I have been in the single arena, and it is an arena, for nearly a year. In this time frame I have learned, lost, cried and felt elation, all at varying levels. How does a woman know when the guy actually likes her? How does a woman know what to say or do and not seem crazy? The answers are there are no answers.
Sometimes one person may feel a connection when the other does not. Sometimes we come across potential partners who are super-sexy, successful and have that “catch me if you can” attitude. They’re not worth running after if they won’t run right after you too.
Dating is hard. But I think the key to positive dating is to attempt to remain objective as possible. I know this is nearly impossible for some and I am guilty of it. Many of us have hopes and ideas of that perfect person crossing our path and leading us into at least a long, comfortable relationship, if not marriage.
With that said, I have decided to write about some ways to save your self-esteem while dating.
- Avoid high expectations. If you meet someone and develop really high expectations quickly, you probably won’t find what you’re looking for.
- Don’t lie about your appearance. It’s easier than ever to do so in the age of online dating, but nobody wins if you post pictures that are 10 years old.
- Establish firm boundaries. If, after the first date, someone constantly cancels subsequent dates or if you find yourself staring at your cell phone waiting for a text that does not come, it may be time to move on. If the other person is really interested, he or she will go out of his or her way to contact you.
- Be yourself. Know that inside you’re a great person. If a person you’re interested in doesn’t feel the same, don’t waste your time trying to convince them that you’re great. Others need to appreciate and understand you for who you are today, not some “ideal” version of you, or someone you might be in the future.
- Be honest. If you’re looking for a life partner, tell the truth about yourself — and expect the truth from others. There is nothing worse than spending lots of time dating a person only to find out much later an important secret or lie of omission about them.
- Be hopeful. Just because you meet someone who doesn’t fit your expectations doesn’t mean you should give up hope. Keep in mind that the right person may also be out there looking for you, too. It’s a matter of keep trying, over and over again, until you find someone who just feels right.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jul 2010
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.
Stan, J. (2010). Dating: Some Self-Esteem Savers. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/07/08/dating-some-self-esteem-savers/