Comments on: How to Spot a Narcissist

By: A Girl

A Girl — Mon, 06 May 2013 23:10:16 +0000

You’re honest and humble yet you’re a narcissist who is proud of masturbating and dropping out of school?! Do you have any idea how idiotic you sound? It’s blindingly obvious that you have little education as you are technically illiterate and don’t give a damn! I’m afraid your problems go far beyond NPD. Seek immediate mental health assistance! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! You should probably wear a sign so that people know not to feed you and to keep a safe distance from you. You’re asking all the wrong questions and I honestly don’t think you care for any true answers. Keep bragging about living with your parents and being ignorant! See how that works out for you 10 years from now when you’re wondering why you have absolutely NO (0) meaningful and healthy relationships and why you’re struggling so hard just to get by. You’ll find yourself so confused as to why life is so hard and why you’re so miserable and the answers are already right there in front of you. Good luck in figuring that out before it’s too late and you find yourself wondering why you’re on your deathbed and no one even cares…

By: wtf

wtf — Sat, 04 May 2013 01:04:38 +0000

Screw these people. they were hurt in childhood? bullshit!!! I had a terrible childhood and I don’t go arond hurting others to make myself feel better or manipulate or get jelous and the rest of their horrible traits. but after living with one a litte over two years ive learned a whole lot about myself at first I let the N cripple me kinda was immobile for quite some time but I thank em for it because I truly have learned so much more about myselkf through their bullshit. but still wish I never met them!

By: Skin

Skin — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:11:17 +0000

The doctor here sounds like a narcissist also. I don’t open up to certain people because they are judgemental or gossipers. Also I’m private and font feel the need to over share my crap with others

By: carolyn cash

carolyn cash — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 18:19:06 +0000

After 2 years of kids and I being in counseling to recover from the chaos (including SWAT team, false police reporting, mental committments, 7 guns, parent alienation, arrest, no contact order for 2 years, refusal for court mandated individual counseling before can counsel with kids)there are many boundaries being enforced by professionals currently. However, after 18 months of no contact with the kids, I have filed for relocation to be in an environment that will set the kids up for more success and give them more support. (their request). I petitioned for sole legal custody. He has had contact with the kids counselor and she has deemed him narcissistic sociopath through her own experiences with him. She has a good handle on it. Unfortunately, the move would mean leaving her. She assures me there are many capable therapists for the kids…the difficulty comes that in order to control the move, the father has now decided to go to counseling to try to work towards counseling with the kids. While I feel this is imperative so that the kids , as well as father, learn skills and boundaries before the kids turn 18 (16 and 17)…it poses a logistics issue. This is likely on purpose…as he has been petitioning to get the kids to change counselors because she “has it out for him”. She has been holding him accountable for domestic battery against myself ..and battery against my daughter who stood up to him when he said he could do anything he wanted to her until she was 18.
I am looking for a highly qualified and experienced individual in this area of practice in the Lexington Ky area. You don’t by chance have a collegue you would recommend, do you? This is imperative for my kids’ success. He is extremely manipulative, no conscious, success oriented, materialistic person. I would almost be tempted to remain here for that sole reason as professionals here have lived it. However, in every other way, the kids would suffer and they want a fresh start. We are transplants and have moved around alot and need to be around family and friends to provide “normal” references and help enforce boundaries. He is splitting and turned against my daughter, who was his side kick..and then sought to turn my son against her and I (who he had little relationship with til then). He tells the GAL that there is nothing wrong with his relationship with his son. He has been unable to see my son’s struggles. I am sad to say the professionals in all areas say after 30 year of practice, this is a once in a lifetime experience for them and they have never seen anything like it.
Thus, we need experienced practitioner.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:22:06 +0000

I have exhaustively read the web and the traits and nuances of a narcissist as I work with one and needed to find how to function without the tense zones of behavior, as I am either being treated like a non person, or being ignored at every level, and the worse is, having the lies told with no consequence or follow up. There’s no site yet that avails the magic spell to make this person turn back into a beetle and go away. Each day I feel the life sucked out of me, and finding another job is not available. I am sure beyound a doubt that this person is the queen bee of all narcissists, and I am just food for the queen. Yes we have management, and we have two hole punches, both are infrequently utilized for they intended roles. All I have is confirmation and the skill set of setting a boundary that includes complete non communication. Wish I could find the magic wand… this person needs to go back to the planet that banished them in the first place.

