Comments on: What is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?

By: AndrewsMon

AndrewsMon — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 18:17:21 +0000

Your story breaks my heart! I am going through a similar situation with my 8 year old son who’s father has been in and out of his life since our split when Andrew was 1. He is an abusive person who isnt capeable of puting the needs of our son above his own agenda. It’s been extremely difficult as I have been very accomodating and supportive of the relationship between Andrew and his father; even given the fact that his visits have never been consistent, or reliable and his financial support has been the same. He went to court stating that my son was being physically abused and the court has granted temporary custody to his father based on the fact that Andrew is saying these things are true. We are undergoing a custody evaluation. Over the past three months, Andrew has become more and more distant. I need help on how to approach the situation. Our custody evalutation is being submitted this week and I’m hoping to have Andrew home by Christmas. If anyone has any advice or tips on handeling the transition I would greatly appreciate! Thanks a god bless all the parents out there who always put their children first, despite the anger or frustrations a split can lead to!!!

By: AndrewsMon

AndrewsMon — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:58:47 +0000

Don’t give up! Do whatever it takes to make sure your child knows you love him. I know this feels impossible but all you can do is your best. Keep seeking help and guadance of trained professionals.

By: jon

jon — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 06:05:38 +0000

real-life example of parental alienation syndrome. disturbing video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPpm4Gyi1jk

By: Hilde

Hilde — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 23:08:18 +0000

Finally I can put a name to it. I have been divorced for over 6 years. My daughter was 15 when the divorce happened and stayed with her father in the parental home because I could not afford to keep the house myself. She then left home to study at the age of 19. She is now 22. Within the split family unit I am always the “bad” one, the “you know what she is like” and “Christ Mother!”. After stepping back and analysing how I’ve coped with having been betrayed throughout the whole of my marriage (16 years) and 4 years prior to getting married without being given an explanation or even an admittance of the faithlessness and now having to look on how my ex is now living with that woman, I must say that I am pretty proud of myself. I had no support of my children, as I did not want to involve them and I do not have family in this country (UK) as I all my relatives live in Germany. What I found hardest to cope with was the fact that my daughter looks down on me and blames me for everything. On her recent graduation, she would have been happier if I had not attended and a prolonged stay at home with her father has again heightened her animosity towards me. As we are dealing with adults here, I wanted to make the point that PAS does not only relate to small children. What I am still looking for are the reasons for this alienation by the one parent. I shall continue with my research, but in the meantime I am glad i can put a name to the situation.

By: abused

abused — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 22:49:25 +0000

I was involved in a family situation in which my ex developed a dissassociative disorder after a week long ‘spiritual retreat. She had came back delusional that I was like her abusive father (who was not abusive) and I had abandoned the children who all feared and hated me. The professional community made total asses of themselves as one after the other got sucked into her story, took pity on her and attacked me. I remained calm and objective. The GAL of the court was going to do an investigation and then the next day was angry with me instead. She then did a hide the PAS style report, frightened witnesses and did everything possible including telling one witness she hated her father. This judge GAL had been doing these things for years. I had one therapist tell me my daughter would recover in 7-10 years, then reported to the court that she was fine. I had a social worker hack my e-mail to attempt to destroy evidence after he lost his memories of what he and I were doing in his office…waiting for the alienator parent to show up. I had what was supposed to be the best evaluator in the region not report the testimony of my unalientated child to hide the alienation. That psychologist made a total ass of himself in the courtroom. Witness after witness testified the opposite of the professionals and about the professional abuse to themselves and my children. But the judge protected her GAL, the detective never finished the investigation into the social worker hacking my e-mail so I got left looking like I lied about this, the psychologist ended up babbling on the witness stand. I lost all ability to protect my child, get her into counseling, had our joint business given away for nothing, was given the right to live on the same property and all my assests locked up under the control of alienator for two years. My youngest son almost killed me the day after court and then stared at his hand holding an iron bar that he almost struck me with like it belonged to someone else.

I used to trust the judicial and therapeutic communities but no longer. I remained calm, encouraged them to read about PAS a bit and every one of the bastards turned on me, afraid of the court, mind blown that something that sick could occur and manipulated so easily, then turn on me because I am an Adult.

PAS is a dissassociative disease. Most therapists do not understand dissassociative illnesses. Several friends got badly damaged by this situation and the therapist abuse. Their spouses have stuck with them and one of them is now recovering slowly, but not because the therapist every really got it.

I think disassociation from oneself knowledge is a cultural phenomena, and a lot of therapist suffer from it to some extent and that is why many have problems understanding PAS and disassociation diseases.

I discovered that every person that was manipulated had some problem of their own that they had not dealt with that the alienator was able to affect and turn that person against me as if I was the part of themselves they could not accept.

