Ever wonder who uses Internet dating services like Match.com and eHarmony.com? The answer may surprise you. I think, “Well, gee, everybody uses them!” But that’s not the case. There’s a particular psychological profile that researchers have discovered of users of Internet dating services.
The researchers (Kim et al., 2009) surveyed 3,345 people in the U.S., of which 1,588 (47.5 %) were men and 1,757 (52.5 %) were women. Ages ranged from 19 to 89 with a mean of 48 years old. They gathered their data using a number of standardized questionnaires and psychological measures.
The researchers found that people who are more “sociable are more likely to use Internet dating services than are those who are less sociable. This finding challenges the stereotypical profiling of
Internet daters as being just lonely and socially anxious people.”
Indeed, that finding confirms the idea that Internet dating is firmly in the mainstream now. While that may have not been the case 10 years ago, times have changed and using the Internet as a means of finding a prospective partner is no longer thought of as unusual. The researchers finding in this regard is not unique — previous research has come to the same conclusion, so it’s considered a robust research finding. For people who are already sociable, using the Internet as a dating method is just one more tool at their disposal.
But not all sociable folks consider the use of Internet dating. If you have high self-esteem and consider romantic relationships to be an important part of your life, you’re more likely to use Internet dating. If you have low self-esteem and consider romantic relationships not to be an important part of your life, you’re also more likely to use Internet dating.
So the researchers found that if you have low self-esteem and put some value on to your romantic relationships, you’re actually less likely to use Internet dating.
The researchers explain the findings this way:
If the success of romantic relationships is the domain of self worth, one may try to increase the prospect of success and avoid failure in romantic relationships. In the context of Internet dating, when sociable people consider romantic relationships to be an important domain for self-worth, those with high self-esteem will be more likely than those with low self esteem to use Internet dating services.
The reason is that when sociable people consider romantic relationships to be an important domain for self-worth, those with high self-esteem will find it comfortable to present themselves to a multitude
of anonymous people, whereas those with low self-esteem will be more likely to experience a higher level of stress just thinking about disclosing and promoting themselves on the Internet. Less confident individuals may not want their negative self-views publicized or viewed by others.To reduce such negative feelings and protect their self-worth, those with low self-esteem will adopt avoidance strategies and distance themselves from Internet dating services.
Makes sense. High self-esteem folks feel like they have little to lose by trying Internet dating. Low self-esteem folks have more to lose, since more of their own self-value is tied up in the process — unless they say, “Ah, yeah, it’s nice to have a partner, but whatever. I’m also just fine without one.”
The upshot is that Internet dating is no longer the domain of the desperate nor those with low self-esteem (if it ever was).
The New York Times has a related article about the science (or lack thereof) behind the sites that claim such science helps you make better choices about dating. I think the science of such sites is ultimately of limited value, since no amount of data is going to predict whether two people will experience that indefinable quality of a “spark” on a first date. Without that, there will be no relationship.
Technology Review also weighed in this past week about the overwhelming number of choices of online dating and the research that has shown the more choices we have, the harder it can be sometimes to make a decision (”cognitive overload”). That’s why the sites try their best to offer you a way to limit the results displayed, but ultimately can fail in paring things down enough to make a difference to your brain.
Reference:
Kim, M., Kwon, K-N & Lee, M. (2009). Psychological Characteristics of Internet Dating Service Users: The Effect of Self-Esteem, Involvement, and Sociability on the Use of Internet Dating Services. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 12(4). DOI: 10.1089=cpb.2008.0296.
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Links to This Article
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7 Comments to
“Who Uses Internet Dating?”
that makes a lot of sense even though it confused me in the beginning, i guess people with low self esteem dread rejection and that’s why they are less likely to use such services
But I would also like to add that this research like most mainstream psychology research fails to take account of other populations of people. In this example, there are individuals who are socially isolated from mainstream dating outlets. Namely the gay and lesbian community. For this population of people, research has shown that social outlets for finding a suitable romantic partner are severely limited ( often to the club or pub scene) and therefore internet dating sites catering exclusively for this community is often the only form of connecting and not one of many available opportunities to find a suitable partner.
Interesting stuff, I suppose it’s a common perception that people on these sites are the more reclusive and desperate types. There are some notable sources of interference for your investigation though. People with something to hide might be likely to choose to use the internet as a romantic launchpad due to its utility as a sort of mask. What if you’re married with low self-esteem? You seek assurance that you’re still attractive, and you don’t confront your partner for fear of losing that notable source of affirmation. You turn to the internet for a safe way to seek extra-marital liaisons. I reckon it could be worth comparing ’self-esteem’ correlations on different types of dating platform. Say between http://www.illicitencounters.com and http://www.mysinglefriend.com. They’re very different scenarios to be looking at. It’s probably obvious I’m not a scientist, but I’ve always found psychology interesting and scientist friends always tell me its study should be approached more scientifically.
Internet dating or rather Internet matrimony is the norm now not an exception in India. People of all hues seem to be using the Internet to find their mates and given India’s tradition of arranged marriages, the Internet is being used effectively by families to find the right mate. For the more romantically inclined, by that i mean those who desire to date rather than ‘fix’ a marriage, they are also referred to as the the ‘westernised’ in India, find it difficult to find mates in real life as well as the Internet and oneof the reasons is ‘cognitive overload’. This is a real problem and I personally know people who keep thinking ’someone better might show up’. It is this aspect of Internet dating that needs to be studied.
I met my second husband on an internet dating site, and he and I both are sociable people with healthy self esteem. It’s a fine example of how marketing your assets and stating your ideals can result in meeting a highly compatible partner with the assistance of computer technology. We met online in 2004 and dated just over a year before becoming engaged, then married in October 2007. I have recommended this to my single girlfriends as a way to meet interesting people, but it’s important to be smart about what you believe online and deciding who to meet in person.
Online dating may be fully modern and in the mainstream, but most major internet dating sites still seem to be using old business methods. They charge high monthly premiums without doing all that much to benefit their users. Newer sites like http://www.postitos.com seem to be doing a lot to remedy this. Lower costs (just a one-time $5 dollar registration fee), great features like video listing and search by zipcode, and best of all, no automatic matching software which pairs you up with people you really don’t have anything in common with. Check it out!
Paul,
you are so right on! i have been wanting to join a dating online site but the are very $$$! what does Postitos mean? thank you for talking the time to blog this. i am going to check Postitos.com out right now!
thanks again!
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Jul 2009
