Comments on: Friends with Benefits

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 22:44:54 +0000

I’m female, and didn’t enter into my first sexual relationship until well past 30. No one was interested, and I had to initiate everything. Now at 35, I’m in a FWB arrangement with a guy in his 50s. I’m sick and tired of being told I’m too independent or selfish. I’ve gotten here on my own because no one wanted to be a part of my life. I pay my own bills and take responsibility for my own feelings. I’m not jealous of him or his other friends, and in fact it makes me feel good when he’s happy, irregardless of when it’s been with me or not. Compersion takes maturity and not everyone can feel it.

By: anti_supernaturalist

anti_supernaturalist — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:38:01 +0000

a dying guilt culture needs to be destroyed

Unfortunately, US psychology can’t get beyond cultural “norms” based on xian dogma and the enforcement of guilt-based indoctrination concerning sexual practice.

1. Enforcement of (right-wing xian) “morals” — from murder of abortion providers to total control over women and children — male supremacist lies wrapped in xian dogma.

2. Romantic “love” — starts as a game for courtiers in 12th c. southern France and southern Italy, spreads northward via (St.) Francis and Dante (13-14th c. Italy) to the rich merchant class. Now, a dominant unquestioned world-wide commonplace still filled with xian misogyny and male supremacism.

“Love” is a construct — a model for sexual behavior, a cultural theory marked by deep associations with xian dogma. “Love” is therefore not written in our genes; complex social behavior is simply not written in the nature of reality.

the anti_supernaturalist

By: JJ

JJ — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:46:30 +0000

@ Jack: The thrill of the chase is gone, so you move on. Sounds like you’re a ‘hunter’…that one wasn’t on the list…lol

By: JJ

JJ — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:43:16 +0000

Hi..is this guy married?
I’m having the same situation, but we do not work together, the age gap is less and he’s is married and extremely bored with his cookie cutter PJ wife.

By: sharona

sharona — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 06:27:13 +0000

i am 42 and im in a fwbr with a 30 yr old man. i feel as if he is trying to fight himself having feelings..i do have some sorta love for him.i would move mountains for him and he knows this..sometimes everything will be going great then he starts to act cold towards me out of the blue..he has made it clear this will never be a relationship.but if this is suppose to be actually about sex then why do we spend so much time together hanging out talking and laughing,,really getting to know eachother?? i am so confused with this.and ive told him he is sending mixed signals..i also work with him.and he doesnt want anyone to know anything about us at work.i dont really know what to make of it…he knows alot of men at work like me very much would love to be in his place right now….i am so confuesed by him…i have called us off a few times but he keeps pulling me right back……can someone help…

By: maree

maree — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 02:55:52 +0000

I had a great FWB relationship, and went into it knowing that it would be a FWB relationship, and no more, since I knew he was married. We worked together, at night, in quite a physically active environment, and the sex at the end of the night was just the culmination of a night of endorphin rushes for both of us. I learnt a lot from him, for which I was very grateful, when I finally met the man of my dreams, and the FWB willingly stepped out of my life when I did meet The One.
I do believe, however, that I am heavily weighted in the testosterone area, so I could go into such a relationship, looking at it only as an activities relationship, like playing a game of tennis together, and not become emotionally involved. The irony is that the man I am with now, does not seem to be someone who could be involved in a sexual relationship with no love involved. Horses for courses, i guess

By: Tea

Tea — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 05:47:08 +0000

I am currently in a FWB relationship and at first I just thought my friend was trying to be friendly so that he could have sex with me, which would have obviously been unneeded since I already agreed to the terms of the involvment.I asserted that it was unneccessary thinking I would be relieving him of an unpleasant “pleasantry” and he actually got offended that I wasnt interested in the actual friend as opposed to the benefits.So I began to be more present in the platonic moments and now Ive developed feelings for him…he admitted that he wouldnt have suggested having sex with me if he didnt already like me, but why suggest being “friends with benefits” if he already had feelings for me? Overall its confusing and I probably wont be doing this again once this runs its course.

By: Debbie Oakes

Debbie Oakes — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 10:18:41 +0000

I would never ever engage into this kind of relationship “Friends with Benefits”….oops i hope i won’t eat back my words for this…But let’s admit it,most women if not all are more emotionally attached when it comes to having sex.

By: wassup world

wassup world — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 23:54:03 +0000

thas reaaalllllyyyyy sad!! i think u mite actually have problems. Soooooo oshallow

By: awsedr

awsedr — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 22:39:04 +0000

Dismissive-avoidant attachment style. Look it up.

By: Been there

Been there — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 01:50:35 +0000

Don’t kid yourself. You are still in love with him and are hanging on hoping his feelings change. I know I have done that too. It’s doubtful they will, but who knows?

By: Rebecca7

Rebecca7 — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 02:18:11 +0000

Silver Star: what exactly happend in your situation if you don’t mind me asking. I am in this situation and am confused if I want to follow through with it or not. because
1. the person I am having this “relationship” with has been my best guy friend for over 5 years
2. at one point we were going to be in a serious relationship
3. however, we remained great friends throughout it all
4. he likes me but doesn’t want the commitment ( partially because he is leaving to college)

what would this be? I know it is fwb but I am still confused and your line made total sense

By: no need to

no need to — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:08:55 +0000

because you are a jerk and you can’t stick to one. You only like to play you are not commited/were not commited to her so. wEll it’s good she didn’t have your children then. how mean. as if you used her like that she was trying to be nice to you and be there as a friend but no you just HAD to be that jerk that all he thinks about is sex. And also you could be that guy who just like to hurt people. I don’t know I hope not!

By: tcp

tcp — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 17:25:46 +0000

You’re 0k. Go to Church or Library, you’ll meet someone.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 00:31:26 +0000

Damn Shana, I read your story and I am in a pretty similar situation. I have a FWB also, and he is like urs about the jealousy stuff. We also have ended plenty of times, but each time we end up at bed again cause sexual attraction is too much. We agreed in have this FWB cause we are foreign students and will be together just 2 years. However, in my case, even with all his defects, even with our behavior of love/hate, and even tough i know he is not good for me cause he is immature, he likes to have the control over me all the time, he makes him self unavailable for me when he wants, basically cause he has a huge ego and knows i like him a lot, I wish the story were different, cause i know in his deep inside he is a very good person, and i like the connection i have with him as a friend.

I wrote to you cause I felt identify with you, and cause i don’t have someone to talk about it, cause we don’t tell our other friends, due to religion, they are very conservative about sex…