At risk of sounding like a 1950s relationship guide, research out of Iowa State University is making an interesting claim: to achieve high satisfaction in your marriage, let the woman have her way in matters of the relationship. The authors found that women had more intensity for events within the marital relationship, and that women that had male partners who provided more positive feedback and understanding of their concerns were more likely to have satisfying relationships.
My view is slightly more nuanced than the misleading but eye-catching headline “Key to marital happiness? Let the wife have her way”. Essentially, I think that simple acknowledgement of concerns and understanding facilitates better communication, problem solving, and balance of power in a relationship. Men who are able to engage at an intimate emotional level with their wives (obviously just rolling with the stereotypes, but certainly these roles could be reversed) will have a greater level of closeness that would increase satisfaction. Simply letting someone have his/her way would be destructive in the long run and lead to resentment or disengagement.
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University Update - Iowa State University - Wives Roles & Marital Satisfaction (7/8/2007)
2 Comments to
“Wives Roles & Marital Satisfaction”
Take it from someone who has lived with a bully who demanded his own way for 40 years. I can no longer stand him and his controlling personality. Even though he had his own business that I stayed clear of, I was never allowed to make a simle decision concerning our home even though I worked and contributed to our income. He fought anything that I ever desired,from having children to picking out furniture for the house and it still persists. It has caused me so much resentment toward him, I simply want to walk away from this marraige…now.
How much more of myself I would have given him, if he hadn’t stepped all over my personhood.
I am in the same situation. I never could realize my dreams because of a selfish and controlling man. I never was able to completely give myself to him or really love him because of of my constant anger over his selfishness. It has destroyed all of the love I ever felt for him. Letting me have my own way once in a while would have made so much difference.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jul 2007
