“Sorry, I can’t be your therapist. Here’s a referral to another colleague I trust…”

Some people may take for granted that therapists can pick and choose who they see and under what conditions. Not all therapists will see every patient that walks through their office door. There are a variety of reasons a therapist won’t see you, and most of them have to do with professional ethics.

For instance, most therapists seek to avoid “dual relationships” with you or their other patients. A “dual relationship” is one where the therapist isn’t just your therapist, but may also be a friend, lover, business associate, or some other role in your life. Therapists seek to avoid dual relationships, so if they are already your friend, business associate, or whatnot, they will refuse to become your therapist as well (this also works in reverse — your therapist should never offer to become your friend, lover, business associate, etc).

Although this may feel like rejection, you shouldn’t take it personally. Therapists will often avoid seeing certain people for these reasons to ensure the patient is treated with proper respect and dignity. Here are five reasons why your therapist won’t see you now…

Sarah hated it when Jeff was “stressed out.” He became loudly critical of her, the kids, the driver ahead of him, and anyone else that annoyed him. He was impatient and irritable, and when he wasn’t on the attack he became distant. Sarah didn’t know what else to do, so she resigned herself to “just live with it.”

Ryan knows Kate is “hot-tempered,” but he’s sick of being called “a loser” and other names just because Kate is supposedly under so much stress. He misses the fun they used to have and the connection they once shared, but he can’t quite pinpoint the moment their marriage shifted.

Do these situations sound familiar? Anger, tension, and passive-aggression can gain a foothold in even the most loving relationship. One day you wake up and wonder what happened to the happy union you once had. Where did the trust and the closeness go? Fortunately, while you can’t force your partner to change, you can change the way you react and respond to their anger, and ultimately improve your marriage.

Here are five steps to overcoming anger in your relationship…

Joan Luby, a Professor of Psychiatry in the Early Emotional Development Program at the Washington University School of Medicine, argues in a new journal article (Luby, 2010) that preschool depression is a real disorder that is important to identify early on. Preschool depression refers to preschool-aged children (between 3 and 6 years old) suffering from significant depressive symptoms that cause impairment in the child’s daily functioning and development.

She argues, however, that we can’t use the adult criteria for depression, since some of those criteria wouldn’t make sense in a preschool child. A preschool child, for instance, can’t experience the loss of sexual pleasure, but they can experience a loss of enjoyment in ordinary child play activities.

It makes a sort of sense on the face of it, but seems to start leading us down a slippery-slope of “adjusting” symptom criteria until they bear little resemblance to the original disorder.

“Using age-adjusted symptom manifestations, studies have now shown that preschool children do display typical symptoms of depression rather than “masked” symptoms, very similar to findings already well established in school-age children,” notes Luby in the article.

In the 1980s psychologist Everett L. Worthington, Jr. Ph.D., began studying forgiveness while working with troubled couples. On New Year’s Eve, 1995, his mother was murdered. Dr. Worthington then dedicated his life to encouraging and educating people about forgiveness. He turned grief into mission by writing books, speaking, and founding A Campaign for Forgiveness, which has raised millions of dollars to support the search of forgiveness.

In her book, “The Law of Forgiveness,” author Connie Domino devotes a chapter to the scientific evidence for the power of forgiveness. Some of the studies she includes are fascinating, and will have you dump your righteousness and mend the strained relationships in your life before you’re ready.

Although the weather might not feel like it yet, summer’s just around the corner. What I find most interesting about the seasons (since I’m from Hawaii, I only grew up with one season), is that it brings out different reactions and emotions for different people. Some dread the coming of the sun (hot weather, bathing suit season, kids out of school) and others adore it for the same exact reasons.

What about you? Does summer bring up visions of fun beach days, summer barbecues and long summer nights? Or are you dreading mosquitoes, shorts, crowds and restless kids?

Well whatever it brings up for you, I hope you’ll get a chance to stop, take a pause and enjoy the experience of a new season and all the wonders and possibilities that it brings. Oh and if you’ve got time? Check out our top posts too!

The Key to Stop Bullying from Spreading in Our Children’s Lives

(Mindfulness & Psychotherapy) – It’s devastating that kids today have to deal with daily bullying from their peers. But you don’t have to sit around and watch it happen. This top post provides a list of helpful resources that gives you advice on raising more compassionate and empathic kids.

Andrew Solomon offers this brilliant paragraph in his classic, “The Noonday Demon” about the relationship between medication and therapy, when we should make Herculean efforts to break free from depression or rather lie listless on our beds as victims of a loathsome illness: