Comments on: How to Spot a Narcissist http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/ Dr. John Grohol's daily update on all things in psychology and mental health. Since 1999. Sat, 26 May 2012 02:27:01 +0000 hourly 1 By: A Friend named jack http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-1/#comment-729600 A Friend named jack Sun, 13 May 2012 20:09:16 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-729600 Sorry Donna, i dont believe that its possible. i tried explaining that to a friend, she however automaticly took it offensively and put me in her "unsafe zone" Sorry Donna, i dont believe that its possible. i tried explaining that to a friend, she however automaticly took it offensively and put me in her “unsafe zone”

]]> By: Just_Jones http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-728608 Just_Jones Fri, 06 Apr 2012 03:04:24 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-728608 Based on this article, am I to assume that all narcissists are men? Perhaps you might consider working on your gender neutral writing skills? Other than that, I find it interesting that you seem to have received your degree(s) from two online universities. Which might explain the fact that your writing is not that of someone who attended a proper university, as any first year doctoral candidate would have certainly been stripped of their tendency to write in terms of He/She. I doubt the moderators will allow this comment to be published, however, I think your presence on this website, says a lot about psychcentral.com's selectivity and calls us to question your academic credentials. -Jones Based on this article, am I to assume that all narcissists are men? Perhaps you might consider working on your gender neutral writing skills?

Other than that, I find it interesting that you seem to have received your degree(s) from two online universities. Which might explain the fact that your writing is not that of someone who attended a proper university, as any first year doctoral candidate would have certainly been stripped of their tendency to write in terms of He/She.

I doubt the moderators will allow this comment to be published, however, I think your presence on this website, says a lot about psychcentral.com’s selectivity and calls us to question your academic credentials.

-Jones

]]> By: Christine http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-728333 Christine Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:09:28 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-728333 Very informative Article. Inlightened my way of thinking for work and personal life. I am glad I googled the word!!!! Very informative Article. Inlightened my way of thinking for work and personal life. I am glad I googled the word!!!!

]]> By: Mrsnarz http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-728051 Mrsnarz Sun, 18 Mar 2012 14:28:05 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-728051 Hello! I'm very certain I married one. Our first 4 years of marriage were like a dream only to awaken to a 100 o/o different individual- self centered cold only self orientated no empathy no concern . Everything he had said he was or believed was a lie. I believe there's a sweet child inside but even when I reach him he runs and hides behind the cold callous individual who protects him. His father was also.Such a waste of his life and seven years of mine. Even when he agrees about it it's just a lie. He won't truly allow my input because it's not about HIS NEEDS. Hello!
I’m very certain I married one. Our first 4 years of marriage were like a dream only to awaken to a 100 o/o different individual- self centered cold only self orientated no empathy no concern . Everything he had said he was or believed was a lie. I believe there’s a sweet child inside but even when I reach him he runs and hides behind the cold callous individual who protects him. His father was also.Such a waste of his life and seven years of mine. Even when he agrees about it it’s just a lie. He won’t truly allow my input because it’s not about HIS NEEDS.

]]> By: hollygolightly http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-728022 hollygolightly Sat, 17 Mar 2012 12:29:41 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-728022 From a reading of your blog I believe you are a narcissist yourself. This may have subconciously piqued your interest in the subject perhaps? From a reading of your blog I believe you are a narcissist yourself. This may have subconciously piqued your interest in the subject perhaps?

]]> By: cory zamora http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-727875 cory zamora Mon, 12 Mar 2012 17:33:01 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-727875 I just came off a week end from hell....over e mail and phone with my 91 year old mother. when i found this, it must have been written about her 1 omg...i have been th theraphy for 61 years deaing with this person...PERSON...her mother was worse and abused me....thank you...this sealed the deal. my shrink says do not go out in public..NEVER drink with them..be somewhere you can leave from when the abuse begins..i am an only child...i am stuck. I just came off a week end from hell….over e mail and phone with my 91 year old mother. when i found this, it must have been written about her 1 omg…i have been th theraphy for 61 years deaing with this person…PERSON…her mother was worse and abused me….thank you…this sealed the deal. my shrink says do not go out in public..NEVER drink with them..be somewhere you can leave from when the abuse begins..i am an only child…i am stuck.

