Larry Drain of the Hopeworks Community blog wrote an excellent post the other month on three things we can do about our moods: prevention, coping, learning. He writes “Moods are processes — not events. They have a coming and a going.” Like mindfulness specialist Elisha Goldstein, he reminds us of our mood’s impermanence… That they don’t have stick if we can learn how to cook them and our thoughts with Teflon (preferably the non-cancer-causing kind).
Even though I know, on some level, that moods are temporary and transient, it was helpful to remind myself of three proactive ways I can, much like my adorable golden-chow mutts, take their leashes into my hands, grab the poop bag, and regain control. Larry writes:
Depending on where you are with the mood there are basically 3 things you can do:
Prevention is the set of skills that have to do with how you maintain positive momentum and redirect negative momentum. It includes things like: self maintanence (what you do to take care of yourself), knowing high risk situations and warning signs (being able to “see it coming”), and cues (knowing exactly what you do that tells you exactly how you are doing- for ex. on the manic scale an 8 means what?). Finally it means those plans that you are going to follow once you “see it coming.” Prevention means becoming an expert on yourself with some degree of efficiency and expertise.
Coping
Coping is what you do when you know “its here.” It means limiting the damage and beginning the process of positive momentum. A lot of coping is tied up with how you process your experience and the plans you have for support when you can no longer trust the way you process your experience. It means knowing that because something “feels so” doesnt make it so. It means having a sounding board- whether it is a script or series of statements you do or another person you can trust- that helps to clarify reality when it doesnt seem so clear. It is trying so hard not to leap and find yourself dealing with consequences of your mood that you really don’t want to see happen.
Learning
Learning has to do with how you view the “finished product” and what you learn that you can use next time. It means seeing mistakes and also seeing successes. It means viewing your experience not just as a source of deprivation, but as a possible opportunity to learn more about life.
In the three years since my last hospitalization I think I am getting better at prevention of mood crises. I no longer wait until day five of a depression to put on my detective hat and figure out what in that last few weeks may have triggered a deterioration of mood.
I am constantly making connections between my diet, exercise regime, and sleep schedule with my mood. For example, the first day I wake up with that familiar dread (”How will I make it through this day?”), I look for clues in the notes I’ve made in my journal during the last month. Usually I will find something like a two-day sugar binge brought on by one of my kids’ birthdays (”Maggie Moo’s ice-cream birthday cakes, in particular), or irregular sleeping (even a half-hour off of my normal bedtime and wake time can alter my mood), not enough time to myself, skipping my 15 minutes of prayer and meditation in the morning, or a dangerous Internet craze, like, say, seeing how many new people I can follow on Twitter in one hour. Answer: 750.
However, sometimes, despite my best efforts at prevention, I still land in the Black Hole. I’m especially vulnerable to stress caused by problems and complication in my kids’ lives, and regrettably I can’t control that… At least not completely. So I have to just deal with my mood, as ugly it is, by doing just as Larry suggested: First I treat the collateral damage. I pick up the messes in whatever way I can. Then I try like hell to shift the momentum.
I especially love this wisdom of Larry’s: A lot of coping is tied up with how you process your experience and the plans you have for support when you can no longer trust the way you process your experience. It means knowing that because something “feels so” doesn’t make it so.
And learning? Yes, all that is done in hindsight, even though sometimes I have to make the same damn mistake 238 times for my brain to recognize that a certain behavior of mine does not render good results … like maybe to learn from my manic week of Facebook, when I friended 350 people I didn’t know, … that doing the same in Twitter could very well contribute a similar consequence.
On my good days, I can, as Larry says, celebrate (more like … accept) my mistakes as plentiful “opportunities” for growth.
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Controlling your moods « Embracing Life – Women ^50 (9/12/2009)
13 Comments to
“3 Ways We Can Control Our Moods”
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I have a “Friend” who cant stop eat bad stuff he makes a hamburger with pdding and yam and other bad stuff
Your article on how to manage your moods was very informative. The aspect of prevention, coping and learning really hit home. I suffer from bipolar and your suggestions about not sinking into the pits of depression but trying to look at it on day 5 to figure out what may have prompted the depression. Also on the flip side, try to catch the mania part at level 8 instead of waiting until it hits the level of 10. I really enjoy all that emotional healths topics covered at this website.
