World of Psychology

What Are You So Depressed About?

By John M Grohol PsyD
August 23, 2007

“What are you so depressed about?”

Anyone who’s ever suffered from depression has probably heard this question at least once in their lives. It’s often spoken not by a mean-spirited stranger, but an honestly caring friend or family member who simply doesn’t understand your continued blue mood. Which makes it all the more harder a question to answer.

If someone who’s suffering from depression knew the answer to the question, the question might be moot. But the hardship with depression, like with any mental disorder, is that it’s hard to explain to someone who’s never been through it.

“What are you so depressed about?”

The answer isn’t easy to pinpoint:

“Well, nothing in particular. Everything. My life, where it’s going, how I can’t seem to do anything. How I have no energy, morning, noon or night. How my medications don’t always seem to help as much as I would like them to. The terrible side effects. Not wanting sex, even though my significant other does. It’s not one single thing. It’s nothing — I have everything, yet I’m still unhappy. If I knew, don’t you think I’d be less down about it? I don’t know.

I don’t know.”

Depression doesn’t come packaged in a nice, neat little box that you can just take out and put away at will. In fact, one of the best things a person could learn about depression is that if “will” had anything to do with it, nobody would ever be depressed. It’s not about willpower. It’s not about not wanting to be depressed. It’s not about just thinking positive thoughts and feeling better.

It’s about feeling out of control, and not really caring. It’s about feeling down for no reason, and still, not really caring. It’s about watching parts of your life crash down around you, and still, not caring.

“What are you so depressed about?”

“You wouldn’t understand. There’s no answer I could share that would explain it to your satisfaction.”

Depression isn’t being upset about not getting a promotion, or missing a favorite TV show. Depression is a longer-lasting feeling that doesn’t go away even though you have “nothing” to be depressed about. Depression’s cause isn’t always known, or even knowable.

People who have depression don’t ask for it, and they didn’t do something to deserve it. A person with depression is an ordinary person, just you and I, who happens to be grappling with a kind of disorder similar to someone who deals with diabetes or even something more life-threatening, like cancer. They didn’t ask for those things, it just happens.

So please, don’t ask “What are you so depressed about?” It’s not an easy question to answer for someone who has depression, and even if they have an answer, it’s probably not the answer you want to hear.


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (33 votes, average: 4.79 out of 5)
Loading ... Loading ...

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Comments to
“What Are You So Depressed About?”

Hello John,

I don’t know how else to get a hold of you besides posting a comment so forgive me for not sending a personal email. I was wondering if you would like to be a guest blogger on The Reality of Anxiety sometime. I love the World of Psychology and you seem to post frequently. I especially loved this post. Even though I don’t suffer from depression, it gave me a better insight to those that do. It was an eye opener. You can check out my blog at http://anxiousnomore.blogspot.com and email me to let me know if you’d be interested.

Thanks and Take Care!
Aimee

Hello John,

I don’t know how else to get a hold of you besides posting a comment so forgive me for not sending a personal email. I was wondering if you would like to be a guest blogger on The Reality of Anxiety sometime. I love the World of Psychology and you seem to post frequently. I especially loved this post. Even though I don’t suffer from depression, it gave me a better insight to those that do. It was an eye opener. You can check out my blog at and email me to let me know if you’d be interested.

Thanks and Take Care!
Aimee

That is so true. I get that question all the time and it frustrates me to no end. They don’t understand. No matter how much they care about me, they just don’t understand because they aren’t going through it.

its so true, i recently read an article about a filmmaker who suffered from depression and made an amazing film dealing with mental illness, thought you might find this interesting:

Jorge Moran was raised in rural Waverly, Tennessee by his great-grandmother, his mom who suffered from schizophrenia and his Cuban father. Early on Jorge was drawn toward the arts, spending much of his time drawing and watching films. He recalls how film even at a young age had a life changing impact on him. In the 4th grade he saw Rocky for the first time and it inspired him so much that he went from being a heavy kid of 139 pounds to a normal weight of 100 pounds in just three months. Jorge says that film has always been therapeutic for him, and that most of the personal revelations he has had in life have come from watching films. Films such as East Of Eden, Roots, Being There, 8 ½, The World According To Garp, The Shinning, E.T., Breakfast Club, Eraser Head, Dead Poets Society, Glory, Steel Magnolias, The Color Purple, Blue Velvet, Forrest Gump, Amelie, Lost In Translation, Mystic River, and recently; The New World have had a particular influence on him both personally and creatively.