By: Jdb

Jdb — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 22:57:15 +0000

Wow I fell like this is like me!
I’m a 20 year old gay guy living in the middle of texas, my father abandoned me in young age, i’ve had all the christian crap being fed to me my whole life, and i’ve been miserable, lonely, isolated, and emotionally shut down for almost my entire life. Many different people have different views of me. I have a lot of rage, but most people are only threatened by me when I have absolutely no intention of doing so. I constantly tear myself down, and I really don’t spare anyone else in the process. I think about killing myself a lot of times but i’ve never actually attempted it and I don’t know if I could either, but I seriously haven’t simply even had a good day in years. I’m always worried or preoccupied, always in my own world. I dont even know what to do anymore.

By: David

David — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 14:44:55 +0000

Excellent article! Explains everything nice and clearly without complicating things.

By: kelly

kelly — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 20:46:10 +0000

I read in one of your replies that a narcissistic parent creates severe damage in his children…could you explain this to me in more detail? I have had my own personal issues in my life that I truly do not understand and I think a lot of it comes back to my father, whom I consider to be rather narcissistic–extreme? I am not sure. But I am wondering if some of my issues stem from being a child of a narcissistic parent. I’m afraid of being one myself. I’ve often wondered if I had these tendencies myself, but then I really can’t say I had any trauma as you say should have occurred in childhood that would have caused me to create this false persona if I do have one. I’ve felt that maybe I have low self-esteem but I shouldn’t. I often feel I’m hiding myself from the world. I am rather introverted–get very nervous in groups of people moreso because I think I am afraid of how they will perceive me. I did not fit in at school and this really bothers me. I’m very concerned about my personal appearance. I was very smart and successful because it was the only thing that made me feel good. I felt like most people didn’t like me and that I am not a very likeable person even though I do try. I tend to push most people away because of my insecurities that manifest through jealousy and criticism of others to make myself not feel so vulnerable. I care way too much what others think of me and people take advantage of it because I often should stand up for myself and don’t. It matters more that they like me, not that they actually deserve to be in my life. I’ve had some seriously toxic people in my life that have gotten the better of me and don’t deserve it. I cannot be aggressive no matter how hard I try and want to be and need to be ( I am a teacher–and sometimes it is necessary and I struggle with it–I cannot be very authoritative so often kids take advantage of it When I attempt to be authoritative, I get really nervous and shaky and although I had intentions of being aggressive, I end up backing down). ESPECIALLY with my father. some days are worse than others—I don’t always feel this way but when people do criticize me I take it to heart way more than I should. In my marriage I find it difficult to believe that my husband approves of me and finds me attractive. He has contributed to this a lot however, I know he does deep down but it isn’t enough. I often desire approval from other men to make myself feel desirable and it has caused me to be flirtatious behind his back. This has been a problem in my marriage that I want to stop. I know I am rambling but I am writing what is coming to mind.
But when confronting myself about trauma? Can’t think of anything. I had a very secure, Christian, wholesome upbringing that I wouldn’t trade or change for anything and for sure a wonderful mother. My father was and still is more concerned about his job, is a very successful computer programmer, and has difficulty connecting with people. I do feel that he loves me but cannot express it well. I find it extremely difficult to talk to him—I get nervous and fidgety if I do need to confront him about anything. I often have my mother do it instead. I can’t even hug him without feeling funny when I do. This really bothers me, and I think it does him. He has asked me on one occasion what is wrong with our relationship and I really just don’t know. He knows he can be a real jerk but cannot seem to help himself. He has a very explosive temper/short fuse and over reacts to everything. If anything messes up his little world those who are responsible will have hell to pay. I get very angry at him sometimes and if I’m around him too much I have to distance myself because I can’t stand how he treats people. I know he won’t change. He doesn’t want it bad enough. This isn’t what this is about. I want to know how him being a narcissist affects me. I should have no reason to feel the things I told you above. I have a very strong support system in my family–not at all dysfunctional. I have a good job, two wonderful children, a husband that adores me even though he himself has trouble showing it, I have a master’s degree—I know I have made my parents proud. I do have three good friendships that I have been able to maintain well. I don’t want to be this person and I feel that if I can figure out why I behave this way maybe I could get a grasp on it and get past it. I feel my father is the key. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the random incoherent rambling. That is what human thought is all about I guess…

By: CathyC

CathyC — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 12:12:18 +0000

I am married to a narcissist. He is a missionary. He is very good at what he does, very smart. He can tackle any topic and pull it off. He was very emotionally undeveloped when we married. His lack of empathy drove me over the edge. When we would experience extreme traumatic events, he was almost angry and defensive about showing me empathy. How could someone be so effective a serving God and be so uncaring? When counseling was demanded by our church authorities, he got angry and declared, ” I’m not going to some touchy feely person and talk about our problems!” He got angry at ME! As if I betrayed him somehow.

