok.

Lynn wrote, “She said that if she had reacted strongly, that would move some suicidal people to actually do it.”

That is incorrect information about suicide prevention. (See http://www.suicide.org/suicide-myths.html ) A therapist who can discuss suicidal feelings with a client makes it possible for that person to lessen the shame which prevents them from getting help. A person has the idea already; it is not put into their head by someone being willing to talk about it, whether a therapist or a friend.

If you are feeling suicidal, and your therapist is not picking up on it, minimizes, or deflects the topic, call the hotline number at the top of this blog entry: 1800 273-TALK. Outside the US, go to http://www.befrienders.org for local contacts. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender teens and young adults should check out http://www.thetrevorproject.org.

A recent study showed that the vast majority of social workers (in programs in Mass. last year) had zero to four hours of suicide training during their entire schooling. So don’t hesitate to contact one of the hotlines for help, and if you want they can help you figure out how to make sure your therapist really gets how you are feeling.

The key to a successful suicide is the be aware of all the “signs.” One must not even hint of it. Putting on a happy face when others are around is a great deflector. I would never tell my therapist or doctor; there might be ethics or legal reasons they must report it to authorities. And finally, yes, having a plan, acquiring what you need, and being set up to go are critical. The Boy Scouts have it right: be prepared.
Ciao

There can be millions of studies created that try to uncover the bona fide cause of why people go as far as giving everything up including their own existence, but without having the power to bring these people back to life we will never know for sure why they did what they did.

My brother is going through a bitter custody battle and found out that his wife has been researching stories about parents who kill their kids and/or themselves. He turned the information over to the therapist an so far they have done nothing. He is naturally worried about his kids. Is n’t the therapist required by law to do something about this.

Reina, I share your sentiment. Someone contemplating suicide divulges the terrifying thoughts to a professional who too often then responds equally frighteningly… They may ignore you, callously deflect your frank statements, or worse to many contemplating suicide, attempt to institutionalize you against your will. I’ve witnessed all of these often, even being present while other medical staff lambasted patients for attempted suicide, their unprofessionalism overlaid with patent disgust.

Moreover, just as discouraging, the lay don’t greet suicidal behavior any better. From the very real fears of loss of job, professional & social alienation, loss of medical (or other) license (and thereby future livelihood), and persistent stigmatization, to the searingly painful but obvious attempts of spouses/partners/family/friends to disgorge the potential suicidal unceremoniously onto the doorsteps of professionals for “help” in hopes of being rid of the burden, being suicidal can be a loss all around. It’s the lattermost that can be most disheartening; if loved ones really care, which might justify confidence–not to mention provide something to hope for/in, then why do they so often utterly vanish not just during but also after the crisis? I often hear other medical staff ask patients who must be discharged if they have someone who’ll accompany them home, stay with them for a while. You can guess what the answer very often is.

And let’s not talk about the frequent long years of dashed hopes from failure after failure of a daunting parade of impotent therapies and drugs. The professional talks about “hope,” and the imperative to recognize suicide’s warning signs and act on the potential suicidal’s behalf. But there are many for whom there simply is no meaningful (to them) hope. Yet so many mental health professionals continue to insist that suicide is necessarily irrational and soluble. Concerning the latter at least, from this professional’s perspective, not so yet—not by a long shot.

I am all alone I have no one to speak to its my own fault as I find it hard to communicate with people I seem to be surrounded by darkness. I get up I go to work come home sleep. I feel just so tired and worn down. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I am on the edge of tears all the time sometimes I have a day that I feel ‘normal’ and can tell myself not to be silly when I start to feel down but most time its all I can do to stop myself from crying while I try to carry on working. I am afraid all the time I need help.

Mary,

It is very important that you reach out and get some help before something happens. So many of us have felt what you are feeling now. I know that feeling of having tears behind your eyes all of the time and wanting to never wake up. Remember, even if you don’t believe it at the time, you are a valueable, loveable person who deserves to feel better. Gather the strength you need to seek the help you deserve.
Please – take care of yourself.

Thank you.