Comments on: Depression: They Just Don’t Get It

By: Lance

Lance — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 22:12:37 +0000

Thanks for sharing, and taking the chance to tell the truth about the disease. Indeed, your words sound a chord with what I know of “the terrible blackness”, as I can best describe it. Another visualization I give it is like a giant grounding-rod that pulls all of your energy, emotion…and hope, into a vacuum. It’s especially tough because I am a newer veteran, and did not understand what was happening to me; besides, its not masculine, tough, or American to admit that you’re ill, much less emotionally. And, like the author, I went to the person I thought would understand, my dad. When I attempted to articulate post-traumatic stress and subsequent depression, he told me to “stop feeling sorry for myself”. Now I know he’s not safe, and it hurt very badly.

By: Eva

Eva — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 18:12:18 +0000

Some are luckier than others I guess. When I tried to tell my family about my chronic depression and waning interest in life, I was called a liar and told I was lying to get unwarranted attention and to shirk my responsibilities. My uncle and my grandmother faced me down several times tellling me I was consciously being difficult to make my moms life lousy. (Well, she is an alcoholic, her life is as lousy as it can get, isn’t it?)

But I agree, it’s terrible when you don’t feel you have your loved ones having your back. It’s like getting your heart and soul ripped out.

By: Elle

Elle — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:35:44 +0000

Hey, I think this article is great… I’m sick of having mental illness chats with people, who say things such as ‘you need to just change your mindset and try and help yourself’… I also hate the sniggers or patronising sympathy smiles that I get off anybody who i talk to about my depression. I am 17. I have general anxiety but got very ill nearly 5 years ago with reactive depression. I came off anti-depressants about 6 months ago.

But still I get the partonising looks of people and the attitudes: ‘you were sad’ ‘puberty’ ‘boyfriend trouble?’ and ‘you couldn’t be depressed at your age/it wasn’t REAL depression’. I think there are misconceptions about depression due to the inability of others to understand it. Without having had depression, I don’t think it is possible to fathom.

In a way, I think that means there will always be people who are very self-assured in their opinions but simple DON’t get it… and I don’t want to become bitter so I try to be happy for them. Their ignorance is bliss.

By: ipgrunt

ipgrunt — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 20:36:17 +0000

I know. :#)

By: brett

brett — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 16:35:24 +0000

Ok wow. Leia cries out to Han Solo “before he leaves for some empire war”? How about “before he was trapped in carbonite freeze”? This was actually an incredibly poignant part of a very seminal film in movie-making history. While I found your overall message fairly insightful, I do not think I can overlook this incredible lapse in movie accuracy.

By: Claire

Claire — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 09:58:29 +0000

We had a saying in rehab,

“Expectations are pre-meditated resentments which will lead to relapse”

You may also be choosing the wrong forum in which to discuss your illness, perhaps talking to lay people about it will look like a “pity party”, support groups are great for venting frustration -

Being a recovering addict I fully understand people “not getting it” and addiction, like depression, is often viewed as a weakness and not as a disease.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 01:47:19 +0000

The one good thing about Depression is that when you seriously consider suicide and talk yourself out of it, you have truly overcome the ultimate fear.

After I survived that episode, I felt invincible because really, what is more terrifying than death?

Depression made me weak. Depression also made me strong. Keep on fighting. You are not alone.

By: LE

LE — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 00:42:57 +0000

I thank you for this article, its nice to know I’m not the only one. I also need to lower my expectations. My one wish though, I wish my parents would stop blaming me. Thank you for your wise words, and your subtle encouragement to others. It is appreciated and invaluable. Thank you.

By: Ratmack

Ratmack — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 18:15:47 +0000

I am always amazed by the presumption that illness comes under different categories. It is extraordinary. Why is cancer deemed worse than depression? Both are severe illnesses and both can kill people. Your mum is a wise lady but I would add that you can never presume that people will treat you in the way you treat people. That is why the surprise text, letter, present is so lovely. Someone somewhere is thinking of you and perhaps you were not thinking of them. As you know though, it works both ways. A ‘thanks’ text is not what you would have done. Can your friend walk a mile in your shoes. No. She does not understand what you are going through. Can you walk a mile in hers? No, because she knows nothing of what you go through and deep down is soooo scared of your being ill. She is thinking of how she feels and not how you feel. She is unable to walk a mile in your shoes. Don’t be upset. Nod and smile. Just nod and smile. Big love to you.

By: SAB

SAB — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 03:38:40 +0000

I think this just saved my life…

By: Gigi

Gigi — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 02:17:20 +0000

Even though I am only 17, I can relate. I’ve gone through depression for 3 (going on 4) years. It’s perpetually difficult trying to help them understand. And it’s frustrating. The more one explains, the more “unappreciative” and “ungrateful” one becomes to the great things that are around us. It’s isolating. The fact that I know I’m lucky enough to have a home and loved ones only makes me feel worse for feeling this way..

By: ibivi

ibivi — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 18:53:45 +0000

Depression is very isolating so it is especially disheartening when my spouse “forgets” that I have depression. If I don’t cry or complain about being out of sorts he thinks I’m OK. He avoids having to deal with uncomfortable issues. And I feel that I am dealing with them all the time. Very unbalanced levels of stress. Should I get the word “depressed” tattooed on my forehead for a little TLC? Laughter and humour are great remedies when I feel better.

By: Grace

Grace — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 02:31:08 +0000

I have depression and I think people’s attitudes to it around me make it worse. How can you be scornful about that to someone? Why would you treat them condescendingly? People can just be like ‘meh, at least you have food and shelter’. I know this and that’s one of the things that is so hard, I know I’m luckier than lots of people but I hate my life and I cannot see much point in living. That is the point of depression – it is a mental illness – it is not logical. If it could just be switched off I would do that. I can’t believe how indifferent some people are.

By: Nina

Nina — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:36:45 +0000

Actually, I think the reason for the silence, is that they DO get it. They do get it, and the realize how little resources there are for help. It may represent their darkest fears, but people do understand and somehow we need to perhaps decide not to let people off the hook so easily while personally not expecting anything.

By: CD

CD — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 02:50:00 +0000

Yeah, they sit and tell you all the great things you have in your life, and it’s like, “Thanks for reminding me that I have lost the capacity to ejoy those things.” Or my favorite — when they refer to your deepest, suicidal episodes as if you were just trying to manipulate them in a play for sympathy. Or — my sister is good at ths — they act as if you’re doing it purely to annoy them.