Can rejection cause havoc in your life?
You bet it can, at least according to a new article appearing in Newsweek.
While I don’t think rejection is going to have any long-term effect on your intelligence or your immune system (despite the article’s claims), I could see how it might temporarily increase your aggression toward others and increase your social isolation (at least in the short term):
Twenge’s other research has found that rejected individuals also become less social, are more likely to interpret neutral words and behaviors as signs of rejection and score lower on intelligence tests—all from a simple 15-minute activity. And this pain was felt whether the rejection came from someone we want to like us, or someone we couldn’t care less about. “There really aren’t any limits,” says Twenge. “Of course it hurts more when someone we care about rejects us, but it even hurts when people that we hate reject us.”
Instead of reaching out to others after being rejected, we seem to socially isolate ourselves. Why? To ward off a future rejection.
Nowhere is this more clear than when that rejection is of a romantic nature. We swear off romantic involvements for weeks, months, and in some cases, even years. Had a bad first date? You might stay away from dating for a month to get rid of the bad taste of that rejection.
There’s no simple way to “get over” rejection, just as there’s no easy way to move on from life’s difficulties. One finding from the research was that by writing (or perhaps just even talking) to a loved one or someone close to you after being rejected can help you vent and feel less aggressive. Sounds like a simple and common sense step that most people already do on their own. But always glad to see research back up such conventional wisdom.
Read the full article: The Serious Side Effects of Small Rejections
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2 Comments to
“Reeling From Rejection”
What’s the best way to get over rejection or the feeling that someone doesn’t like you, especially if you think low of yourself?
I think the thing to do is to try to remember not to take it personally.
It has to be a huge mistake for any one of us to base our sense of self-worth on whether another person wants to have a romantic relationship with us. I think the problem is our fuzzy thinking that kind of mixes things up: We want a relationship and feel that our sense of happiness depends upon being able to establish an affectionate bond with another person. If they don’t like us, or like us for a bit and then go off us, we may feel unloveable. It ‘aint so really, as they simply don’t feel like having anything much to do with us at present.
Someone else might really appreciate our company and what we have to offer. Then again, we need to try not to be too dependent on that either.
It is really important to have a basic sense of self-esteem and self-worth and to try not to place too many expectations on any other person. Without this we will struggle to feel ok about ourselves and to keep things in perspective if we are rejected or somenoe doesn’t like us.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Feb 2009
