Comments on: What To Do When Life Falls Apart: The Essential 6 Step Program

By: jina

jina — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 19:56:52 +0000

Hello i just found out my husband cheated on me with is business partner i have a male friend at work that i gave a hug to and my husband got pissed off at me we were trying to work things out i seen the guy that and i got his number and me and my husband had a falling out i texted the guy and asked how his day was at work and my husband doesn’t want to be bothered by me so he is turning my kids aganist me.

By: DV survivor

DV survivor — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 01:34:30 +0000

I am a survivor or domestic violence. Thank God 8 police officers appeared at the motel door when I was screaming and kicking and fighting for my life. He was 29 years old and I was 27 years old. He kidnapped me, but made it seem like a nice road trip out West to help him interview and start a new job. Before the police arrived, he had a pillow over my face and was screaming he wanted to kill me for going behind hi back and booking an airline ticket back home to my family. He made me lie to my parents that i was okay. Parents, never trust your daughters boyfriend until you see it with your own eyes. I lied and hid so much from my parents.
These 6 steps are hard to understaand. i am finding myself doing the non-eating and the over eating so binge eating i guess. i defintely use energy drinks and coffee to perk up and its an obscene amount. i go out every weekend to forget everything in my drunkenness though i cannot get to the point of complete drunken because of my conscience. I have to watch over my friends and watch for my reputatino becasue I still have dreams career dreams. I have been to the DV center but it is not enough. My counselor only does empowerment work. She told me today that she doesnt do mental health and I find that every day people are evil and untrustworthy. Its disappointing. I dont have self worth and Im depressed, really depressed. It is good but I have my parents watching over me Thank GOD and I am so blessed to be alive. I could not ask for anything more to make me happy. I just see Im behind my peers career wise and socially. I feel like an infant. I feel so childish. I feel like a loser. I lost all of my savings with the abuser. I guess Id feel happier if I was more self sufficient and able-bodied to get past my issues and feel energized and motivated for the next day. I want to be self-sufficient to where I am at step 6 and beyond and I am impatient. Thank you for reading. Bless you all.

By: Hmmm.....

Hmmm..... — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 21:29:49 +0000

In the last 3 years I have had all 3 of the life changin things mentioned above happen to me. Divorice from an abusive alcoholic, 5 months later my son died in an accident and now 2 1/2 years later I am losing my home. The steps are good, but I would suggest for #5 at least be informed. Not everyone is a reader, I am but could not read for over a year after my sons accident. It is sad how fast you can pay it forward. These are not things you would wish on anyone else.

By: heartbroken

heartbroken — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:52:43 +0000

I just lost my job of 30 years and my husband of 33 all within a months time. I don’t even have words for what I’m going through. I may well lose my home too. I don’t know why I’m still on this earth. I keep thinking there must be a reason for all of this but I can’t imagine what it would be.

By: ML

ML — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 20:23:18 +0000

I agree with the Six Steps as I have been through that process many times in my life. Each time it is a bit different, but I think that comes with the various stages of life. One thing I would like to stress is the need for gratitude. If you had a great spouse, home, child, friend, parent, job, or whatever; you were indeed very lucky. Some people go through life never having any of these things and still have hope.
A wise lady once told me that the reason “Hope” is the greatest gift is because if you lose your hope, you have nothing.
Another very important thing I learned is that terrible things that happen to me are not necessarily for me to be “taught a lesson” but for those around me to be given the opportunity to be better people. This is the only way to explain the death of a small child, for example. When someone doesn’t reach out to another who is suffering; they may not be punished; they just lose a blessing.
Like many of you, I am going through the most difficult and alone time of my life. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and at the end of the day I can say, “well done.”

By: Arlene

Arlene — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:18:02 +0000

This is a wonderful post. Something always turns up just when you need it. I am contemplating divorcing my cheating husband of 19 years. Right now I’m trying to find reasons to stay, but other than the negative effect it will have on our children (ages 14 and 11), I can’t find a single reason. I never thought that I would be in this position at this stage of my life.

By: Tree-Tree

Tree-Tree — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 17:29:38 +0000

I wish I would have seen this posting 2 months ago. I am currently going thru a divorce after 15 years. He says he is not cheating so even worse in my eyes how people can just say i don’t love you or us anymore. Anyway time heals as i can say that now but 2 months ago i felt like my life was over and nothing anyone could say or do would change that but you have to work at it. it does not come naturally but give yourself the time you need to heal and deal with your feelings as i feel if you don’t they will creep back up when you least expect it.

