Comments on: Why Would You Lie to Your Therapist?

By: elisatbd

elisatbd — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 12:59:37 +0000

Thanks Val for posting this reply. I totally agree with what you said and I wouldn’t be able to describe it as well as you did.

I would just add that sometimes you are not ready to talk about things because you are scared of your own judgement and you reflect this on to your therapist.

I would also add that there is a lot of judgement into this article. Therapy works well when a good dose of humility is used by either the therapist and the patient.

By: Val

Val — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 02:40:12 +0000

I am not a therapist but have seen several. It takes a long time to get to know your therapist. One therapist had me sign a contract that promised one more visit when I decided to quit. That was coercive and forced me to stay because I did not want to go in for the face-off. Eventually I was released. At this particular place I brought up a delicate subject; it felt delicate to me. And they seemed to want tear in at it and shred me to pieces. Of course I was going to protect myself.

Really, do you expect patients to walk in and jump on board in your all knowing presence? Thank God that you are not my therapist and that I found a patient one with whom I was able stick with and who after two years I am just now feeling safe enough to share some truths . She understands when I dodge and duck. And she understands half-truths and things that I do not bring into session. Because she believes in some process and that clients pace their own treatment.

Because if I lie I am shorting myself. It was hurtful to hear you say that lying clients waste their therapist’s time. Some things are not possible to simply walk into a room and blurt out. Or sometimes your just not sure and have to keep it tucked away.

If you like, I can forward the school that she went to. Maybe you could learn
something.

Going to a therapist is like having a gaping wound in your abdomen. You have kept yourself alive by containing the abdominal contents with your hands. You can’t do much else because if you moved your hands your guts would come spilling out and you could die. The problem is that this has been your life-long strategy to living. Now you want some help but sill terrified to move your hands away because though it is not ideal, it has been working. Now you want me to just walk in, move my hands and watch my guts spill to the floor? And then I have to HOPE that you know what you are doing. Really?

By: Molly

Molly — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 17:58:53 +0000

I have been seeing a therapist since I was in the 2nd grade, and I have still not told her everything. I have lied about relationships because I am struggling with my feelings toward people of the same gender. I am extremely religious, and my religion looks down on homosexuals. I am struggling with telling my therapist this because the issue comes and goes. I do not want to tell my therapist something that I will not think about in an other year or two. She might bring it up in future conversations while I am avoiding the topic. I hate that I can’t trust my therapist but I just cannot bring myself to trust her.

By: Lynn

Lynn — Tue, 25 May 2010 03:18:41 +0000

I think the number one reason that people lie or omit things from their therapist is that they are afraid of how they will react. This is particularly true with self-harm behavior and/or thoughts. People who cut or have suicidal thoughts often don’t tell their therapists right off the bat or even after working with them for a while, because they are afraid that the therapist will commit them. The case it’s even stickier with teens, who don’t want their parents knowing about certain things.

Also, it’s hard to tell a therapist that you don’t like what they are doing or that you are getting worse and worse, because it tends to make them feel bad.

Please don’t blame the victim.

By: thinkingthings

thinkingthings — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:36:35 +0000

I tell my clients, when needed or appropriate, it isn’t so much that they lie to me, it is whether they lie to themselves.

By: Anoniemouse

Anoniemouse — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 11:00:56 +0000

Among chronic pain,or CP, patients , pyschology tends not to be taken seriously. This is because all the grandiouse claims your profession makes in regards to life with CP. Info so patently false tends to go over badly with CP patients trying to sift through what works & what doesn’t. Your total lack of understanding that patients would take your profession as less than serious uses the same faulty thinking always used to protect disfunctional institutions. As a CP suffer who’s fully explored what mental health pros have to offer, I can safely say that your sincerity is either based in ignorance or cynical. Your profession is they only one that can condemn negative feedback as the lies of the mentally ill. I was diagnosed with somataform disorder when I really had a severe spinal disease. Even after this correction, therapist would neatly discount my anger towards their profession. It is at this point, if you are sane and rational, that you learn the soft talk the therapist sells you is simply a more polite version of the free market competing for your cash. This is the reason therapy will never recover it’s former respect unless it is made more accountable. Within our economic system, nothing can be taken on faith; your methods must be closer to the bloodwork done by docs;easily verifiable. Anything less and you will lose the regard of the public.

By: 2055210

2055210 — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 16:36:16 +0000

they could just be trying to get info for their parents, just like me and my therapist

By: Talk Therapy: How Honest Are You? | World of Psychology

Talk Therapy: How Honest Are You? | World of Psychology — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:52:37 +0000

[...] John Grohol of PsychCentral has some great perspective from a therapist’s perspective in his b…: If you lie to your therapist, especially about something important in your life or directly [...]