(I was a very good therapist years ago and left the field to work in other areas. I knew the field and the jargon, etc… and was very very shocked at the targeting abuse and how pro after pro made the same mistake… making a judgement they later regretted, then turning on me to hide it and try to bury the witness, when I just wanted my kid helped. That and terrified of testifying in court????)

By: KysMom

KysMom — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 03:00:58 +0000

I am a mother of a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I left her father when she was 2 and a half, due to his abusive ways with my boys (who were not his) which consisted of mental and emotional abuse that lead to physical abuse and his mental and emotional abuse with me. One day when he got into my face and I saw her face filled with fear, I realized that I had to leave for her sake and all of ours. He controlled us all with his “religion” (Jehovah Witnesses) and I had been crying out for sometime to them for help, with results of them telling me that I was not a submissive enough wife! Once he found out I was planning on leaving; he ran with my daughter for over 2 and a half weeks, from JW house to house and living in the van. When I got her back by “pretending” to want to work things out, I had to live with him as he had went to the Judge and claimed behind my back ex-parte that I was unfit and they granted him temporary custody! Then after the 90 days of hell, I left and took my daughter. I had her and filed divorce, which lead to a bad custody battle. Ultimately the Judge who worked with His Attorney’s Dad and the GAL who was a friend of my ex’s sister in law, ruled that my daughter would be better off with him, due to the fact that I had other children, boys to raise! He got primary custody. While going thru the custody battle, he would fill my 4 year olds head with anger and lies about me before bringing her back. She would kick me and scream at me, telling me she hated me and wanted to live with Daddy. It was awful.
Once he had primary custody it only kept getting worse. The court ordered that I could spend holidays with her due to his religion not celebrating, but each time I would go to her school to do these things, he would conveniently have her removed or out of school. I drove over and hour to get to her. He would scold her when she celebrated Christmas or other things with me and make her feel bad about disobeying her God. He would not put me on her school paperwork, so each time I would go, it was difficult to prove that I had joint custody and could have access to her.
The court ordered also that I have DAILY phone contact with her, but he never allowed that. Each time I took him back to court for these violations, the Judge would dismiss them as nothing and told us to stop waisting his time and buy her at 5 years old her own cell phone!! Ya, right! He would just hide it and never charge it.
She is now 7, all of this continues and now he fills her head with other things and has accused my son, her own brother who is 7 years older than her that he has been trying to french kiss her! He has made up utter lies about things in the past and keeps telling her “if Mommy had not been bad and left us, you would still see and have a Mommy and a family” so when she comes, she is angry with me about this and accuses me for doing this. He never tells her anything about how much I try to call her, how much I try to come to functions that he takes her out of so that I can’t and so forth and when I tell her, she does not believe me and says I am lying.
She fell down last year at the end of school and broke her arm so badly that she was hospitalized for a few days and had surgery to put pins in her elbow, he was court ordered to inform me immediately and because of his being a JW and not believing in blood the Judge told him I am to be there and make her medical decisions. He texted me 4 days later to tell me she was in the hospital and had surgery!! When she came to me on visitation after that, she was angry with me, asking me why I didn’t come to be with her and help her, that Daddy told her that I didn’t care and other things were more important to me!! This continues today and her anger and confusion is just getting worse!
People that don’t believe in PAS syndrome HAVE NOT HAD TO LIVE THE PAIN of your own child being confused and angry; to have NO choice in the matter and watch your flesh and blood being removed from your life due to his anger and greed. It has always been “his way or the highway” and he will stoop to ANY level to get what he wants, even if it means destroying his OWN daughter!! THIS IS VERY REAL!!

By: maureen

maureen — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 08:45:28 +0000

thank you for writing your lovely letter it has helped me to understand a lot. I am the grandmother to 3 boys who wont speak to there mother and the family. We ddont know where to turn for help ,the courts have been involded but dont seem to be able to help in anyway because the children say they dont wont to see us. It is so sad to see my daughter who loves these boys so much having to go on with her life without being abele to cuddle her children it has been 5 years now . and i can see my daughter die a little everyday .She will never give up neither will the rest of the family

By: sapphire

sapphire — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 05:20:48 +0000

pas is real my son has been living with caregiver who has now called him her own i have never done anything but love my son and want him to be with me but she at every attempt has stoped me no abuse or neglect just the fact she wanted anther child she took him from me our child protection services in nz wouldnt get invovled due to the fact the had NO CARE AND PROTECTION ISSUSE WITH ME now he wont even speak to me on the phone he is 8 and he is brain washed they told him they will do anything for him and they do she was also a caregiver for the nz child youth and family services but is not allowed to care for cyfs children due to the fact that she physically and emotionally abused the 3 cyfs children she had yet she is still allowed my son where is the justice in that

By: VictimizedChildofPAS

VictimizedChildofPAS — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 04:58:52 +0000

Oh and to the “mom” post. You really have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t mean to be so blunt but it’s obvious you don’t. I feel sorry for you that you use ONE CAL case to back up your belief and you have nothing from real life from which to draw. You’re the one who should be ashamed.