]]> By: So tired http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-727649 So tired Sun, 04 Mar 2012 16:47:15 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-727649 Dr. Sam, I am so tired, I don't feel anything anymore, my walls are up. I am too tired to fight, disagree, or even respond. I don't win, he will always have one up on me. He is so confident in what he says, I always will back down after a while because it becomes a giant circle with the end result of me realizing it's not foxing my way, and he will win. I have been reading about npd, have written to you before and you said he was an extreme n by what I wrote about a year ago. I know I am an enabler, I try talking but it's a waste. Our house finally sold, I gave in to where we will move with an understanding to rent in case I won't like it. He has been wanting to go there for years, it's all you heard about. I was told years ago if I don't want to go, get a lawyer he's going. So I agree to try it, then he says he wants to stay in town where we are, then it changes back, and back and forth and back and forth. I am foxing crazy. I am numb. I see what is going on, I know my opinion doesn't count. He said he is doing this for me. What a laugh. I never wanted to move where he first said to begin with. Do they really believe this crap. I told him he is nuts. I know about projecting. It seems I know all of this, but after 30 years, where am I, still here. What is my problem? I am exhausted, I am too tired to fight, I have been controlling my panic attacks and taking. No meds. One day he said I should take my little pill if I have to because I didn't like what he wanted to do if we bought this one home. I don't know any more, I really don't. He still hears nothing, nothing that is if he is not interested. How do you know if it's not early altzheimers, my opinion if he hears you talk about a subject interesting to him, he hears you, otherwise good luck, but just don't do it to him. I am very spiritual and pray everyday for strength, to do what it is I am suppose to do, to have the strength, to see what I cannot see, to hear what I cannot hear and to know what it is I need to know. I live day to day. I don't look back I don't look forward, I live for the day. Any advice.....thank you Dr. Sam,

I am so tired, I don’t feel anything anymore, my walls are up. I am too tired to fight, disagree, or even respond. I don’t win, he will always have one up on me. He is so confident in what he says, I always will back down after a while because it becomes a giant circle with the end result of me realizing it’s not foxing my way, and he will win. I have been reading about npd, have written to you before and you said he was an extreme n by what I wrote about a year ago. I know I am an enabler, I try talking but it’s a waste. Our house finally sold, I gave in to where we will move with an understanding to rent in case I won’t like it. He has been wanting to go there for years, it’s all you heard about. I was told years ago if I don’t want to go, get a lawyer he’s going. So I agree to try it, then he says he wants to stay in town where we are, then it changes back, and back and forth and back and forth. I am foxing crazy. I am numb. I see what is going on, I know my opinion doesn’t count. He said he is doing this for me. What a laugh. I never wanted to move where he first said to begin with. Do they really believe this crap. I told him he is nuts. I know about projecting. It seems I know all of this, but after 30 years, where am I, still here. What is my problem? I am exhausted, I am too tired to fight, I have been controlling my panic attacks and taking. No meds. One day he said I should take my little pill if I have to because I didn’t like what he wanted to do if we bought this one home. I don’t know any more, I really don’t. He still hears nothing, nothing that is if he is not interested. How do you know if it’s not early altzheimers, my opinion if he hears you talk about a subject interesting to him, he hears you, otherwise good luck, but just don’t do it to him. I am very spiritual and pray everyday for strength, to do what it is I am suppose to do, to have the strength, to see what I cannot see, to hear what I cannot hear and to know what it is I need to know. I live day to day. I don’t look back I don’t look forward, I live for the day.
Any advice…..thank you

