Comments on: 8 Ways To Overcome Jealousy and Envy http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/ Dr. John Grohol's daily update on all things in psychology and mental health. Since 1999. Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:30:17 +0000 hourly 1 By: Friend-nemesis http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-723375 Friend-nemesis Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:13:46 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-723375 I have a friend-nemesis like this one. It's honestly hard dealing with these kind of people, because you end up harboring negative emotions which turns you into something like them. I don't hate this girl before, but she started getting jealous with every achievement I get socially and academically (little or big). It was hard because she would suddenly give me this silent treatment for days without me understanding why. As time passes by, I slowly started to realize I'm acting like her; I started to feel pissed or annoyed whenever she blatantly shows off. It's not healthy, so I backed off. If she wants the limelight too much, then I'd willingly give it to her if it makes her that happy. I have a friend-nemesis like this one. It’s honestly hard dealing with these kind of people, because you end up harboring negative emotions which turns you into something like them. I don’t hate this girl before, but she started getting jealous with every achievement I get socially and academically (little or big). It was hard because she would suddenly give me this silent treatment for days without me understanding why. As time passes by, I slowly started to realize I’m acting like her; I started to feel pissed or annoyed whenever she blatantly shows off.

It’s not healthy, so I backed off. If she wants the limelight too much, then I’d willingly give it to her if it makes her that happy.

]]> By: Debbie G http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-720650 Debbie G Mon, 24 Oct 2011 18:30:40 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-720650 I am doing a little talk on envy and jealousy and came across your article during my research. I just needed to take a minute and tell you that this was hilarious, refreshing, and encouraging. Nice to see I'm not alone. I am doing a little talk on envy and jealousy and came across your article during my research. I just needed to take a minute and tell you that this was hilarious, refreshing, and encouraging. Nice to see I’m not alone.

]]> By: Emma23 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-717487 Emma23 Sun, 04 Sep 2011 21:14:37 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-717487 I'm sure you look good on your weight, all those negative feelings aren't real, you can fight them and defeat them. And it doesn't matter if there is someone holding your hand or not, "happiness" is something we have to find by ourselves. I’m sure you look good on your weight, all those negative feelings aren’t real, you can fight them and defeat them. And it doesn’t matter if there is someone holding your hand or not, “happiness” is something we have to find by ourselves.

]]> By: Artmonk http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-714617 Artmonk Mon, 25 Jul 2011 06:37:40 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-714617 I have a horrible problem when I am around beautiful women. I am a woman and have been told I am beautiful but when I see beautiful women I just want to die. I feel I am not good enuf. For a while I worked on getting in shape and enjoying myself more, more acceptance etc. now I have been on prednisone and it caused weight gain. I don't understand the idea that men can lust after the "cultural ideal" but be walking around holding our hands. feels like a betrayal. Maybe I have not met the right person. I don't want to try anymore. If someone could help me PLEASE! I have a horrible problem when I am around beautiful women. I am a woman and have been told I am beautiful but when I see beautiful women I just want to die. I feel I am not good enuf. For a while I worked on getting in shape and enjoying myself more, more acceptance etc. now I have been on prednisone and it caused weight gain. I don’t understand the idea that men can lust after the “cultural ideal” but be walking around holding our hands. feels like a betrayal. Maybe I have not met the right person. I don’t want to try anymore. If someone could help me PLEASE!

]]> By: Jellybeans http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-712585 Jellybeans Fri, 10 Jun 2011 08:39:02 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-712585 Rain Man was based on a real person. He has had numerous documentaries about him and although the storyline was made up, he is an incredibly gifted and extrordinary person, and just like in the film his social skills are lacking. It seems that because his mental abilities in some areas are so advanced they detract elsewhere. I believe he is a savant. It's actually very interesting :0) Rain Man was based on a real person. He has had numerous documentaries about him and although the storyline was made up, he is an incredibly gifted and extrordinary person, and just like in the film his social skills are lacking. It seems that because his mental abilities in some areas are so advanced they detract elsewhere. I believe he is a savant. It’s actually very interesting :0)

]]> By: Dmitriy Sh. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-711181 Dmitriy Sh. Sat, 21 May 2011 11:01:18 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-711181 Rain Man was a fictitious hero, was not he? Rain Man was a fictitious hero, was not he?

]]> By: Givosi http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-686647 Givosi Wed, 22 Dec 2010 06:06:15 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-686647 Thank you for these comments. I guess, many times we forget just how blessed we are and we run off to compare our insides to someone else's outside's. I have also applied the 'compliment your nemesis suggestion' and it works....... Thank you for these comments. I guess, many times we forget just how blessed we are and we run off to compare our insides to someone else’s outside’s. I have also applied the ‘compliment your nemesis suggestion’ and it works…….

