Your mother is a wise woman…I am writing down what she told you and I am going to try it out!

Well, Therese, we your friends of the PsychCentral on-line community DO get it, and you get our FULL SYMPATHY.

Moreover THANK YOU for your work on this site and you excellent articles and videos.

It does feel strange that some people don’t get it. I guess we need to accept that people only really understand what falls within their own range of experiences.

I do think that your point about being cut open before the anasthetic was working was merely like a scatch on the knee, gets the point across pretty graphically!

I admire you for being able to let your mom and husband in and for even trying to get other family members and friends to understand. That takes a lot of courage. My mom has absolutely no clue about depression, or that I’ve been dealing with it for years. She views it as a weakness within other people, and like your friend Liz, thinks people just need to be able to “tough it out.” I’ve never told her about it, and I probably never will. My fiance knows, but getting him to understand exactly what it is and how it’s manifested has been tough. He’s making progress though.

One can only feel pity for those who are not empathetic in nature, they are, indeed, the pompous among us. Thus, to all within our society far too self-absorbed to lend a sympathetic ear, and far too egotistical to accept an apology, I say this. Why not turn that critical eye inward first?

Therese,

I admire your courage, as well as writing ability. Different from many discussions on depression, your presentation is factual, understanding, empathic.

My experience has been that the pompous among us…rule. Unfortunately I’ve exhibited some of this not-too-pleasant human pomposity myself - in other areas; times I would rather forget than own. Humanity - positive AND negative, embraces us all.

If my purpose on earth is to learn lessons, I have acquired parts of a few precious ones…some understanding, empathy and emotional learning gathered from seemingly eons at a time in the belly of the black beast. We’ve all met him, if not some member of his family in our lives. Some visits with him ARE ‘toughable’. But for the rest of us, we must tough-out the reality and healing that ensues from correcting the chemical imbalances that chain us to this insidious dis-ease.

That said, empathy, understanding, compassion - some of the ‘depression lessons’ are prizes I have won from toughing-out depression/Bipolar II through my 60 plus years. These gifts, so hard to find in this journey, I hold close to my heart, treasure them for the deepened capacity I now have to embrace the natural world that surrounds me. Depression, for all it’s horror, is a profound teacher.

And for the times when the proverbial lights are out, or very low…remember the powerful, soothing and healing beauty of Nature around you.

And know in your heart that there are so many of us out here, who DO ‘get it’.

Thank you for sharing. Keep up your powerful and courageous work. Keep writing!

QueBe

Typical addict. Its always someone else’s fault. Go have another drink.

Thank you for your comments and observations. I, too, have struggled with the incredible pain of depression my whole life, and now I see it happening to my daughter. The worst part of it is having those people in your life who simply can’t understand, and/or don’t want to. I agree with your mother. You just can’t expect it. But it’s still difficult.

Having suffered from three major depressive episodes and come out the other side I know the living hell that it is but also know that until you have experienced it for yourself it’s VERY hard to understand what it’s like.

I don’t blame those who don’t understand - I probably wouldn’t either.

You’re mother’s right though - most people don’t get most things.

-Frank

Therese,

You are so brave to write this. I have had chronic treatment-resistant depression for many years. I was fortunate that my mother and my husband were understanding. My husband never experienced depression like mine, but he educated himself by going to websites on depression. I’m so grateful for that. Now, my depression is being successfully managed by a treatment I had to fight hard with my insurance company to obtain coverage on. It was so hard to manage the illness while trying to get them to understand my depression. You are fortunate to have your mother and brother to stick with you during the dark times.
I am very open about depression to try to educate people and bring down the stigma. Especially the “joining the droves of Americans on Prozac” stigma. I think being born deaf helped me to be brave in being open about my illness. I don’t expect everyone to understand. At least, I can start the seed of the process in learning to understand mental illness. I do voice out if I’m being discriminated but I do not let it control my life. Thank you for being open about this, Therese.

I have suffered from depression since I was eleven years old and I don’t think I’ve ever expected others to understand what it is like. How can they when they have never experienced it themselves? It’s like an evil presence that takes over body and mind. Only a fellow survivor knows what it feels like. There are typical ways though that depressed people tend to think, myself included- and that is believing you know what someone else is thinking by their response or comments. If someone just e-mails “thanks” it doesn’t mean that they didn’t appreciate what you wrote. It could mean that they were busy or that they just didn’t know what to say. As for me, I couldn’t give a crap what people think about me anymore, I only care about the ones who are closet to me and if they offend me they are going to get an earful. They take it because they love me.

I suffer from BiPolar depression. Sometimes the depression is a numbness and a slow down of all thinking processess. Other times though, it is the worst kind of pain imaginable. I sometimes have problems just going to the grocery store without sobbing uncontrollably. I also know what it’s like to not be understood, it’s very lonely.

I know that when I’m experiencing a mood swing (even the words “mood swing” are an insult because they sound so minor) that I just have to delay any impulse to act or say things to others because I may be behaving irrationally. I also have to delay any judgement that I might be thinking because it’s impossible for anyone to be walking in my shoes at the moment. Then when I feel better, it’s just easier to understand that others don’t understand me. When I feel better, it’s not so important anyway.

Thanks for sharing, I feel for you.