I told him that he could get angry and refuse to cooperate, or he could see it as an opportunity to grow as a leader and learn from it. He was very reluctant. He wanted me to be the fall guy, things were MY fault. Since then, he has grown and learned much and become a better person. He uses his intellect to learn principles which he tries to put into action. I think his wound happened at age 15, which is why he has been able to change. I can’t/wont go back to the field with him. His ego becomes all inflated and he becomes intolerable, dangerous even. I can’t put myself and the kids thru that, so we stay in the states.

I have had a long time of putting a life together for myself. I have my own deep issues and work on that is a full time job for me. We are a damaged couple!

By: Narcintherapy

Narcintherapy — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 06:45:54 +0000

Okay people narcissists can get better. It’s a very hard process but please try and support a narcissist that is owning up to their bad deeds and trying to get help. We DO have MAJOR trust issues. Even if we don’t admit it, we do. Also, for me anyways, I would feel bad about hurting other people if I thought about it. Using drugs was a way for me do cover up the little bit of empathy I have. Now their are certain N’s who will never change, like my father. But then their are one’s that are not THAT BADLY GONE and they CAN CHANGE. It’s not all BLACK AND WHITE!! Owning up to one’s mistakes is the start of it. No one is perfect…

By: Amber

Amber — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 17:25:33 +0000

WOW. Are you sure you aren’t me??! I’ve been playing the emotional roller coaster game for 25 years now. It had finally gotten to the point where I can no longer just brush it off and only see the “good” . Now the damage far outweighs the good. You are correct; I’ve tried to point it out the past 10 years in hope he would seek help; but in his eyes there is nothing wrong with him; he’s just been going through a rough patch of life. He is once again begging me to stay and i have hung in there for 10 days now. I have to take my heart out of it and realize that if he sucks me back in with guilt about money, the kids, etc. it may be ok for a little bit; but he will still have the same embarrassing traits, patterns, etc and I will once again be caught up in the circle. I was hoping he would see that a separation is for a time for him to find himself; resolve some long needed issues, “get the picture” etc. but he keeps trying to push me back into something I don’t want to be a part of anymore. It’s hard to ward off with the sad looks, desperation, etc. But I am holding strong for the 1st time ever. I was enabling his behaviors by staying all those other times he would apologize. I have to change MY behavior in order for him to see that he needs to change his.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 04:57:12 +0000

Narcissists can’t be “cured”. This is misinformation. Their very condition prevents them from being able to see that they have a problem. Also, many narcissists have never had any childhood trauma – it’s just who they are. The danger of your article is that you give excuses to abusive people who are narcissists. You give the people who love them a reason to falsely feel sorry for them and/or a reason to falsely hope these “users” can be “cured”. This helps propogate abuse.

By: Madelyn

Madelyn — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 14:26:25 +0000

I love love this article. Its so fascinating to know the psychology of people.

By: Brian Hagerty

Brian Hagerty — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:02:56 +0000

It seems at least part of the doctor’s diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder is one’s failure to like him.

By: Dee

Dee — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:24:47 +0000

I know it’s been several years, but thank you for your reply. My brother was indeed the pampered baby in our family. He also maneuvers himself into being the spiritual guru in his social situations, perhaps to control and deflect notice about his lack of empathy. If he can’t get that position of importance, he walks away. Anyway, he married his girlfriend in a grandiose ceremony that included a fog machine, a band, a choir, and light show. They dated for 3 years until she was not a teenager. Part of the draw is that she literally worships the ground he walks on and works herself to the bone for him. Her mom was totally on board from the beginning. When he announced his engagement on fb, he said “I am engaged” but didn’t say to who! In their pictures together, she is clinging to him and his arms are down and he’s not reciprocating. My relationship with him is still the same. He whines to everyone that I have abandoned him when he makes extra effort to avoid me (perhaps to keep up his elaborate story about me). My family and I have been happily at a new church these last few years. It’s sad for me still, to try to accept that my brother doesn’t have love in his heart. He truly is afflicted. He will use any opportunity to throw me or my plans under a bus, so I know he hasn’t changed a bit. Thankfully, it’s far and few between and our family has benefited from being away from the manipulation and drama. It hurts when I’m around town and people from our old church give us the cold shoulder, but I think the best defense is no defense sometimes. We are living our lives and know that we have value even though my brother desperately tried to devalue me.