By: VictimizedChildofPAS

VictimizedChildofPAS — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 21:10:41 +0000

This is very real. I didn’t even hear about this until this year. All 8 symptoms of PAS pertain to us (all 3 children involved) and even on another website where there were nearly 20 explained scenarios involving PAS pertained to us. All of them. I am a lot older now, and nearly 16 years have passed since “the custody storm”…courts were involved, psychiatrists, etc and no one saw it. No one pointed it out and because of it there was a 12 year gap of our relationship with our father where we refused, without remorse, to speak to him via ANY means. I hope that not everyone who reads a Syndrome is skeptical of them because it took years of my life getting over the pain that we knew was caused. When children are involved please don’t be so skeptical to believe what you read, especially when it comes to parenting. People are very good at hiding things, especially adults and ESPECIALLY when it comes to their kids. If I had known about this syndrome earlier I probably wouldn’t have been through so much pain because I didn’t know that what we went through was so common. I would have felt better knowing there was a clinical definition defining our situation. But that isn’t how it worked out. If you have children, and if you care ANYTHING for them, please think of them and only them. This is nothing to mess around with and is a very haunting situation to be placed in. Especially when you’re the child. I can only pray for forgiveness for what my father’s been through and change the direction I am going to take with my future children. All I can say was he never gave up on us and it worked out for the best. If you’re a victim of PAS please keep your faith! Don’t think about revenge! Hope is the last thing to day and will ALWAYS pay off

By: corruptioninthecourts

corruptioninthecourts — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:36:42 +0000

PAS is very real and unfortunately there are many greedy people out there that are just making money off of this term. Also there are abusers buying material about PAS reading up on it and using it against the target parent. It is a shame that most evaluators seem to be crooked and hand the children over to the abusers by taking bribes. That is wht happened to us, we had two crooked evaluators, both who were obviously bribed. Just found out that the abuser is on a waiting list for a PAS support group acting like a victim. Interesting times that we live in and the courts are full of sociopaths!

By: Bobbiejoe

Bobbiejoe — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 23:22:49 +0000

I’ve just stumbled on this new information. and it relates directly to what has happened and is happening to My son and myself at this very moment in time. My son is sixteen now and enorous amounts of damage has already been done. other crimes have been done also. fraud, forgery,, misleading doctors, perjury to the court, and so far the county district attorney will not persue these charges they do not see the crime that has been happening.Wake up to the mom who says this alienation is jusified. I do agree some people should not be allowed to have contact with there children. thats why investagations are done.you ether are abusive to your child or there is frankly no evidence. the courts are very laxe when it comes to making sure the lawyers involved are aware of the potenial risk to the child to be brainwashed by the parent in control .I speak from my experience on this syndrome PAS …… Jo is another story ..

By: John M Grohol PsyD

John M Grohol PsyD — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 12:33:28 +0000

We exist to provide people information about mental health concerns. Whether you recognize it or not, agree or not, there is a body of scientific research on parental alienation syndrome, which is what we discussed in this article. Shame doesn’t enter into the picture; if it did, we might as well stop talking about every mental disorder.

By: Mom

Mom — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:07:42 +0000

This article is promoting a harmful hypothetical theory that is specifically used to cover up abuse of children and is routinely used to take children away from protective mothers. Recent CAL story where Joyce Murphy’s child was placed with child molesting dad by using this made up syndrome. Any legitimate psychology site should be ashamed at publishing this article.

http://www.momlogic.com/2010/01/custody_crisis_why_mothers_are_punished_in_family_court.php#ixzz0d6rjXv9z

By: suzanne

suzanne — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:11:40 +0000

my son is the victim of the most extreme parental alienation imaginable and he is on a dangerous, downward plight. the step-mother confiscates his phone, monitors calls, controls communication, signs as his parent and vehemently slanders the mother (me) in front of my son and anyone within earshot. she recently orchestrated / exacerbated an incident to have me out of the way while she removed him from my mother’s home and i’ve seen him only three times for one hour in the past two months. this too is controlled and monitored. he is angry, confused, programmed, robotic and seems to be slipping away. i continue to exhaust any/all resources to assert my parental rights. he is losing hope and trust and faith in any/everything, cut off from the world in a volatile environment. no family or friends have been able to reach him. i am so scared for him and no matter how hard i try, what avenue i explore/attempt, there are barriers and sometimes, it seems it is better for him if i disappear. i can’t watch him slip away, change and remain in this downward cycle. is there anything i can do?