Comments on: Thinking of Moving In? Think Again if Goal is Marriage

By: Karla

Karla — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:08:34 +0000

I’m wondering if there is a “time of onset” issue underlying these data?

For instance, can it be said that marriages last a certain period of time before divorces start piling up? And could it be that the higher rate of divorce among people who have lived together does not take into account their pre-wedding period?

So let’s say couple A marry and move in together, and then divorce seven years later. Couple B live together for three years, marry, and then divorce in four years.

Both couples last seven years, but the wedding date is given precedence, and taints the data?

Just asking. Thanks.

By: Adam

Adam — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:43:37 +0000

Thanks for that. I find that explanation of the figures pretty convincing.

By: Is Cohabitation A Bad Way To Trial Run Marriage? « Camels With Hammers

Is Cohabitation A Bad Way To Trial Run Marriage? « Camels With Hammers — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 12:17:25 +0000

[...] Cohabitation A Bad Way To Trial Run Marriage? This research suggests so: Those couples who had lived together before making a commitment to marriage (e.g., before getting [...]

By: girl from cincinnati

girl from cincinnati — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 12:24:36 +0000

The reality is simply that most people do not take the decision to move in together as seriously as the decision to marry. Once they’re living together, marriage becomes the next step—a step that, as long as things are going ok, becomes easier to take than not to.

Then down the road they realize they never actually stopped to seriously consider whether or not they want to be with this person for the rest of their life.

By: Adam

Adam — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:13:08 +0000

But isn’t this making the basic statistical error of confusing correlation with causality?

The fact that there is a higher rate of divorce among those who live together before getting married than those who don’t does not demonstrate that the one is the cause of the other.

I’d hazard a guess that the folk who don’t live together before marriage tend to be religious, and that those who are religious tend to have a lower rate of divorce.

By: Dr_Wayne

Dr_Wayne — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 13:11:01 +0000

Maybe I missed it, but did the articles about the study or the study itself ever look at how long people were living together before getting married?

My wife and I were living together for 4 years before getting married, after which it felt as though nothing had changed (except for our tax situation)in our relationship – it continued to remain strong.

I can imagine people who live together for long periods of time (years) before getting married have a better relationship after marriage then those living together for a few months.

This would still be consistent with the theory regarding tangible items and social pressures. Those who live together for longer periods of time are likely doing it because of the intrinsic return they get from the relationship, rather than some outside force.

Likewise, couples living together for long periods of time may actually change their beliefs about their relationship, as they begin to re-question why they continue to be with that person. While they may have initially been influenced by extrinsic motivators, they may now be influenced by intrinsic motivators after re-consideration (ie “We’ve been living together for 3 years. At first I thought doing so would benefit me financially, but now I think I must truly had, and continue to, love him/her”).

By: John M Grohol PsyD

John M Grohol PsyD — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:58:02 +0000

This is not the first study to come to this conclusion… as I said, this is confirmatory research, meaning the living together before engagement thing is a pretty robust finding at this point.

Having said that, it doesn’t mean you can’t live together before your engagement and not have a successful marriage. It only means that you may have a statistically higher risk of having your marriage end in divorce.

By: Timo W

Timo W — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:07:51 +0000

I also think that it is premature causality.

While reviewing results one could find that SD’s of people living with spouses before engagement and marriage are bigger than in other groups. There could be more variability in those results. I can imagine that there could be (at least) two groups of people: those who get married “because they already live together” (cohabitation effect) and those who are dedicated to the relationship and because of that live together and get married. If it is like this, there’s no simple causality. If that was the case, the people living together before engagement and marriage would be a bit more extreme (more satisfied or less satisfied, but less likely to be average etc.).

By: David Stillwell

David Stillwell — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:24:27 +0000

Although they controlled for various things, there are still other possible factors that may explain why people who are already more prone to unhappy marriages are more likely to cohabit before getting engaged (e.g. conservatism, other personality factors, cultural factors). I think it is premature to assume that the causality of a poor marriage stems from cohabitation before getting engaged, and so possibly not good advice that not cohabiting will change the course of one’s future marriage.