]]> By: kitty http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-3/#comment-643417 kitty Mon, 15 Mar 2010 22:38:19 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-643417 I can relate completely to wylee and sherry, i have just found the most wonderful man who adores me, i have one breast and carrying alot of weight due to treatment for breast cancer, i am frightened to introduce him to my pretty friends,to go on holiday, hate him watching music video's that are (to put it bluntly) full of tits and arse. I will destroy this longed for love if i carry on with these destructive thoughts, i have always had them and have been close to suicide, even after fighting cancer, which logically i know is ridiculous and selfish.I torture myself and make myself extremely sad. My man trys to reassure me and we talk about it but basically i would be asking him to remove his eyes wouldn't i. really really need help. Kitty I can relate completely to wylee and sherry, i have just found the most wonderful man who adores me, i have one breast and carrying alot of weight due to treatment for breast cancer, i am frightened to introduce him to my pretty friends,to go on holiday, hate him watching music video’s that are (to put it bluntly) full of tits and arse. I will destroy this longed for love if i carry on with these destructive thoughts, i have always had them and have been close to suicide, even after fighting cancer, which logically i know is ridiculous and selfish.I torture myself and make myself extremely sad. My man trys to reassure me and we talk about it but basically i would be asking him to remove his eyes wouldn’t i. really really need help. Kitty

]]> By: Sherry http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-2/#comment-631276 Sherry Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:11:45 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-631276 This is in response to Wylee's post date May 21st. I have the exact same feelings as you! I just do not understand why I cannot overcome these feelings. I beat myself up over it. Why can't I be normal like veryone else and be ok if my husbands eye wanders??? Why do I get insanely jealous when my husband is looking at beautiful women half naked or naked? I know that I'm not an un-attractive women. I've competed in figure contests before, so I know at 5'7" at between 140-145# that I look great at the edge of 40yrs....BUT....why do I look at myself and not seeeeee what he says he sees? AND if he see's this amazing, sexy, gorgeous person then WHY does he need to bother looking at another women? Why am I not enough? He doesn't do it often but in the rare occasions that I catch him the little self asteem that I've been able to build up just goes out the door and then my thoughts are completely filled with doubt and distrust. Then I start wondering...what IS he doing when I'm not around? Is he 'searching' out that bikini contest when he heads to Bike week at the Beach with all guy friends? I just want to get rid of these feelings and I have absolutely no idea how. I know I'm dragging in insecurity issues from my previous relationships. My first love decided to physcially touch a stripper intimately and unfortunately I witnessed it. I never got over the trust and violation that I felt and ended a 7 year relationship. Then my ex-husband would totally deny me any kind of physical relationship, which made me feel fat and ugly...but I know I wasn't. My husband now treats me like a queen. He truly is my soul mate. I'd never give him up for the world...so WHY can I NOT get over not feeling good enough that he wouldn't WANT to check out other women and then deny it???? I am eating myself up over this. Can anyone please give me some kind of direction? Insight? Sherry This is in response to Wylee’s post date May 21st.

I have the exact same feelings as you! I just do not understand why I cannot overcome these feelings. I beat myself up over it. Why can’t I be normal like veryone else and be ok if my husbands eye wanders??? Why do I get insanely jealous when my husband is looking at beautiful women half naked or naked?
I know that I’m not an un-attractive women. I’ve competed in figure contests before, so I know at 5’7″ at between 140-145# that I look great at the edge of 40yrs….BUT….why do I look at myself and not seeeeee what he says he sees? AND if he see’s this amazing, sexy, gorgeous person then WHY does he need to bother looking at another women? Why am I not enough?
He doesn’t do it often but in the rare occasions that I catch him the little self asteem that I’ve been able to build up just goes out the door and then my thoughts are completely filled with doubt and distrust. Then I start wondering…what IS he doing when I’m not around? Is he ‘searching’ out that bikini contest when he heads to Bike week at the Beach with all guy friends?
I just want to get rid of these feelings and I have absolutely no idea how.
I know I’m dragging in insecurity issues from my previous relationships. My first love decided to physcially touch a stripper intimately and unfortunately I witnessed it. I never got over the trust and violation that I felt and ended a 7 year relationship. Then my ex-husband would totally deny me any kind of physical relationship, which made me feel fat and ugly…but I know I wasn’t.
My husband now treats me like a queen. He truly is my soul mate. I’d never give him up for the world…so WHY can I NOT get over not feeling good enough that he wouldn’t WANT to check out other women and then deny it????
I am eating myself up over this. Can anyone please give me some kind of direction? Insight?

Sherry

]]> By: Save Your Marriage » Blog Archive » How to Overcome Jealousy – Slay the Green Eyed Monster http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-2/#comment-630621 Save Your Marriage » Blog Archive » How to Overcome Jealousy – Slay the Green Eyed Monster Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:50:57 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-630621 [...] 8 Ways To Overcome Jealousy and Envy | World of Psychology [...] [...] 8 Ways To Overcome Jealousy and Envy | World of Psychology [...]