By: Josie

Josie — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:35:22 +0000

Somedays we are the pigeon, somedays we are the statue.

By: Kat

Kat — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 18:54:11 +0000

I lost my husband of 42 years just 4 months ago–I hurt as bad today as that day–we had good times and bad times–we have 6 devoted children–but he was the glue–now I am learning day by day what strength I have–I was the one employed–he was disabled for 30 years–but he still was the foundation of our life—knowing that the one who was always there to listen-who you could argue with and still be friends–who would be the last one to say “I love you”-not having this anymore is the biggest lost—but I am taking it day by day–this month I plan on not calling in and saying I can’t do it today–I will get to work–even if late–I will get out and walk the dogs–they need it and so do I–I have returned to church–I know God is guiding me and I always have my guy to talk to–the inspirational readings do help at times–and yes there are times that grief overtakes everything I do and I just let it have it way–but only for a limited time–healing is different for everyone–no one can say how or when you will heal if ever–but to live with it and function and love the life I have is my goal–

By: Jayelle

Jayelle — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:57:28 +0000

Hopefully, “Adig”, you will accept my prayers for your daughter and you for all the heartache you experience with her health issues, and the lack of understanding from some family and strangers. That is the sad part of imperfect human beings. I have had serious health issues that began with a serious auto accident, and have learned family and many people are unable to understand or afraid to reach out to be a friend. Your daughter is blessed to have you, and I have no doubt in her heart she is feeling grateful for you. And I believe that God never leaves her side or yours. It’s a heartache no parent should have to endure, but so many do, which doesn’t make your situation any less important. My feelings of sadness is that so many humans just can’t deal well with people who are limited in some physical way, but sometimes someone unexpectedly comes along to encourage or show love. Don’t give up. Life on this earth is just a struggle – a different struggle for everyone. I would pray for more gentleness and kindness in this world when people need that. We all need it, without the judgment and condemnation because no one is perfect. So, that is why I say, hard as it may be, to forgive those who hurt because they don’t know any better. It’s their problem. And I would pray that some of those that are around you and your family will allow themselves the opportunity to grow up, and think of what they can do to help you and your daughter, and that God will bring people into your lives to give you encouragement and hope. My family completely treats me as if I do not exist because I no longer can be there to do anything for them, and they are self-serving. I have just given up on concerning myself with them, and know in my heart that God is with me and gives me strength though each day. I am in the reaching the end of my time on this earth, so I just am thankful for each day, even though it isn’t what I would like it to be. I have my moments, then remind myself that God is love, and the world is missing out on God’s best, so when he gave man free will, too many got really selfish and forgot to love God, one another and themselves. So, here we are, but no matter what, each day is a gift, and you are very, very special. Your daughter is very, very special. I pray for God’s best for you.

By: Adlg

Adlg — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:21:38 +0000

As I look over these comments I can’t help but see that, in life, we all need to look at the big picture in order to appreciate it. What I mean is, if you have your health, you really have everything there is in life to be grateful for no matter your lot in life. I used to always be stressed out & depressed about my weight, work issues, finances, relatives taking me for granted. My older & only sister would visit me only when they needed money. Never calls me just to see how I’m doing, much less visit me, although I have run into her family in town. Well I my only child, a daughter, was diagnosed with a brain tumor in May of ’07 at the age of 25. She had been working in the credit dept. at the same place where I work & had her own car. She had been planning to attend college. Well now she was left disabled as result of surgery. She now has double vision issues & is unable to drive. The right side of her face & left side of her body are now partially paralyzed. She had a cerebellum tumor. This area of the head is the root or stem of the head. It controlls vision, speech, eating, walking, and it affected all of these areas. Her equilibrium is off so she has difficulty walking on her own. She is doing much better now but she has changed so much in so little time. She is now very self-conscious of going out in public, people are callous & will just stop & stare. Her skin broke out in acne due to the medication she was given at the hospitals. Doctors told me it was because alot of the medications given to patients contain steroids. Her skin was left with alot of scarring. She had low self-esteem issues to begin with & I know that with this she feels she’s hit rock bottom. She has a provider stay with her while my husband & I go to work all week & I know she
s tired of this arrangement. I am terrified of leaving her alone for fear she may fall & break a leg or her back. She says it feels like a chore just to get around. It seems likes she’s gone from the age of 25 to 85 overnight. As a parent, I don’t know what to do, just pray to God to have mercy & give my baby back her health. I am doing all I can do to help her get exercise & taking her to a dermatologist to help with the skin, but they are so expensive. So, as I said before, in life, all you really need to be happy is your health, because no amount of money in the world can buy it!!!

