Comments on: 11 Kinds of Therapy to Help You Grieve a Loss

By: Cindilou

Cindilou — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:50:32 +0000

I lost a son soon to be 7 years ago to suicide. I’ve had other losses in life, but this was the clincher. I can say that it knocked me down for at least a year where I gained weight from lack of activity and sometimes self medicating through food. Anyway, I gradually came out of it through anti-depressants, therapy, writing, joining a survivor of suicide group, then my mother died from a devastating stroke and my father got cancer and I had to care for him. It took all I could to do this until his death 5 months after my mother’s. Then more death came in my family and my husband’s. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome raised its ugly head. The beginning stages just a couple of months before my son’s death. Years later after excruciating pain, and wrong diagnosis, I had hand surgery and now I’m on the other end of healing from that. But stress is what caused the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Over use of the hands to combat emotional stress.

I used most of the steps recommended in this book although I have not read it, and healing comes bit by bit with set backs until I need to see a therapist again, but different ones. I can now say that I’m almost off of all my antidepressants. I’m losing weight, getting into shape, dejunking, taking care of myself, letting go of certain people or things, inviting new relationships into my life that are healthy and not manipulative. I’m working on standing up for myself again, where before after my son’s death I didn’t care to live and basically could not even concentrate on anything as my short term memory was stunted.

I can say most powerfully that my faith Christ has been the most healing. Because even though I work on the loss of this son, I still have other children and relationships to work on, and since we are all human, I’m going to get disappointed sometime in the future by others, It is important to work out our differences, seek help from above and learn to forgive and let go or confront the person. Whatever is necessary to maintain strength in oneself and not be walked on and give to others knowing all the good and bad that could happen.

We must heal our broken hearts and also protect our hearts from being stomped on, since we don’t know all things. But strive to work forever on strengthening our faith and trust in Him above who does. And that there is a time and a place for everything under Heaven.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 03:25:13 +0000

When my father died years ago like 22 yrs. ago. My mood changed like bitterness and depression and the man I was with he left me 5 mts. after my fathers death that didn’t help either, but in the long run it was for the best. For my sadness I got moody, It’s not easy to lose a love one but I relized he is in a peaceful place heaven.

By: Lydia

Lydia — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:23:07 +0000

For the most part I have figured out on my own the steps needed to keep my mind off of dwelling on my losses, as well as some therapy it helps, but only do as is comfortable to you. Church is what God is to you, let him guide you to what he wants for your life, because we are all different children just as each child we have has different needs. I just lost my dad in June, but I feel I have lost my relationship with my family a long time ago. It is never easy to get through holidays, and special events without family to share with, I can only say after sooo many years of feeling lonely, and distrustful, I can only say it was through and with God I have been able to get through it all. God Bless You all.

By: anyone1

anyone1 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:15:31 +0000

To Shirley,

I am no expert but have some suggestions for you. First, find a therapist you can talk to about your feelings. Having this weekly appointment will help you in many ways. Secondly, if your family won’t come to you, go visit them. Planning these events will help you. If it is difficult for you to socialize, perhaps you would feel comfortable volunteering at your church or joining a group there. It sounds like you already have a home in your faith. I lost my son recently and know it is very hard. I will pray for you, please pray for me. God bless you.

By: SHIRLEY

SHIRLEY — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:24:23 +0000

MY HUSBAND OF 47 YR. WENT TO BE WITH “THE LORD “,7 YEARS AGO. FROM READING THE 11 STEPS; I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO STILL BE LOST IN HIS DEATH. I WAS IN ILL HEALTH, BEFORE. I AM STILL SHUT AWAY TO MYSELF, VERY LONELY (MY FAMILY, WHO ALL LIVES OUT OF TOWN )HAVE JUST ABANDED ME. I’VE ASKED WHATS WRONG? THEY ALL TELL ME NOTHING, THEY ARE JUST BUSY. I GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY; THEN I’M BACK HOME ALONE. I DON’T LIKE TO TALK ON THE PHONE. HAVE JUST ABOUT STOPPED DOING HOUSEWORK. WHEN I AM WITH OTHERS, I CHOOSE NOT TO CONVERSE. CAN YOU HELP ME? THANK YOU.