Stupid article!
The article lacks substance. It touched upon essential areas, however the lack of examples and cohesion left the article “well” wandering what is the author trying to convey. For instance, in the prevention area an example of her experience would be of benefit to a person who is experiencing a mood change;and has yet to recognize what is causing the mood.
JJD, I agree with you, its another article without specific examples…too general, like I have heard before..same basic info
The article was eloquent and offered good information like identifying what stresses you and developing a plan to deal with those situations.
My plan includes prayer and reading my bible. God helps me figure out what is bothering me and how to deal with it. I don’t often like His guidance and find it difficult to swallow. Neverheless, God’s guidance, which includes finding the right doctor and getting better informed on the subject, is helping me.
Over many years, three things have really helped me: talk therapy — finding the “right” therapist is crucial —if the first or second is not a fit, keep looking…. herbal supplements and vitamin supplements — find a good N.D to help — and EFT …”tapping” on our electrical merdian points (kin to acupuncture; but we learn to tap on ourselves –used for physical and emotionally issues) http://www.emofree.com
Also, a book, “The Shack” by Wm.P.Young… very profound….
Don’t give up!! Keep trying different things — there are techniques, products, help for all of us. At times, I wanted to give up; but, I tried something new. All of us are different…with different chemistry….Don’t give up!
Blessings to all…Happpy day to all…
Everyone is different. Thank you God. How boring life would be if we were all the same.
One time we may find something that works. The next time we may find that it doesn’t work.
I am 55. I have been bipolar for all of my life. Not knowing what was wrong with me. Many doctors, many kinds of doctors my parents took me too. No one knew until I was in my 40’s. I was a painfully shy child. With teachers thinking I was retarded. Then finding out it was just shyness. Then in my mid 20’s I went manic for years.
Self medicated with drinking and street drugs for 10 years. Finally a doc told me you are bipolar. I started to research. And still I research. I have not learned enough.
Mood changes are second hand to me. They happen all day long. I am a roller coaster of ups and downs all day. Not just a few days here or a few days there. I have many mood changes in one day. Some days I don’t want to wake up at all. But that is giving in to this disorder.
I just have to remember that no one is out to get me. I don’t have to feel this way. Why let this ruin my day. Don’t let it get to me. And…just say piss on it and let it go.
I know this is easier said than done. It has taken me a long while to learn it. I had to learn fast as I have so many changes.
Do what will help you. Keep a note book. Write down what works. Daydream, write a whole day story of going to the beach or the beautiful mountains. Include details, so you can really see your self there. Or on an island, a sailboat, a tree house, anyplace you feel safe. Any place where you can have fun with out someone to bother you or stress you.
Lose yourself in your story. Go whenever you need too.
This will help a bunch. At least until you find different ways to cope and change your moods for the good.
Cindy i quite agree with you. we all are different and learn by the day.but one thing has helped me all this years is telling myself that i am in charge of my feelings and thought. i try the things that ordinarily make me happy, i sing to myself or listen to a good music or dance to one.i keep telling myself that this has no control. i try not to let it get to me even when it tries. sometimes you can’t tell what brought about the depression but you know it is there. so i send it back whence it came. there is no room for it in my houes. above all i tell myself that God is in control and so all the good He has done in the past is proof of that and even more. He can handle anything even when it seems impossible…especially when it appears impossible. it works.Do try it out. its all a thing of the mind. CONTROL YOURS.
I think the article was great! I like the idea of using diet, spiritual, and exercise! That is the clue knowing your body and its limits. There are so many bad things in our enviroment that affect us. Stress affects everyone negatively. We need to be in postive surroundings. That includes postive friends that don’t have a lot of negative things going on in their lives. God is postive, He is energy and He gives it to us. God is the answer to everything.
I never thought about my sugar intake relating to my mood. I cry very easy and I hate it.Thanks for the tip.
This does not make any sense. He is not being specific at all!!!!
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Sep 2009