By: bookish

bookish — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:25:34 +0000

“Therapists won’t judge you” – are you completely kidding me? Why? Are they robots? Are they super human? Of course therapists judge – they express this judgemental behavior thru words, body language and sighs. Therapists are human – they have all the flaws of human nature – including predatory, unethical and dishonest behaviors. I feel sorry for the client who goes to therapy and just happens to remind the therapist of someone in their own past – haha – it’s a clown show – it’s up to the client to diplomatically end the session.
This happens much much more often than society would like to acknowledge.

By: How Do You Find a Good Therapist? An Interview with Dr. John Grohol | World of Psychology

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 11:55:33 +0000

[...] post bookended another post I had written about why would people lie to their therapists. I mean, you’re in therapy, ostensibly you’re paying some good amount of money to be [...]

By: Beth

Beth — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 06:51:14 +0000

I wonder if the word lie is being confused with not telling. There may be a reason. I have gone to a local clinic in a small town, and am at times sorry I ever started. I left an extremely abusive relationship,after several years, but had to remain in town for a time, and have been horribly penalized by the abuser, the community in which he lives, and two counselors. I have been dismissed, ignored, accused of behavior that I was not doing, asked to accept further abusive behavior by the abusers ‘friend’, given advice to follow which went against my better judgement and training from what I have read and learned, …..and paid the penalty for it. One of the counselors in a no uncertain way, LIED to me-3 times. The other seems to have NO knowledge of abuse or the harrassment that comes from abusive relationships or leaving one, in their training. Nor does he desire to learn, it would not be good for the abusor ro the town. Perhaps the term incompetent, noncareing, and predatory is a better phrase to use, when it comes to certain counselors not accepting what happened in this small town. I find it better to ask light questions, more as a second to my thoughts outcome-then the heavy healing questions and insights needed which are best left to the another counselor, of which one I sometimes go to, and also to the self healing that comes with time, the reading, the internal qustioning, and the distance from the relationship. Document all abuse and harrassment by others, and NEVER have contact with the abuser, unless it is from a lawyer. Leave the area, make contact with the higher ups in the community, and ALWAYS come from a position of absolute strength,ie the lawyer,judge, police, because the abuser is most certainly trying to take you down-no matter where, what or who, it takes.

By: Friday Flashback for January 2, 2009 - World of Psychology

Friday Flashback for January 2, 2009 - World of Psychology — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 17:48:41 +0000

[...] Why Would You Lie to Your Therapist? This entry generated a lot of controversy and comments when we published it a year ago, asking people why they bother lying to their therapists (when the whole point of psychotherapy is to be honest with yourself and your therapist, to find ways to bring about needed changes in your life). If you’ve already read the entry, it’s worth reading the 82+ comments, which bring a rich and unique perspective on this issue. (No Ratings Yet) Loading … [...]

By: Jane

Jane — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 04:54:05 +0000

Why do i *lie* to my therapist? because i’m scared to talk about what’s real, because i don’t really trust him, and am not sure i want to try to trust him, and because it’s easier for me.

Is it getting me anywhere?
No.

Am i going to stop *lying*?
No, but I’m going to go back to a therapist I saw until my insurance stopped covering her, since insurance has started covering her again.
The only reason I’m seeing this guy, is because it has been, until now, one of the only options i had.

By: Amelia

Amelia — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:17:58 +0000

I think the lying comes into play when your not fully trusting your therapist, or think your therapist isn’t competent enough to understand or help with your problem. Not all therapist can be seen in a shining light.

Also, somethings are just personal. It’s hard to tell someone you barely know something very personal or traumatic. It’s difficult and for some may be embarrassing. Therapy isn’t about spilling your guts on the first session, it’s about slowly building a relationship so that you may one day trust that person enough to tell them how your really feeling, and what is really going on.

Now, some people do lie to their therapist because with certain issues they do not want help. That’s fine, they can’t force you to get help. When your ready to face that problem then you’ll do it. It takes time.

Yes, I lie to my therapist. Why? Because I don’t want help with certain issues at the moment, and I don’t think it’s any of her business. I’m not comfortable with sharing every waking detail of my life with her. I’m a very private person, and asking me to share my personal thoughts seems noisy.

To be honest, most therapist seem like they just want to hear my dirty secrets and put me on meds to “cure” me. They want to judge me and tell me what is right for me. I know whats right for me, and they barely know me. An hour weekly isn’t enough to get to know someone.

By: Susan G.

Susan G. — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 21:57:26 +0000

I regret NOT lying to my therapist.

When I filed a grievance against this pompous, man who’d tried to manipulate me into staying under his incompetent care, he used what I told him to make me look “difficult,” and win his case.

“Your therapist won’t judge you, and they won’t be embarrassed by what you tell them.”
To me, this is a statement right out of never-never land.

Therapy damages many people.