By: Tiger's ex!

Tiger's ex! — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 14:51:42 +0000

We are all in pain….searching for the balm that will make our wounds heal. This helps. It puts the journey into focus. It does not make the journey easy. I was married to Tiger’s clone for 15 years. The apologies….I’ve heard it all! Empty words from an empty man. Forgiveness? Not there yet….doubt I ever will be. The feelings of violation and now isolation as he quickly married another “victim”. Wallow? Years worth. I feel stuck. Therapist? helps….but I still feel like I say the same thing over and over. I get up in the morning….have to take care of the dogs (highly recommend this source of unconditional love!!). Bless all of you who join me in this painful and lonely journey. Wouldn’t it be great if we all could join together??

By: Jayelle

Jayelle — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:06:32 +0000

For each person that has written their experiences, my heart goes out to their pain and struggles, and also joy for their growth and strength of character. I have lost parents, siblings and other loved ones, and there are not words to express how that feels. We all wish we could have done more or done something differently, but the fact we had them in our lives was wonderful, and there will be a time of grieving, your own time, but there will also be good memories. Be good to yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel without judgment. Everyone has a certain time to be here, and all we can do is try to enjoy the people in our lives as long as we can and be as kind as we can knowing “now” is all we have. I do believe it’s healing and healthy to feel safe enough to share. Not all people are good listeners, but whether it’s in a support group or with a therapist or good friend, it helps. We never are realy ready for bad things to happen, or I wasn’t, maybe naive and overly enthusiastic when younger, but I got burned so many times in so many ways. And I sometimes made some decisions that cost, and wouldn’t had I used wisdom. At this point in my life, as a senior, I believe we are given an opportunity for growth, a chance to find the freedom in forgiving and know that life is still worthwhile, and we just keep on learning and growing while we are here. Hopefully, we can find the place to say, “I got through it, and I am okay, maybe even better than okay, and I still love and I am loved.” Also, I believe we are never alone. There isn’t perfect peace in an imperfect world, but we truly can have inner peace that I believe is God given when we seek it as we trust in him. And we may never understand why our particular personal world was shaken up in ways that certainly didn’t seem fair, and maybe happened when we were young children and unable to protect ourselves, leaving scars that don’t heal easily, but,in time, learn to accept and be thankful for the learning and growing to love and and forgive through whatever life brings. Also to learn we have a right to be respected, that it’s okay to say “no” and to be selective and alert to abuse. I certainly have had my roller coaster rides at times with life’s unexpected events, and then I turn to the God I have faith in, and ask him to guide me and show me what he wants me to learn even as I am thinking I wish I didn’t have to go through this, but somehow the load gets lighter, and the impossible becomes possible and that peace does begin to enter my heart knowing that somehow, in the big picture, it’s all going to work out all right.

By: IrishGirl

IrishGirl — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 02:02:32 +0000

i just lost my mom. it was sudden and unexpected. these steps are a place to start. between my grandmother and my 4 siblings we are all dealing w/this loss differently. and we all have our low moments. i have regrets, so many times i should have done more, said more, spent more time w/her. and now i miss her more than i ever thought possible. i am thankful for my 36 years w/her.
i hope you all find peace.

By: tryingnottowallowtoomuch

tryingnottowallowtoomuch — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:26:10 +0000

complaints have been posted that the 6 steps are not realistic, that the books wont help. everyone seems to be going through SOOOO much crap right now, myself included. i will spare these readers the details of my grief, suffice to say, that yes, we DO need to be able to bend an ear, and are VERY fortunate if we have friends that will tolerate our outpourings of grief and frustration.

we MUST continue to take steps, find SOMETHING positive, even as we are being steamrollered by crap on top of crap.

i’ve not found the answer yet, and feel as though i continue to live on the brink of disaster. cannot imagine more chaos and hell that what has happened to my family, but we have to keep on keeping on. find faith, SOMEHOW and take ONE STEP AT A TIME. and yes, damnit, it could be worse.