]]> By: Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-27/#comment-726811 Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:32:41 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726811 <b>Iseenarcissists, Nope, you got it wrong. :) In any true friendship... at least healthy ones, you need to have reciprocity or it is not healthy or true. The context behind these persons included folks who, at some time, declared themselves to be "true friends" but could not deliver on reciprocity. When we reciprocate with our friends, we give value and appreciate them. To not show it, is not friendship and hence a one-side relationship and superficial. It is difficult to include all aspects of a social context when giving examples. Best regards, Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://www.DrSam.tv </b> Iseenarcissists,

Nope, you got it wrong. :)

In any true friendship… at least healthy ones, you need to have reciprocity or it is not healthy or true. The context behind these persons included folks who, at some time, declared themselves to be “true friends” but could not deliver on reciprocity. When we reciprocate with our friends, we give value and appreciate them. To not show it, is not friendship and hence a one-side relationship and superficial. It is difficult to include all aspects of a social context when giving examples.

Best regards,

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv

]]> By: Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-26/#comment-726810 Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:26:23 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726810 <b>Skeptic, In the article I don't give many specifics of the social context of my examples. What you don't know, perhaps, is that those relationships where I disclosed myself were called, by mutual agreement, "close relationships or friendships." A close relationship with a friend presupposes safety to disclose. If it is healthy, it should be reciprocal, or it is one-sided and not a true friendship. You may call my disclosure as "narcissistic" but then again that is what friends are supposed to do with each other or they are not close friends but rather superficial. I hope that helped to clarify. My example of the joker is one where joking is used as a conversational device to distract another person from putting yourself in a position where you REALLY have to show who you are. Since narcissists don't want you to know they are needy and weak inside, this is why they might use ways to change the subject and get the specific questions off themselves. They love to talk about themselves as long as THEY control what they say about themselves. Here is where their grandiosity or self-pity comes out (exaggerated ego). Best regards, Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://www.DrSam.tv </b> Skeptic,

In the article I don’t give many specifics of the social context of my examples. What you don’t know, perhaps, is that those relationships where I disclosed myself were called, by mutual agreement, “close relationships or friendships.” A close relationship with a friend presupposes safety to disclose. If it is healthy, it should be reciprocal, or it is one-sided and not a true friendship. You may call my disclosure as “narcissistic” but then again that is what friends are supposed to do with each other or they are not close friends but rather superficial. I hope that helped to clarify.

My example of the joker is one where joking is used as a conversational device to distract another person from putting yourself in a position where you REALLY have to show who you are. Since narcissists don’t want you to know they are needy and weak inside, this is why they might use ways to change the subject and get the specific questions off themselves. They love to talk about themselves as long as THEY control what they say about themselves. Here is where their grandiosity or self-pity comes out (exaggerated ego).

Best regards,

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv

]]> By: Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-726755 Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. Sun, 29 Jan 2012 16:57:48 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726755 <b> Betty Sue, Perhaps you are right. I appreciate your input. Perhaps I attracted more narcissists to me because I have been a "narcissist magnet" by having unhealed issues and needs making me a co-dependent. It is interesting that at one time in my life I was surrounded by these types. As I grew healthier, in terms of what good boundaries are, I got reactions from these individuals, and they started to "peel off" but with pain. These days, I hardly know any narcissists that are close to me any longer. That is a good thing. :) Thanks again! :) Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://www.DrSam.tv </b>
Betty Sue,

Perhaps you are right. I appreciate your input.

Perhaps I attracted more narcissists to me because I have been a “narcissist magnet” by having unhealed issues and needs making me a co-dependent. It is interesting that at one time in my life I was surrounded by these types. As I grew healthier, in terms of what good boundaries are, I got reactions from these individuals, and they started to “peel off” but with pain. These days, I hardly know any narcissists that are close to me any longer. That is a good thing. :)

Thanks again! :)

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv

]]> By: Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-726754 Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. Sun, 29 Jan 2012 16:52:42 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726754 <b>Thank you, Anthony!!!!</b> Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://www.DrSam.tv </b> Thank you, Anthony!!!!