]]> By: nica http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-2/#comment-629628 nica Mon, 13 Jul 2009 16:15:01 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-629628 I've been struggling with envy for some time now. I never graduated from college. Lately, through social networking, I found out that most of my classmates are now successful at their careers. Some have cars and own place , travels a lot. I don't have any of those that's why I envy them to the point that I wish them bad things ... and I hate myself for feeling this way. But how could I stop myself from feeling this. I just don't know what to do. And yes, it is making me unhappy already. I need help so bad. I’ve been struggling with envy for some time now. I never graduated from college. Lately, through social networking, I found out that most of my classmates are now successful at their careers. Some have cars and own place , travels a lot. I don’t have any of those that’s why I envy them to the point that I wish them bad things … and I hate myself for feeling this way. But how could I stop myself from feeling this. I just don’t know what to do. And yes, it is making me unhappy already. I need help so bad.

]]> By: Alexander http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-2/#comment-627769 Alexander Wed, 27 May 2009 18:44:28 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-627769 Here's my tip, and it very effectively worked for me: Practice feeling good for other people's success. Force yourself to. This is the opposite of comparing yourself to others. At first it doesn't work very well, but keep at it for a few months and it will become part of your personality. This worked for me. I found that it freed me from a lot of anxiety, and from reactive materialism in trying to keep up with others. It freed me up to concentrate on things that really interest me. Here’s my tip, and it very effectively worked for me: Practice feeling good for other people’s success. Force yourself to. This is the opposite of comparing yourself to others.

At first it doesn’t work very well, but keep at it for a few months and it will become part of your personality.

This worked for me. I found that it freed me from a lot of anxiety, and from reactive materialism in trying to keep up with others. It freed me up to concentrate on things that really interest me.

]]> By: Andy http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-2/#comment-627728 Andy Tue, 26 May 2009 23:46:49 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-627728 My problem has always been I've never been jealous of Rainman's ability to count, it was his social skills I wished I could emulate. Well that isn't true, it's the ability to say something without the hangups of conscience I admire. Some of the funniest things you'll ever hear, provided they are not directed at you, are those said by people who appear to have absolutely no moral compass. Of course it only works if you can pull off an air of Rainman-like idiosyncrasy. If you show even the slightest sign that you understood what you've just said, it's no longer funny, it's offensive. My problem has always been I’ve never been jealous of Rainman’s ability to count, it was his social skills I wished I could emulate.

Well that isn’t true, it’s the ability to say something without the hangups of conscience I admire.

Some of the funniest things you’ll ever hear, provided they are not directed at you, are those said by people who appear to have absolutely no moral compass. Of course it only works if you can pull off an air of Rainman-like idiosyncrasy.

If you show even the slightest sign that you understood what you’ve just said, it’s no longer funny, it’s offensive.

]]> By: Crystal http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-2/#comment-627673 Crystal Mon, 25 May 2009 16:58:07 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-627673 Excellent artical, Im enjoying the progression of sharing. Its fascinating to see that much of this ends up with how we are veiwd to the oposite sex. Our looks, abilites,and our charater . I think it's nice to compliment a person as way to open the door to actually get to know the person we envy better and see they have struggles too and are not perfect even though they really are quite close. If I'm in a situation where I'm not chosen and another woman is say in a want to date or be a friend situation or if its marraige and my husband would find another more apealing. i find the best remedy is to remove myself and let them , Not hang around and torture myself. Go about my life cultivating what im finding to be specail about me beause the other just doesn't seem to notice or want other aspects of me for various reasons. This is important to do and have hopes someone will choose me and I them. Thank you for the oportunity to share. Crystal Excellent artical,

Im enjoying the progression of sharing. Its fascinating to see that much of this ends up with how we are veiwd to the oposite sex. Our looks, abilites,and our charater . I think it’s nice to compliment a person as way to open the door to actually get to know the person we envy better and see they have struggles too and are not perfect even though they really are quite close.

If I’m in a situation where I’m not chosen and another woman is say in a want to date or be a friend situation or if its marraige and my husband would find another more apealing. i find the best remedy is to remove myself and let them , Not hang around and torture myself. Go about my life cultivating what im finding to be specail about me beause the other just doesn’t seem to notice or want other aspects of me for various reasons.

This is important to do and have hopes someone will choose me and I them.

Thank you for the oportunity to share.

Crystal

]]> By: Patrick Ward PhD http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/12/8-ways-to-overcome-jealousy-and-envy/comment-page-2/#comment-627497 Patrick Ward PhD Thu, 21 May 2009 16:11:50 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=3951#comment-627497 Great article. Rather than give power to others to define us - act the way we want to be. Success is a state of mind that can be cultivated regardless of what one has accumulated. Great article. Rather than give power to others to define us – act the way we want to be. Success is a state of mind that can be cultivated regardless of what one has accumulated.

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