Comments on: A Thousand Cuts

By: Don DeLong

Don DeLong — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:52:33 +0000

First, we need a process that would allow ALL people to learn about cuts and what it does to them in the sense of self-esteem and confidence. You can’t learn from the cuts without help.
The second thing is we live in a society in which very few people think about or are aware of the effect they have on others. They have no problems of what they need, but little or no knowledge of what they have to give. There are many books on how to be more lovable, but few books on how to be more loving. Discovering the effect I could have radically changed my life and my own sense of my worth. I count and I am powerful.

By: Lize

Lize — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:24:21 +0000

This article has reminded me once again about how some people receive more cuts in their lives than seems fair. Many people go through their lives with a couple of shallow cuts, while others have multiple cuts of various depths. Sometimes it is hard to comprehend what it is what one should learn from a cut. It is usually only later, sometimes never, that one gauges the meaning and lesson. One must be willing to learn as well. I remember one of my lecturers in Psychology once say that the difference is how one copes with these cuts. This is what seperates people. Resilience is indeed a great mystery and I hope that one day I will better understand what helps people truly learn and heal from their cuts, and not just cover or hide them. As I believe that when one knows what it is that kindles this resilience, one could hopefully cultivate and utilise this. This would maybe prevent people from dealing so badly with their cuts.

By: Leslie D.

Leslie D. — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:55:58 +0000

Dr. Grohol, your article spoke of the deep burden of unhealed cuts and said that some people chose suicide due to the pain of their wounds and some chose religion. Pairing a life-affirming choice to develop a relationship with God and a deadly choice to commit suicide is not just illogical, it is a cut in itself. By age 18 I reached the place of considering how to commit suicide and thankfully was offered the love of God and chose that instead. Your words seem to imply that faith in God is one of several substandard ways of dealing with the pain of life’s cuts. Having received an abundance of such cuts I must disagree with you. My relationship with my God has given me love, joy and peace as well as teaching me how to heal from the cuts of life and how to learn from them. Beyond even that it has taught me how to offer others sympathy when their wounds drag them down and they need a kind, listening ear. Thank you for allowing me to comment

By: Resilienz – Rückschläge leichter überwinden ... auf Karriere-Bibel

Resilienz – Rückschläge leichter überwinden ... auf Karriere-Bibel — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:01:48 +0000

[...] Der Mensch hält einiges aus. Schicksalsschläge, schwere Krisen und Krankheiten, Folter, Missbrauch, persönliche Katastrophen, wie den Verlust seines Jobs oder – noch schlimmer – den eines geliebten Menschen. Nicht alle können damit gleich gut umgehen. Diejenigen, die es können, sind zäh und widerstandsfähig. Es sind Stehaufmännchen mit einer entscheidenden Eigenschaft: Resilienz. In der Psychologie werden damit Menschen bezeichnet, die seelisch in der Lage sind, Lebenskrisen ohne anhaltende Beeinträchtigung durchzustehen und schon in kurzer Zeit wieder zur Hochform aufzulaufen. Aus der Desasterforschung (die gibt es wirklich) weiß man: Resiliente sehen das Unheil nicht einfach durch eine rosa Brille oder verdrängen ihre Probleme. Vielmehr gehen sie konstruktiv mit ihrem Schmerz, mit der Tragödie um. Sie sind in der Lage, sich selbst am eigenen Schopf aus dem Sumpf zu ziehen – eine Eigenschaft, die in unserem immer komplexeren Wirtschaftsalltag zunehmend wichtiger wird. Dazu gehört vor allem eine optimistische Grundeinstellung. Motto: Die Gegenwart ist zwar fürchterlich, aber es gibt auch ein Morgen. Widerstandsfähige Menschen akzeptieren die Situation wie sie ist, beschönigen nichts, blicken aber weiterhin in die Zukunft. So bekommt die Krise erst gar kein Schwergewicht, sondern bleibt ein zeitlich begrenztes Ereignis. [...]

By: Dano MacNammarah

Dano MacNammarah — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 01:50:41 +0000

Doctor Grohol,

As I follow your blog, I saw the leader lines on my dashboard. Naturally it made me pay attention, as I am a cutter in remission.

The last time I actually cut myself, was on a locked down ward at B______ in Philadelphia, in February of 2007. On, among other drugs, 600mgs of Thorazine, I took the scalpel from another patient and waited. I’d been in since late November.

They got me sewn up, moved me to the “bad ward” and released me three days later. Trust me, my friends made a stink!

I started early, around fourteen, or so. About the first time that my journey into Bipolar II started. A survivor of childhood molestation, artistic and emotional, I did not fit in my family’s “stiff upper-lip” approach.

We moved three countries by the time I was fourteen, not counting the moves between. I ended up in the states, after a stint in British boarding school.. That was because the Belgian school said I should see a psychiatrist, if I were to stay. My parents offered me boarding school. I jumped.

So, when the first depression hit on a lovely, sunny day, I felt dead inside. I started to cut, mildly and ate too many asprins once, with alcohol. I took myself to a councilor, who eventually told my parents, due to law. They were not happy, so I stopped.

Damaging myself in many ways over the years, I hit on cutting with razors. My arms are an awful tribute to the pain I sliced rather than talk about. I have mutilated myself in so many ways, but I won’t list them here. I don’t want to give any ideas to some one in pain.

I would like to say this. My body is scarred enough that I cannot wear short sleeves or shorts, unless I know you and you know me. Hurting yourself is a terrible way of dealing with emotions, because you will have to answer for all your feelings for years to come, when people ask about your scars.

Far better to speak about the inner frenzy, anguish, sadness, anger and confusion with some one, anyone. Because physical scars do not improve with age. And talking with some one may help you, may send you on a new path. May help you heal.

By: Oliver

Oliver — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 00:30:42 +0000

Thank you, that was beautiful.