In 1985, at the age of 18, he was awarded a scholarship to the Savannah College of Art and Design for a drawing competition that he had won. Jorge left home and moved to Savannah, Georgia, majored in Video Production, and in his spare time performed in many theater productions. In 1988, Jorge won Best documentary and Best Drama at the SCAD Video Awards. However, Jorge struggled with depression while at college and due to the unexpected death of his great grandmother he left college his senior year without graduating. Jorge left his dreams of being a filmmaker behind and moved back home to help take care of his sick mother.

A few months later with his mother feeling better and after being laid off from a factory job in Waverly, he decided to move to Los Angeles, California to pursue his dream of being a film actor. Jorge found depression to be worse than ever in Los Angeles and struggled to audition as well as pay the rent. A profound loneliness began to overwhelm him. After three years in Los Angeles, in 1992, just after the Los Angeles riots, his dreams of being an actor were once again left behind and he moved back home to be close to his mother and father.

Jorge was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and began taking medication for his condition. He knew he had to conquer depression before his dreams of being an actor or filmmaker could ever come true, so for the next 10 years he began to make small but positive changes in his life, which led to his depression going away. At the age of 35 free of depression, he decided to pursue his dream of being a filmmaker once more. In 2002 he moved back to Savannah, Georgia to continue his education at the Savannah College of Art and Design. In 2006, with his first dream fulfilled, he had finally graduated, produced, directed, and written an original short film entitled “Theodore”. “Theodore” was inspired from his mom who suffers from schizophrenia and his personal struggles with depression and loneliness. After twenty years of trying, he saw his dream come true. And out of 65 senior student films his was nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Screenplay. “Theodore” has went on to win and play in 10 Film festivals around the world. And now he is writing this biography to pursue his next dream of finding investors to turn his Award Winning short Film “Theodore” into a Feature Film.

To all my friends and supporters God Bless you and thank you !

“Theodore” is Available at his DVD Store:
http://www.jorgemoran.com/DVDSTORE.html

…being unemployed and, apparently, unemployable. Went from a 70K a year income to nothing 2 years ago. My husband doesn’t make enough to cover all our bills. I did a couple of contract jobs but they evaporated. no one is hiring me, even after promising interviews. i feel unnecessary. I’m scared. My husband also stopped sleeping with me a couple months before i lost my job. He says it’s coincidence. He’s 52, may have prostate issues. Can’t get a job, can’t get no lovin’. “It’s better to burn out than to fade away”.

studies and bad group members who throw all the hard work and your shoulders and none of the lecturers is interested in solving the problems

exams too much work, too much pressure, oh

Join the Conversation! Post a Comment:


(Required, will be published)

(Required, but will not be published)

(Optional)


    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Aug 2007

 


Recent Comments
  • clemson: think about it, when you are the one approaching, you are obviously going to be the one who feels the...
  • Here Be Answers!: Ah! This is so good. TY for the care and share. Appreciate it.
  • RTS: A problem with theinsurance comapnies is that those who make the decisions about what is seriously ill and what...
  • tema_johnson: Dear in Christ, Pls. I am Mrs TEMA JOHNSON from kuwait .I am married to Mr PASCAL JOHNSON He worked...
  • breakingfree: Dear Hopeless, WRAP stands for womens resource and rape assistance. The resource of it being for other...
Article Tools
Bookmark
Print
Email Friend


Stumble It!


Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter


Users Online: 801
Join Us Now!




Follow us on Twitter!

Find us on Facebook!