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv

]]> By: Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-726753 Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. Sun, 29 Jan 2012 16:51:11 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726753 <b>PrincessSpirit, Thank you for your kind words. I get a kick how all the humor and very interesting responses of folks to the article. I need all the help I can get... :) Feel free to drop me a line via my website on the contact page. The email is info@DrSam.tv I will try to respond the best I can. I, too, am a learner like you. :) Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. http://www.DrSam.tv </b> PrincessSpirit,

Thank you for your kind words. I get a kick how all the humor and very interesting responses of folks to the article. I need all the help I can get… :)

Feel free to drop me a line via my website on the contact page. The email is info@DrSam.tv
I will try to respond the best I can. I, too, am a learner like you. :)

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv

]]> By: Betty Sue http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-726465 Betty Sue Sun, 22 Jan 2012 04:36:30 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726465 I totally agree with Sue. It is completely irrational how the author has labeled all of these different people he has encountered in his life as narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is actually pretty rare and it is highly unlikely that he just runs into one at every turn. It's like a hypochondriac believing every little thing is a symptom to a deadly disease. He finds reason behind an action that correlates to the disorder to place them under that same category. I totally agree with Sue. It is completely irrational how the author has labeled all of these different people he has encountered in his life as narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is actually pretty rare and it is highly unlikely that he just runs into one at every turn. It’s like a hypochondriac believing every little thing is a symptom to a deadly disease. He finds reason behind an action that correlates to the disorder to place them under that same category.

]]> By: CK http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-726247 CK Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:14:32 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726247 Sometimes I think I'm kind of a closet narcissist. I pretend that I'm humble and don't like to talk about myself, but that is a complete lie. I actually love it when people ask me questions about myself, or tell me things they've observed about me -- good or bad. I try not to indulge myself with this TOO much... but sometimes it's hard not to. Sometimes I think I’m kind of a closet narcissist. I pretend that I’m humble and don’t like to talk about myself, but that is a complete lie. I actually love it when people ask me questions about myself, or tell me things they’ve observed about me — good or bad.

I try not to indulge myself with this TOO much… but sometimes it’s hard not to.

]]> By: ashley http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/comment-page-28/#comment-726210 ashley Wed, 18 Jan 2012 16:19:34 +0000 http://psychcentral.com/blog/?p=2262#comment-726210 Hi i am a 21 year old mother of two, I have a mother in law who is always trying to controll our lives from the way we raise our kids to the way we use our electricity and the food we eat... I know that most of what she says is hypocritical and she keeps on going on. For the most part i just listen and dont have much to say as i know her response from past events, but at times she pushes me so much and is very unethical and senseless that sometimes i cant hold my tongue... although when i do speak its still respectful but she always takes attitude when i speak up and starts an argument with me and finally ends up cutting me off (not her son)from her life such as in your article. Also shes always looking for opportunity to help us with things (unneeded) just so that she could bring it up in our faces later when we dont do as she says or so she says we dont "listen" Now i have allot of patients and never have problems such as these with any other people but at times i see the same behaviour in my husband (her son) Please tell me am i dealing with narcisist? Hi i am a 21 year old mother of two, I have a mother in law who is always trying to controll our lives from the way we raise our kids to the way we use our electricity and the food we eat… I know that most of what she says is hypocritical and she keeps on going on. For the most part i just listen and dont have much to say as i know her response from past events, but at times she pushes me so much and is very unethical and senseless that sometimes i cant hold my tongue… although when i do speak its still respectful but she always takes attitude when i speak up and starts an argument with me and finally ends up cutting me off (not her son)from her life such as in your article. Also shes always looking for opportunity to help us with things (unneeded) just so that she could bring it up in our faces later when we dont do as she says or so she says we dont “listen” Now i have allot of patients and never have problems such as these with any other people but at times i see the same behaviour in my husband (her son) Please tell me am i dealing with narcisist?

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