By: mdspatsy

mdspatsy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 08:07:44 +0000

Dear Writer,
I have read of your collected, important writings from her for coping any loved persons losses to our life.
Very good and interesting to read for getting some theories from your writings to this website.
I also suffered of many loved relatives losses in recent decades.
Being a freelance writer, reader, listening some good music,socializing with friends and other well wishers had made me to do some constructive actions for self movement and for others welfare.
Countless thanks to you for your wonderful sayings and to this health website.
With best wishes.,

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:56:12 +0000

Having been married for 63 yrs. in a very loving relationship, the sudden death of my husband , (after the initial shock, disbelief, and non acceptance of
reality, I didn’t want to talk to anybody on the phone, or see anybody, and
just stayed in my room at an asstd living residence. I didn’t come down to meals for 2 wks. I didn’t want to see or talk to anybody. I hated this place, but understood that I would feel the same anywhere else. I started to read and totally escaped from my tortuous thoughts. After awhile, I was ready to go to excercise class. After that, I was able to go to the news and schmooze group.
At first, I just listened. Then I began to offer my own thoughts about a news article that had been read. All of these things took nine months. From anger and depression, and hopelessness, one day I experienced a physical shift in my entire body. After an hour or so, I suddenly became aware that I no longer felt depressed, hopeless and not wanting to live. I had been talking to my daughter-in-law when this took place. The date all that changed is one I’ll never forget, because now I actually feel good, a feeling I thought I’d never have, again.

By: Deanna Gibbons

Deanna Gibbons — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 20:57:18 +0000

Very helpful,lost my mother 9/9/09.I have been very depressed my body aches all the time and I just feel sick. I believe these activities will help. Thank you.

By: survivor

survivor — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 20:56:28 +0000

Thanks for the affirmation that I am doing the right things. Since we all
have losses throughout our lives, we all need this.. Having been through
support groups following loved ones deaths, this is the most succinct
writing I have seen on the subject., THESE THINGS WORK! Thanks.

By: Lucia

Lucia — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:00:34 +0000

Therese:
Thank you MUCH for placing out these 11 steps, they are so accurate & very helpful and I coincide with them totally!. I will just add EXERCISE as it is SO good for your mind, body & soul. Also it is proven that exercising prevent you from falling into depression .
It felt good to check and realize that in my process I am following all the 11 steps. This is why maybe I am good and moving on in the midst of my loss..in a short period of time(3 months).
I do want to say that for me and in my life feeling GODS LOVE within me and manifested through all the people and experiences every day has been GREAT!!!
In short: love yourself & others, be good to yourself and others, have mercy with yourself and others!!

Lucia Villagomez, BA Clinical Psychologist

By: Soso

Soso — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:49:59 +0000

There’s one thing you don’t mention — grieving in therapy. Allowing yourself to voice your sorrow through your tears, through creating memento altars, through being alone to weep, to hold others as you process — all of this is greiving. To grieve is to be; it is a state of being and notonly an activity. Activities of any kind can’t save you from what you need to move through, which is natural and healing.

By: mysilentscream.com » Blog Archive » Job Opening – Facebook Czar

mysilentscream.com » Blog Archive » Job Opening – Facebook Czar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:05:37 +0000

[...] I processed my feelings and grieved and supported others, I spanned the panorama of grief “therapies” listed in a good article on [...]

By: dobi

dobi — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:44:21 +0000

The my way is …..
If you lose somebody you must as soon as possible to find another man.

By: Katrin

Katrin — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:39:39 +0000

Well, and then the one who is dying also experiences terrible loss, right? (unless it is a sudden accident?)

By: Mary Jane Hurley Brant

Mary Jane Hurley Brant — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:15:42 +0000

Therese,

Lovely points to help those suffering with loss. I think what you are basically saying is take care of yourself, be good to yourself, show mercy to yourself.

Loss is a topic that is a secret in our American culture – until it is personal. Thank you for taking some time to help the grieving world.

Kind regards,
Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP